Less submissive? (Full Version)

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sublizzie -> Less submissive? (9/3/2008 1:35:13 PM)

Last week I had an "a-ha!" moment. I was talking with a Dominant friend and realized that I have become less submissive over the past 3 years or so that I have been out from behind my computer and interacting with real people. I've learned to say "no" when I need to. I no longer have the overwhelming reaction of immediate obedience to everyone around me. Many of my Dominant friends have worked on helping me with this, which Santa is appreciating.

Have others gone through the same thing? Are there other Dominants out there who work with submissives to help them learn to say "no" rather than submit to the world?



Lynnxz -> RE: Less submissive? (9/3/2008 1:36:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sublizzie

Last week I had an "a-ha!" moment. I was talking with a Dominant friend and realized that I have become less submissive over the past 3 years or so that I have been out from behind my computer and interacting with real people. I've learned to say "no" when I need to. I no longer have the overwhelming reaction of immediate obedience to everyone around me. Many of my Dominant friends have worked on helping me with this, which Santa is appreciating.

Have others gone through the same thing? Are there other Dominants out there who work with submissives to help them learn to say "no" rather than submit to the world?


Yes, and it took me a while to get that into my head. :P  I'm glad I'm not the only one who went though that!



simpleplan2 -> RE: Less submissive? (9/3/2008 1:37:15 PM)

Good for you!  I, however, have pretty much had the opposite problem :)

OK...that makes no sense.  What I meant is that I'm hardly submissive at all!



Kalista07 -> RE: Less submissive? (9/3/2008 1:44:15 PM)

sublizzie,
i understand this perfectly, and as i've tried to write this response 5 thousand times i can not clearly articulate it. The best i can do is explain to You that for us, it's the difference in Him having a relationship with someone who submitts to anyone and someone who choses to submit to Him. It's as if, by putting those boundaries and limits out there my submission has been made more special or more valued.
Have no idea if that makes sense or not but congrats!!
Kali



colouredin -> RE: Less submissive? (9/3/2008 1:50:35 PM)

I think thats ace, i personally have had crisis of submission but again always the other way round I do think though that submission is about choice, if you are submitting to everyone you arent choosing you are simply lacking self confidence in your own voice so good for you for not being so much like that.



sublizzie -> RE: Less submissive? (9/3/2008 1:51:33 PM)

It makes sense to me, Kalista. Much easier to submit to One than all.



lally3 -> RE: Less submissive? (9/3/2008 4:08:40 PM)

i was thinking this the other day - i was watching a vanilla friend with her husband and family one afternoon and thought 'heck she's more submissive than i am!' - got me thinking because i used to be that accommodating, accepting, passive little thing that hated to get arsey with anyone.  now im the arsiest woman i know -

i think the D influences in my life have taught me alot about my personal strength and power.  now i take absolutely no shite from anyone and its great!

ive morphed!



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Less submissive? (9/3/2008 4:21:03 PM)

That's not less submissive, that's less stereotypically submissive and pickier.



DesFIP -> RE: Less submissive? (9/3/2008 5:42:33 PM)

I've always thought of it as a stream, if there's no outlet it will overflow its banks and go places it shouldn't. If the outlet is clear and can handle the volume, the stream stays in its bed. Having an outlet for my submissiveness means there isn't that overwhelming pressure of it trying to get out, and doing so in the wrong circumstances. He can handle all of it.

Plus being in a healthy, supportive relationship has mended my self esteem enormously.



DesFIP -> RE: Less submissive? (9/3/2008 5:44:43 PM)

Sorry



silkenfire -> RE: Less submissive? (9/3/2008 7:00:22 PM)

I am not overwhelmingly submissive to all. I don't take shit from people. If you see me in the capacity as a sub with my dom in the same place at the same time... you'll see that side of me that is tamer. But me out in public? With other people? Man, I'm quite the non-submissive personality.

Except for choosing food or restaurants or things like that... I've always been TERRIBLE about that.

However, I believe that it is a bigger gift for me to submit completely to my lover than it is for me to submit to everyone mindlessly. It's special. It's for HIM. And I think that's a bigger gift because he knows it is my choice.



sistermargaret -> RE: Less submissive? (9/3/2008 9:09:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I've always thought of it as a stream, if there's no outlet it will overflow its banks and go places it shouldn't. If the outlet is clear and can handle the volume, the stream stays in its bed. Having an outlet for my submissiveness means there isn't that overwhelming pressure of it trying to get out, and doing so in the wrong circumstances. He can handle all of it.

Plus being in a healthy, supportive relationship has mended my self esteem enormously.


Yes! So nicely put. i couldn't agree more. Thanks.
sm
 
All it takes is absolute surrender



sublizzie -> RE: Less submissive? (9/4/2008 7:20:54 AM)

~FR~

It's interesting to see that there are others who've been through the same changes I have made. It's nice not to be alone. Also nice to see that this can be a positive, self-esteem building experience when most people outside of WIIWD would see it so much differently. The changes I've made are ones that therapists have tried to help me with for years but it's taken being in D/s relationships for it to really take root and grow in me. More for me to ponder.

Thank you for your answers. I've appreciated reading them.



natasha66 -> RE: Less submissive? (9/4/2008 8:25:21 AM)

There is only one person i am submissive to, and that is my Master.  Even with Him, i have my bratty moments.  For me, and me only, the idea of automatically submitting to ANYONE right out of the gate is not something i can wrap my head around.



Icarys -> RE: Less submissive? (9/4/2008 8:30:36 AM)

I prefer the middle of the road when it comes to submissiveness leaning more to having a problem with saying no.. Besides I'd be the one who'd tell "her" who she can say no to and who she can't.[:D](some of that was intended tongue in cheek)



mzbehavin -> RE: Less submissive? (9/4/2008 8:36:03 AM)

This is my experience also. Yet its been a journey for me, and sometimes a struggle to get over the whole doormat thing. xox

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3 

i think the D influences in my life have taught me alot about my personal strength and power.  now i take absolutely no shite from anyone and its great!

ive morphed!



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Less submissive? (9/4/2008 8:43:05 AM)

Many of the subs I have had the pleasure to know have gone through this. Some have learned that their interest in submission was misplaced and dominance was far more suited to them. Others realized that submission to everyone was not as fulfilling in the long run as submission to just one. Fox is not submissive to anyone but me. It is a self discovery and growth thing, almost every sub I know has gone through it at some point or another.

DV



CarinaKitty -> RE: Less submissive? (9/5/2008 12:57:32 AM)

I've been overly subbmissive to my parents my whole life. not just the good type, but I was a ranting post, and would do anything and everything told to me, no matter what. Master helped me realize that, even though I may be their child, my life isn't theirs. In fact, Master is the main reason I got up the nerve to tell my dad no, and move out.



sublizzie -> RE: Less submissive? (9/5/2008 6:56:32 PM)

Sometimes this "lifestyle" can help some of us become healthier human beings. I tend to see that as a very positive aspect of being around kinky people.



Daes -> RE: Less submissive? (9/6/2008 11:45:55 PM)

Learning to say "No" tends to come with self confidence. And that doesnt necessarilly mean you are "less submissive".



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