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CallaFirestormBW -> RE: is there any fairness? (9/9/2008 12:48:06 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ourdestiny
My question is "if this Dom take sites and is not fair, will he really be able to handle a poly family, whereby its normal for women to have fights. Im in my early fifties and think being a slave does not warrant any one to think that Im a door mat. The issue being again, during this conversation between the three of us, she showed no respect whatsoever, she just called him by his name continously and he neve objected.
Ok, aside from the blatant dishonesty of doing a search for others on someone else's profile, pretending to be them, there are several huge perception issue here that I feel needs to be addressed.
(1) multiple women in the same household do NOT necessarily have to fight. It is possible to be in a poly household where there are multiple women and have them behave as mature adults and discuss their issues reasonably. I am always concerned when I hear a person say that it is "normal" for jealousy and argumentativeness to exist in poly or multi-servant households. It may be 'common', but 'common' does not mean "necessary" or "normal".
(2)I would agree that being a bond-servant (the term we use in our household for a completely yielding servant) does not mean being a door-mat. It doesn't mean being belligerant or argumentative either. It requires being honest with oneself about what one is looking for, and not settling for relationships that are unsuitable just to have -some- relationship. There is a difference between being a 'doormat' and being capable of yielding completely, in a trusting, healthy, relationship. Your reaction, and your perception that being with other women in a relationship means that they will naturally fight, indicates to me that poly may not be something you are really, truly interested in being involved in -- it doesn't sound to me like you are graciously yielding to this idea, and that it is bothering you more than you are willing to admit.
(3) You mention that the 20 year old woman involved in your situation was a Mistress -- later on, you comment that she called the Master by his first name and he didn't say a word about it... well.. why would he? If she is his -equal- and not his servant, OR if they have not finalized her position with him, it makes sense that she would address him by some term other than one that would indicate her submission to him. Calling someone by name, if they allow or encourage that, is NOT being disrespectful. The only time it is disrespectful is if a submissive person is already -in- a D/s relationship with someone, and has agreed to use a certain appellation when speaking with that dominant individual, and then does not do so.
I would not continue a relationship with someone who lied to others during the course of our relationship and expected me to contribute to that lie by my allowing hir to use my profile to scout hir next acquisition... but at the same time, I think that you need to consider the choices that -you- made that contributed to the situation you find yourself in, and figure out before getting into another relationship, what will signify a healthy relationship for -you- and settle for nothing else. Otherwise, you will find yourself railing at the clouds for dropping rain for years to come.
Calla Firestorm
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