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RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/10/2008 7:54:00 AM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

i am going to do some assuming here with the OP. i assume you already realize that dysfunctional has no boundaries to any given class and or lifestyle. i assume you already know you can find dysfunctional characteristics in all areas of life, be they sub, slave, dom. What you might not know about a sub or a slave is they have a lot to offer another, be it healthy or not. There are Doms who seek dysfunctional as well as those who do not, which makes one wonder about their mind space. Sir and the few Doms that i got to know do not have a need for a needy person. They want someone who has passion for life, which includes them and all other aspects of the slave/sub's life.

blessings
oceanwynds

(in reply to seababy)

Post #: 21

RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/10/2008 8:04:37 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

"Submission as a life strategy screws you."

Being a submissive in a relationship can be totally rewarding. It depends upon the dynamic in the relationship, but one who is shown appreciation for the submissiveness can feel totally fulfilled. That means that the Dom must be a true Dom, not just a task giver who doesn't care about his sub. Sadly, there are both tops and bottoms that see the lifestyle as a tool to abuse - Doms that only look for their own fulfillment and subs that aren't clever enough to spot this quickly and get out of the relationship or go from one bad relationship to another. Even experienced subs can be taken in by a Dom that is a good faker.

I choose when to be submissive in my life. I do engineering consulting around the world. When I am teaching I am anything but submissive. I am in charge of the situation, need to tell other people what to do and stop them if they are doing wrong, and hand out praise when warranted. I have chosen to be a slave to my Master - not to just anyone that came along but to one particular man that brought out things in me that no one ever had before. I have been anything but cheated.

If you feel that a sub will only get screwed, perhaps you need to look at your technique - and I'm not saying this critically. Perhaps you haven't learned yet how to bring out the best in a person, or to invest yourself in them. Chances are if your subs feel screwed it is because somehow you are letting them down.

_____________________________

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 22

RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/10/2008 8:47:24 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

"Being Submissive as a life stratgey screws you"
Well that is a news flash for me. Just because i was born a submissive does not mean i am submissive all the time. I guess the 3 and 4 year olds i teach would like it though. As i stated i am a sub but only to one man. I am not screwed (well i am but in a different way then the op means ;) ). I am very happy and content in my life, and have no desire to change. I am also a college graduate i do not see that as being screwed either i see that as knowing what you want and going for it.

OP i guess you do not know many submissives.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 23

RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/10/2008 9:17:28 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
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Lynnxz is that your best Forest Gump impersonation?

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 24

RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/10/2008 9:54:03 AM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Lynnxz is that your best Forest Gump impersonation?

No, I look like him when I run though.

I'm always confused by the "Submissives are silly little whores, who lack any ability to make decisions for themselves." mindset. I've actually met some 'dominant' men who believe this. O.o

Hey, let me get some of that real life.... thanks, I'll take 12.

_____________________________

HBIC

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 25

RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/10/2008 10:19:21 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Those guys are everywhere. Mysogynists trapped by their need to dip their wick in an socially acceptable opening.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz
I'm always confused by the "Submissives are silly little whores, who lack any ability to make decisions for themselves." mindset. I've actually met some 'dominant' men who believe this

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 26

RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/10/2008 10:58:42 AM

Bstardsbitch

Posts: 154
Joined: 11/19/2005
Status: offline

I've met some Doms who are that lol.

And as for telling him to go **** himself,...................can I join the queue please?

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 27

RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/10/2008 12:12:41 PM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

"Being Submissive as a life stratgey screws you"
Well that is a news flash for me. Just because i was born a submissive does not mean i am submissive all the time. I guess the 3 and 4 year olds i teach would like it though. As i stated i am a sub but only to one man. I am not screwed (well i am but in a different way then the op means ;) ). I am very happy and content in my life, and have no desire to change. I am also a college graduate i do not see that as being screwed either i see that as knowing what you want and going for it.

OP i guess you do not know many submissives.

Matt's littleone

I wonder if chamberqueen meant "if you submit to everyone all the time, it is a bad choice?" What you describe is being fully present in your skin and submitting from a place of confidence as a specific choice rather than submitting to every Tom, Dick, Mary, or mailbox that you encounter. I see that as very positive indeed. :)

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 28

RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/10/2008 2:27:46 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

I find that difficult to believe. Submission as a life strategy screws you. That's why you don't see people who are very compliant get far ahead in life--they get used. I see a disturbing tendency for some people to confuse what should be a neatly compartmentalized sexual fetish with some kind of life philosophy. It seems like a disastrously maladaptive way to live.

*shrugs* Interesting thing for you to say. I can actually name several people that I would identify as a generally submissive type personality that are executive staff level in global corporations. So, just how far, exactly, does one need to go to "get ahead in life" (remembering that YOU define "getting ahead" as financial success). These are all people who earn solidly into the 6 figures... very solidly. So that part of your premise I just plain find unsubstantiated by fact. Where did you arrive at that conclusion?

Then, of course, there is the more reasonable view that "winning at life" can be equated to happiness... however any particular individual attains it. By that measure, I can pretty much guarantee you that my wife who has not "neatly compartmentalized her sexual fetish" is WAY WAY ahead of you. Both she and I would disagree that [for us] it should be "neatly compartmentalized". Neither of us would call our D/s a "sexual fetish". So once again, I find your base assumptions riddled with errors making any conclusion from those assumptions... well... suspect.

So the bottom line is that whether or not it seem TO YOU.... IN THEORY that it is a disastrously maladaptive way to live, in actual practice, for real life people that I happen to know face to face, it is working out quite well. Just because YOU cannot envision something, doesn't mean that it isn't possible. Since you seem like the scientific mindset, I'd point out that in science, when our directly measurable facts conflict with the theory, then we revise the theory, not the facts.

(in reply to tychtyp)

Post #: 29

RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/10/2008 5:03:46 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

What I see from your chosen topics is that you have a lot of negative perceptions about those who are submissive. It makes me wonder if you are conflicted about D/s in general. You wish to dominate, yet you show little respect or appreciation for anyone who submits. Reminds me of the Groucho Marx quote, “I wouldn’t belong to any club that would have me as a member.”
The “D” in your version of D/s appears to stand for “disgruntled”.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to tychtyp)

Post #: 30

RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/10/2008 5:29:20 PM

OneMoreWaste

Posts: 910
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: catize
What I see from your chosen topics is that you have a lot of negative perceptions about those who are submissive. It makes me wonder if you are conflicted about D/s in general. You wish to dominate, yet you show little respect or appreciation for anyone who submits.

Well, on my side of the game, that sort of disdain for submissives who are "weak" outside of the bedroom is pretty much a given. The main thing i take issue with is the assumption that everyone who lives that way has chosen to do so.

"The meek shall inherit the earth, as long as their parents are some bad motherfuckers!"

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 31

RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/10/2008 6:14:46 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Well, on my side of the game, that sort of disdain for submissives who are "weak" outside of the bedroom is pretty much a given.

I do not understand your response. What does ‘weak outside of the bedroom’ mean to you?
Do you feel the same disdain for those who are ‘weak’ but are not submissive? If not, why not?

quote:

The main thing i take issue with is the assumption that everyone who lives that way has chosen to do so.

How is that relevant to the discussion? Would you care to clarify?

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to OneMoreWaste)

Post #: 32

RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/10/2008 8:21:20 PM

OneMoreWaste

Posts: 910
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

quote:

Well, on my side of the game, that sort of disdain for submissives who are "weak" outside of the bedroom is pretty much a given.

I do not understand your response. What does ‘weak outside of the bedroom’ mean to you?
Do you feel the same disdain for those who are ‘weak’ but are not submissive? If not, why not?

Not "strong". Not assertive, not aggressive, not ambitious, not driven, not "Alpha". Not a leader of men, slayer of dragons, or captain of industry. I have no disdain for them, because I am one of them... merely puzzlement and dismay.

quote:

quote:

The main thing i take issue with is the assumption that everyone who lives that way has chosen to do so.

How is that relevant to the discussion? Would you care to clarify?

It is relevant to the OP in post #9-

quote:

I see a disturbing tendency for some people to confuse what should be a neatly compartmentalized sexual fetish with some kind of life philosophy. It seems like a disastrously maladaptive way to live.

This presumes that the dysfunctional submissive starts out as a sexual submissive only, and consciously decides to extend this to every aspect of their life, which I consider a ridiculous theory. Is that relevant enough?

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 33

RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/10/2008 10:48:44 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

I completely mis -understood your post and am glad I asked my questionn. So, to make sure, (not being snarky, I really am trying to understand), you frequently are the disdained one because you are submissive outside the bedroom--and the ones who look down on that equate your submission to weakness?
I'd tell them that, yes, it is a choice---not whether to be submissive or not, but a choice to be fulfilled and happy being true to who you are.

< Message edited by catize -- 9/10/2008 10:50:03 PM >

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to OneMoreWaste)

Post #: 34

RE: Dysfunctional submissives - 9/10/2008 11:36:25 PM

MrRodgers

Posts: 10542
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Lynnxz is that your best Forest Gump impersonation?

No, I look like him when I run though.

I'm always confused by the "Submissives are silly little whores, who lack any ability to make decisions for themselves." mindset. I've actually met some 'dominant' men who believe this. O.o

Hey, let me get some of that real life.... thanks, I'll take 12.

I seriously doubt you'd look anything like Mr. Gump at any time young lady.

But when we have community and a board like these...we can often extrapolate a little more there than really meets the eye. Having had almost as much experience as you I bet with how men think about submissives tells me that, that is not what very many think at all.

However with the community, profiles and the kinkosphere many so-called 'doms' or would be masters may come to think that some here procaliming to be prospective slaves are those that really can't make decisions for themselves, are slutty little whores...well, if they could be and while not prohibitive...some actually are like that.

There are no absolutes but I am amused at how his previous posts have worked...gained a whole lotta traction here. Now I wonder if there are those waiting for him to mend.

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 35

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