RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person

RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (Full Version)

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silkncarol -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/13/2008 3:03:53 PM)
In the past i've dated some wonderful "vanilla" men who were dominant, kinky and incredible fun....they were open minded to many of my suggestions and well aware of my own interests...but...and it's a big BUT, they were not able to cross the mental line to enjoy BDSM.....we usually came up to the point where their upbringing of "never strike or hurt a woman" was ingrained too deeply to change. I've found i want and need the D/s, kink and also the BDSM. It is about meeting each others needs after all, and it's a big part of me. I'd like my partner to have an interest in the community, since i enjoy the munches and most of my friends are involved in the lifestyle..so i'd like to them to feel comfortable and willing to be involved. quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha Subs, if you met a dominant kinky person via normal social channels - dating, parties, friends, and found them to be outrageous, exciting, incredibly sexy, but they had no idea/did not care/did not want to know about the 'kinky community' - would that bother you? If this person hadn't read about S&M, had no idea about "safewords" but just seemed to rely on common sense, seemed very creative and adventurous but really not all into the idea of ever going to bdsm events, participating in discussions, etc....would that bother you? How many people do you think are out there, regularly practicing S&M, who really do not know about the bdsm community, have never read a bdsm book? Can a person be a well rounded partner without it? Akasha

sodsta -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/13/2008 3:59:48 PM)
I don't think there's anything wrong with people dating non-lifestyle kinky people, but I would personally prefer to date someone with an understanding and interest in BDSM, simply because I have an interest in it. I like to talk about BDSM since I'm fascinated with the psychology behind a lot of it and I'd want to be able to discuss it with my partner. I also enjoy going to clubs, events and munches, and I'd prefer my partner did, too. Also, if it's someone who isn't really into "BDSM" and is just a vanilla person who occasionally likes to "spice things up", who's to say how often you'd actually see any kink? They might only want to indulge in that sort of play every couple of months, and I would feel neither fulfilled or satisfied with that. So, no, personally, I wouldn't date someone like that.

Usako -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/13/2008 4:09:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Venatrix quote: ORIGINAL: Usako Can't spank someone all day . . . You can't? Sigh. Another fantasy bites the dust. Maybe with a spanking machine...[8\|]

monywildcat -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/13/2008 4:52:13 PM)
No, this would not bother me in the least. Sounds like this sort of person would be a perfect fit for me, and I would be happy if he found me. Oh, wait, he already did! I am now The Girlfriend! Yippee![sm=yahoo.gif]

IvyMorgan -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/13/2008 4:57:32 PM)
Yeah, this person sounds like fun, there is much more to me than kink, and finding someone to match with the "much more" is important to me. Matching with the kink is a must, be a secondary must, they can, afterall, be happy with me doing the kink thing elsewhere. Or course, if they are kinky, then, as far as I see, we can just share our kinky experiences, so whilst I like events, I can share those with them, and given I don't do that many, it's an occasional addition to the relationship which I enjoy and they might find interesting, I guess. Weirdly, there are people who interest me, in a relationship sense, and I know we don't match kink wise, but that doesn't bother me so much.

KatyLied -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/13/2008 5:18:05 PM)
quote: Absolutely without a doubt .... and actually preferred. Yeah. But they say the perfect guy doesn't exist.

Quivver -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/13/2008 6:07:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied quote: Absolutely without a doubt .... and actually preferred. Yeah. But they say the perfect guy doesn't exist. Agreed and I'm happy to say neither does the perfect woman. God knows no matter how close I come to perfection, I'm still full of flaws! [sm=duck.gif]

DMFParadox -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/13/2008 7:16:24 PM)
BDSM does one very important thing: it gives a rationale for a dominant-type beating a submissive type. It gives the dominant sharp teeth, and makes it o.k. for a submissive personality to be punished, to need to be punished, and to recover gracefully from the experience. It takes this dynamic away from strictly male/female roles, which have been declawed in this country anyway, and makes it about personality and the relationship.

daddysliloneds -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/13/2008 10:15:01 PM)
why would it bother me? i've never read a book on s/m and i've been a willing participant for about 30 or more years, and i've never been to a lifestyle event or consider myself to be a part of a lifestyle community. bring on the fun, freaky and kinky people with common sense! if they're not well rounded enough for anyone else, they are for me, because evidentally since i didn't join a group, go to a club or read a certain type of book, i'm not well rounded in the eyes of many, and i'm perfectly okay with that fact.

Deliena -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/14/2008 7:50:40 AM)
My Master is just that, non-lifestyler but plenty kinky when we met. Having talked about our fantasies, favourite things to do, nice-to-have's, needs, wants, dislikes, hates etc. we've found a BDSM dynamic that fits us (yay!) I'm the girlfriend, the slut, the slave, the friend and sometimes the one who has to point him in the direction of some interesting research. It works really well.

bloodquail -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/14/2008 9:24:36 AM)
It would bother me that they had no interest in learning. I don't think participation in the community is necessary unless you're doing things that are risky and require training to do properly - breath play, fire play, single tails, etc. If you're just into spanking, flogging, D/s, and that sort of thing, then by all means have fun on your own. But please at least read a book so you know what's safe to hit.

Skyfire -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/14/2008 12:24:16 PM)
I actually prefer meeting people like this. The Boston community is rather incestuous in that everyone knows each other and carries those preconceived notions of who and what everyone is. If someone is into getting tied up and spanked, and has no idea what WIITWD (god I had that acronym) its a fun and new experience when someone does it well for the first time. There are obviously pitfalls as with any other relationship, most of these women will not want to kneel at your feet or polish your boots, but fun kinky play is from the heart rather than something they have to endure for the sake of their dom.

Onionlake -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/14/2008 2:36:00 PM)
It could be a good thing. No preconcieved notions, no bdsm/ds dogma. This stuff has existed before print. We just have words these days that folks didn't have in the past to speak about WIITWD. I think thats the first time I've typed out that acronym. A special moment. It could be a bad thing. It's important to speak the same language, as it were. Subdrop, domspace - these and many other words are helpful in modern bdsm/ds communication. If one's partner has no idea what one is talking about, it could be a disaster. Also, I don't know if anyone else experiences this but I've found that if a person is attracted to me, there's a pretty good chance that they are bent. Do we emit some kind of energy or a vibe that other pervs can pick up on? Yup I do believe so.

MischiefSF -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/15/2008 9:53:46 AM)
This is my preference as well; I have attended munches and such and not met anyone whom I really connected with on a personal level. Since D/s and intimacy are closely linked for me I need to connect with someone in other spheres beyond just our kinks. I really prefer to meet people through the natural course of my life. Unfortunately this seems easier said than done. I meet a lot of women and date a lot, and I have only found a handful with whom I can share this part of myself. This creates a tension because there are so many aspects of myself that I long to explore yet obviously I can't explore D/s by myself. [;)] I am starting to think I may need to begin reaching into new channels of meeting people in pools where I am more likely to find someone who wants to experience similar adventures as I do, but I'm not sure as yet what those channels will be. I will say from experience that while there are many advantages to meeting people who just so happen to be fun, freaky, and kinky there are drawbacks to playing with people who haven't educated themselves about this kind of play and are just learning about it within themselves. BDSM is playing with fire. It brings out raw, primal emotions in people. It requires deep levels of trust and care. I'm currently in a situation where I was dating someone who started dominating me and it was completely amazing. Unfortunately, I wasn't (and still am not) certain if we attach the same intimacy to our play. I know where I stand, but I think she is still trying to figure that out within herself. I feel like it would be much cleaner to be negotiating with someone who was familiar with and knowledgable about this aspect of themself, and who could have been clear with me going in what their intentions were.

BusinessDaddy -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/15/2008 12:59:12 PM)
What's most important is that this person is aware of your involvement in the community and will support your involvement as it appears to be an important part of your life.

WhiplashSmile2 -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/15/2008 1:22:24 PM)
In many regards reading some of these posts are rather disheartening. I've come to the conclusion that many of us feel a bit alienated in some form by the local BDSM communities. I have always held the belief that anybody who was into at least ONE letter of what BDSM stands for, that they should be more then welcome to identify and associate themselves with it. Be it, from mild to wild. From the simple to the extremes. Face it, many of us all have a common interest in kink, or some form of relationship dynamic. Everything that we do is based on human interaction. Mutual wants, needs and desires of some form. I've met many wonderful people who were kinky that identified with or do not identify with "the lifestyle". I wish I could blame it all on Hollywood images and notions about BDSM and what it is we do. However, it's become painful clear that many of the local BDSM communities have alienated people on some level. I was into BDSM way before I knew or understood what it was. BDSM is simply part of my life and who I am. I've never been a hardcore Munch event attendee nor do I spend my weekends and free times hanging out at Public Dungeons and such. In terms of my own personal sense of BDSM community on a larger scale, this message board has been my most serious involvement in any BDSM community on a regular basis. I actually find at the times, the topics to be somewhat interesting. That for the most part, we all are simply a group of human beings coming together to talk about specific things. I think many people have grown so much from using this message board, and have had the pleasure to get to know people outside of their local 60 mile radius. I know I don't feel the desire to show off my flogging skills and abilities in front of a crowd of people to somehow validate who and what I'm into. There's always been the kink and sexual aspects of BDSM that I've very much into. However, there is also the whole relationship aspects that I'm into as well. It's just not limited to D/s or M/s either with me. There are other options such as Dom couples. All and all, we are just a group of people with common or similar interests. The levels we take things to, and what we do is somewhat different from person to person.

kinkbound -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/15/2008 11:43:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hardbodysub quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha Subs, if you met a dominant kinky person via normal social channels - dating, parties, friends, and found them to be outrageous, exciting, incredibly sexy, but they had no idea/did not care/did not want to know about the 'kinky community' - would that bother you? If this person hadn't read about S&M, had no idea about "safewords" but just seemed to rely on common sense, seemed very creative and adventurous but really not all into the idea of ever going to bdsm events, participating in discussions, etc....would that bother you? How many people do you think are out there, regularly practicing S&M, who really do not know about the bdsm community, have never read a bdsm book? Can a person be a well rounded partner without it? Akasha None of the above would bother me in the least. Most of what one needs to know in all of this is achievable through common sense. And, frankly, I think a lot of people have been too fully indoctrinated, to the point where they strictly and thoughtlessly follow rules and protocols learned from books and the bdsm community. Yup, what he said.

msprudence -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/16/2008 7:50:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Usako Can't spank someone all day.... Actually, you can spank someone all day. I have.

Deliena -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/16/2008 8:21:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: msprudence quote: ORIGINAL: Usako Can't spank someone all day.... Actually, you can spank someone all day. I have. HOT!

hardbodysub -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/16/2008 9:59:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: msprudence quote: ORIGINAL: Usako Can't spank someone all day.... Actually, you can spank someone all day. I have. I dunno. I usually find the first 22 hours are great, but it gets a little repetitious by the 23rd hour. Sheesh!

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