RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas

RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas (Full Version)

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TwilightShadows -> RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas (9/7/2008 9:47:36 AM)
I've had to come clean about liking to be "spanked" to my close friends. I spend every weekend at the beach in a bikini many months about of the year, and one can only cover so many marks in that attire. I've never said "spankings" include quirts, riding crops, floggers, cat-o-nines, knives, straps....you know. :)

MasterKalif -> RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas (9/7/2008 10:13:27 AM)
Interesting topic...I do not feel an "urge" to tell my vanilla friends what I do with my sex life as they themselves do not go in great detail, usually...however one of my friends recently has come out saying he is into bdsm and is submissive...we knew he was submissive but for a while some of us thought he was more of a cross dresser...in any case I think it would be safe to discuss this lifestyle with him, etc...which would be quite interesting. As for my slut, not sure she discusses these things with her friends but I am sure they know something ;)

LifeLikeKink -> RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas (9/7/2008 3:29:57 PM)
I told one guy I was having a sexual but non-BDSM fling with about my kinks and about the man I top frequently and he wasn't freaking out by any means but didn't really understand why people do it.

Barbie23 -> RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas (9/7/2008 4:29:17 PM)
A friend who 'came out' to me.. told me about the wonderful world of BDSM is what made me into it myself! If they are interested and understanding, they probably will take a liking to the lifestyle :P Now that IM into it, i have told a few of my very nilla friends, and they are all WOWed by it :) Dont be afraid. if they ask, its coz they want to know more..

Riggor -> RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas (9/7/2008 5:20:40 PM)
When brought up in casual conversation, I have no problem talking about my relationship with BDSM. Everyone that knows me, knows that I have a dominant personality. And I love to see the little gears clicking in thier minds when I start explaining about bondage, flogging, whipping, spanking and having ultimate control over the situation. Some folks it intrigues, some wish I had never opened my mouth...LOL!

djaleksandr -> RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas (9/7/2008 7:41:15 PM)
Eh, everyone I know knows I've got kinks. No one I know has ever had a problem with it. Most of my friends are mildly kinky, I can only name one or two really "vanilla" friends of mine, but few of them are anywhere near as kinky as I am. They might look at me a bit funny sometimes, or not want to play with me, but no one I know has ever had a problem with it.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas (9/7/2008 7:43:49 PM)
Most of the vanilla friends I have talked to about my kinks have been fascinated. I get a lot of "He actually likes that?" or "How does it feel when you do that?" type stuff. very few have said much else. DV

MistressHolly71 -> RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas (9/7/2008 8:02:49 PM)
I have several friends that I'm out to. Some of them want more info then others. 3 of them are interested in learning first hand. One of them has even joined CM & Fetlife.

Termyn8or -> RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas (9/7/2008 8:15:59 PM)
Told #1 about the CB, even let him see it. A couple weeks later #2 grabs waistband of my pants, and when I asked why, he said "Wanted to know if you are wearing the CB. A couple of more weeks go by and #3 tells me of some kinks even more radical than mine, which turned out OK. So #1 is now known as looselips. You let the info out to who you want, if they can't keep their mouth shut don't even tell them. Luckily for me there was no embarrassment because first of all it is hard to do to me, and second of all I know these people for a long time. But that doesn't change the fact that I have been outed. So it is not so much what you tell person #1, it is if they can keep their mouth shut. Incidentally #2 checked for the presence of the CB with #4 there, who knew absolutely nothing. I am am damn lucky that these people have enough respect for me to not make it all into a nightmare. Not that they really could, but it never even started. I will never forgive #1. I'll hang out, talk all that, but my respect for him went down to nil. And in this situation, I consider myself lucky. Here's an idea, go up to your Great Aunt and ask her if your Great Uncle was good in bed, is he knew how to eat pussy. They would, and should throw you the fuck out. We deserve the same privacy and those of us who "just have to tell someone", beware of doing that. Best thing is to get it out of your mind. T

Brownbohemian -> RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas (9/8/2008 10:03:53 PM)
It worked out both ways with me. Some people were cool w/ it or could care less; others disowned me. In the end you gotta be you. Real friends love you regardless. Remember you can't choose your family but you can choose your friends.

ElectraGlide -> RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas (9/9/2008 9:45:07 AM)
Spider you told someone you knew you could trust, thats the only ones you should tell. Most vanilla guys act goofy and start laughing and making jokes about BDSM like a school kid. Most ladies get a sick look, and think you are a pig, lol. I know when I was single, I always asked any vanilla lady, I was going to date about her interest in the lifestyle, just so I would not get stuck in another vanilla long term. If they are open minded, just hope they are mature about it.

Marion001 -> RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas (9/9/2008 10:58:06 AM)
I have only come out to a handful of my vanilla friends and the reactions have been interesting. often i get oh...that explained the leather pants and the gas mask. other times i get random stories of sexual stories or fantasies that my friends have harbored. often they like the idea of Adding BDSM to a relationship not adding a relationship to BDSM which is what i am slowly attempting to do. my favorite reaction was from a dear friend who upon hearing about my interest in kink, and finding out that i had been involved in stap on play with a particularly nice man became very proud of me and views me as one of her most interesting friends. many girls i have been friends with seem to be jealous of that particular experience...and enjoy hearing about it

Marion001 -> RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas (9/9/2008 11:01:00 AM)
i pick and choose among my friends on who needs to know and who doesnt. my room mate is particularly conservative and would not understand my involvement in BDSM. she is a kind loving person and i find no reason to tell her about my personal life, i doesnt pertain to are currently relationship as roomies. i often get many friends who had guessed but werent sure while others i know would have no idea what i was talking about. discretion is best sometimes in keeping sheltered friends from becoming.....worried.

pompeii -> RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas (9/9/2008 10:35:39 PM)
The sexier they are ... the more I wish they were'nt so vanilla ... and ... the worst thing about it ... I can't change 'em 'neither! Nope. Poor things. They are what they are, and they talk like they do, but, they can't be what I am and they won't do what I do!

Skier -> RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas (9/10/2008 6:05:33 AM)
Dear Dreams of Spiders, You're fortunate that you live in the area you do. Most locations are far more narrowminded than the Pioneer Valley. [:)] Skier

Lynnxz -> RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas (9/10/2008 8:28:07 AM)
Ahahaha, my boss just found out, and goes "SWEET! Do you have a gas mask?" He is Captain Tact

Tandor -> RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas (1/4/2009 5:35:20 PM)
It depends with my nilla friends some know some others know zip.... It's a matter of trust & who can be discrete. Tandor

littlewonder -> RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas (1/4/2009 5:48:49 PM)
My friends know I like to be thrown against walls, fucked hard and stuff like that only because we talk about sex and stuff like that from time to time when we've had a few margaritas. They find it funny but that's about it. It didn't really bother them. Friends and family all know I like dominant personality men. They know I like a a take charge kinda man like a traditional relationship but they don't know the extent only because they would freak out over that. I've had friends talk about other women they know who are "stupid because she lets him tell her what to do" so I just don't go there on that topic. I don't see any need to either. I would ask you why you feel a need to come out to your friend about such things. For me it just comes up in casual conversations but I've never felt a need to tell them. My life is my life and mine alone. No one else needs to know.

greeneyedreamer -> RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas (1/4/2009 6:06:51 PM)
My gf's just consider me to tbe the "Sex in the City" "Samantha" in the group-the one who likes sex more than the others. So they dont' know WHAT i do Just that I do something! LOL

Celene -> RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas (1/4/2009 6:23:53 PM)
My experience of outting myself was mixed - came out to two friends and one was very cool about it and supportive, the other felt the need to bring it up as often as she felt the need and sometimes in front of unconsenting non-adults. I learned that lesson the hard way and don't feel any need to do more than smile and let others speak to these topics. Let's just say that I'd like a different flavor of friend to discuss this with - someone kink friendly. ... and "the other" as mentioned above is no longer a friend. Her need for attention clearly was more important than her friendship for me. You can't unring some bells.

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