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In most cultures, I've noticed that Women have their rites of passage along with other rites too.

IronBear

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I agree that the lifestyle (including play) is whatever each of us, individually, makes of it for ourselves. I also agree that there is a growing trend (primarily on the west coast... go figure) to "spiritualize" the lifestyle.

But then, it seems exceptionally common for people to want to make their lifestyle (and by extension, themselves) into something "more". I'm not sure if that means that people need ever greater stimulation, or feel the need to be "special" in greater ways, or whether this is a form of "edge play" whose boundaries continue to be "pushed back", or if there is something else going on.

No matter the cause, it's obvious that the level of elaborate fantasy becomes ever greater (collectively). New sources such as "spiritualization" and "cathartic scening" (another west coast phenomenon making its way east) are taking the place of "Old Guard" and "Gor", which took the place of power exchange relationships, which took the place of S/M (and so on).

Personally, I have no issue with whatever anyone finds personally pleasing, though many of these become the basis for much disinformation, fantasies portrayed as realities (lies), manipulation, exploitation, etc. I have an issue with that.

Rover/John

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ORIGINAL: Slaveboiz
In the SM community today there seems to be a steady pull to understand the nature and intent of play. I would surmise this new view of play has become more popular today as we live in a culture of electronics and machines.

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Often our connections to the outside world are done in a fragment of the time it used to be. We have all become slaves to technology; the computers, cell phones, and technologies that make things that once were made by hand, not to mention Wal-Mart lol. Seriously, we are vastly becoming a world that moves way to fast.

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The very nature of technology is causing us to be disconnected from ourselves, let alone each other.

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This pull towards a spiritual look at SM is an attempt to make sense of ourselves in a world that barely sees us.

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Many folks are exposed to the erotic side of play through porn, fiction and the internet, with little understanding of the deeper more spiritual meaning behind the things we do both in and out side the dungeon.

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When we begin our journey into SM one may hear a lot about the release of endorphins and headspace but do we ever delve any deeper then that?

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As my experience had shown me there are generally three types of players; the erotic player; those who only seek play for its erotic content and as a sexual stimulant. The endorphin player; better known as the “true masochist or true sadist” and lastly the spiritual player; one who plays to gain insight about his or her spiritual self. Of course we all float in and out of all the above mentioned. However, I would like to present to you is my thoughts on the spiritual player.

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If I take an overview of all the cultures of the world, I note a consistent theme, that theme seems to entail rites and rituals of passage in one form or another, mainly those forms are to transition a child into adulthood; more specifically boyhood to manhood. Even here in western culture we have certain rites of passage and connectedness. Look at the father that takes his son out for his first hunting trip, or the indoctrination into a fraternity, just to name a few.

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So you ask, what does this have to do with play?

Rites of passage usually follow the idea of a test of sorts, the test has the intent to transform or transition a person into something new. It takes us from our every day life and tests our limits, our endurance and our connection to something or someone viewed as more important then ourselves. Its focus is usually about the body and spirit of that person.

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So again what does this have to do with play?

Play allows us to separate from the dominant cultures we live in, in order to connect with our own bodies and the spirit of who we are. Often time’s pain/ sensation play is the vehicle for that connectiveness.

The feelings we experience in play are what transforms us into more consciously aware beings. Lastly it connects us to others (top or bottom and community) it in effect, is a ritualistic rite of passage, not in the sense of the stages of life, but rather in the sense that we use the vehicle of pain to transcend our minds and bodies to a better more conducive state. We become more connect with our bodies in play than in any other state; other than perhaps sex or perhaps really good drugs.

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Often we are presented with play as away to escape from the dominant culture but in fact play is very much the opposite. Play is a form of heightened connectedness with the mind, body, spirit and to each other.

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So, if you are playing for the first time or have been playing for years, I invite you to look at what primitivism drives us to SM. What are your motives in SM and what is the personal gain you have in your play activities. I also invite you to look at the ritualism of the play you seek, and how it connects you to your mind, body and spirit.

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ORIGINAL: MsIncognito

A while back there was one of the usually insipid threads about how BDSMers are so much more highly evolved than vanillas

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As for "spiritualization", that's fairly self-explanatory. Though some take that to the extreme (gee, how shocking) in which BDSM and religion become indistinguishable from one another and some are rather cultish in their behaviors.

Rover/John

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ORIGINAL: pollux
Hey! That was my insipid thread!
LOL

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ORIGINAL: MsIncognito

First, thank you for a well written and thought out piece. This is such a refreshing change for these boards. I did disagree with several things and I hope you won't mind me tossing in my POV.

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ORIGINAL: Slaveboiz
In the SM community today there seems to be a steady pull to understand the nature and intent of play. I would surmise this new view of play has become more popular today as we live in a culture of electronics and machines.

How so? I'm curious as to how you think the culture of electronics and machines, as you put it, is somehow linked to a desire to understand the nature and intent of play. IMO, humans have always sought to understand themselves and their motivations. Well, many do. Some clearly do not and that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Introspection for the purposes of understanding and clarity is something I fully support. However, incessant navel gazing is a counter productive avoidance technique in my books. It can be a fine line between those two at times.

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Often our connections to the outside world are done in a fragment of the time it used to be. We have all become slaves to technology; the computers, cell phones, and technologies that make things that once were made by hand, not to mention Wal-Mart lol. Seriously, we are vastly becoming a world that moves way to fast.

Although you may not have meant it in this way, I found you tend to use quite a few generalizations such as "we have all become slaves to technology" and I find those are not really accurate. I'll concede that many people have become slaves to technology but not all of us. I'm the first to admit that I'm an electronic gadget/toy whore. I love my integrated phone/PDA/web browser that fits neatly in my pocket. It's the coolest little thing. However, I'm not a slave to it. I have the ability to turn off my cell phone, computer, phone and TV and so does everyone else. These things are conveniences which should make our lives easier. If we allow them to become things which take over our lives then we need to re-evaluate how we use these technologies.

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The very nature of technology is causing us to be disconnected from ourselves, let alone each other.

If anything I find that the problem is that these things leave us "too connected" but in a superficial way. I do not want everyone and their dog to be able to contact me on my cell phone whenever they feel like it. As a result only a handful of people have my cell number. I will never give it to my boss or anyone I feel will abuse it. The phone is for my convenience, not the convenience of others.

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This pull towards a spiritual look at SM is an attempt to make sense of ourselves in a world that barely sees us.

Although I will agree that a spiritual approach to SM is in part about making sense of ourselves I think it can go far beyond that. For me it also contains an element of transcendance on a physical, emotional and psychological plane.

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Many folks are exposed to the erotic side of play through porn, fiction and the internet, with little understanding of the deeper more spiritual meaning behind the things we do both in and out side the dungeon.

Perhaps for some people there is no spiritual element to SM. In fact, I don't see anything wrong with engaging in play without ever feeling a need to make it spiritual. In part, I think some people want to add a spiritual element to SM because in their minds it elevates SM beyond just some freaky shit we enjoy. It helps to legitimize and elevate it so that when vanillas cock an eyebrow we can so "No, really, it's not just a kinky thing, it's a spiritual thing!" While some of us want, need or enjoy a spiritual element to our SM play I don't think it's necessary and I don't think it's any "better" because we choose to add that element to it.

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When we begin our journey into SM one may hear a lot about the release of endorphins and headspace but do we ever delve any deeper then that?

Some do and some don't. Delving deeper is not required nor is one better than the other.

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As my experience had shown me there are generally three types of players; the erotic player; those who only seek play for its erotic content and as a sexual stimulant. The endorphin player; better known as the “true masochist or true sadist” and lastly the spiritual player; one who plays to gain insight about his or her spiritual self. Of course we all float in and out of all the above mentioned. However, I would like to present to you is my thoughts on the spiritual player.

I don't think everyone floats around between these categories. Again, some do and others do not. I know some who are strictly endorphin players. They don't have a submissive bone in their body but they are masochists to the core. I know others for whom it's all foreplay and a prelude to intercourse.

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If I take an overview of all the cultures of the world, I note a consistent theme, that theme seems to entail rites and rituals of passage in one form or another, mainly those forms are to transition a child into adulthood; more specifically boyhood to manhood. Even here in western culture we have certain rites of passage and connectedness. Look at the father that takes his son out for his first hunting trip, or the indoctrination into a fraternity, just to name a few.

Women have their rituals as well. Jewish girls have bat mitzvahs to mark the beginning of their journey into womanhood. Many native tribes also have rituals for females at puberty. Even in North American culture there are female rites of passage - first menses, first bra, first kiss, first date, etc. They may not be as elaborate as he rites of passage in some other cultures but they are nonetheless significant.

quote:


So you ask, what does this have to do with play?

Rites of passage usually follow the idea of a test of sorts, the test has the intent to transform or transition a person into something new. It takes us from our every day life and tests our limits, our endurance and our connection to something or someone viewed as more important then ourselves. Its focus is usually about the body and spirit of that person.

Here I have to disagree. Some rites of passage may take the form of tests and have a spiritual focus but that is not necessary. IMO, a rite of passage is merely something that marks a significant turning point in a person's life. It does not have to be a test. It can be a noisey, raucus celebration (stag parties, anyone?) or it can be a quiet, solemn marker.

quote:


So again what does this have to do with play?

Play allows us to separate from the dominant cultures we live in, in order to connect with our own bodies and the spirit of who we are. Often time’s pain/ sensation play is the vehicle for that connectiveness.

The feelings we experience in play are what transforms us into more consciously aware beings. Lastly it connects us to others (top or bottom and community) it in effect, is a ritualistic rite of passage, not in the sense of the stages of life, but rather in the sense that we use the vehicle of pain to transcend our minds and bodies to a better more conducive state. We become more connect with our bodies in play than in any other state; other than perhaps sex or perhaps really good drugs.

For some of us play can do those things but I would not equate it with a rite of passage. I think it can be a transforming experience for some or even many but that shouldn't be considered a forgone conclusion. While pain/play can assist in connectivity to ones self and to others (or more accurately the other(s) you are playing with) it is ultimately your willingness to be open to that connectivity that facilitates that transformation. Not every wants to or is capable of going there. They may have other vehicles for experiencing that connectivity that have nothing to do with SM play.

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Often we are presented with play as away to escape from the dominant culture but in fact play is very much the opposite. Play is a form of heightened connectedness with the mind, body, spirit and to each other.

Earlier on you said that play was a way to seperate from the dominant culture in order reconnect with our own bodies and who we are. Now you seem to be saying that play is NOT a way to seperate from the dominant culture but the opposite - so that would mean that play is a way in which to connect to the dominant culture? Sorry, I've lost your train of thought here.

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So, if you are playing for the first time or have been playing for years, I invite you to look at what primitivism drives us to SM. What are your motives in SM and what is the personal gain you have in your play activities. I also invite you to look at the ritualism of the play you seek, and how it connects you to your mind, body and spirit.

A while back there was one of the usually insipid threads about how BDSMers are so much more highly evolved than vanillas and someone (can't remember who) made what I thought was a very interesting point. If BDSM is about tapping into our primal urges can we really consider ourselves more highly evolved or is it actually a process of devolution? I'd say that for me it is a process of personal evolution which hinges on integrating those primal urges in a healthy, responsible and appropriate way. Others mileage may vary.

Again, thanks for the great post.

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ORIGINAL: MsIncognito

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How so? I'm curious as to how you think the culture of electronics and machines, as you put it, is somehow linked to a desire to understand the nature and intent of play. IMO, humans have always sought to understand themselves and their motivations. Well, many do. Some clearly do not and that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Introspection for the purposes of understanding and clarity is something I fully support. However, incessant navel gazing is a counter productive avoidance technique in my books. It can be a fine line between those two at times.

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i think we live in a culture (world wide) that is technology driven and can either bring us together ( as in this message board)or it can also serve to seperate us as well. ( facelss individuals on the internest) Where i agree that most people do eventually search for meaning in what we do, in our daily lives we are bomarded with cell phones computorized messages and automated systems. i think because of that, and perhaps in the course of my own journey, we are even more drawn to finding meaning in what we do especially in D/s and SM. And yes i agree it can be a fine line between avoidance and introspect... boy do i know that lol

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Although you may not have meant it in this way, I found you tend to use quite a few generalizations such as "we have all become slaves to technology" and I find those are not really accurate. I'll concede that many people have become slaves to technology but not all of us. I'm the first to admit that I'm an electronic gadget/toy whore. I love my integrated phone/PDA/web browser that fits neatly in my pocket. It's the coolest little thing. However, I'm not a slave to it. I have the ability to turn off my cell phone, computer, phone and TV and so does everyone else. These things are conveniences which should make our lives easier. If we allow them to become things which take over our lives then we need to re-evaluate how we use these technologies.

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You are right there are some generalizations here and perhaps i need to look at that in my writings. However "we are all slaves to technology" simply means that be damned if my comuptor doesnt connect when i want it to and my cell phone often gives people the ability to contact me regardless time or convience.. i am reminded that it has been years since i have hand written a letter. And the last car i was able to work on was a 1967 ford mustang. i note that when i call a business i get an automated menu directing to another automated menu. Its just a matter of being so reliant on technology that often makes us faceless in the world around us. It is for this reason i feel we find ourselve looking for the connection and the reason for that connection might very well be out of a desire to be seen, heard and felt as real people and not some nameless number.. Yes they do offer a convience but with that convience comes with a price.

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If anything I find that the problem is that these things leave us "too connected" but in a superficial way. I do not want everyone and their dog to be able to contact me on my cell phone whenever they feel like it. As a result only a handful of people have my cell number. I will never give it to my boss or anyone I feel will abuse it. The phone is for my convenience, not the convenience of others.

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Good point Ma'am

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Although I will agree that a spiritual approach to SM is in part about making sense of ourselves I think it can go far beyond that. For me it also contains an element of transcendance on a physical, emotional and psychological plane.

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Yes OMG yes

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Perhaps for some people there is no spiritual element to SM. In fact, I don't see anything wrong with engaging in play without ever feeling a need to make it spiritual. In part, I think some people want to add a spiritual element to SM because in their minds it elevates SM beyond just some freaky shit we enjoy. It helps to legitimize and elevate it so that when vanillas cock an eyebrow we can so "No, really, it's not just a kinky thing, it's a spiritual thing!" While some of us want, need or enjoy a spiritual element to our SM play I don't think it's necessary and I don't think it's any "better" because we choose to add that element to it.

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Exactly. my point was to say that i have been noting over the years that those people i knew back in the day doing casual play are now taking a more spiritual stance in what they do in D/s and SM. Please note there is no judgement here just and observation. Its kin to "why am i here what is the purpose in what i do and who i am?" Often deving int to consious and uncousious motives.

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Some do and some don't. Delving deeper is not required nor is one better than the other.

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Absolutly, i would offer that we often find ourselves at some point on our journey asking the above questions.. i personally am at that point.

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I don't think everyone floats around between these categories. Again, some do and others do not. I know some who are strictly endorphin players. They don't have a submissive bone in their body but they are masochists to the core. I know others for whom it's all foreplay and a prelude to intercourse.

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Perhaps. i am not sure if even the masochist isn't submitting to the Top during play. Even the masochist needs to submit for their time on the cross. Even the mosochist recongnizes that transision of self to another plane of existance even if it is only in the dungeon. His or her need to do so has its origians in tribel traditions dating as far back as history can show us. Perhaps at some point in the life of a masochist he or she will dicover the Why's to what they do and feel.

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Women have their rituals as well. Jewish girls have bat mitzvahs to mark the beginning of their journey into womanhood. Many native tribes also have rituals for females at puberty. Even in North American culture there are female rites of passage - first menses, first bra, first kiss, first date, etc. They may not be as elaborate as he rites of passage in some other cultures but they are nonetheless significant.

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Yes and i see us as humans as very ritualist anyway.. in SM and D/s i see those rights and rituals magnified... ie the collaring before play or how we structure things like protocol.

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Here I have to disagree. Some rites of passage may take the form of tests and have a spiritual focus but that is not necessary. IMO, a rite of passage is merely something that marks a significant turning point in a person's life. It does not have to be a test. It can be a noisey, raucus celebration (stag parties, anyone?) or it can be a quiet, solemn marker.

i think of this in terms of the transition from everyday life to the experiences we have either at home or in the dugeon and then back out into the world. And the scene that is difficult but is still completed is infact a test... just ask someone deathly afraid of needles and then does a needle scene. He or she can't help but feel the test of thier abilities to work through pain and fear.

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For some of us play can do those things but I would not equate it with a rite of passage. I think it can be a transforming experience for some or even many but that shouldn't be considered a forgone conclusion. While pain/play can assist in connectivity to ones self and to others (or more accurately the other(s) you are playing with) it is ultimately your willingness to be open to that connectivity that facilitates that transformation. Not every wants to or is capable of going there. They may have other vehicles for experiencing that connectivity that have nothing to do with SM play.

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Smiles i think perhaps we are thinking along the same lines

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Earlier on you said that play was a way to seperate from the dominant culture in order reconnect with our own bodies and who we are. Now you seem to be saying that play is NOT a way to seperate from the dominant culture but the opposite - so that would mean that play is a way in which to connect to the dominant culture? Sorry, I've lost your train of thought here.

oops>Perhaps there is no real way to fully disconnect from the dominant culture except in play. Even D/s is sometime infulanced by the demands of that culture. Those quiet spaces we share do disconnect us from the dominant culture and do very much reconnect us with our bodies in away that is often not accepted by the dominant culture. No! play does seem to allow us to seperate from the dominant culture. When we are opportating in the dominant culture, and this goes back to the technolgy theory, we are much less connected to our bodies and our spirit, when you compare it to the connectivness we feel when we are in a play session.

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A while back there was one of the usually insipid threads about how BDSMers are so much more highly evolved than vanillas and someone (can't remember who) made what I thought was a very interesting point. If BDSM is about tapping into our primal urges can we really consider ourselves more highly evolved or is it actually a process of devolution? I'd say that for me it is a process of personal evolution which hinges on integrating those primal urges in a healthy, responsible and appropriate way. Others mileage may vary.

i dont know if i can say that we as SMers are more evolved i woul dhave to think about that but i would be open to that idea based on what i have see of other more priamal cultures that use pain to transition, look at native american, and african culture which are still in practice today. In the essence of being more evolved i think the very nature of what we do and who we are neccitates a more concouses existance.

i realize in writing that sometimes i might be coming from a place that is different then others. i think we have to take a look at , is this play we are talking about or the over all relationship between two people. They can very well be percieved as two different view points..

Again thank you for your thought provoking questions. i hope that i have offered some clearity or at least cause for more questions... i enjoy looking inward for more questions and outward for more possible answers..

warmest regards
slave ziggy

Again, thanks for the great post.

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A well written article, but it tends to be from sort of a fanciful mindset.

To some play appears as an escape and a chance to be something they are not within their daily lives while to others it is an undeniable part of who they are and how they live. Some are merely acting upon instinctual and genetic traits within them from birth. To some life just wouldn't feel right living it any other way, and to them it sort of supercedes the generalities of societal structures or a desire to deviate from or alleviate yourself of them.

afmvdp

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So, if you are playing for the first time or have been playing for years, I invite you to look at what primitivism drives us to SM. What are your motives in SM and what is the personal gain you have in your play activities. I also invite you to look at the ritualism of the play you seek, and how it connects you to your mind, body and spirit.