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How has what you look for in a partner changed? - 9/6/2008 11:37:14 AM

lusciouslips19

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When I was younger I looked for the sensitive type. the bartender, actors etc. I shyed away from successful men. I didnt like manly types. Macho men frightened me. I sought out passive non threatening types. Now as I discovered my submission or maybe because my relationships frustrated me, I decided that the tyoe I shyed away from may be what I needed. In command men. Although I do still like men I can comminicate with. A sensitive guy with a whip.

So has what you seek in a mate changed over the years? What did you learn about what you are compatible with as you get older?

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RE: How has what you look for in a partner changed? - 9/6/2008 11:59:11 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Wow, this is so the wrong time for me to deal with this question! lol!

I think I have learned to see the difference between what I WANT and what I NEED. I have always been attracted to those big manly guys, military men, that sort of thing. But, they often make really awful submissives, and politically are often too conservative to mesh well with me. I've always been attracted to intelligent men, that has become more of a necessity than ever. I just can't stand being bored!

I've always selected for character over beauty, but now I see that I need someone warm, reasonably unselfish (hey, we are taking about MEN here!

) and devoted. I am really poor at figuring out when a person is just cold by nature, I am not sure what signals I am missing. Anyone want to buy me that clue? The hard part: making yourself be attracted to the person who has those qualities, even when you're just not feeling it.

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RE: How has what you look for in a partner changed? - 9/6/2008 12:09:29 PM

marieToo

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In the past I've looked for and connected with pricks and motherfuckers because I do appreciate that side of a man. However, when that part of him is the most prominant part of his personality, it always turns out that it's not just a facet, but his actual character. Apparantly I'm not a quick study since it took me a few Doms to see my pattern of choosing this type because a part of me is drawn to it, but then ending up pissed off that they genuinely turned out to be selfish and uncaring across the board.

I finally decided to look for a nice guy first, and as it turns out, nice guys can be caring and yet have a deliciously evil side to them. This has now become my "type", and it's working quite nicely for me.

< Message edited by marieToo -- 9/6/2008 12:12:28 PM >

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RE: How has what you look for in a partner changed? - 9/6/2008 12:14:18 PM

sirsholly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

In the past I've looked for and connected with pricks and motherfuckers because I do appreciate that side of a man.

*nods* And BOY...could i attract 'em.
But...then i grew up and realized thaqt while the pricks and mofo's were fun they were not what i wanted for a long term relationship.

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RE: How has what you look for in a partner changed? - 9/6/2008 12:35:22 PM

lusciouslips19

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I did discover I couldnt be with ann asshole. But i am much better off with someone with similar outlook and hobbies but one that makes the decisions but caring enough to value my opinions. To me thats the best of both worlds. To be respected by him and yet he is punishing and not a push over.

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 9/6/2008 12:36:17 PM >

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RE: How has what you look for in a partner changed? - 9/6/2008 1:19:14 PM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

I did discover I couldnt be with ann asshole. But i am much better off with someone with similar outlook and hobbies but one that makes the decisions but caring enough to value my opinions. To me thats the best of both worlds. To be respected by him and yet he is punishing and not a push over.

What lushy said. Except to add that also we have to have matching moral code. Someone with different ethical values is not someone I will tolerate any longer. Just too damned difficult to have to discuss and compromise every time.

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RE: How has what you look for in a partner changed? - 9/6/2008 1:27:28 PM

lusciouslips19

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

I did discover I couldnt be with ann asshole. But i am much better off with someone with similar outlook and hobbies but one that makes the decisions but caring enough to value my opinions. To me thats the best of both worlds. To be respected by him and yet he is punishing and not a push over.

What lushy said. Except to add that also we have to have matching moral code. Someone with different ethical values is not someone I will tolerate any longer. Just too damned difficult to have to discuss and compromise every time.

They need to be communicators too. At least for me. They need to have enough of a life to have something to talk about and a desire to share and talk with me. Otherwise they are just taking up air.

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RE: How has what you look for in a partner changed? - 9/6/2008 2:49:15 PM

LadyHibiscus

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I have a stratospheric asshole tolerance level! I am learning to be less tolerant.

Also, I can be amused by them, without going any further with involvement.

I totally agree about the similarity in moral/ethical codes. If you are not on the same page for what is okay and what is dead wrong, the problems will leap up pretty darn fast.

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RE: How has what you look for in a partner changed? - 9/6/2008 3:21:46 PM

faerytattoodgirl

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i look for perverts....thankfully your easy to find on here...

but actually...20 years ago i dated men...i stopped dating them at age 32. now im not dating anyone....6 years and counting....

so what i am actually looking for in someone is kind of irrelevant and i havent been out any place for a few years as well due to lack of being treated in a good way (other than being used and abused).

eventually if someone shows me love and respect and actually wants to hang out...rather than just want to fuck me...i might start going out again.

but local clubs are filled with people half my age...bdsm clubs are filled with 50+...to find a place with 30 somethings is very hard to do. i also dont drink at all so bar hopping isnt in the cards.

"When I was younger I looked for the sensitive type."

this is what i want. someone who can actually hold a conversation and is considerate of my feelings. one of my roomy is a jerk... always saying omg your hot today...omg i want to suck your toes..etc etc. but then he's a man.. i try to convert with him and its hopeless. he says i should always wear dresses/skirts/stockings/heels..etc whats wrong with t's and jeans??? why should i wear what someone else does??? (according to him all women wear what he says...uhh ya in the 50's maybe) and people wonder why men turn me off so much...so...considerate of my feelings is very important. i need to be liked for who i am not what someone wants me to be. i have yet to find this.

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RE: How has what you look for in a partner changed? - 9/6/2008 5:43:56 PM

lilsubl

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i've always been most attracted to bad boys...when i was younger, i didn't care if they had personalities or ethics or whatever, as long as they were bad boys & hawt!! for longer than one night, i required that they have a sense of humor too... this meant that they not only had to make me laugh, but they had to get me too...i have a very strange sense of humor so this is a lot more difficult than it sounds...i would put up with a lot for laughter...

today, i'm with a bad boy with humor, intelligence, sensitivity & caring...he just might be the perfect man...therefore, i run from him at every opportunity & when there is no reason, i make one up...why do i make this such a struggle?? is there a therapist in the house???

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RE: How has what you look for in a partner changed? - 9/6/2008 5:53:07 PM

Lordandmaster

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It's interesting to me that in threads like this women always seem to be saying, "I want a man who's everything! He has to be a nice guy, sensitive, but he has to be deliciously evil, and he has to be in command, but he has also has to be a great communicator, and he has to be intelligent but he also has to be strong and and and..."

I really don't think most men start listing every characteristic under the sun when you ask them what kind of woman they want. Why, in a thread here just a week ago, someone said he wanted a woman who was just like a motorcycle!

So why is that? Why do women always seem to say they want men who are EVERYTHING and men, well, men just sorta want a woman who pleases them in specific ways?

Well, take a look at the picture at the BOTTOM of this page:

http://www.padutchcountry.com/my_pa_dutch/download_map_and_visitors_guide.asp

How revealing. A couple at breakfast, on vacation in scenic Lancaster County. What do you notice? The woman is focused ENTIRELY on the man. She's not looking at anything else; in fact, even her breakfast isn't directly in front of her. The man, on the other hand, is paying attention to several different things. He's showing that he does care about her, and he's bringing her into his world by putting his arm around her, but he's also got the morning newspaper in front of him, and unlike the woman, he's actually interested in eating those goodies for breakfast. For her, the man is the only thing in her world. For him, she is ONE of MANY things in his world.

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RE: How has what you look for in a partner changed? - 9/6/2008 6:02:51 PM

CalifChick

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilsubl

this meant that they not only had to make me laugh, but they had to get me too...i have a very strange sense of humor so this is a lot more difficult than it sounds...i would put up with a lot for laughter...

Oh boy howdy, you can say that again. That was one of the things that first attracted me to my ex. Unfortunately, he felt that he had to be "the funny one" all the time, and would not be serious when appropriate, which I did not discover until later.

Now I go more for a balance.

Cali

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RE: How has what you look for in a partner changed? - 9/6/2008 6:04:16 PM

dreamofthemoon

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster
Well, take a look at the picture at the BOTTOM of this page:

http://www.padutchcountry.com/my_pa_dutch/download_map_and_visitors_guide.asp

How revealing. A couple at breakfast, on vacation in scenic Lancaster County. What do you notice? The woman is focused ENTIRELY on the man. She's not looking at anything else; in fact, even her breakfast isn't directly in front of her... [snip]

Maybe that's because the table in the picture is round instead of a square table?

Or because the photographer chose that angle. Just a thought or two.

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RE: How has what you look for in a partner changed? - 9/6/2008 6:11:22 PM

lusciouslips19

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

It's interesting to me that in threads like this women always seem to be saying, "I want a man who's everything! He has to be a nice guy, sensitive, but he has to be deliciously evil, and he has to be in command, but he has also has to be a great communicator, and he has to be intelligent but he also has to be strong and and and..."

I really don't think most men start listing every characteristic under the sun when you ask them what kind of woman they want. Why, in a thread here just a week ago, someone said he wanted a woman who was just like a motorcycle!

So why is that? Why do women always seem to say they want men who are EVERYTHING and men, well, men just sorta want a woman who pleases them in specific ways?

Well, take a look at the picture at the BOTTOM of this page:

http://www.padutchcountry.com/my_pa_dutch/download_map_and_visitors_guide.asp

How revealing. A couple at breakfast, on vacation in scenic Lancaster County. What do you notice? The woman is focused ENTIRELY on the man. She's not looking at anything else; in fact, even her breakfast isn't directly in front of her. The man, on the other hand, is paying attention to several different things. He's showing that he does care about her, and he's bringing her into his world by putting his arm around her, but he's also got the morning newspaper in front of him, and unlike the woman, he's actually interested in eating those goodies for breakfast. For her, the man is the only thing in her world. For him, she is ONE of MANY things in his world.

For one. This was not intended as a womans thread. The question is "How has what you seek changed"? As far as the truth of your picture of women focused solely on men then why do hear so many men complain that after the kids came she didnt pay enough attention to him anymore? I know women with countless interests and hobbies. perhaps this is manipulative advertising page catering to a man who will be paying the bill wanting his inattentive wife to have all her attention on him for the romantic weekend and not everything else she worries about?

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Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

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RE: How has what you look for in a partner changed? - 9/6/2008 6:12:46 PM

dreamofthemoon

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*agrees with Lushy*

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RE: How has what you look for in a partner changed? - 9/6/2008 6:14:38 PM

lusciouslips19

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamofthemoon

*agrees with Lushy*

But of course you do cause you are so sensible and smart.

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RE: How has what you look for in a partner changed? - 9/6/2008 6:17:40 PM

dreamofthemoon

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamofthemoon

*agrees with Lushy*

But of course you do cause you are so sensible and smart.

i try... (Finally someone notices, sheesh!

)

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RE: How has what you look for in a partner changed? - 9/6/2008 6:56:49 PM

Roselaure

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My father and I did not get along. He also had a very dominant personality. For much of my life I was so determined and focused on NOT being with a man like my father that I ended up with weak insecure men who were scared of me.

Since I've come to terms with that over many years and discovered the depth of my submissive desires, I've learned to balance that, and I've realized that every Dominant man is not my father.

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RE: How has what you look for in a partner changed? - 9/6/2008 7:33:30 PM

Lordandmaster

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Wow. Can you spell "defensive"?

Of course it's manipulative advertising--and there's a reason why manipulative advertising works. That image depicts the kind of couple that the Lancaster County Tourist Board wants to attract: the kind where the woman doesn't have to read the morning newspaper. If you don't want to fall into that trap yourself, don't look for a Knight in Shining Armor who is sensitive but strict and in command and communicates well and is a great lover but not obsessed with sex and respects you but knows when to put you in your place and and and...

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

For one. This was not intended as a womans thread. The question is "How has what you seek changed"? As far as the truth of your picture of women focused solely on men then why do hear so many men complain that after the kids came she didnt pay enough attention to him anymore? I know women with countless interests and hobbies. perhaps this is manipulative advertising page catering to a man who will be paying the bill wanting his inattentive wife to have all her attention on him for the romantic weekend and not everything else she worries about?

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

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RE: How has what you look for in a partner changed? - 9/6/2008 7:38:42 PM

dcnovice

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quote:

Well, take a look at the picture at the BOTTOM of this page:

http://www.padutchcountry.com/my_pa_dutch/download_map_and_visitors_guide.asp

Sad to say, I found the food more interesting than either of the people.

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