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Padriag -> RE: submissive to one or submissive to ALL? (1/8/2006 8:33:35 PM)
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ORIGINAL: infyniti
Do others expect submissives to be submissive to ALL Dominants?
You seem to be asking two seperate questions here, though you may not realize it. On the one hand, you are asking and it has been discussed in this thread as to whether or not a submissive should submit to all dominants and be available for their use. On the other hand, you seem to be concerned with a question of social etiquette when you say this...
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I have come across my share of people who believe this to be true. " Submissives do not talk to Dominants like that." I do not subscribe to that mentality. Apparently this has caused some people to either label me " Dom" or state that I have no respect for other Doms.
This causes problem in group settings. Why? Other Doms. do not get " yes Sir" No sir, or master anything in conversation. I am polite and treat everyone as i would someone in a work setting.
Addressing someone as Sir or Maam, or responding in a mildly deferential manner is not the same as submitting to someone. But it is a social convention expected among some groups. It appears the group you are involved with expect this. Ever hear the phrase, when in Rome do as the Romans do? You're entering their group, these are their social expectations... either abide by them or leave the group, those are your choices. It seems, from what you later say...
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Considering Master and i do not entertain this thought processs we have been talked about, left out and pretty much are not the people that are invited to the party.
That the group has already made that choice for you and all that is left is to make as much of a graceful exit as you can at this point and find another group.
What wasn't clear was if this statement...
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It seems that this area of New England has the attitude of " Pass the sub, please"
..was really accurate. Was this group actually expecting that you be passed about the group for all to use? Or was it that they were simply expecting you to abide by their rules of etiquette regarding forms of address. Some groups do indeed feel slaves should be freely shared among all, including fetish play and sexual use, so it is possible what you are saying was the literal truth. But it is also true that some groups do not require that, but do have expectations regarding social behavior within the group... that is, rules of etiquette.
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What do others expect in a social group setting?
Depends on the group. I've run into the whole gamut... from groups with virtually no rules at all, to those who had some expectations regarding etiquette only at group events and get togethers, to some with very formal rules of etiquette, to some who expected slaves to be naked and ready for anything that might be asked of them at group events. Each of these groups has their own rules and expectations, and so long as the majority of the group agrees on that, its valid. If you don't like it, leave the group.
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This has caused us to become quite the " solo" couple.
And the problem with this is? If you read these boards for long you'll discover I generally eschew any groups and want little to do with them. For me personally I find at this point in life most of them have very little to offer me in return for what they might ask of me. I don't hate the groups for this, its a personal choice on my part and I simply go my own way. Of course if you feel the need to be part of a group then you have a problem, in which case you have about three possible choices, find a group that you agree with 100%, find a group you can make comfortable compromises with regarding their rules, or found your own group.
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It just amazes me that some people can say they are Dom and just expect the world to bow down to them.
Why would that surprise you... people make all kinds of claims all the time, you've not watched TV ads lately? On the contrary, its rather predictable. People want to feel powerful and important and go to all kinds of very creative lengths to feel that way. Putting on a title and expecting others to honor it is just another such scheme.
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