Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Long Distance vs Metropolitan Areas


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Long Distance vs Metropolitan Areas Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Long Distance vs Metropolitan Areas - 9/8/2008 1:33:20 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Stephan were you on probation and could not leave the town limits. There are tons of CM people living in Michigan. Heck you could expand out some to Ohio(am I allowed to say that state), Canada and Chicago. The problem with some people is they consider an hour to be long distance. I know that transportation is a problem for some. Munches are a good way to meet people in your area. I don't go to them because they are on the weekdays and Im afraid of date rape.


Hiya Dnomyar,

Sure there's lots of CM folk in Michigan.  But yes, I do consider more than an hour to be long distance.  I was seriously involved with a woman who lived an hour and a half away.  I believe that sort of distance forces a relationship to leap from 'getting to know you' to 'moving in to live with you' in an unhealthy way.  I'm not saying it can't be done or overcome (I moved to California from Texas to be with a girl I'd met from CM; charlotte & I are almost at the one year mark now) I'm just saying that it's usually a huge leap, and not often successful.

If I was heavily invested in living in a small town (family I had to care for, owned a house, owned a business, etc) then I would have probably had to wait for the right person to have a desire to relocate to me.  Otherwise, people who highly value a BDSM relationship will simply find more success living in a large city, in terms of munches, dungeons, and the social networks that make such interests easier to accommodate.

Warm Regards,

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Long Distance vs Metropolitan Areas - 9/8/2008 2:14:42 PM   
pixidustpet


Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline 		my personal experience isnt the same as yours, Stephan. 

i was living in a large city in florida, and didnt find anyone "local" to me.  Daddy lived nearly 2 hours away from me, and the only other dominant who showed any real interest was also over an hour away.  you'd think that a large area (jacksonville is plenty large!) would have more than a few compatable interests.....but it didnt happen.

in the end, i relocated to texas to be with someone i'd had an on-again, off-again relationship for 8 years now.  TheEngineer seems pleased with the arrangement. 

or maybe he's just pleased we live close enough to his work for him to come home lunchtimes... 

kitten

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Long Distance vs Metropolitan Areas - 9/8/2008 2:48:50 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		Living in a small town does make for difficulty in finding a D/s dynamic.  When I was attending the meets and munches regularly, I never...ever...met a submissive woman from the town I lived in.  In fact, all three of my D/s relationships have been with women who lived somewhere else.  Oddly enough, for only one of them would relocation to a small town be a problem...she was high up in her company and, though she could have relocated to Fort Collins, she did not want to face a 2 hour commute each day.  ~wry grin~  then throw in the fact that she was fucking her prior dominant on the side and hey, it just wasn't gonna work.

I accept the fact that I cannot relocate...at least right now.  I have a practice that would take, at the minimum, a year to close.  I like my town...I am an hour away from Denver, 2 hours away from the mountains, and yet get to have the space and quiet of a small town with the good things that go with that.  Don't get me wrong...I love cities and all the rush and bustle that go with them and I love smaller cities...but I like small towns too.

< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 9/8/2008 2:50:29 PM >

(in reply to pixidustpet)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Long Distance vs Metropolitan Areas - 9/8/2008 3:55:03 PM   
hereyesruponyou


Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline 		I've dealt with this as long as i've been searching. Being 2 hours from DC, Baltimore and Philly seems not so bad, but that's only if you want to have an occasional meeting or attend an event. You realize how long distance it is when you want someone to be available for you, or when they need you and the travel is just not an option. 

_____________________________

Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be


(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Long Distance vs Metropolitan Areas - 9/8/2008 3:58:41 PM   
flower2007


Posts: 120
Joined: 4/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann
  But yes, I do consider more than an hour to be long distance.  I was seriously involved with a woman who lived an hour and a half away.



Wow...there are places in my metropolitan area that are an hour and a half away in traffic.  My work commute has been that long before.  I can't imagine ruling out a relationship that far away if I'm ok with the office being that far away.

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Long Distance vs Metropolitan Areas - 9/8/2008 4:18:27 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: flower2007

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann
  But yes, I do consider more than an hour to be long distance.  I was seriously involved with a woman who lived an hour and a half away.



Wow...there are places in my metropolitan area that are an hour and a half away in traffic.  My work commute has been that long before.  I can't imagine ruling out a relationship that far away if I'm ok with the office being that far away.



When I lived in DC, my commute was nearly an hour and a half as well.  I was in the Marines, lived in military housing, so my work location and home location weren't choices I was allowed.  I hated the commute, and my job just wasn't worth it financially or personally.  Some people don't mind it, more power to them.
 
I live in LA; depending on the time of day, someone who lives 10 miles away could take 3 hours to visit.  But proper planning means they'd only be a twenty minute drive.
 
Some people are fine with the sacrifice of driving the 'long haul' to make a relationship work.  I'm not, and that's based on my experiences. 
 
To be fair, I wasn't just talking about relationships.  I enjoy the public, local BDSM community on a regular basis, and the friendships that stem from that community.  Until two months ago, my slave and I lived a 90+ minute drive (sometimes as long as 2.5 hours) from Santa Barbara to Hollywood (and tack on at least another hour to make it anywhere in Southern LA or Orange County.)  I'm just pointing out that people who have trouble meeting people locally, need to consider that your locale likely has much more to do with the issue than the website you're using.
 
Regards,

Stephan
 
.

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to flower2007)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Long Distance vs Metropolitan Areas - 9/8/2008 4:20:21 PM   
MAMandSlave


Posts: 110
Joined: 8/15/2008
Status: offline 		I lived in a mid sized town in Oregon when I met my girl. I was fortunate that she lived only about 10 minutes away from me. She was a student, and of course the downside of this relationship was that I was about to move to San Francisco. I moved here, and 6 months later got a call asking if she could visit. She "visited" and never left. Living in the San Francisco bay area, I cant imagine moving away. If we are to have another, they would need to move to us.

(in reply to flower2007)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Long Distance vs Metropolitan Areas - 9/8/2008 4:22:37 PM   
DomDolf


Posts: 363
Joined: 7/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: flower2007

Wow...there are places in my metropolitan area that are an hour and a half away in traffic.  My work commute has been that long before.  I can't imagine ruling out a relationship that far away if I'm ok with the office being that far away.



It's a matter of perspective here. I used to think a drive to the next city was a long drive. It took about thirty minutes. Then I got a job in Palo Alto, Ca. and lived in Gilroy so that I could have my horses. During rush hour that was a long drive. Thirty minutes would be cake. My perspective changed. Something to remember about what is considered long distance is that both people will need to consider it "close enough."

Dolf

(in reply to flower2007)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Long Distance vs Metropolitan Areas - 9/8/2008 4:36:35 PM   
mstrj69


Posts: 295
Joined: 5/27/2004
Status: offline 		I was born and now still live in the same small town (100k population.)  While I have lived in Atlanta, New Orleans, and the southeastern part of Florida, I just never found anyone who wanted to commit.  I came back here and yes I am 2 hours from St. Louis and 3.5 hours from Chicago, yet I am happy as it is sort of a vacation for me to go to either city and spend the weekend.  I guess the fact I was an auditor and hat to travel the entire southeastern part of the U.S. made it to where I do not think an hour and a half or 2 hours is too much if the person is right.

To me, it is what your job had you doing and how accustommed you were to driving that can make a difference.  6 hours one way for a weekend is doable for me but not for others who have never driven more than an hour at a time.  And what is wrong with eventually making a commitment to one another?

(in reply to MAMandSlave)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Long Distance vs Metropolitan Areas - 9/8/2008 5:34:51 PM   
leakylee


Posts: 747
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline 		luckily i am here in Central FL, and we have a pretty active community. with the state being rather shrunk, in our section, it is pretty easy to get around. Tampa and Jax are both within an 1 1/2. there are 3 clubs within that area, and quite a few fetish nights. plus we have 4 huge munches spread out, nonconflicting, over the month.

luckily i am only 30 minutes away from the dungeon here in Orlando. i do understand the semi-long distance, my dom is hitting that 1 1/2 mark. i am still very fortuante to have the extended family and freinds at the Shed.

smooches
lee

_____________________________

I am so not right, that I left..

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Long Distance vs Metropolitan Areas - 9/8/2008 7:55:29 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrj69
I was born and now still live in the same small town (100k population.) 


I'm sorry, but 100,000 people is a city, not a small town. I live in a small town, 5000 residents plus a state college.

The Man lived 3 to 5 hours drive time depending on traffic. Thankfully he got the opportunity to move up here. If he hadn't, we would still be ldr until the last aup went off to school.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to mstrj69)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Long Distance vs Metropolitan Areas - 9/8/2008 8:01:22 PM   
impishlilhellcat


Posts: 4379
Joined: 3/26/2006
Status: offline 		I had a relationship that consisted of an 800 mile distance. I don't think it was the distance that caused the problems in the relationship although it contributed. I don't know I'm kind of in the frame of mind while I don't really want something based on the internet that getting started long distance is okay as long as it is moving somewhere and that doesn't necessarily mean moving in together. Of course right now I consider myself a nomad and so that helps. But I think if it's right it's right and if there's a connection then while there may be setbacks and hard times either you find a way to deal with it and get through it and be together or you don't and then it just wasn't meant to work out.

_____________________________

Anyone who says they have only one life to live must not know how to read a book - Unknown

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Long Distance vs Metropolitan Areas - 9/8/2008 8:28:33 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		When it takes you 6 days hard driving to get across the country ... or a day's flights ... that's long distance

Didn't stop Master and I getting together though ... where there's a will ...

But, there is a bigger pool of people in metro areas than in country towns, although it's amazing who you find over time. Our little local group looks like increasing from 2 couples to 3 couples ...

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to impishlilhellcat)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Long Distance vs Metropolitan Areas - 9/8/2008 10:06:04 PM   
sistermargaret


Posts: 101
Joined: 8/8/2008
Status: offline 		      i've always been anywhere from 1 hour to 3 hours away from any action. The small city i live in is damn crowded with Swingers, but i have only found 3 other BDSM people, and i'm not into what they are into, lol. So, i save my pennies and i travel. Its a fact of life. And, when i used to meet people off line, the first question i'd ask is if they were willing to travel.
      Master is 3 hours away and that's ok. i enjoy going to His BIG city, i go early and do some shopping, see different things. He comes here sometimes also. Sometimes we meet in the middle. All my friends are far away. All the play places and Munches are far away.
     The one thing i won't do anymore is travel more than an hour late at night. i get a room or sleep over now. For me, there is nothing worse than a loooong drive, at night, all alone, in the dark, lost in my own thoughts and anxieties. A gal my age just shouldn't be out there like that ... i can't run very fast in 3 inch heels anymore ;)
sm
 
All it takes is absolute surrender 

(in reply to MaamJay)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Long Distance vs Metropolitan Areas - 9/9/2008 1:42:23 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann
I believe that sort of distance forces a relationship to leap from 'getting to know you' to 'moving in to live with you' in an unhealthy way. 


That totally depends upon the people involved.  If a relationship is worth it, then what is the rush?  If a LDR is causing distress or isn't going anywhere, then chalk it up to experience and settle.  But it is settling for what you can get, rather than what you can have or what you ultimately deserve.  (Concerning munches groups etc)Be proactive.  Bring people to you.
You can either do an hours drive or more apart, or you cannot. It isn't rocket science.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 15
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Long Distance vs Metropolitan Areas Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109