Getting Over It

Getting Over It (Full Version)

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LadyHibiscus -> Getting Over It (11/27/2005 1:58:13 PM)
We see the new threads all the time---Mr/Ms whoever just up and left without warning. Someone was really rude to someone else. This other guy was just using me for a backup plan, and dropped me when I found out. What responses do we see? "get over it". "use the ignore key". "move on, let it go, it's the cyberverse". et cetera. Okay, so how DO we get over it? Sure, there are some things that we mature <cough> adults should learn to just blow off, like the doof who writes to say that you are ugly and your mother dresses you funny. Those guys don't rate our time or energy. What about the rest of them? The person you were flirting on the phone to who had someone else too? The one who didn't have the nerve to tell you that He/she is Just Not That Into You? It hurts to be rejected, even by someone that you didn't have any real hopes or plans of a relationship with. Closure? That's just a word, friends, because it's not happening most of the time. Some preemptive editing---we all know that venting to the boards is our #1 coping strategy---how about some more practical solutions? Francine

candystripper -> RE: Getting Over It (11/27/2005 2:02:40 PM)
i got dumped -- without warning -- by email last Christmas, which was already a very difficult time for me. i called my friends and they let me cry and be sad, but they would not allow me to blame myself, wish for Him back, or say it was hopeless. i think that's how it's supposed to be; we are supposed to cradle the wounded, but not let them malinger. candystripper

mnottertail -> RE: Getting Over It (11/27/2005 2:06:21 PM)
M'Lady, topical, as always.....what can one say? The litlle lie of BDSM... it is so perfect....you can have that which you want.......... Female/Male Sub/Slave ................ We cry out for humanity........and find none. Derision and taunts are our friends...... How do you get over it? Buck up and show them your ass!!!!!!!! The point of it is why wallow in it? you are you today and a difference tomorrow....... What other possible wisdom is forthcoming? Pick your ass up and wipe it off and be a YOU. or did I go to far? Not that I really give a fuck, but ..........living always gets in the way of loving, no? Dejectedly, Ron

Rover -> RE: Getting Over It (11/27/2005 2:06:50 PM)
Everyone needs to lick their wounds from time to time, but as a Dominant, I've always found it preferrable to have someone lick them for me. Is that on topic? John

Sensualips -> RE: Getting Over It (11/27/2005 2:24:07 PM)
My best coping strategy involves two lovely gentleman named Ben and Jerry.

tasha_tart -> RE: Getting Over It (11/27/2005 2:36:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sensualips My best coping strategy involves two lovely gentleman named Ben and Jerry. Having just gotten a "dear john" email from someone I'd been involved with in person, for several months, I'm also following your treatment regime. I'm not sure about its long term viability, but it does feel good now. Tasha

KatyLied -> RE: Getting Over It (11/27/2005 2:40:07 PM)
quote: but as a Dominant, I've always found it preferrable to have someone lick them for me. Is that on topic? --------- [;)]

Littlepita -> RE: Getting Over It (11/27/2005 3:02:59 PM)
It just takes time to work through the feelings and get over them. I have been dumped online and I have been completely ignored. This has happened with romances and with just friends. I always wonder why, especially when they just never talk to you again. But, that's life. I like the Ben & Jerry idea. [:)]

mnottertail -> RE: Getting Over It (11/27/2005 3:13:07 PM)
High Five, Slick!!!!!!!! What's your favorite song? WannatalkaboutMeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! you got a merry christmas coming from me...........you owe me the story of your first whippin' ass, you know. Pedundantly, Ron

pollux -> RE: Getting Over It (11/27/2005 3:14:40 PM)
C'mon Francine. Everybody knows that the answers to all difficult life questions can be found in The Simpsons. quote: Lisa: Ahem. [Marge waits for her to say something, but Lisa turns away] Marge: Now Lisa, listen to me, this is important. I want you to smile today. Lisa: But I don't feel like smiling. Marge: Well it doesn't matter how you feel inside, you know? It's what shows up on the surface that counts. That's what my mother taught me. Take all your bad feelings and push them down, all the way down, past your knees until you're almost walking on them. And then you'll fit in, and you'll be invited to parties, and boys will like you, and happiness will follow. Lisa: [feeble attempt at a smile] Marge: No, come on. You can do better than that. Lisa: [a much brighter smile] Marge: Aww, that's my girl. [rubs Lisa's hair] Lisa: [through her teeth] I feel more popular already. (and if you need 'em, big hugs to ya [:)])

windchymes -> RE: Getting Over It (11/27/2005 3:21:41 PM)
Good question, LadyH. You're right, many of us here, and most definitely myself, sometimes get tired of reading the whiny posts asking, "Why? Why? Why?" When you hear the same complaints over and over again, we tend to get jaded and just brush it off by saying, "Move on!" But you're right, breakups and rejection hurt more than dental surgery. In order to "move on", I've found that there is only one way, and that is to just wait for time to pass. Eventually the hurt dulls and we (hopefully) figure out what mistakes we may have made, (hopefully) learn from them, and (hopefully) take the chance again putting that new found knowledge to work. First of all, you have to get rid of all the physical things that remind you of him. (I'm using "him" generically because it's easier....this could apply to any gender getting dumped by any gender.) Put away the pictures and mementoes, and don't listen to any radio stations that might play "your" songs, or any love songs. For God's sake, don't listen to Delilah! Then, I think you have to allow yourself a certain amount of time to cry, pout, lean on your friends, eat ice cream, plot the ex's death, or at least some creative revenge. Lie on the couch and watch bad, mindless TV, which isn't too difficult to find. Or rent some comedy movies. Just not any movies the two of you watched together. Have a good cry. I mean, sob, wail, bellow, right from the belly, get it all out! Put your face into a thick pillow, move away from any common walls if you live in an apartment complex, and primal scream, baby! You'll find it surprisingly therapeutic, with a mental exhaustion afterwards, but a good kind of exhaustion. You'll probably want a nap....take one....more time will have passed when you wake up. I'd say this period should last about 2 to 4 weeks. Give yourself that time, but stick to a deadline! THEN, you have to start moving on. Do like the woman in the cell phone commercial who giddily throws away his pictures and the concert tickets....and then as her final act, deletes his name from her cell phone contact list. Also delete him from your IM lists, and email address book. Hard to do, but you won't have the reminder "jolt" that comes from merely seeing his name. Start nurturing yourself. Your heart was wounded, so you have to tend to it, take care of it, treat it well until it heals. Treat yourself to little nice things, like a new haircut and/or color. New nail polish or a manicure. Maybe a new outfit, a couple new CD's, take up a new hobby. This is a perfectly legitimate excuse to dip into the savings account! Go out with friends. Get in touch with old friends or family who you haven't heard from in awhile. Maybe take a weekend trip back home? Whatever....just do things to make time pass! Here is something I did.....I don't recommend it for anybody, but it actually did help me put closure on a heartbreak a couple of years ago. To make the story short.....3 year internet friendship turned romance turned real life romance, although he was in another country. Shortly before permanancy and overseas relocation were supposed to happen, he screwed somebody and used it as an excuse to end the relationship. Then did the proverbial disappearing act. Well, after my fog lifted several months later, I saw him hanging around in "our" old chatroom again. So, to find out what happened, I created a new ID and went after him....which wasn't hard, since I knew all his vulnerable points, lol. I only planned to talk that one night to get the answers I so badly wanted but had been deprived of....but it lasted about 4 months. Part of my own "revenge" came with the satisfaction of keeping him up literally all night long the first night....he went to work with NO sleep! I eventually saw him for the pathetic lonely man he really is, someone who can't maintain a real life relationship. I wrote him an email confessing everything and wishing him well. And I moved on. It worked for me....but I don't recommend it for everybody. Oh, about that death/revenge thing...I only said PLOT it, please don't actually DO it! Time really does heal all wounds, you just have to do what you have to do to make the days pass, and one day, the hurt does go away. Or at least keeps getting duller. You just have to get up, put your feet on the floor, get through each day. Wait for the time to pass. And it always does. chymes

harmony3709 -> RE: Getting Over It (11/27/2005 3:35:21 PM)
quote: By windchymes: Then, I think you have to allow yourself a certain amount of time to cry, pout, lean on your friends, eat ice cream, plot the ex's death, or at least some creative revenge. Lie on the couch and watch bad, mindless TV, which isn't too difficult to find. Or rent some comedy movies. Just not any movies the two of you watched together. Have a good cry. I mean, sob, wail, bellow, right from the belly, get it all out! Put your face into a thick pillow, move away from any common walls if you live in an apartment complex, and primal scream, baby! You'll find it surprisingly therapeutic, with a mental exhaustion afterwards, but a good kind of exhaustion. You'll probably want a nap....take one....more time will have passed when you wake up. I'd say this period should last about 2 to 4 weeks. Give yourself that time, but stick to a deadline! Some of the best advice I received was to go ahead and feel the hurt. Allow yourself to grieve and hurt and do whatever it takes to try and let some of that go, be it crying, music, Ben and Jerrys, shopping, working harder, whatever. But not to try to push it down, realize that you hurt and that it's okay to hurt. And then to remember: This too shall pass. And then one day, you get up in the morning and realize that it hurts a little less and less the next day and so on. And then you can begin to move on. Oh, and my personal self-soother: Buying expensive lacy lingerie! [:D] Blessed be, harmony

happypervert -> RE: Getting Over It (11/27/2005 3:35:41 PM)
Instead of looking at whatever had attracted you, you can focus on the less attractive traits you had overlooked. Eventually your perceptions change from feeling rejected to "What the hell did I ever see in that person? Good riddance!"

SlayerZ -> RE: Getting Over It (11/27/2005 4:11:04 PM)
Good question. But as with snowflakes, no two people use exactly the same method to deal with rejection/heartbreak. Some go out and rip up the town, ending with a one nighter with some stinger they picked up a club crawl. Some drown their sorrows by listening to Sarah McLaughlin, with a tub of Ben and Jerrys in one hand and a box of tissues in another.. others just sit in an empty room, depressed and sorrow-ridden. I don't think there is a standard method when it comes to getting over it. One technique that works for one person, doesn't necessarily mean it would work for the next person. I think it's just a case of instinct and doing what comes naturally. If you learn from the experience, without letting bitterness creep in, then that's the best that you could hope for.

krikket -> RE: Getting Over It (11/27/2005 4:34:55 PM)
What excellent advice from you both, wynd and harmony. Most of this i had to learn the hard way (but then don't most of us!). My only addition, once the grief, crying, torment and hell pass, is to be kind to yourself. We all miss things we maybe, shoulda seen, or saw things that weren't there at all. We all make mistakes, but in the long run, as long as we learn from them, it wasn't a waste. Give yourself a mental hug, a big bowl of Ben and Jerry's, a trip to Victoria's, and once all of that is said and done...remember what a terrific person you are, and that it's his (generic) loss and your gain. Welcome to the future. :) huggles jimini quote: ORIGINAL: harmony3709 quote: By windchymes: Then, I think you have to allow yourself a certain amount of time to cry, pout, lean on your friends, eat ice cream, plot the ex's death, or at least some creative revenge. Lie on the couch and watch bad, mindless TV, which isn't too difficult to find. Or rent some comedy movies. Just not any movies the two of you watched together. Have a good cry. I mean, sob, wail, bellow, right from the belly, get it all out! Put your face into a thick pillow, move away from any common walls if you live in an apartment complex, and primal scream, baby! You'll find it surprisingly therapeutic, with a mental exhaustion afterwards, but a good kind of exhaustion. You'll probably want a nap....take one....more time will have passed when you wake up. I'd say this period should last about 2 to 4 weeks. Give yourself that time, but stick to a deadline! Some of the best advice I received was to go ahead and feel the hurt. Allow yourself to grieve and hurt and do whatever it takes to try and let some of that go, be it crying, music, Ben and Jerrys, shopping, working harder, whatever. But not to try to push it down, realize that you hurt and that it's okay to hurt. And then to remember: This too shall pass. And then one day, you get up in the morning and realize that it hurts a little less and less the next day and so on. And then you can begin to move on. Oh, and my personal self-soother: Buying expensive lacy lingerie! [:D] Blessed be, harmony

orfunboi -> RE: Getting Over It (11/27/2005 4:41:21 PM)
When i get depressed about stuff like that, i call a friend to talk to or go on pogo and play hours of tri-peaks. It gets my mind off whoever has hurt me and lowers the stress level a lot. i also hide in a good book to take my mind off it.

orfunboi -> RE: Getting Over It (11/27/2005 4:42:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sensualips My best coping strategy involves two lovely gentleman named Ben and Jerry. They have helped me out many many times also.....

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Getting Over It (11/27/2005 5:12:40 PM)
With time and reorganizing priorities. That's generally the only way any of us gets over anything.

KatyLied -> RE: Getting Over It (11/27/2005 5:16:42 PM)
Everyone processes "getting over it" differently. As LA says, time is the big factor. Some people need to dislodge their anger and frustration (and sometimes it's done in embarrasing ways that can't be taken back, let this be a lesson....when in doubt, keep your mouth shut, learn from me). Good luck.

candystripper -> RE: Getting Over It (11/27/2005 5:21:30 PM)
quote: Having just gotten a "dear john" email from someone I'd been involved with in person, for several months, I'm also following your treatment regime. I'm not sure about its long term viability, but it does feel good now. Tasha/tasha_tart i invite you to write me on the other side if you find yourself alone during this time. i know first-hand how devastating this can be, but it does pass. candystripper

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