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Being watched.. - 11/27/2005 9:46:25 PM   
Krasnaya


Posts: 154
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline 		Ok so here is my problem...

I'm dating someone who wants to watch me touch myself. The reason it's so good alone is that you can just focus on yourself and what you like. How can I get out of my head long enough to stop worrying about how it is for the person watching? I mean if I'm doing it for her because she asked...it's not really about me anymore. It's just hard to enjoy it in the same way with someone there. Anyone else know how this feels or how to deal with it?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Being watched.. - 11/27/2005 10:01:01 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Being how it is, that i do actually spend more time by myself, makes me wish i was in your boat more.


(in reply to Krasnaya)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Being watched.. - 11/27/2005 10:01:43 PM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		i still can't do it well in front of Mistress. an audience just breaks my concentration.

take care


_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to Krasnaya)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Being watched.. - 11/28/2005 12:23:44 AM   
EvilGeoff


Posts: 523
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Krasnaya

..... How can I get out of my head long enough to stop worrying about how it is for the person watching? I mean if I'm doing it for her because she asked...it's not really about me anymore. It's just hard to enjoy it in the same way with someone there. Anyone else know how this feels or how to deal with it?


Who says you have to enjoy it the same way? Accept and enjoy the difference.

How do I mean that? If you fix a meal for yourself, it tastes just fine, but there is no real excitement, there is no emotional component to setting the table and serving the meal. After all, it's just you eating. But if you prepare and serve the meal for someone else, it tastes the same, but by adding someone to the equation, the meal becomes fuller, has more context and meaning. There's anticipation, excitement, wondering how _they_ will enjoy your cooking for them. There's pleasure or disappointment when they react to what you have prepared...

See what I'm getting at here?

"Your" headspace, when told to touch yourself, to masterbate _for_ your partner, isn't just "your" headspace anymore. Use the opportunity to turn yourself WAY on. Striptease for your partner and then take it the next step and play with yourself for her enjoyment. You are right, it isn't "about" you... it's about pleasing HER. So get busy and start pleasing! Fantasize or whatever, but put the show on _for_ her.

You might be a little awkward at first... self conscious... that's why I suggest the strip-tease, to give you time to get into a good headspace, to relax into the scene, think about how hot she is, how she's watching you, eating you up with her eyes, feel yourself getting wet in anticipation... You shouldn't have too much trouble at all.

But IF you have to pretend you are alone... use a blindfold or look at the pictures of a magazine, put on some soft music or whatever you like to distract you from the presence of her. Fantasize, fantasize, fantasize. And go to town.

Most of us LIKE watching our partners get off... knowing how they pleasure themselves helps us pleasure them better. This is just good sexual communication!

Hope that helps!
- Geoff

(in reply to Krasnaya)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Being watched.. - 11/28/2005 2:14:17 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		I can see your dilemma if it's just about sexual gratification with an "audience" but I don't see how it's a problem within a D/s dynamic.... So I'm guessing you're not talking about D/s in this instance?

I quite like watching my girl get herself off and it allows me learn how she reacts and responds at the threshold of climax. But if I don't set the desired D/s headspace for her, she can get embarrassed, too! Once I put it in a context of my girl pleasing me, the one who owns her, she is free of choice or embarrassment and can just relax and enjoy, as well!

If your relationship with this person is D/s orientated, I'd suggest you'll find it much easier to "perform" for your Mistress rather than just your partner. But she has to do her part in setting the scene and atmosphere in which it's done - forming a dynamic requires at least *TWO*....

Focus.

(in reply to Krasnaya)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Being watched.. - 11/28/2005 2:43:20 AM   
SelkiePet


Posts: 11
Joined: 11/18/2005
Status: offline 		EvilGeoff had some excellent points - look at this as a form of foreplay - turn it around form being your average self-masturbation scenario to an exhibitionist or seduction scene - don't focus too much on cumming - rather, focus on how stimulated your partner is getting from watching you self-pleasure yourself.

If you are very self-conscsious, then I would suggest that you talk to your partner and have them require it WHEN you are already in an advanced state of arousal - at that point, most of us lose whatever inhibitions we may have!

It can be a very arousing, quite wonderful form of mutual pleasure.

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Being watched.. - 11/28/2005 3:11:36 AM   
sweetpettjenny


Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		i personally am ok masturbating in front of my partner (when i have one) , but if they expect me to talk during it i totally lose the space to be able to cum.

(in reply to Krasnaya)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Being watched.. - 11/28/2005 3:18:02 AM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline 		I am very shy and used to get very embarassed about playing in front of Master. So at first we used a blindfold, so I could pretend He wasn't there. It gradually became easier for me to relax and enjoy having Him there, and when He joins in and helps me along it just makes everything even better!

(in reply to sweetpettjenny)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Being watched.. - 11/28/2005 3:28:04 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetpettjenny

i personally am ok masturbating in front of my partner (when i have one) , but if they expect me to talk during it i totally lose the space to be able to cum.


[grin] and this is a bad thing?

A pleasant little diversion is to bind a partner except for her nondominant arm and have her masturbate. The frustration is lovely.



_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to sweetpettjenny)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Being watched.. - 11/28/2005 3:29:16 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Krasnaya

Ok so here is my problem...

I'm dating someone who wants to watch me touch myself. The reason it's so good alone is that you can just focus on yourself and what you like. How can I get out of my head long enough to stop worrying about how it is for the person watching? I mean if I'm doing it for her because she asked...it's not really about me anymore. It's just hard to enjoy it in the same way with someone there. Anyone else know how this feels or how to deal with it?


Bondage can take the choice out of it. For a suggestion (this one was done at a party) check out the story on my website called I'm Shy.


_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to Krasnaya)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Being watched.. - 11/28/2005 4:08:00 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		i'm developing a crush on Focus; such thoughtful posts. $5 if You'll add Yourself to my Admirer's List, LMAO.

candystripper

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Being watched.. - 11/28/2005 4:36:09 AM   
pandoravampire


Posts: 374
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline 		there are some excellent responses here. I dont have anything to add, except perhaps that practice desensitises you to any embarrassment over time.

I completely disagree that a D/s dynamic rules out embarrassment though!!!!!!!

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Being watched.. - 11/28/2005 5:04:06 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'd also add that you should of course let your partner KNOW that this isn't getting you into a particular headspace. This might be their goal and it might not.

And beware if it's on cam- they can record and then send it wherever they want.

(in reply to pandoravampire)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Being watched.. - 11/28/2005 8:40:22 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		It's not like you can never masturbate alone again. Give him/her a thrill!

chymes

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Being watched.. - 11/28/2005 9:30:02 AM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaofML

i still can't do it well in front of Mistress. an audience just breaks my concentration.

take care





I thought you said your relationship didn't do "things like that" and you clearly had great contempt for relationships with sex "stuff"

MAsterbation is sex stuff even if they don't help

(in reply to veronicaofML)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Being watched.. - 11/28/2005 9:41:16 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion


MAsterbation is sex stuff even if they don't help


LMAO... my mother would killme over this post....

"I DID NOT HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH MS LEWINSKY"

but there was that blowjob.......


ROFLMAO

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Being watched.. - 11/28/2005 10:17:17 AM   
Krasnaya


Posts: 154
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks for all of the helpful responses.

I do agree in a D/s situation the "embarassment" isn't really the issue. I think it just becomes complicated for me personally when my partner is simply enjoying the fact that I'm getting exactly what I want. Maybe I'm just a natural people pleaser, but it's hard to stop thinking about whoever I'm with and just focus on what I want.

I do realize that by pleasing myself I'm indirectly pleasing her. I guess I should be greatful for someone who enjoys me in that way. Practice does make perfect in most things. Life is too short to be shy.

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Being watched.. - 11/28/2005 10:21:23 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetpettjenny

i personally am ok masturbating in front of my partner (when i have one) , but if they expect me to talk during it i totally lose the space to be able to cum.


[grin] and this is a bad thing?

A pleasant little diversion is to bind a partner except for her nondominant arm and have her masturbate. The frustration is lovely.


Sounds delightfully evil! I’ll have to remember that.

When I was in school, I used to write notes furiously and often ended up with a very sore right wrist. That is when I learned to be ambidextrous in that respect! Ha!

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Being watched.. - 11/28/2005 10:37:37 AM   
Krasnaya


Posts: 154
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline 		Gah! Forget being shy that would make me CRAZY.
It would take forever and a couple days.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Being watched.. - 11/28/2005 10:46:16 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Krasnaya

Gah! Forget being shy that would make me CRAZY.
It would take forever and a couple days.


That's why patience in a dominant in a good thing.

To be honest, if I want my partner to do something for me that I know he actually can do it, he will end up doing it. I've gotten really good at smiling, winking and giving words of encouragement when they start to get huffy and say they can't. Bottom line, in such instances, I always get my way.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Krasnaya)
Profile   Post #: 20
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