Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

whare am I going wrong?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> whare am I going wrong? Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
whare am I going wrong? - 9/10/2008 6:15:54 PM   
sonofthedawn63


Posts: 21
Joined: 9/6/2008
Status: offline 		Should you choose to view my profile, please tell me what I am doing wrong. I feel so strongly about D/S and sadomasochism, yet my ad seems so confusing to most. Help me please to understand
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: whare am I going wrong? - 9/10/2008 6:33:32 PM   
Shawn1066


Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		Well, I can think of quite a few more things, but here's my main question...

What makes you any different than every single other slave/sub on here? 

There's nothing about your profile that even hints that you're one-of-a-kind.  It sounds like the exact same run-of-the-mill profile that many Dominants on here have seen a few hundred times.  You make broad, vague statements about your wants and your supposed qualifications...that's it.

Do you have any idea how many other male subs on here are looking to serve a dominant female or couple with their supposed skills being the ability to take abuse and allegedly clean?

I'm not trying to be mean or anything, I just want you to look at it from another perspective.

DV's Fox



(in reply to sonofthedawn63)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: whare am I going wrong? - 9/10/2008 7:05:01 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		Well why do you need a Domme? You claim to be an expert at most things. Seems a little presumptous.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to Shawn1066)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: whare am I going wrong? - 9/10/2008 7:42:40 PM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		Ok first of all I'd remove the overly dramatic journal entries. Good grief, we've all experienced the frustration of trying to meet the right person. You make it sound like it's the end of the world if you have to spend a few months uncollared. Chill

Secondly it seems you are seeking a 24/7 live in situation and that's going to lower your pool of options quite a bit. There just aren't that many women out there seeking a live in, and those that are have very specific requirements and are likely to take a long time getting to know you before you move in. It's a big step and not one to be rushed. From the way you write your profile it sounds like that is the only situation you are interested in, so if I were to look at your profile I would not respond.

Thirdly, your profile is very oriented toward your desires and needs and doesn't give the reader much information about you as a person. About all we know is that you have tattoos. You need to say a little more about the kind of person you are other than kink or D/s related. I always say that a person should show who he is through his words, not TELL me who he is. In other words, I don't want to read "I have a good sense of humor", I want to read something funny that shows me your sense of humor.

So, my recommendation is to rewrite the profile beginning with a description of yourself as a person. What drives you, what motivates you, what excites you, what are you passionate about? Then talk a little about what you have to offer to a Mistress. Be specific about your skills (not kink!). Then describe what you are seeking and don't just say "a harsh Mistress". Explain the kind of person who inspires your devotion and loyalty.  No one wants to feel like you could care less as long as they beat you regularly. Then lastly (and briefly) discuss your kink interests (painslut) Do not go into a great deal of vulgar detail. Just short, general and to the point.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: whare am I going wrong? - 9/10/2008 7:47:05 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I would agree highly with something that TN said up there.

If you were vanilla, would you expect to marry someone right after your first date?  Nobody is looking for 24/7 right off the bat.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to TNstepsout)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: whare am I going wrong? - 9/10/2008 8:13:21 PM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		what you  have to offer is  more of value than what you need , or what needs you need to have met . never rush a good thing , and great things sometimes take time . my fortune cookie advice .

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: whare am I going wrong? - 9/10/2008 8:43:27 PM   
Catilicious


Posts: 38
Joined: 3/5/2008
Status: offline 		I find it to be very frustrating when someone lists only their BDSM related interests. Like TNstepsout mentioned before me, it's a great addition to have interests listed that are from your every day life. Something I look for when I'm talking to people I'm interested in or browsing profiles is whether or not we have enough in common to start a conversation and then enough in differences to keep it going. I think it would be very helpful to other dom/mes and beneficial to you to talk about these sort of things.

(in reply to azropedntied)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: whare am I going wrong? - 9/10/2008 9:03:34 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		One other thing you might want ot consider... clean up your english. Your profile, even if this is a shortened version that happened after the thread started, is a rough read. It isnt as centered aroud you as the others seem to have mentioned, so I assume its a rewrite, but it needs work. The grammar will make it more appealing, many of us do not respond to poorly crafted profiles.

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Catilicious)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: whare am I going wrong? - 9/11/2008 4:03:08 AM   
MsCfromMelbourne


Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		May I suggest something different.  How about asking one of your Femdom friends to help you write your profile?  They know you better than we do. 

I think I could write great profiles for my male friends!  Picking out all the good points about the guy and why he would make a great submissive partner.  I also know what kind of woman would be good for them

Good luck!!  It is always hard trying to sell yourself and attract the interest of the right person.

_____________________________

<----- Corset, mask and collar designed and manufactured by metalsmith Karl H, chromed and lined in black suede. Masks and collars available from http://www.lucreziadesade.com.au/default.html. Corsets custom made only

(in reply to sonofthedawn63)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: whare am I going wrong? - 9/11/2008 4:56:27 AM   
Sylverdawn


Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		laughing now the thing is so short it says NOTHING other than you seem to have alot of experience playing BDSM games..

_____________________________

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” Elyane Boosler

Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: whare am I going wrong? - 9/11/2008 4:59:41 AM   
LadyLou


Posts: 110
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline 		 



I'm echoing a lot of what has already been said here.


I have tried to help many male subs with their profiles, and regardless of what I say, it very rarely goes in. So, I tried another tactic which seemed to get better results; I explained my process of how I assess a sub who has mailed me wanting to approach. From that, a lot seemed to *get it*. So...


I read their mail. I can normally tell if it is 'wankerish', if it is, I'll bypass the person altogether. If the mail isn't completely rubbishy, or isn't an obvious template, the first thing I do is click on their profile. From there, I can tell if they have bothered to view my profile, if they haven't, or they haven't made some reference to my profile in their mail, I'm unlikely to respond, unless their profile is highly intriguing. I should also mention, that if the introductory mail is excessively long (and I mean pages), I'll probably bypass the mail, and head straight to the profile to see if it is worth carrying on reading the mail. From their profile I can normally tell in about 10 seconds or less if it is worth even replying to their mail. I suspect many people screen emails in a similar way.


9 times out of 10, the profile of someone writing to me is either empty, sparse, incomplete, whiny, wankerish, or just full of vagueness and sweeping statements that tell me absolutely nothing about the person. Somebody mentioned in this thread, that, don't write about about how you are, show 'it' in your writing and actions. So many times I have come across male subs protesting just how serious and 'genuine' they are, and how dedicated and how much they want this.... and I mean, they really really harked on about it. But yet, they couldn't even be bothered to put a little effort into their profile, thus, their actions contradict what they say.


So, I guess the point that is being made is your profile matters, and is your chance at a first impression, and you know the old adage about first impressions.

Good luck :)

< Message edited by LadyLou -- 9/11/2008 5:00:33 AM >

(in reply to sonofthedawn63)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: whare am I going wrong? - 9/11/2008 5:05:12 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		I read your profile and the first thing that struck me, there is no real information about you as a person. You only state that you want to serve a domme for the rest of your life.

Well that leads me to ask what you offer? What type of relationship (aside from being owned) do you seek?

It leaves me feeling that you are one dimensional, that there is nothing to you aside from wanting to serve a domme. Any domme.

Maybe you should browse the forums and click on the profiles of different users and read them. See what they have to say and eventually broaden your statement into a reflection of yourself, not just one thing that you want.

Good luck to you.


_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to sonofthedawn63)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: whare am I going wrong? - 9/11/2008 3:26:38 PM   
ElanSubdued


Posts: 1511
Status: offline 		sonofthedawn63,

Others have pretty much nailed the problems in your profile dead on, the salient aspects being:

- Start again from scratch.
- Describe your vanilla self and vanilla interests.
- Dump and/or tone down the BDSM stuff.
- Demonstrate a sense of humour and other skills a Domme may find attractive.
- Make sure your grammar and spelling are correct.

Good luck, :-)

Elan.

(in reply to sonofthedawn63)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: whare am I going wrong? - 9/11/2008 4:15:04 PM   
Coupleofwhats


Posts: 280
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline 		It sounds like every other submissive profile out there: hyperbolic and full of your wants.



_____________________________

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm6JgZ35w8w

(in reply to ElanSubdued)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: whare am I going wrong? - 9/11/2008 7:24:16 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Consider the advice you have been given on the other threads you have started---that is your best shot.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to Coupleofwhats)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: whare am I going wrong? - 9/11/2008 10:20:38 PM   
OneMoreWaste


Posts: 910
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline 		Let's see...

You have a whole bunch of fetishy/kinky sex stuff under your interests... BIIIIIIIIIIG no-no.
No mention of being a CEO or high-powered executive, not even a COO or Vice President
You talk about doing "anything", but with no specifics- are you a master at drywall? Landscaping? Painting wainscoating? Laundry? Are you psychic?

About the only thing you've really got working is your willingness  to shut up and stay out of the way while she's with Her Dominant.

Don't worry, it's pretty counter-intuitive, but you pick it up after a while...

< Message edited by OneMoreWaste -- 9/11/2008 10:22:15 PM >

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: whare am I going wrong? - 9/12/2008 5:59:57 AM   
UglyTruth


Posts: 126
Joined: 7/14/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Well why do you need a Domme? You claim to be an expert at most things. Seems a little presumptous.


I'm not sure how that's relevant. Even if he an expert at everything, it's pretty tough to do anything meaningful by oneself.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 17
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> whare am I going wrong? Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.098