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candystripper -> The Lives of Women and Men (9/7/2008 6:56:17 PM)
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Gather a group of ten adult Women together.
Look at them one by one.
One has been raped.
One is a survivor of domestic violence.
One experienced incest in her formative years.
Each of the three is fundamentally, utterly, different than the other two…and all three are different from the other seven. Let’s call these three the ‘separate Women’ for the sake of discussion.
It does not matter much which ten adult Women you choose for this purpose.
Try anything you like to get a different result. Choose ten wealthy Women. Ten powerful Women. Ten nuns. Ten young Women. Choose any race or religion you like.
It might be possible to get more than three of these ‘separate’ Women. You could choose from among the denizens of a women’s’ shelter. Or comb through arrest and conviction records anywhere – at least in the US – and drive up the number of ‘separate’ Women in your group of ten.
What you cannot do is find is a group of ten adult Women with less than three.
How is that a difference in the lives of Men and Women?
After all, Men can be victims of crime…Men can be victims of rape, domestic violence and incest. Someone you know probably is, and you have never suspected.
Adult Men who are victims of violent crime, sexual assualt and the like are rarely more ‘visible’ than Women with such experiences.
So where is the difference?
Well, first, less is known about adult Men who are victims of violent crime, for the most part, particularly the crimes of rape, domestic violence or incest.
So, I cannot posit for you that ‘any group of x number of adult Men’ would include a male version of a ‘separate Woman’ by a factor of x.
So perhaps there is no difference in the Lives of Women and Men….perhaps we just need more information about Men…and the premise of this essay will go up in smoke?
No.
Why?
Because gay, straight, bisexual or asexual…Women have different bodies than Men. Different internal and external organs. Different skeletal systems. Different musculature.
I could belabor the point, but the essential difference…for Men, at a certain age, DNA kicks in and musculature and its attendant strength develop. Not utterly without exception, not without fully recognizing there are aberrations, but overall, Men attain at least the physicality if not the mental or emotional ability, to defend themselves in an attack in a form and to a degree that Women do not.
One other factor plays a role: the perpetrators of the crimes of rape, domestic violence and incest are, as a pretty well-settled factoid, Men…and their victim preference tends to a very high degree to be Women, perhaps prior to adulthood, but just as often, after attaining adulthood….a growing segment of the aging population of Women are becoming victims of such crimes. It’s clear that for a growing number of offenders, their victim of choice is an elderly Woman.
From birth to death, a Woman is a victim of choice to a small but significant number of Men. The converse does not seem to be true.
So what makes a Woman a ‘separate woman’ following a crime of rape, domestic violence, or incest?
It is not how she ‘handles’ the experience and its aftermath…if there is one.
It is not measurable by any known psychological test, life skills study, or other means.
It is what she knows...in her bones..that cannot be learned another way. It is what makes her deeply, darkly aware of her own capacity for violence.
It is what she has learned about Men…the Men who hurt her look and act no different from the Men who never would…until they do.
It is not the same to be an adult Woman in the US as it is to be an adult Man.
Sadly, this is one reason why.
candystripper [sm=pole.gif]
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