RE: The antomy of trust

RE: The antomy of trust (Full Version)

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candystripper -> RE: The antomy of trust (11/29/2005 11:32:17 AM)
To everyone, once again i recommend Gavin DeBecker's book, "The Gift of Fear". One important reason to read it is to gain insight into what Fear really is, compared to worry and anxiety and other painful moods. candystripper

Slaveboiz -> RE: The antomy of trust (11/30/2005 10:57:50 AM)
Hey there A/aal i must express here that although i hear what folks are saying the post i wrote was not coming from an SM stance but rather a long term relationship stand point... where trust and fear effect us all...the work i do is in managing those fears are as a result of past experiences in past relationships..... they can come up and if not acknowledged can create unconsious behaviors, and feels that may act as a road block in any D/s T/b M/s relationship. in play the element of fear can be a huge high for me as well... epecially in more edgier scenes.. but in my own relationships i desire to lower fear so that trust may be the driving force in my submission.. this management of fear allows me to deepen my submission and fully experience the person i strive to be... it is the work i and i alone must do..... warmest regards slave ziggy

KnightofMists -> RE: The antomy of trust (11/30/2005 12:24:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Slaveboiz Hey there A/aal i must express here that although i hear what folks are saying the post i wrote was not coming from an SM stance but rather a long term relationship stand point... where trust and fear effect us all...the work i do is in managing those fears are as a result of past experiences in past relationships..... they can come up and if not acknowledged can create unconsious behaviors, and feels that may act as a road block in any D/s T/b M/s relationship. in play the element of fear can be a huge high for me as well... epecially in more edgier scenes.. but in my own relationships i desire to lower fear so that trust may be the driving force in my submission.. this management of fear allows me to deepen my submission and fully experience the person i strive to be... it is the work i and i alone must do..... warmest regards slave ziggy thanks for a thought provoking post... need to think more on it... but I will state that i don't see Fear and Trust as polar opposites in all cases. I do believe that within a intimate relationship dynamic... no matter the relationship type... that the Fear and Trust can have an inverse relationship. But that doesn't apply in every case or every situation. I Trust my girls immensely as they do me. But their is a Fear of Failure and loss. In fact the longer a relatinship goes... kinda like the more you invest into it... the more you have to lose! This Fear of lost can be intense and learning to manage it is necessary. I do believe that Just because one can have an intensely Trusting relationship doesn't automatically mean that Fear is reduced. I believe that an increase in trust is a contributing factor in learning to manage that Fear! But at the same time... as building that trust and the relationship in general... the consequence of loss increases... and the fear of that increases as well. So buidling trust and learning to manage Fears must go hand in hand.

slavejali -> RE: The antomy of trust (11/30/2005 2:48:10 PM)
quote: If I understand human nature correctly, I would have to say that much of what we do is fear based. We work out of fear of not being able to provide for our families. We get in relationships with people based on an innate fear of loneliness. I know that is an over simplification of both those fears, but in the essences of time we will leave it at that. In Maslows Hierarchy of needs table, he figures there are 5 basic areas that people have needs in(since he wrote this there have been additions to it but the first few remain the same). The first need is Biological and physiological (food/shelter/sex etc)..survival instinct etc...the next is that our safety needs are met...the next is a need for relationship..to feel that we belong. i would say people not having those needs met would experience a great amount of fear...although a person striving to have these things in life doesnt necessarily add up to a fear based motivation...example i eat when im hungry, im not fearful im gonna die or anything bad if i dont eat....if i enter a relationship it is to share my life not because i fear being alone (just my examples), although at the same time, i do have those needs as a human being. quote: So how do we manage fear? Liked what you wrote there.

Slaveboiz -> RE: The antomy of trust (11/30/2005 7:15:50 PM)
As i read the responses in this thread...i am aware that i am mentioning M/s alot.. however, i do realize that is the prospective of this slave... but i would also say that we could exchange the M/s for just about any identification.. NO? slave ziggy SE slave 2006

Sunshine119 -> RE: The antomy of trust (12/1/2005 8:09:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: candystripper i liked the Op post but it doesn't fit well with a woman my age. So many fears have been faced and conquered, there is little or no fear-based activity in my life. <snipped> Because of these factors and others, the Op post is inapplicable (IMO) to many/most women my age. Since i am a pleasure submissive with hard limits as to pain and humiliation, i cannot speak for 50 year old masocists. However, ropes and chains and leather cuffs anf blindfolds and costumes and all sorts of other things are very exciting to me...and i hope to find my One asap and begin playing. candystripper I so enjoy your posts, however, I think you are probably overlooking tons of things that would be fear-based in your life. I know that I am a strong woman. I have worked in the depths of Newark, NJ and responded to emergency calls at 2 am in the projects where drug deals were going on in every nook, cranny and landings of the apt buildings. My kids are grown. And to be honest with you, I don't think there are too many people who know me that would think that any of my activities could be fear-based. I didn't think there was anything in life that would make me afraid either. IF we are all honest with ourselves there is something.....maybe deep down inside that strikes fear to the very heart of our being. Especially as we get older, we often have more to lose in many ways. Financial security? Independence? For me....what scares the bejebers out of me is having fallen in love with a man again. It took me long enough and I put up a gazillion barriers, but He kept at it, redeveloping my broken trust levels. Each and every day is frightening. And I'm the strongest woman I ever met.....lol

Sunshine119 -> RE: The antomy of trust (12/1/2005 8:11:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists thanks for a thought provoking post... need to think more on it... but I will state that i don't see Fear and Trust as polar opposites in all cases. I do believe that within a intimate relationship dynamic... no matter the relationship type... that the Fear and Trust can have an inverse relationship. But that doesn't apply in every case or every situation. I Trust my girls immensely as they do me. But their is a Fear of Failure and loss. In fact the longer a relatinship goes... kinda like the more you invest into it... the more you have to lose! This Fear of lost can be intense and learning to manage it is necessary. I do believe that Just because one can have an intensely Trusting relationship doesn't automatically mean that Fear is reduced. I believe that an increase in trust is a contributing factor in learning to manage that Fear! But at the same time... as building that trust and the relationship in general... the consequence of loss increases... and the fear of that increases as well. So buidling trust and learning to manage Fears must go hand in hand. How very true!

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