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Mercnbeth -> RE: Why do you put up with it? (11/29/2005 7:19:24 AM)
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quote:
Why the way Other People Act bothers You so much is a mystery to me
Pot,
Check your color.
Sincerely,
"The Kettle"
Bothers ME? My/our search is OVER! I point out the obvious. The posted disappointments indicate accuracy. Both sides of the equation seem to have agreed.
Your looking for a submissive man, be honest about it and you may find him. Seeing the frustration of the subs, maybe this will enlighten them as to why they are frustrated. Your criteria eliminates the person you allegedly seek at the most basic and fundamental level. Yet, there are more than enough "foreployers" willing to meet the conditions to accomplish their objective. So your dance card gets filled with people who can't dance.
When we are approached by people who ask us how to proceed we tell them the first step is self assessment. Honest self assessment. We point out, just because a person enjoys being spanked or tied up they shouldn't seek a D/s relationship. It doesn't mean they are submissive, it doesn't mean that they are a slave. There is a difference between a desired sensation and a desired mental or emotional state. The first step is deciding which one is important. It takes a lot of honesty and usually it takes an understanding partner to make that determination.
During my search, it was a hell of a lot easier to find a person to share sensations. Many of my partners would never consider themselves submissive in ANY regard; yet they liked the games and "bedroom hijinks". There is something cathartic about the physical interaction. Whether you work in an office or on a construction site, working out frustrations is important. BDSM is a great outlet for "working things out". I think it's great and amazing that you can be on either side of the flogger and achieve the same beneficial result. Besides, bedroom hijinks are FUN! They should be part of everyone's life. Sex is FUN! But often it doesn't translate into a D/s relationship. And relationships are the focus subject.
If you're frustrated because your criteria hasn't generated the "dominant" man you seek, maybe appreciating that dominant people aren't interested in being subject to criteria will be helpful. Maybe you'll understand why you never get that follow up phone call or second meeting. If not - don't use it. I'm not saying that your criteria isn't valid, or that your relationship goals aren't valid. I'm saying that the answers are essays not true/false. Keep your criteria in your pocket and just get to know the person through first hand contact. Then when you are alone, review the list items and see how many were addressed by observed behavior. It's easy to lie through a yes/no question; much more difficult to do by observable behavior. It's easy to say you are a "gentlemen", but you'll never know if their definition and yours are the same until you've spent some time with the "gentlemen". So why ask? Observe!
As beth pointed out while looking over my shoulder; "You had a whole list of criteria I had to follow." Yes, that's true, but only the most basic were essential for us to meet; she had to be a woman, and she had to be close enough to meet me in person. Sure she identified herself as submissive, and I as dominant, but what those words were meaningless because we didn't know if they meant the same thing to both of us. We fleshed out our criteria as we went along. Note that it is OUR criteria, beth's included. It evolved into specifics ultimately documented in the form of a contract that we both signed. I assure you that if I brought the rules contained in the contract to show beth on the first day we met, we wouldn't be here today. I also wouldn't want her if she WOULD have agreed and signed it the first day. Acquiescence to lists or words without knowing there is a common definition of those words should be an indication that you are being played or lied to.
My purpose of this thread was fulfilled. Use the information or not. I have no personal agenda, and no goal that is served. We seek nothing other than friendship and communion we like minded people. We achieved that exceeding any expectation. I wanted the dominant people to be strong and be dominant as many here say they are. I wanted the submissive side to appreciate why their approach may be the cause of their failure and/or disappointment. Many have said this insight has been helpful.
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