Love in BDSM

Love in BDSM (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

Aslanemperor -> Love in BDSM (9/7/2008 10:07:37 AM)
So, after a recent breakup which was decidedly very painful, I've been confronted with a question that I'm sure many of you have thought about. Should one really fall in love with their sub/slave? Or for that matter, can a sub/slave afford to love her Dom/Master? I know that there are plenty of people who want long term commitments on this site, and lets face it, that takes love. But is it a good idea, or should love have no place in this. Is it even worth it? What happens when the peson decides that since there is love there should be no domination, only equallity and all that? Are you expected to just change what you're interested in for that person, or do you leave? Serious questions that require some thought I think. What are your oppinions! I really would like to know! ~Aslan

ExKat -> RE: Love in BDSM (9/7/2008 10:14:40 AM)
It depends largely on the person. There are many here in very long-term relationships, married, engaged. Obviously, those kinds of relationships cannot last without love. As to whether than can be domination with love, there are no few here who say that domination is impossible without love. While there are those who believe you can't have both, it's not the majority. There are also those among us who choose strictly a sexual/power relationship without love (though I daresay it creeps into them). Having just broken up, you're probably taking a pretty dim view of love at the moment. Ask this question again when you've found someone new, and are in love. I imagine your answers will be vastly different.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Love in BDSM (9/7/2008 10:18:33 AM)
http://www.collarchat.com/m_651231/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#651253 What's love got to do with it? http://www.collarchat.com/m_632033/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#632105 Loving your property http://www.collarchat.com/m_609494/mpage_2/key_love/tm.htm#609934 Ownership and Love http://www.collarchat.com/m_545462/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#545482 What does love got to do with it? http://www.collarchat.com/m_538921/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#538965 The Loving Dom http://www.collarchat.com/m_499831/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#499881 Don't fall in love with your dom http://www.collarchat.com/m_477568/mpage_3/key_love/tm.htm#484997 How common is it to fall in love with a submissive or dominant? http://www.collarchat.com/tm.asp?m=423736&mpage=1&key=love&#423879 Love and Ms http://www.collarchat.com/m_282567/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#282615 submissive/slave romantic love http://www.collarchat.com/m_269031/mpage_1/key_love%252Csubmission/tm.htm#269120 Falling in love with Mistress http://www.collarchat.com/m_248492/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#248492 true love in a relationship http://www.collarchat.com/m_236486/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#236486 balancing commitment and love http://www.collarchat.com/m_199915/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#199915 love in bdsm http://www.collarchat.com/m_166085/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#166085 love and D/s http://www.collarchat.com/m_65043/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#65043 love and bdsm (the unfettered heart) http://www.collarchat.com/m_150281/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#150281 Is it normal to fall in love with your dom during training? http://www.collarchat.com/m_125880/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#125880 not allowed to love him, what do I do? http://www.collarchat.com/m_119832/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#119832 being owned or being loved http://www.collarchat.com/m_97124/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#97124 subs/masochists and love http://www.collarchat.com/m_31285/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#31285 can love get in the way? http://www.collarchat.com/m_14998/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#14998 love in d/s http://www.collarchat.com/m_2491/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#2491 is love important in a relationship

NuevaVida -> RE: Love in BDSM (9/7/2008 11:27:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor What happens when the peson decides that since there is love there should be no domination, only equallity and all that? I honestly do not understand why love suddenly denotes "no longer D/s" to people. I want both - love and D/s. I won't compromise on that again.

candystripper -> RE: Love in BDSM (9/7/2008 12:44:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor So, after a recent breakup which was decidedly very painful, I've been confronted with a question that I'm sure many of you have thought about. Should one really fall in love with their sub/slave? Or for that matter, can a sub/slave afford to love her Dom/Master? I know that there are plenty of people who want long term commitments on this site, and lets face it, that takes love. But is it a good idea, or should love have no place in this. Is it even worth it? What happens when the peson decides that since there is love there should be no domination, only equallity and all that? Are you expected to just change what you're interested in for that person, or do you leave? Serious questions that require some thought I think. What are your oppinions! I really would like to know! ~Aslan I know I'm different...hell, we're all different. I cannot see the motivatation to get nakkie and stuff if I don't want him...lust after him...respect him...and generally this leads to love. candystripper [sm=pole.gif]

completenz -> RE: Love in BDSM (9/7/2008 12:58:52 PM)
He is my Dom and is the love of my life. i am His sub and the love of His life. We have a passionate glorious relationship and we got married in Feb this year. Our answer is, if that is what you seek, you CAN have both love and D/s It sure works for us[:)]

batshalom -> RE: Love in BDSM (9/7/2008 1:11:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor I know that there are plenty of people who want long term commitments on this site, and lets face it, that takes love. But is it a good idea, or should love have no place in this. In the situation I'm in, I've got to disagree with you about a long-term commitment requiring love. I don't love my Sir nor does he love me (unless you want to get into a crunchy granola-like "brotherly love" sort of conversation). Our relationship is based on respect and mutual need to express this part of ourselves. We've had a friendship for years, and adding the D/s element to it doesn't change that. We aren't romantically involved whatsoever (although there are times that there is a healthy dose of sexual tension). Prior to now, I didn't believe I could submit to anyone without loving him; but I have found that it works in this instance. If it blossoms into that sort of relationship, that's cool, but it's not something I can't live without. I find that not having the expectations that I had in a love relationship, and not feeling as though my partner has those same sorts of expectations for me, takes the pressure off. Then again, we're both extremely busy people and this is what works for us - it might not work for anyone else. Shoot, it's not like there's a shopping center with such pick and choose partner orders anyway. Go with what feels right, what feels good / comfortable / safe. Heartbreak sucks but it's probably no more prevalent in D/s than in anything else, including business partnerships.

ScarlettStangata -> SUCH a great topic! (9/7/2008 1:40:26 PM)
I have kind of a similar topic (although mine is a little more negative) but when I came to this lifestyle I wanted a loving female led relationship. I still do. But I find that most male subs do not. I find that there are way more Male Dom/femsub succesful relationships in the scene that are totally loving and strong and even lead to marriage than FemDom/male sub. I think that love absolutely does have a place in D/s and BDSM. I find what we do to be incredibly loving. At least I find what I do to be incredibly loving. There is nothing I love more to tie someone up I care about, put a blindfold on him, and slowly and seductively whip him - alternating kisses and caresses in between. I like to hold him and feel his heart beating and know that it beats for me. And then I like to accelerate that heart beating. After all is said and done I like to know I can apply arnica to his sizzling bottom and have him climb into bed with me and hold me as I sleep. But I find that emotional intimacy is just too much for most submissive men. I think emotional intimacy is a hard limit for many people. Sadly, love is a hard limit. MS

slaveluci -> RE: Love in BDSM (9/7/2008 1:56:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida I honestly do not understand why love suddenly denotes "no longer D/s" to people. I want both - love and D/s. I won't compromise on that again. Good for you! You shouldn't. I don't understand why some people maintain that they have to be mutually exclusive either. They certainly aren't for Master and I. Actually, thinking I could only have one or the other is what hindered me for so long. I wanted D/s so badly but I wanted love also. In my ignorance, I thought I could only have one of them. When I began talking with Master, I felt He was perfect for me but I worried that there could be no love if I became His property. Oh, how wrong I was[;)]. I would encourage everyone to never compromise or settle for less than both if both is what they feel they need......luci

windchymes -> RE: Love in BDSM (9/7/2008 2:02:19 PM)
Love is a risk in any kind of relationship. There are never guarantees that it won't end.

Prinsexx -> RE: Love in BDSM (9/7/2008 2:23:19 PM)
Mastery, love, friendship, sexual attraction, lifelong ownership.....i have all of these. i have settled for less, with one or more missing components but always walked, divorced or relased myself.

califsue -> RE: Love in BDSM (9/7/2008 2:26:17 PM)
What an excellent post and thank you for sharing slaveluci. quote: ORIGINAL: slaveluci quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida I honestly do not understand why love suddenly denotes "no longer D/s" to people. I want both - love and D/s. I won't compromise on that again. Good for you! You shouldn't. I don't understand why some people maintain that they have to be mutually exclusive either. They certainly aren't for Master and I. Actually, thinking I could only have one or the other is what hindered me for so long. I wanted D/s so badly but I wanted love also. In my ignorance, I thought I could only have one of them. When I began talking with Master, I felt He was perfect for me but I worried that there could be no love if I became His property. Oh, how wrong I was[;)]. I would encourage everyone to never compromise or settle for less than both if both is what they feel they need......luci

natasha66 -> RE: Love in BDSM (9/7/2008 2:41:12 PM)
I'm not sure "love" is necesary, but for me at least, emotional intimacy is crucial. I need to feel connected to my partner in order to submit to Him. It's just who I am. On this journey, I've also found that if the respect (me for Him, Him for me) is not there or has been broken, moving on is the only option.

hiswetness -> RE: Love in BDSM (9/7/2008 2:45:34 PM)
i love my Daddy/Master...he loves me. i would never settle for less than the relationship we have now. i have never experienced a truly loving relationship with a Dominant until we found each other. This is what i searched for...all the hurts and sorrows that led me to him were worth what i have now. It wasn't easy. i don't think love is necessary in a BDSM relationship or even in a vanilla. But when it is there...it is magical!!!!

KneelforAnne -> RE: Love in BDSM (9/7/2008 2:58:05 PM)
Aslan, i am not willing to settle for less. So, i hope it is possible. ~anne

DesFIP -> RE: Love in BDSM (9/7/2008 3:26:11 PM)
Personally without love and caring, I can't trust enough to submit. Unfortunately some people can't handle D/s and an intimate relationship, although it usually appears to be the doms who can't control and hurt someone they see as a lover and a possible mate. It may be that we have less trouble than usual with this simply because we're not into s & m, mainly bondage. The mental processing required to deal with hurting, or being hurt by, someone you love is difficult.

subexploring -> RE: Love in BDSM (9/7/2008 3:41:21 PM)
If I had to choose, I'd rather have love without D/s than D/s without love. Hopefully, I won't have to choose.

impishlilhellcat -> RE: Love in BDSM (9/7/2008 3:43:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subexploring If I had to choose, I'd rather have love without D/s than D/s without love. Hopefully, I won't have to choose. Ooo nice way to sum it all up!

KnightofMists -> RE: Love in BDSM (9/7/2008 4:06:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor So, after a recent breakup which was decidedly very painful, I've been confronted with a question that I'm sure many of you have thought about. Should one really fall in love with their sub/slave? Or for that matter, can a sub/slave afford to love her Dom/Master? These questions require and individual answer for each person. I know that being in Love with my two girls only enrich the Authority Dynamic that we have. Love is not an hinderance for me. quote: I know that there are plenty of people who want long term commitments on this site, and lets face it, that takes love. But is it a good idea, or should love have no place in this. Is it even worth it? yes it's worth it... at least it is for me... I suppose for others the answer would be no. quote: What happens when the peson decides that since there is love there should be no domination, only equallity and all that? Are you expected to just change what you're interested in for that person, or do you leave? Well for me it would cause the eventually destruction of the relationship since the authority dynamic we have is an intergal part of what makes me happy. A few years ago, I had a girl that came part of the family for about 3 years. She came in with the clear and informed understanding that my primary relationships are a total authority transfer dynamic. However, over the course of time it was revealed that she was incapable of living the dynamic and the relationship ended in part because of that issue regardless of the emotions involved. Having this particular relationship style is an integral part of obtaining the happiness I desire.. without it... I would only cheat myself of happiness if I tried to maintain a primary relationship without it.

lateralist1 -> RE: Love in BDSM (9/7/2008 4:09:22 PM)
I want love. Unconditional love.

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125