RE: How can a sub respectfully as a Dom what his intents are?

RE: How can a sub respectfully as a Dom what his intents are? (Full Version)

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softness -> RE: How can a sub respectfully as a Dom what his intents are? (9/6/2008 5:50:44 AM)
"Excuse me (Sir) could you please, so that I can be clear, just explain your intentions towards me at the moment?" that usually works

DarkSteven -> RE: How can a sub respectfully as a Dom what his intents are? (9/6/2008 6:10:22 AM)
usemekinky, communication's a two way street. As a Dom, he has a responsibility to let you know what he wants. But a good sub will ensure that that happens. If she's feeling lost, it's her responsibility to ask. When I read your post, it's clear that you think his lack of interest is related to your pic. I'm not saying that that's the case, but it's also possible that he's spending more time at work. That said, I wouldn't expect anyone to predict a relationship at this point. I'd tell him that you want to meet in person. After that happens, you'll both be better able to see if the chemistry's there.

RCdc -> RE: How can a sub respectfully as a Dom what his intents are? (9/6/2008 7:14:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: zakkan All that said, this is still sort of a last resort thing. Don't do it unless you are absolutely sure. As many posts pointed out, it isn't right to lie, after all.[sm=crop.gif] Zakkan If you are in a relationship where you have to be deceitful to get an answer to a question, then you should not even be in that relationship. The need to lie, already gives you your answer. the.dark.

ElectraGlide -> RE: How can a sub respectfully as a Dom what his intents are? (9/6/2008 7:22:38 AM)
Perhaps he could be very busy ? I have worked 7 days a week a few times this summer, 10 to 12 hours a night. I do not have intrernet access at work. I feel too hazy to trade messages sometimes with friends and only make them brief sometimes. Get to the next step, get to the phone. Then you will find out.

ODadEO -> RE: How can a sub respectfully as a Dom what his intents are? (9/6/2008 7:56:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stella41b I'd withdraw all contact - just stop contacting him. Move on. If he gets back in touch then you might be onto something. If not nothing ventured, nothing gained. Better to have dashed hopes than a broken heart from a half-hearted relationship. That would be my suggestion, too. Sometimes when a person gets just that extraaaa bit of information -- in this case maybe your picture -- then the mystery is gone. They move to another mystery, rather than really trying to establish a relationship. So I agree -- push him aside and carry on until you hear something positive. Let him feel the "cool air" between you ;)

TreasureKY -> RE: How can a sub respectfully as a Dom what his intents are? (9/6/2008 7:59:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist quote: ORIGINAL: stella41b I would handle this differently. You're not sure what's going on. You could ask him directly, as the posters above have advised. If he's genuinely 'busy' he might give you an honest answer. But then again if he was going to be busy and you are in some way important to him, wouldn't he have told you in advance of his non-availability? When starting out in a new relationship don't go by the words, but by what someone does. You see you can ask him honestly what is going on, but he's under no obligation to give you an honest answer. He might be evasive, because he's probably stringing you along with three or four other women and it's a sort of game or competition - winner takes all. This happens with some people when you mix the Internet with relationships. It's often not about winning their heart, but about filling a vacancy in their life. You're just another candidate. I'd withdraw all contact - just stop contacting him. Move on. If he gets back in touch then you might be onto something. If not nothing ventured, nothing gained. Better to have dashed hopes than a broken heart from a half-hearted relationship. ETA for typos. Personally, I like Stella's idea. Stop contact and see if he contacts you to find out why. If he does, then explain to him that you were getting the feeling from his emails that he was no longer interested. Nothing disrespectful, nothing hurtful...just honesty. I agree with IrishMist. In my experience guys don't like to be cornered, anyway. They may say that they prefer direct and upfront communication, but when it comes to relationships, being confronted and having to give a "yes, I'm interested" or "no, I'm not" seems to make them very uncomfortable. My understanding is that they feel if they say "yes", they are making a commitment; if they say "no", they are giving up a potential. Besides, actions do speak louder than words. If he's really interested in you, he'll be back. On the other hand, I've met many guys who believe slowing down communications and becoming scarce is a perfectly acceptable way to give a hint that they just aren't seeing it happen with a woman. They just don't understand when a woman comes back and complains about lack of enthusiasm or demands a declaration of intent. And you know what? That's true. If I'm not very interested in a guy, I'm not going to go to any extra effort to return phone calls, reply to emails, or stay in touch. I also don't feel any obligation to make a formal declaration to them to say, "You know what? I'm just not that interested in you." If he were to whine about my lack of communication, I'd likely think, "Sheesh... take a hint, would ya? What do you need... a two by four upside the head?" lol... Yeah, okay. I guess it's not just guys who don't like to be cornered. [;)]

zakkan -> RE: How can a sub respectfully as a Dom what his intents are? (9/6/2008 8:19:23 AM)
I don't see it as really lying. After all, you are not telling anyone something that is not true. It will be like asking your friend to approach someone you fancy and get his/her number for you. That happens all the time. The worst that can happen is the guy/girl falling for your friend instead. I agree that its not a very nice thing to do, but I was just suggesting an alternative way for the OP to get answers. And you have to admit that it is probably going to work, unless the guy saw this post too [:o]. It will sound as if I'm playing games, and trying to deceive people left and right. But its only a last resort for special cases like this one, where you get the feeling that the other party is leading you on, and you don't want to look too much like a fool and provide entertainment for the people that are really playing the games. It is more of a defensive measure. It might be that I'm suggesting to the OP to start her relationship with deceit, or that I'm over-estimating the tolerance of this community for people that are willing to lie, but it is purely another way of reassuring yourself, instead of mulling over what is happening. It is natural for 2 people at the start of a relationship to want to find out more about each other, and not everyone is brave enough to start asking the bolder questions without worrying about upsetting the other party. I will call it being overly-cautious, not deceitful. Think of it as a 2 companies wanting a merger. Naturally both companies will find out everything they can about each other using every means possible before meeting formally and discussing the merger, instead of just going face to face without preparation and asking for details from the other party. In all likelihood you will be the one getting the lies. I still agree that its not nice, and to avoid this method if possible, but sometimes going around the mountain will be easier than climbing it.

Missokyst -> RE: How can a sub respectfully as a Dom what his intents are? (9/6/2008 8:42:57 AM)
If it were me, and I sent someone a pic after several nice emails, after which they stopped or slowed communicating, I would just move on. I don't even email them to ask why they pulled back. If they really wanted to continue they would make it happen. If they chose to contact me, fine. If not, why stress? Sometimes all it takes is that small bit of information to take you out of the fantasy they have built up in their heads. Kyst

RealSub58 -> RE: How can a sub respectfully as a Dom what his intents are? (9/6/2008 9:05:40 AM)
Several things.... 1) contact every day until you sent the pic.... then a morsel of contact. 2) assumption is the mother of any f*** up 3) attachment ~~ in general I think we all attach on an emotional level before we should 4) expectations ~ someone can describe themselves accurately even to dimples and freckles while the other person draws an entirely different mental image of the description I had invested lots of time (about 6 weeks) and was feeling some emotional attachment to a Dom online, after not hearing from him for almost a week.... I wrote something along these lines the long of: "Sir, I have not heard from you and I suspect that you are not interested. I am moving along." There needs to be no reasons...he/she just aint into you. Emotional attachments should, in my opinion, only occur after you meet someone and there is real genuine open interest. Once again .. actions speak much louder than words. Edited to add: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1001508/

KnightofMists -> RE: How can a sub respectfully as a Dom what his intents are? (9/6/2008 9:09:44 AM)
I haven't spent any time reading much of anything was said... but I suspect you are going to get a couple of the standard responses. -- tell him... only he can give you the answer -- he is stringing you along... and can't give you the truth. Now.... based on alittle of what you said... it sees that you have a bit of insecurity or concern about how you look. This concern and fear can very affect how you are precieving things.. and even see things that are not there. Are you absolutely sure that things have slowed down any more than before. Secondly it is normal for some relationships to slow down alittle after the initial frenzy in the beginning... I also have to wonder.... are you local to each other? have you met? or is this completely on line? In the end.... his actions or inactions will give you the answer... but it might not be the answer you want or even like how you are getting it from him. You are going to have to try to get your answers from him.. and just maybe you will get some answers.. then again.. you might get silence and that is a response as well. Could he be stringing you along? yeah... but there are alot of other possibilities as well.

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: How can a sub respectfully as a Dom what his intents are? (9/6/2008 10:28:57 AM)
I am not a big fan of burning bridges or putting people on the spot. My advise is to keep open communication with him in a polite respectful manner, but at the same keepng your options open as you get to know others. Until you are in any sort of a defined relationship, you are under no more obligation than he is to be exclusive in your search. If he really has lost interest, whether or not it was because of your picture, and you allow the interaction between you to decline naturally while fostering new interests you will be less likely to obsess over why and accept that what started out with great promise just didn't make it to the finish line.

MzMia -> RE: How can a sub respectfully as a Dom what his intents are? (9/6/2008 10:35:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: zakkan I don't see it as really lying. After all, you are not telling anyone something that is not true. It will be like asking your friend to approach someone you fancy and get his/her number for you. That happens all the time. The worst that can happen is the guy/girl falling for your friend instead. I agree that its not a very nice thing to do, but I was just suggesting an alternative way for the OP to get answers. And you have to admit that it is probably going to work, unless the guy saw this post too [:o]. It will sound as if I'm playing games, and trying to deceive people left and right. But its only a last resort for special cases like this one, where you get the feeling that the other party is leading you on, and you don't want to look too much like a fool and provide entertainment for the people that are really playing the games. It is more of a defensive measure. It might be that I'm suggesting to the OP to start her relationship with deceit, or that I'm over-estimating the tolerance of this community for people that are willing to lie, but it is purely another way of reassuring yourself, instead of mulling over what is happening. It is natural for 2 people at the start of a relationship to want to find out more about each other, and not everyone is brave enough to start asking the bolder questions without worrying about upsetting the other party. I will call it being overly-cautious, not deceitful. Think of it as a 2 companies wanting a merger. Naturally both companies will find out everything they can about each other using every means possible before meeting formally and discussing the merger, instead of just going face to face without preparation and asking for details from the other party. In all likelihood you will be the one getting the lies. I still agree that its not nice, and to avoid this method if possible, but sometimes going around the mountain will be easier than climbing it. Actually, I need to change this answer. I did not read the OP. If you send someone your picture, and they begin to back off, they are probably just not interested. Everyone is not going to appeal to everyone else. Many people don't know how to tactfully explain this. It is his loss, and someone else's gain.

MzMia -> RE: How can a sub respectfully as a Dom what his intents are? (9/6/2008 10:37:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: zakkan This will probably draw some flak, but I recommend setting up a completely different account and approach him from another angle, and check how he responds. From his replies it will be easy to know if he's serious or just playing. And your true profile will be hidden behind this mask! I frequently do this to err... "test the water". [sm=imsorry.gif] lol, zakkan we need to talk. weeeeeeeee[;)]

Venatrix -> RE: How can a sub respectfully as a Dom what his intents are? (9/6/2008 10:44:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DomDolf zakkan, You over-estimate the tolerance of this community for people that are willing to lie or exaggerate (exaggerate was based on another post you wrote). A willingness to deceive at any point is not an acceptable characteristic for most anyone. If you want to be sneaky and play those games and feel you have to I would say that you have some things to learn and understand about people and more importantly about yourself. Dolf Couldn't agree more. If someone tried this on me, I would dump him on the spot no matter how long our relationship had lasted. If they sneak behind your back once, they'll do it again.

CalifChick -> RE: How can a sub respectfully as a Dom what his intents are? (9/6/2008 10:46:23 AM)
Zakken, MsMia... if I was in a relationship with someone, and one day they said, "oh by the way, back at the beginning, I wanted to see if you were stringing me along or not, so I made a fake account to see how you would react"... any trust I had in them would go out the window. It would be a relationship-ender for ME. Trust me or don't be with me. If you have to resort to games and shenanigans instead of honest communication with me, then I'm not the one for you. Cali

MzMia -> RE: How can a sub respectfully as a Dom what his intents are? (9/6/2008 10:52:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick Zakken, MsMia... if I was in a relationship with someone, and one day they said, "oh by the way, back at the beginning, I wanted to see if you were stringing me along or not, so I made a fake account to see how you would react"... any trust I had in them would go out the window. It would be a relationship-ender for ME. Trust me or don't be with me. If you have to resort to games and shenanigans instead of honest communication with me, then I'm not the one for you. Cali Well, Cali I agree with you and everyone else to a point. I will say that, you can not demand and expect "honesty" from everyone online, just because you give it. Trust and respect to me, has to be earned. I have been on the internet for over 13 years, and I have seen it all. I think I know how to operate and smoke out players and liars. I met my ex-husband online, and we are still the best of friends. I am not saying, anyone should play games, but I am saying to really "expect" that everyone contacting you online is honest, would be delusional thinking, at best. As always, do what works for you! Namaste

NuevaVida -> RE: How can a sub respectfully as a Dom what his intents are? (9/6/2008 10:52:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist Nothing disrespectful, nothing hurtful...just honesty. What a concept.

zakkan -> RE: How can a sub respectfully as a Dom what his intents are? (9/6/2008 11:14:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick Zakken, MsMia... if I was in a relationship with someone, and one day they said, "oh by the way, back at the beginning, I wanted to see if you were stringing me along or not, so I made a fake account to see how you would react"... any trust I had in them would go out the window. It would be a relationship-ender for ME. Trust me or don't be with me. If you have to resort to games and shenanigans instead of honest communication with me, then I'm not the one for you. Cali But then again, you won't do something like the OP described, right? Seriously, its not something I do for fun. Its something I do when I can't sleep at night, tearing my hair out thinking what on earth is happening.I don't think you expect anyone to trust you after sending a few mails. And you won't trust anyone that easily either. I'm not saying the OP must do as I say, but if it comes to a point where you are just not getting any answers, and don't feel like giving up just yet, this is something that can be considered. I have managed to expose a few "gamers" using this method, and whether or not to use it really depends on your intuition. I've not been wrong so far. If that makes you distrust me, I can't do anything about it. But it will make me trust you, especially if my intuition was wrong. You have heard about people installing hidden cameras in their homes, or hiring private detectives to follow their spouses. They won't do it unless they had a good reason. And if they were wrong, they will trust their spouses more than ever. If someone in a relationship with me told me one day that she did this back at the beginning, I won't blame her, but rather ask myself what I did to make her want to act this way.

lusciouslips19 -> RE: How can a sub respectfully as a Dom what his intents are? (9/6/2008 11:19:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pompeii Seems to me that this online thing has, what I call, a "half life" of about five emails. That is, the first five emails are steamy, but, if no meeting results, then the next five emails are half as erotically charged, while the next five are half of that (which is a quarter of the original), and, well, you can see how the grapes wither on the vine pretty quickly depending on what the half life is for your particular situation. As for the expedient of coming at 'im from another angle, i.e., via another account, that should work as intelligence is always a necessary tool of war and negotiation alike, which is basically what love is, in a nutshell. :) if ya keep talkin like a science nerd I'm gonna puddle on the floor! [sm=mop.gif]

graceadieu -> RE: How can a sub respectfully as a Dom what his intents are? (9/6/2008 7:30:11 PM)
Just ask! It's not rude to ask someone if they're interested in pursuing things further or not. Maybe he's not interested, maybe he's busy with other things in his life, maybe it's something else entirely, and you won't know until you ask him.

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