|
MaamJay -> RE: Does anyone else not feel submissive after orgasm? (9/5/2008 7:52:37 PM)
|
As a Domme who has played with a number of male subs over the years, I can assure the OP he is not alone! The majority of them initially respond this way. That the female respondents here have said they feel MORE sub after orgasm highlights what seems to be a common gender difference. Which is what makes controlling a female sub different from controlling a male sub (I'll play with either).
From My experience (and I'm not saying this as an absolute for all), male subs seem to be much more sexually motivated than do female subs, or to put it more crudely, with fem subs it's all in the big head ... with males it's all in the little head! Therefore males are inclined to be very submissive and willing to do almost anything (they tend to take bigger risks with themselves than fems do) ... until they get off ... and then the change is sudden and profound! It's literally like turning off a light or pushing a different button. The face, the demeanour changes and no longer do I see the eager willing sub "boy" ... but a man with attitudes of either "get me outta here!" or at best, "ok so what is it i have to do for Her now as the payoff?" It's why chastity, or tease and deny and keep him waiting till the very end of the session, is so popular with female Dommes and male subs. It's also why Dommes can end up feeling very used by some male subs, and why so many hate seeing boys approach them with "laundry lists" of things they want the Domme to do. I don't know too many Dommes who don't enjoy the aftermath of play, so having a guy look embarrassed and cut and run isn't good! Neither is receiving grudging service.
Now before everyone jumps on Me with denials, let Me add this ... it doesn't have to stay that way. Again, in My experience, as a male sub becomes more experienced and more mature about his submission, and also learns more about it in his big head (as in researches, thinks, becomes self-reflective) ... his submission becomes less sexually driven and more intellect and heart-driven. It deepens and matures, and he becomes more ready, willing and capable of submitting beyond sex and beyond only doing what he wants, as OttersSwim mentioned. Of course, this also depends on this being inspired in him and drawn out of him by an ongoing relationship with a Domme, whom he comes to trust and desires to please. Over time his ego can be put aside and pleasing Her becomes all-important to him because he trusts that in pleasing Her, his needs will be met. The key is for the male sub to be open to this process occurring, not close-minded to it. It's not inevitable, it has to be worked at in order to achieve it, but I am assured by male subs who now feel this way, the pay off is so much greater. And it's what most lifestyle Dommes (at least judging from the posters here) are seeking to find.
Maam Jay aka violet[A]
|
|
|
|
