RE: No You Can't

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NuevaVida -> RE: No You Can't (9/11/2008 10:40:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth start thinking about stuff that turns you off. from subtle little nuances to the grossest most vile thing you could think of. and it doesn't have to be sexual either, although that helps. When my orgasms were controlled, I began with this practice, as well, and it was helpful. Here are some other "tricks" I used, to help with the process: * Practice practice practice. On my own, I would bring myself to nearly an orgasm, and as I felt that internal rise reaching the point of no return (yet not quite there yet), I would back off a little and hold it. I would practice holding it right there, and when I accomplished holding it, I would practice holding a little longer...a little longer...a little longer. * Focus. As I reached that point, I would tense my body up and focus on holding it. This meant not allowing my thoughts to wander anywhere else but the energy that had built up in my body. If I lost focus on that, I would almost always lose it. The mind is extremely powerful. * Those times I did "lose it," I wouldn't allow (or I would try like mad not to allow) the orgasm to fully explode. This often times meant clenching my body so tight, coiling up into a ball, and focusing all my energy on stopping. Admittedly, this was usually quite painful, but at least I didn't complete the orgasm. When my body calmed, I would try again. * Don't beat yourself up over not accomplishing this. You are working with the body's natural progression. Would you beat yourself up for bleeding if you're cut? * The place I ultimately came to is, when I was reaching orgasm with him, I would bring myself to where I mentioned above - where I brought myself just shy of reaching that "peak" - that point of no return, and I would hold it there until he gave the OK to orgasm. It was no easy feat, mind you. The longer I would hold it, the more painful it would become. My body would tremble, my eyes would well up, and finally (and his favorite), I would beg beg beg for release (sometimes he would allow it, sometimes he would not). But if every time you bring yourself to orgasm, you pull back just shy of "going over", you might be amazed at how long you can hold at that agonizing place. It was exhausting for me, but he loved it. And if/when he finally allowed me to go over, the orgasms were explosive and often times overwhelming. * Give yourself time. Holding for extended periods of time took me a very long time to learn. Be patient. If you're trying, I can't see your Dominant being disappointed in your efforts. It took me a lot of work, concentration and energy. Admittedly, it got to a point where orgasms were not always very enjoyable for me, but then I was doing them for him not me. Usually after an orgasm like this, I would be exhausted afterward, in need of rest (I remember one of his other slaves calling me a wimp for needing to rest after cumming). My best to you with this!!

Gleegal67 -> RE: No You Can't (9/11/2008 10:40:43 AM)
Gabrielle...good to know I'm not alone! [sm=oddballs.gif]

tia111 -> RE: No You Can't (9/11/2008 10:41:51 AM)
Thank you NihilusZero. I don't want to make it a hard limit though it just seems that there is a larger disappointment factor with the people i have been with. Perhaps i need to just communicate more deeply the struggle aspect. I do try to be clear about it but i have found most just want to conquer the issue and get very frustrated.

tia111 -> RE: No You Can't (9/11/2008 10:48:43 AM)
NuevaVida thank you for that well thought out response. There is a great deal of information in it and though i have done some of them not all so i will practise more. quote: * Don't beat yourself up over not accomplishing this. You are working with the body's natural progression. Would you beat yourself up for bleeding if you're cut? thank you for this. I think i will use this in future discussions and as a reminder to myself when i don't succeed.

NihilusZero -> RE: No You Can't (9/11/2008 10:52:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tia111 Thank you Nihilus. I don't want to make it a hard limit though it just seems that there is a larger disappointment factor with the people i have been with. Perhaps i need to just communicate more deeply the struggle aspect. I do try to be clear about it but i have found most just want to conquer the issue and get very frustrated. You know...I was reading over the thread I believe this one stemmed from. And...it was a bit enlightening because I have been guilty of that fixation in previous relationships myself. For me, it's never truly been an issue of total selfishness (I'd like to think), but I am very into soaking in the visual, aural and physical pleasure of my partner. For that reason, I think I've been in situations where I put unfair and undue pressure (unintentionally) on the orgasm rather than letting things grow over time. Everyone's sexual ideals and preferences are different and though I don't think one person's being more comfortable with a more easily orgasming partner should necessarily be a bad thing in deciding on a mate, communication is very important with this topic. Personally, just imagining having had a conversation such as this before finding myself in the situation would have heavily shifted understanding of what she was going through. Mistakes and inner expectations may happen, but I think if the sub trusts that her Dom is being sincere and that he has shown interest in adjusting expectations and methods of dealing with the issue because of his choice/desire to be with her, it may help. This is one of those issues that seems best dealt with when both parties tiptoe forward together. Thanks for bringing up a brain-probing topic.

GabrielleSlave -> RE: No You Can't (9/11/2008 11:01:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: zakkan Has anyone ever passed out when you finally get the release? In my own(individual[:(]) experiments I almost fell over when I allowed myself to go... [sm=anger.gif] i have to say that on one memorable occasion, if i had not been physically pinned down, i may well have inflicted physical damage on my Sir at the moment He allowed release... Then i did nearly pass out, much to His amusement! i must say He loves to play with His toy to see what reactions He can get... Hugs Gabrielle x

candystripper -> RE: No You Can't (9/11/2008 11:01:14 AM)
tia, you have a lovely, happy body many of us would trade for. Congratulations. Don't allow anyone to tinker with your ability to cum..it is precious. Tell the Dom you are with it is how you are made -- lucky him -- and if he cannot appreciate this fabulous part of you, then I'd evaluate whether he truly prized me. candystripper [sm=pole.gif]

badlilthang -> RE: No You Can't (9/11/2008 11:01:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NihilusZero For that reason, I think I've been in situations where I put unfair and undue pressure (unintentionally) on the orgasm rather than letting things grow over time. Everyone's sexual ideals and preferences are different and though I don't think one person's being more comfortable with a more easily orgasming partner should necessarily be a bad thing in deciding on a mate, communication is very important with this topic. Personally, just imagining having had a conversation such as this before finding myself in the situation would have heavily shifted understanding of what she was going through. Mistakes and inner expectations may happen, but I think if the sub trusts that her Dom is being sincere and that he has shown interest in adjusting expectations and methods of dealing with the issue because of his choice/desire to be with her, it may help. This is one of those issues that seems best dealt with when both parties tiptoe forward together. Thanks for bringing up a brain-probing topic. i have a little on the side question on this....say if a slave was trained to only cum when He told her to - that she was not allowed to release for her own pleasure - and the relationship ended. Each time she tries to orgasm on her own now - for her own pleasure - she fails - and she never had any problems releasing in the past....any good advice - or ideas on how to solve this? Time will hopefully solve this issue sooner or later, though - just curious on how some of the posters here think about this "problem"...s... edited for spelling..not sure it helped much...

tia111 -> RE: No You Can't (9/11/2008 11:08:34 AM)
excellent question badlilthang. I must admit that the thought has pranced through my brain before as well and i will be interested in the responses.

NuevaVida -> RE: No You Can't (9/11/2008 11:12:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: zakkan Has anyone ever passed out when you finally get the release? Yes, that has happened here.

GabrielleSlave -> RE: No You Can't (9/11/2008 11:14:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: badlilthang i have a little on the side question on this....say if a slave was trained to only cum when He told her to - that she was not allowed to release for her own pleasure - and the relationship ended. Each time she tries to orgasm on her own now - for her own pleasure - she fails - and she never had any problems releasing in the past....any good advice - or ideas on how to solve this? Time will hopefully solve this issue sooner or later, though - just curious on how some of the posters here think about this "problem"...s... Well... before my Master was my Master (a long time before i knew Him) He had a submissive relationship with a Domme. He was trained in that way and He had issues with His release that became apparent when it came to Uus being together. He was totally able to satisfy me (alot lol!), but reaching climax for Him was an effort. Wwe have been together 21 months now and there is no longer a problem; He can use His training however whenever He wants to so that i can have as many orgasms as He wants me to have (which from my pov is FAB!). In a way i am the luckiest slave alive because of His control, given to Him by a Domme so long ago... It can work another way however.... when He wants, He can think himself into not cumming, no matter what i do... so completely humiliating His slave... Gabrielle x

NihilusZero -> RE: No You Can't (9/11/2008 11:14:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: badlilthang i have a little on the side question on this....say if a slave was trained to only cum when He told her to - that she was not allowed to release for her own pleasure - and the relationship ended. Each time she tries to orgasm on her own now - for her own pleasure - she fails - and she never had any problems releasing in the past....any good advice - or ideas on how to solve this? Time will hopefully solve this issue sooner or later, though - just curious on how some of the posters here think about this "problem"...s... edited for spelling..not sure it helped much... (Apologies to tia in advance if this seems to be a tangent...) Thanks for your question, badlilthang. How did the relationship end? The easy way, I would think, is that if it ended respectfully and openly (with the Dom's understanding) then I would suggest that the sub think of his release as a contractual permission to reacquire those controls which had been relinquished. So, for example, if the sub was still in the relationship with the Dom and he said: "Today, I want you to feel free to orgasm at any point you feel like as if I had given specific permission/request for each time you do it." I presume she'd be confident in feeling free to do so, yes? A mutual agreement to release is, essentially, that permission being granted by the Dom and, I think, a good way to start thinking about it for someone who is still trying to get their feet back underneath them from the dynamic change to being single. Now, although this idea can also work after a bad breakup, it's going to be a bit more difficult. In which case, I'd suggest that if the sub has a group of trusting friends also into D/s play they find a Dom/me they can trust not to screw with their minds who is willing to gently help her along with rough patches. Or, even being on here and taking the advice of trustworthy people.

badlilthang -> RE: No You Can't (9/11/2008 11:15:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tia111 excellent question badlilthang. I must admit that the thought has pranced through my brain before as well and i will be interested in the responses. sometimes i make sense.L...but this is truly something i wonder about - and many other things...will wait in suspense..popcorn? L

CalifChick -> RE: No You Can't (9/11/2008 11:15:34 AM)
I was with someone who was playing around with orgasm control with me. It went bad even before we broke up, so I can't go there again. Cali

NuevaVida -> RE: No You Can't (9/11/2008 11:23:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: badlilthang i have a little on the side question on this....say if a slave was trained to only cum when He told her to - that she was not allowed to release for her own pleasure - and the relationship ended. Each time she tries to orgasm on her own now - for her own pleasure - she fails - and she never had any problems releasing in the past....any good advice - or ideas on how to solve this? Time will hopefully solve this issue sooner or later, though - just curious on how some of the posters here think about this "problem"...s... For four years I was not allowed to orgasm without his permission or instruction to. He definitely owned them. One of the first things that went through my mind when he released me of my slavery to him was that I needed to take control back for myself - not just of my orgasms but of everything. Not even 24 hours had passed when I realized the "bigness" of taking my orgasms back, and I went to the bedroom with my Hitachi... It took about 45 minutes for me to reach orgasm. It was a mild one, but it was still an orgasm, and I considered it my first step in taking them back. I hung in there for 45 minutes, crying and determined to not give up. I needed to do this. I needed to know he no longer owned them. This was so damned difficult, and so emotionally painful, but once a day I would do this. It's been a month since he let me go, and sometimes I still have trouble reaching orgasm, and sometimes it's still really emotional for me, but as of yet I have not allowed myself to quit, once I begin trying to achieve it. One of the challenges has been in wondering what to think about, while trying. I don't want to think about him, because then it feels like I'm still doing it for him. But I'm getting there, and each day is a little better. I do know of people who have been unable to take their orgasms back. I suspect (but can't possibly know for sure) it's because they have not let their former Master's "go" yet...perhaps they are still hanging on, still hoping, still acknowledging they are, in some ways, still owned by their former Master. Just last night I was talking to someone close to me who was adamant that she was "done" with her relationship and with the other person in the relationship, and then she went on to say how she hopes he thinks this or that. I suggested she is not really "done" until she no longer concerns herself with how he responds to what she is doing on her own. I think in my case my former Master did me a favor without realizing it, in that the way he let me go was such a shock to me that I immediately shut down from him. It was like a switch to my submission to him had been shut off - it was so strange and surreal. But as soon as it happened, it was over, and I realized I own myself now, and it was time to take me back. Yikes, this was a really elongated reply!! I'm still working through stuff, so thanks for letting me use your thread to write some things out. :) The short answer to your question is, take yourself back. Own yourself, and own your orgasms, and keep focused on that.

badlilthang -> RE: No You Can't (9/11/2008 11:27:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NihilusZero quote: ORIGINAL: badlilthang i have a little on the side question on this....say if a slave was trained to only cum when He told her to - that she was not allowed to release for her own pleasure - and the relationship ended. Each time she tries to orgasm on her own now - for her own pleasure - she fails - and she never had any problems releasing in the past....any good advice - or ideas on how to solve this? Time will hopefully solve this issue sooner or later, though - just curious on how some of the posters here think about this "problem"...s... edited for spelling..not sure it helped much... (Apologies to tia in advance if this seems to be a tangent...) Thanks for your question, badlilthang. How did the relationship end? The easy way, I would think, is that if it ended respectfully and openly (with the Dom's understanding) then I would suggest that the sub think of his release as a contractual permission to reacquire those controls which had been relinquished. *let us say that this relationship ended without warning for her - just over night - not giving her time to adjust So, for example, if the sub was still in the relationship with the Dom and he said: "Today, I want you to feel free to orgasm at any point you feel like as if I had given specific permission/request for each time you do it." I presume she'd be confident in feeling free to do so, yes? yes, i guess so - but it would still be releases with His permission, right? A mutual agreement to release is, essentially, that permission being granted by the Dom and, I think, a good way to start thinking about it for someone who is still trying to get their feet back underneath them from the dynamic change to being single. Now, although this idea can also work after a bad breakup, it's going to be a bit more difficult. In which case, I'd suggest that if the sub has a group of trusting friends also into D/s play they find a Dom/me they can trust not to screw with their minds who is willing to gently help her along with rough patches. Or, even being on here and taking the advice of trustworthy people. *i guess it just takes time to get back on her feet - but to have her own body fail her - weeks after the relationship ended, is not making it easier. Seems like the best thing to do - is not to force it out - just wait until the day comes where she knows her body is ready - and hope for the best. Mindfucks creating this problem is more common than we like to admit - and forced orgasms as well as being forced to hold them back, can seriously mess up things mentally and bodily...it is not for everyone..s..Thank You for the good reply..s..*

NuevaVida -> RE: No You Can't (9/11/2008 11:32:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: badlilthang *let us say that this relationship ended without warning for her - just over night - not giving her time to adjust This was the case with me, by way of an email in the middle of the night. There was no talking through it, no easing into it, no time to adjust. Just a letter, explaining his reality to me at 3am. I don't write this to diss him, but to explain the "shock" I spoke of above, and to answer your question that, at least in my case, control of orgasms could be taken back once my submission to him shut off.

badlilthang -> RE: No You Can't (9/11/2008 11:32:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida quote: ORIGINAL: badlilthang i have a little on the side question on this....say if a slave was trained to only cum when He told her to - that she was not allowed to release for her own pleasure - and the relationship ended. Each time she tries to orgasm on her own now - for her own pleasure - she fails - and she never had any problems releasing in the past....any good advice - or ideas on how to solve this? Time will hopefully solve this issue sooner or later, though - just curious on how some of the posters here think about this "problem"...s... For four years I was not allowed to orgasm without his permission or instruction to. He definitely owned them. One of the first things that went through my mind when he released me of my slavery to him was that I needed to take control back for myself - not just of my orgasms but of everything. Not even 24 hours had passed when I realized the "bigness" of taking my orgasms back, and I went to the bedroom with my Hitachi... It took about 45 minutes for me to reach orgasm. It was a mild one, but it was still an orgasm, and I considered it my first step in taking them back. I hung in there for 45 minutes, crying and determined to not give up. I needed to do this. I needed to know he no longer owned them. This was so damned difficult, and so emotionally painful, but once a day I would do this. It's been a month since he let me go, and sometimes I still have trouble reaching orgasm, and sometimes it's still really emotional for me, but as of yet I have not allowed myself to quit, once I begin trying to achieve it. One of the challenges has been in wondering what to think about, while trying. I don't want to think about him, because then it feels like I'm still doing it for him. But I'm getting there, and each day is a little better. I do know of people who have been unable to take their orgasms back. I suspect (but can't possibly know for sure) it's because they have not let their former Master's "go" yet...perhaps they are still hanging on, still hoping, still acknowledging they are, in some ways, still owned by their former Master. Just last night I was talking to someone close to me who was adamant that she was "done" with her relationship and with the other person in the relationship, and then she went on to say how she hopes he thinks this or that. I suggested she is not really "done" until she no longer concerns herself with how he responds to what she is doing on her own. I think in my case my former Master did me a favor without realizing it, in that the way he let me go was such a shock to me that I immediately shut down from him. It was like a switch to my submission to him had been shut off - it was so strange and surreal. But as soon as it happened, it was over, and I realized I own myself now, and it was time to take me back. Yikes, this was a really elongated reply!! I'm still working through stuff, so thanks for letting me use your thread to write some things out. :) The short answer to your question is, take yourself back. Own yourself, and own your orgasms, and keep focused on that. *what a wonderful reply...this was also what she (ok..me...chuckles) tried...to take her control back...ended up in tears day after day - and decided not to touch for a long, long time. Closed the toydrawer - and did other things. 8 weeks later - finally - my body is mine again - so is my mind...tight hugs. Thank you for being so open..big smile - i also learnd something important - forced orgasms and forced to holding them back works IN the relationship..but it steals something from me for a long, long time after the relationship ends....making me wonder if it is really worth it...*

badlilthang -> RE: No You Can't (9/11/2008 11:35:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida quote: ORIGINAL: badlilthang *let us say that this relationship ended without warning for her - just over night - not giving her time to adjust This was the case with me, by way of an email in the middle of the night. There was no talking through it, no easing into it, no time to adjust. Just a letter, explaining his reality to me at 3am. I don't write this to diss him, but to explain the "shock" I spoke of above, and to answer your question that, at least in my case, control of orgasms could be taken back once my submission to him shut off. must have been a shock after 4 years - i can not even imagine...mine was by no means that long - but He still had control over me...way more than i realized. How they can chose the easy way out in how to end it - beats me....but you seem to have manage brilliantly, and i am sure you will find One to treat you like the gem you are!

NuevaVida -> RE: No You Can't (9/11/2008 11:38:25 AM)
Thank you, badlilthang. Life has a lot of goodness to offer, and I keep my focus on that as much as I can. Apologies to the OP if this exchange hijacked the thread. Hopefully it added info that others can benefit from.

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