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emmalyn -> RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships (9/13/2008 10:29:54 AM)
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I most certainly appreciate your turmoil over the search for a positive D/s relationship. It is indeed difficult to face the same issues, over and again, and get no emotional rewards from your troubles. Answers aren't provided by other people, but by time.
That said, here's my take on the answer.
When you project to the world that the ones who message you are not what you want, it throws out there right away that you are looking for something specific. Something special. And most people (generally) don't feel all that special. What I'm saying here, is that people do not like stepping into situations where they know inevitable that judgements are more likely than not. Most male subs that I have met, in some way, have esteem issues, or think that they in no way stand out from the pack. Or, oppositely...they think they are a freak. That extreme fetish that they have pigeonholes them from the 'sub' role. Either of these types would be less likely than ever to message you given the prospect of being judged. And I know...you're open minded, you don't judge people. That's a given. But what you're saying, I bet, creates that link for a lot of people.
So most people who might interest you, incidentally, might be thrown off by the search. Instead of saying what you don't want....post positively about what you DO want. Describe the hottest scene you've yet experienced in your journals, list the things that strike that cord in you rather than the things that annoy you, show pictures of intimate Femdom experiences rather than the ones typical of porn.
And the best advice (that's already been given in this thread), don't appear like you are looking. Give yourself a year's vacation from meeting a close partner. And meet people, get to know them deeply...and you'll inevitably find someone who interests you. It'll be the people you miss when the conversation is over.
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