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im not sure - 9/8/2008 5:31:48 PM

newfiebull

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I am very dominative in life but i love the feel of pain and my fieance is very submisive by nature so im not sure what i should be doing and im wanting to try introducing a 3rd person but not sure how to go about it any adivce?

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RE: im not sure - 9/8/2008 6:26:38 PM

DarkSteven

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Um, try discussing it with her. Actually, you're not seeking a thind as much as someone to Top you.

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RE: im not sure - 9/8/2008 6:37:24 PM

skeletoncrew

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my advice??? do NOT get married!!!

depending upon what kind of pain you like and if you work your dynamic right you don't need a third or a Top...just dominate the submissive into serving you in a way that is pleasurable to you, if that includes some pain so be it...it is not as if she is dominating you, but rather pleasing you by engaging in things you want and/or need..

some Doms like a slow sensual blow job, others like their Sub to choke and gag themselves on the cock, and there are probably those that like their subs to bite and scractch during oral...the submissive does these things from a desire to serve and to please, think of utilizing what you have available rather than "running off" to find a quick fix...adaptability and creative problem solving skills are a must for a dominant(and submissives) in this lifestyle...

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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RE: im not sure - 9/8/2008 6:46:30 PM

azropedntied

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If your unsure then more to the point questions need to be asked and answered , if your also unsure why are you moving forward in trying to get a third person ? Its best to know yourself better and what your wanting for a better end result .Steven is correct communication is huge !Your taking the correct first step in asking , but what is your goal ? what do you want ? do you want poly ?do you seek a Top ? do you wish to learn more of the Bottom side ?etc ..

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RE: im not sure - 9/9/2008 1:32:26 AM

newfiebull

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well poly is somthing i want but im not sure i could ever get my fieance into it and i will never be married in the christian manner ( i am odinist) pagan so it would be a handfasting and as for what skeloton said that could very well work but i also like to whatch a woman screwed infront of me and as for talking to my fiance i have already taken that step and she seems to be into the whole ideal and shes hesitant as to a female but also intruged at the same time

Bull

(in reply to azropedntied)

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RE: im not sure - 9/9/2008 4:10:03 PM

skeletoncrew

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quote:

ORIGINAL: newfiebull

well poly is somthing i want but im not sure i could ever get my fieance into it

heh, this makes me think of my first piece of advice earlier: do NOT get married!!!

if you have these things you "want" and she isn't into it you had either A) get her into them and live happily ever after B) put those wants aside FOREVER, as they will only come out to haunt you later in your marriage or C)do NOT get married to this person...those are your most basic choices, boiled as far down as i could...

quote:

ORIGINAL: newfiebull
and i will never be married in the christian manner ( i am odinist) pagan so it would be a handfasting

i am not a Christian nor an Odinist, so i'm not sure what the difference is...but, i know in the USA marriage is a state recognized contract and matrimony is some kinda religious thing practiced by Christians and whatnot...i guess the point i'm getting at here is, is there like a "cheating" or polyamorous clause in a handfasting or something??? if it is a state recognized married(or even if it isn't) why does the style make a difference???

quote:

ORIGINAL: newfiebull
and as for what skeloton said that could very well work but i also like to whatch a woman screwed infront of me

yeah, i think you are best to couch these things in term of her submission to your dominance...obviously, alot of Doms and Masters enjoy and "get off" on sharing or otherwise having their playthings fucked by other guys in front of them...personally, i have never understood this one, but to each their own...it is a very dominant thing to put a women "out there" in this way, cuckholding and femdom are deffinately NOT the only ways to achieve watching your girl fuck another guy in front of you...

remember what i said about creative thinking???

quote:

ORIGINAL: newfiebull
and as for talking to my fiance i have already taken that step and she seems to be into the whole ideal and shes hesitant as to a female but also intruged at the same time

communication is key, don't think just because you talked once or twice about these things communication is over...the more you talk and go over this stuff over and over and over the more people will be ready for realities that come up and the more you will be likely to KNOW and be able to OBSERVE rather than relying upon things like "seems to be"...

my friend if she is "intruged" about other women then you are more than half way there... they are ALL "hesistant" about other women, just not all women are intrigued bty the idea in the first place...

take it slow, communicate, communicate, communicate and for the love of Odin's favorite son Thor (i might not be an Odinist, but i like my Jack Kirby comics

) PLEASE give the reality of what you are getting into with the whole marriage thing some deep, deep, deep thought before you end up a bag creek with no paddle...

(in reply to newfiebull)

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RE: im not sure - 9/9/2008 5:51:03 PM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: newfiebull

I am very dominative in life but i love the feel of pain and my fieance is very submisive by nature so im not sure what i should be doing and im wanting to try introducing a 3rd person but not sure how to go about it any adivce?

From what you say here and what you say later, let me see if I can clear this for you by listing what you have noted.

You feel that you are dominant. (not dominative, nor dominate). It depends on whether or not you like to be the one in charge, the one to take on the larger share of the responsibility of caring for the submissive and guiding him/her, nurturing her, structuring and defining and moving the dynamic along.
You feel that you are, at the least, masochistic.
You are a voyeur.
You may be into humiliation (after all, you didn't note whether part of what you like when you think of seeing your girlfriend screwed by another is the humiliation she will endure.)
You may be a cuckold (perhaps it is your OWN humiliation you seek by having your girlfriend screw another).
You may be a sadist (depends on whether or not you become sexually aroused from inflicting pain. It IS possible to be both a sadist and a masochist).

Figure out more of what you like and then, put it together with what you learn of each "position" within the D/s and BDSM worlds, and then take a fresh look at yourself.

Finally...you may want to put off any sort of binding ceremony right now.

(in reply to newfiebull)

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RE: im not sure - 9/9/2008 6:01:53 PM

DesFIP

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Because you claim to love this woman, you plan to marry her knowing you will not enjoy sex with her, and knowing this will do a real number on her self esteem. To add to that, you propose to rub it in her nose that you so much don't enjoy sex with her, that you have to have another woman as well. And you claim to care for her? Which is why you want to ruin her self esteem?

You need to talk openly with her about everything now. Make it clear that finding someone to domme you is necessary, and that you have no intentions of being monogamous. And allow her to decide without pressure if any of this appeals to her, or if she should look for someone else.

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RE: im not sure - 9/9/2008 7:27:51 PM

hereyesruponyou

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I think that's a little harsh of a judgement. I happen to be a dominant masochist with a wicked mildly sadistic side. It's taken me a long time to discover that this was possible. That enjoying the feel of tight binding ropes and impact instruments, as well as other ...items.... did not make me submissive. For a very long time due to circumstances, my experiences related to self bondage and predicament fun. It turned out that it is very very difficult for me to enjoy these same situations when someone else is in charge. I can now at times with my trusted partner, but really it's because i know i can somewhat control the situation with him. My masochistic side can be served by a submisive that follows my instructions to the T. The question is, will your fiance feel comfortable with that?

Don't think being dominant rules out experiencing sensation play of any kind

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RE: im not sure - 9/9/2008 10:27:53 PM

pompeii

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switch?

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RE: im not sure - 9/10/2008 2:06:36 AM

newfiebull

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ok to clarify i am the dominate one in the relationship both sexually and otherwise in every day things

i am both a sadist and a masochist
i do not like the ideal of another guy fuckign my fiance but a woman yes
i have never been dominated nore do i think id really like it much as ive never been very good at submissing

(in reply to pompeii)

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RE: im not sure - 9/10/2008 4:54:42 AM

HalloweenWhite

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I don't think You're ready for a 3rd person yet, You need to figure out how to have your wants met, and the needs of You other half.

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RE: im not sure - 9/10/2008 6:52:56 AM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HalloweenWhite

I don't think You're ready for a 3rd person yet, You need to figure out how to have your wants met, and the needs of You other half.

He also needs to figure out how to write properly.

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)

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RE: im not sure - 9/10/2008 6:59:29 AM

sirsholly

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i agree with those who suggest holding off on marriage

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RE: im not sure - 9/10/2008 12:10:29 PM

aperversetwist

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There's nothing wrong with telling your submissive fiancee exactly how to inflict the pain you are seeking on you, if she is willing. You did say you talked to her and she seemed to be into the whole idea. Before you start working on finding a third person I would try and work out how to be a dominant masochist with your fiancee in a way that works for both of you. Maybe she'll turn out to be a good submissive sadist.

As for a third person, what kind of third person are you looking for? A guy to screw your wife or another woman to screw her? You weren't entirely clear on that though you said your gf was hesitant and intriged by the idea of another female.

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RE: im not sure - 9/11/2008 5:54:08 AM

newfiebull

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i would be looking at a female and me and my fieance have already long ago decided marraige is eventual not somthing we have to do right away

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