RE: i need advice about a Master

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mnottertail -> RE: i need advice about a Master (11/29/2005 9:04:25 PM)
I don't get it Ron

Focus50 -> RE: i need advice about a Master (11/30/2005 3:34:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: arithea what do you think i should do? because he's been a friend for awhile and if i take his name off my profile like someone who did he will get mad and ignore and won't ever speak to me again. i know i shouldn't let it bother me but it does and i can't always control my emotions. That's the thing - if he really is your friend, he'll agree wholeheartedly about removing email barriers. If he gets mad or ignores you because of it, he's NOT your friend and never was! I have fem/sub friends who turn to me when they want a Dom (and/or male) opinion or perspective. Indeed, I also seek their counsel when I want a female and/or sub opinion, too! I don't believe in this "protector" nonsense but it certainly helps to have independent input from someone who isn't directly emotionally attached. The fem/subs I speak of are r/l friends but you can certainly get this sort of help from online only, too! But, like I said, it makes it difficult to even meet them with that email barrier. And as a Dom who has no ulterior motives or emotional attachment to you, I must say I think your "protector's" behaviour sounds like that of someone who wants exclusive access to you but not necessarily a r/l relationship. Is he a member here or at least reading this thread? And if you don't already know it, the prime targets for Net Geeks and wannabe doms are firstly female -> and subs -> and inexperienced newbies -> and young! You're all of them so don't be in such a rush to believe doms just because they can tell you what you wanna hear. Expect a stack of wankers to write you, and some are quite good at "talking the talk", but be aware that a very small percentage will be genuine, too! You trust your own instincts about anyone you meet (that voice in the back of your mind and uneasiness in the pit of your stomach that tells you to run is your instincts warning you!!!). For now, stick around and read the Boards here - you'll learn a lot! Especially take note of what most fem/subs have to say on particular topics - including this thread. You can learn from other's experiences but sometimes you also need to stick your own finger in the flame, too! Moving interstate and throwing yourself at a stranger's feet etc was NOT good advice - unless he's a member of some predator's guild! I wish you well.... [:)] Focus.

theRose4U -> RE: i need advice about a Master (11/30/2005 7:52:08 PM)
quote: what do you think i should do? because he's been a friend for awhile and if i take his name off my profile like someone who did he will get mad and ignore and won't ever speak to me again. Does this mean that he had a "protection" arrangement with someone else that took his name off?

Pestilence -> RE: i need advice about a Master (12/5/2005 3:15:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: candystripper 8. The compatibility of May/December matches cannot be denied Very good ideas in that post. I'm curious about this part, however. What is your source? Astrology? I'm curious because I met a new sub recently and everything is clicking.

arithea -> RE: i need advice about a Master (12/7/2005 8:27:35 AM)
to everyone i know i haven't replied as of recently, but i was just in the hospital and right now i am trying to get some rest as much as possible. i promise to soon get back to you all as soon as i can. thanks! arithea

Focus50 -> RE: i need advice about a Master (12/8/2005 2:56:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: arithea to everyone i know i haven't replied as of recently, but i was just in the hospital and right now i am trying to get some rest as much as possible. i promise to soon get back to you all as soon as i can. thanks! arithea Starting your own thread doesn't obligate you to answer every reply, k? [:)] It's a public discussion Forum for anyone to offer an opinion and a good Net lesson for is not to become a slave to your own keyboard. Hell, that yousta happen to me when I first started and it sucks! lol Get well soon and don't run off to be with a stranger you think you know! I wish you well.... Focus.

sweetpettjenny -> RE: i need advice about a Master (12/8/2005 3:27:00 AM)
Ive always questioned huge age differences. My new Sir is turning 50 and im turning 34. For me i am a mom of three one being a teen ager. Men my own age are starting out , wanting a new family in most cases. I find that i generally am more attracted to older men. Being 18 , its harder to say that the age gap could be good. You are just starting out and have few life experiences. Just be careful!!! think before you jump. It took me a year to find Wesley , and im happy i had patience.

amayos -> RE: i need advice about a Master (12/8/2005 11:52:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Webmaster60 quote: i am under a protection of a Master and i think i am really liking this Master but he lives in another state as do i live in another state and i don't know if i could really move from my home state to be with him, but i so badly starting to really like this Master and i don't know how to tell him that i am really starting to like this Master. girl Life is short. Period. I'm not much of "on line" relationships, but if you think you've found THAT Master. The one that fires your belly.. Damn his age, and damn the distance.. You need to crawl to him and beg it. IF.. I say "if" he's the ONE.. do to him.. Meet him.. when you're at his feet, looking up at him.. you'll know. and hey, it may not "be". and if not, you've lost nothing in the trying. But if it IS.. well.... there you go. I fully agree with this answer.

arithea -> RE: i need advice about a Master (12/13/2005 9:03:07 PM)
Focus, well i just changed my profile to say that all requests to pm me are to go through him. so i pretty much took off everything else of the whole e-mail barrier thing. i think that should do it okay. but honestly i don't know what to think of him any more. it seems more and more lately he just keeps getting mad at me and i am starting to take every thought i had. maybe i just saw him as a friend and didn't think of it and was jumping the gun.... well i thought it over and realized that the e-mail barrier was harsh... but the pm thing should be okay right? i don't know if he is a member here or if he is even reading this thread he hasn't mentioned it or anything, but like i said lately after this thread got started he has been getting mad saying i am doing this or that. he has said that i am saying things that i know that i am not saying at all but i just shut my mouth and say yes Master Tristan it won't happen again ( type of thing you know? ) i get so confused though because sometimes i don't even know who i am or what i want because i can't tell if i am a kajira or just a sub and i so want to find out. because inside of me there are times that i knwo i won't want to do something you know? i know kajiras feel the same way too but they do it but they have also said no and learned the hard way with getting punished becasue their already owned you know? lol i found your last words funny.... quote: Moving interstate and throwing yourself at a stranger's feet etc was NOT good advice - unless he's a member of some predator's guild! lol thank you i enjoy hearing from you and getting a lot of good advice.

arithea -> RE: i need advice about a Master (12/13/2005 9:06:09 PM)
Rose4u yes he had a girl under his protection and training and for some reason she took it off her profile and he got mad at her and kicked her out of his chatroom on collarme.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: i need advice about a Master (12/13/2005 9:08:05 PM)
The reality is that you probably jumped into this too fast with blinders of fantasy on, and now true character is coming out, including all the lovely manipulations and forms of insecurities that can be played on you to keep you unbalanced. If you still want to make it work, you both need to talk more. He needs to be consistent and he needs to understand that this method is simply fostering more insecurity, not stability. If his response is to again get angry, or to call you a bad slave, or to use some other tactic to try and make it your fault rather than a relationship issue on both sides...that says something about his ability to really work through issues. Think about your lives right now- everything was awesome just a little while ago. I bet nothing seriously wrong is going on. What would happen if something REALLY happened in your life? Could you really trust things to make it through?

arithea -> RE: i need advice about a Master (12/13/2005 9:09:19 PM)
Pestilence you look familar. may i ask what state you live in? if you don't wish to let me know thats okay just curious

arithea -> RE: i need advice about a Master (12/13/2005 9:12:06 PM)
Focus well i feel bad when i don't answer peoples replies because it makes me feel like i wasn't listening to what they had to say. lol it use to happen to you uh? i will try not to be a slave to my own computer even though i think thats a little bit too late of advice lol i am getting well thank you and i won't run away to any stranger thats for sure.

arithea -> RE: i need advice about a Master (12/13/2005 9:14:56 PM)
jenny i hope maybe i can be like you and try my best to wait and like you said i am 18 and i got lots of time and i don't why i keep thinking i have to rush into these things. ugh i hate being 18 lol

arithea -> RE: i need advice about a Master (12/13/2005 9:24:00 PM)
quote: girl Life is short. Period. I'm not much of "on line" relationships, but if you think you've found THAT Master. The one that fires your belly.. Damn his age, and damn the distance.. You need to crawl to him and beg it. IF.. I say "if" he's the ONE.. do to him.. Meet him.. when you're at his feet, looking up at him.. you'll know. and hey, it may not "be". and if not, you've lost nothing in the trying. But if it IS.. well.... there you go. amayos, life may be short but sometimes waiting like jenny did might be worth it... i don't know what i feel any more because i am young and i think i still have lots to learn like everyone has been saying. while i was sick i left home to get my thoughts on track and went to a friends house to get away from things and i thought about some things while i was away and i think maybe i was jumping the gun on my feelngs and i need to learn how to listen to my thoughts, my heart and my feelings all at the same time or one at a time to get my butt in gear to come to a conlusion of how i am really feeling and what i really think. i am young and i really think this Master/Protector is really not the one for me that i know of so far. i thank you for your advice thou.

arithea -> RE: i need advice about a Master (12/13/2005 9:34:12 PM)
Lucky, quote: The reality is that you probably jumped into this too fast with blinders of fantasy on, and now true character is coming out, including all the lovely manipulations and forms of insecurities that can be played on you to keep you unbalanced. i don't understand what you mean, but i do know i jumped into it too fast. quote: If you still want to make it work, you both need to talk more. He needs to be consistent and he needs to understand that this method is simply fostering more insecurity, not stability. If his response is to again get angry, or to call you a bad slave, or to use some other tactic to try and make it your fault rather than a relationship issue on both sides...that says something about his ability to really work through issues. i try to tell him my feelings but my true feelings about him never seem to come up and i think the reason for that is because i really don't have a comfortable mind with him right now and in my mind i don't trust him enough to talk to him like i can with anyone else, does that make sense? quote: Think about your lives right now- everything was awesome just a little while ago. I bet nothing seriously wrong is going on. What would happen if something REALLY happened in your life? Could you really trust things to make it through? i don't know... guess i have to think a little more on that one

oceangem -> RE: i need advice about a Master (12/13/2005 10:48:21 PM)
Its highly likely that he is a member here, as you stated that he has a chat room here on collarme. Also its very highly likely that he is watching this thread, for he only has to look at your profile and look under the forums posted too.

Focus50 -> RE: i need advice about a Master (12/14/2005 2:39:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: arithea Focus, well i just changed my profile to say that all requests to pm me are to go through him. so i pretty much took off everything else of the whole e-mail barrier thing. i think that should do it okay. but honestly i don't know what to think of him any more. it seems more and more lately he just keeps getting mad at me and i am starting to take every thought i had. maybe i just saw him as a friend and didn't think of it and was jumping the gun.... well i thought it over and realized that the e-mail barrier was harsh... but the pm thing should be okay right? i don't know if he is a member here or if he is even reading this thread he hasn't mentioned it or anything, but like i said lately after this thread got started he has been getting mad saying i am doing this or that. he has said that i am saying things that i know that i am not saying at all but i just shut my mouth and say yes Master Tristan it won't happen again ( type of thing you know? ) i get so confused though because sometimes i don't even know who i am or what i want because i can't tell if i am a kajira or just a sub and i so want to find out. because inside of me there are times that i knwo i won't want to do something you know? i know kajiras feel the same way too but they do it but they have also said no and learned the hard way with getting punished becasue their already owned you know? lol i found your last words funny.... quote: Moving interstate and throwing yourself at a stranger's feet etc was NOT good advice - unless he's a member of some predator's guild! lol thank you i enjoy hearing from you and getting a lot of good advice. I'm a little confused at what it is you've changed in your profile. Obviously I'm not gonna remember all that I read there a few weeks ago but the "barrier" I referred to is still there. Indeed, considering it's supposed to be YOUR profile, that barrier is all that's there.... If you go back to page one of this thread and re-read my first post, you'll see my reference and what I think of being directed through a third party dom in order to contact a sub.... In short, I just wouldn't waste my time with such nonsense and I'd find someone else to write to.... As to what to make of his actions, there's a little formula for helping solve mysteries. I'm not sure of the spelling (neither is the Net) or the exact wording but Okham's Razor more or less states that "all things being equal, the simplest, most obvious explanation will be the solution". And I'd say the most obvious explanation is that he's using the guise of "protector" not to shield you from the obnoxious etc but to shield you from every other dom except himself. In other words, it's for his benefit and not yours! And he's now pissed because you've been talking to "outsiders", thus threatening his exclusivity. This is no more the actions of one who genuinely cares for you than having a stalker say the same thing - it's NOT healthy, especially for YOU! And considering he's not pushing to meet, I'd also theorise that he's married or at least committed and he uses you as his fantasy outlet. And since you're not catering to HIS needs as he'd like, that's more reason for him to be pissed. Your relationship with him is solely about his needs and he doesn't need r/l. Mind you, I'd wager if you pushed it, I'm sure he could arrange a quiet day or weekend but don't expect a proper relationship - he already has that! Revisit your own profile and get rid of the barrier. I'm sure I'm not the only Dom who rolls his eyes and exits anytime a sub is directing me to a "protector" first. Your profile should be mostly about YOU! If you're not sure what to say, spend some time looking at other fem/sub profiles here and you'll soon get enough ideas to write something that suits you. And you'll also discover there are many subs twice your age who have little D/s experience like yourself, but are worldly enough to deal with geeks without the dubious need for a "protector"! A genuine protector will encourage you with others, not get pissed because you're talking to them.... You're better off without him! Good luck. [:)] Focus.

theRose4U -> RE: i need advice about a Master (12/14/2005 8:33:15 PM)
quote: Rose4u yes he had a girl under his protection and training and for some reason she took it off her profile and he got mad at her and kicked her out of his chatroom on collarme. I think that an email to her might be in order? While I am a firm believer that there are 3 points of view on any arguement ( his, hers and the truth), I think that having some explaination is appropriate. I think the fact that you appear to be a newbie, young and unsure of yourself are all working against you. Add what sounds to be like a Gorean arrangement to things and OMG. Fears, uncertainties and the like are all part of the growth process. I think that if I'm reading things correctly you may be in a gorean house collar? While I don't claim to be an expert I do know that these arrangements tend to be a little more strict and my way or the highway. If you are questioning kajara or sub it might be worthwhile to take a break from things. Learn, educate yourself and meet people in person. While having someone online is nice someone to lean on in real life that's in your own town is VERY VERY different. Talking to Iron Bear might be worth while, I know that he's Gorean and he's taught me a lot about how things work. He is well respected and not someone that a smart Dom would tangle with. I mentioned this thread to my own boy and asked his input. He said that being a newbie is a scary and thrilling thing. The first time on his knees was something he'll remember forever. Just mentioning it made the most beautiful blush come to his face. While he was approached by me he doesn't understand protector Dom's either. What would motivate someone that obviously thought highly enough of you to put you under their protection to find someone else for you to serve instead of them. I think, and he agrees, that protectors are a cheaters way of getting to fresh newbies and keeping others away and from pointing out anything that might lead to questions. I mean in all the weeks you've been under his protection has he shown you even ONE Dom that he consider's worthy?

xxblushesxx -> RE: i need advice about a Master (12/15/2005 6:07:27 PM)
You have received some excellent advice from caring people. The last two post from Focus50 and TheRose4U were right on target. Please distance yourself from this person, at least for a while. Consider making a whole new profile with a new name, and (possibly) making your pic 'request only' for a while. These are just some thoughts about what I might tell you to do if you were my little sister. It's very easy to let someone control you and make decisions for you. The hard part is finding someone of integrity, and someone you have a connection with, to submit to. I think you just need to listen to that little voice inside. You already know what to do. Good luck! Christina

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