Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

new things in my life


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> new things in my life Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
new things in my life - 8/1/2004 1:25:21 PM   
cheeba0228


Posts: 230
Joined: 7/27/2004
From: Detroit
Status: offline 		I know this is kind of a journal entry. But I wanted some advice on what to do or if anyone else has been in this position. I spent the night last night with a sub that I met locally. She is involved (has a hubby) but is looking for someone to play with. He does not mind, I have talked with him at length about it and he seems o.k. with it as long as its purely sexual and not emotional at all. Which I would say so far it is, I know that sounds bad but its all been for fun. She served me Yesterday evening and at night, she learned various commands, postures, and positions last night. We had fun with some toys, and had sex. Oral, anal, and vaginal. Protected of course. She woke me at about 5 am and told me she had to get back home to tend to her family, and asked permission to leave. I granted it and she proceeded to get dressed and leave. She wants to come back over tonight to pick up where we left off. Now I have a lot of fun with her, and find her attractive, and from what I know she feels the same. We are not in love by any means. Nor do I think it will progress to that. What I am afraid of is missing the opportunity to be with someone who is looking for an emotional relationship just because I play with her. So I guess what I'm asking is would you turn down a potential Dom/sub just because they are currently playing with someone else? I am willing to stop if I meet that person but I cant see a reason to deprive myself of pleasure for someone that I have not found yet. Anyone have any ideas?

_____________________________

LIFE'S JOURNEY IS NOT TO ARRIVE AT THE GRAVE SAFELY IN A WELL PRESERVED
BODY, BUT RATHER TO SKID IN SIDEWAYS, TOTALLY WORN OUT, SHOUTING "HOLY
SHIT......WHAT A RIDE!

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: new things in my life - 8/1/2004 3:01:39 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I don't see any problem with what you are doing. It would be the same if you were dating in the vanilla world. You aren't expected to be a monk until you find someone. Just be careful. Many women have a hard time keeping feelings from developing even when they say they won't. You don't want to find yourself in a messy situation. Good luck.

(in reply to cheeba0228)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: new things in my life - 8/1/2004 3:39:01 PM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

Many women have a hard time keeping feelings from developing even when they say they won't. You don't want to find yourself in a messy situation. Good luck.


*coughs rather loudly*

...and why may it just be the woman who may have emotions develop?...there are just as many men who can become emotionally involved as women...

(not meaning to sound all liberated... I just hate stereotyping)

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: new things in my life - 8/1/2004 5:08:01 PM   
Leonidas


Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline 		There are situations like the one that you are in where the married couple is really OK with the fact that their marriage is going to be "open". For every one of those, there are probably several where the situation that you describe is you walking into a marriage that is on its way down for the count. Those situations can get messy, or downright ugly. All I can tell you, my brother, is that whatever this woman is giving you had best be worth the grief that you are likely as not buying for yourself.

As far as whether or not it will hinder you in finding a more serious relationship, that will depend on the woman that you'd like to get serious with. If your dream slave would turn her nose up at someone who plays casually, you may have a problem. Rightly or wrongly, some women look for men who wouldn't think of sport-fucking someone else's little woman. Other women don't really care, as long as you're willing to give up what you have to get serious with them. Still other women wouldn't even mind if you continued to sport-fuck the other guy's old lady once in a while as long as they got to join in the fun. I guess you need to ask yourself whether you're likely to be interested in a woman who would be somewhat tight-assed about the situation.

Take care of yourself

Leonidas

< Message edited by Leonidas -- 8/1/2004 5:12:36 PM >

(in reply to cheeba0228)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: new things in my life - 8/1/2004 5:25:23 PM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		To echo myself (again), it depends on the situation and people in it. What sort of woman are you looking for? That'll give you a lot of your answers.

I agree that it's difficult for people to have on-going intimate relations without developing some sort of emotional attachment. The trick is keeping that emotional attachment in perspective. Both of you. It sounds easier than it can be.

My advice would be to be very clear about your personal boundaries and never compromise them. If you say "it's not ok for you to come here just because you're pissed off at your husband" then never back down on that. If you say "I will never keep a secret from your husband" then don't.

Perhaps something you haven't thought of is suppose you find the ideal submissive who doesn't care if you're not monogomous but the current submissive can't deal with you being with someone else? I know it sounds far-fetched...how could she if she's doing yadayada...but trust me...this happens all the time (having lived this very thing from a sub, I know).

Good luck with it, I hope you never need it.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to cheeba0228)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: new things in my life - 8/1/2004 5:36:57 PM   
subbiejenn


Posts: 631
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline 		i don't see anything wrong with this Adults are allowed to make decisions and if they both agree why not? i would be careful that feelings do not change and always ask cause it is hard not to develop feelings with someone Y/you are intimate with.

i actually have a relationship kinda similar to this... When i first started in the lifestyle (online reading and talking) the real life wasn't there for me but after doing a lot of reading i wanted to FEEL it.. i met a Dom who took me in as His student. He is however married and no wishes of changing that. i went into the relationship knowing He was my Mentor/Teacher and nothing more, and i have told Him once i find the Dom who will be more for me i will not see Him like i do now. W/we have had no problems with how W/we work this (been almost 2 years now), i care deeply for Him but i keep my feelings for Him as my Mentor (friend). At first it was hard to do this, the mental aspects of D/s are very emotional but He always made sure i was keeping Him in the place i needed too. He actually helps me with finding a Dom to spend my life with, talks to me, makes sure i am keeping safe when i plan to meet a Dom in r/l. W/we talk about how i feel about potential Doms and if any red flags come up for me, anything that makes me feel uneasy, even a couple He has spoke to Himself.

my only suggestion is watch for any feelings that maybe developing that shouldn't.

good luck with it, and have fun!

_____________________________

~Subspace is my perfect paradise vacation from busy-mind... blessed be to the Dominant who can stamp my ticket there.~

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"

(in reply to cheeba0228)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: new things in my life - 8/1/2004 6:35:03 PM   
cheeba0228


Posts: 230
Joined: 7/27/2004
From: Detroit
Status: offline 		messy situation................exactly what I'm trying to avoid.

_____________________________

LIFE'S JOURNEY IS NOT TO ARRIVE AT THE GRAVE SAFELY IN A WELL PRESERVED
BODY, BUT RATHER TO SKID IN SIDEWAYS, TOTALLY WORN OUT, SHOUTING "HOLY
SHIT......WHAT A RIDE!


(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: new things in my life - 8/1/2004 6:40:21 PM   
cheeba0228


Posts: 230
Joined: 7/27/2004
From: Detroit
Status: offline 		WEll you raise a couple of good points So I'll ask in return. Is the marriage on its way down for the count. He's o.k. with it so long as he doesnt have to hear about it or know whats happening. (he knows we see each other, assumes we're fucking which is true but doesnt know its D/s play) Is this the kind thats on its way out. I may be wise beyond my years but my years are still only 28. Secondly I want a sub that would not mind casual playing, yet at the same time if I find one that does not want it, I'm not saying thats a total imposibility. I mean no one will fulfill every single want there is a level of tolerance.

_____________________________

LIFE'S JOURNEY IS NOT TO ARRIVE AT THE GRAVE SAFELY IN A WELL PRESERVED
BODY, BUT RATHER TO SKID IN SIDEWAYS, TOTALLY WORN OUT, SHOUTING "HOLY
SHIT......WHAT A RIDE!


(in reply to Leonidas)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: new things in my life - 8/1/2004 6:42:09 PM   
cheeba0228


Posts: 230
Joined: 7/27/2004
From: Detroit
Status: offline 		Thank you for your advice, it brings me a whole new set of worries. But I guess better that I should know them ahead of time.

_____________________________

LIFE'S JOURNEY IS NOT TO ARRIVE AT THE GRAVE SAFELY IN A WELL PRESERVED
BODY, BUT RATHER TO SKID IN SIDEWAYS, TOTALLY WORN OUT, SHOUTING "HOLY
SHIT......WHAT A RIDE!


(in reply to MizSuz)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: new things in my life - 8/1/2004 6:44:10 PM   
cheeba0228


Posts: 230
Joined: 7/27/2004
From: Detroit
Status: offline 		thats the whole idea here for me is to have fun and not have it affect my search.

_____________________________

LIFE'S JOURNEY IS NOT TO ARRIVE AT THE GRAVE SAFELY IN A WELL PRESERVED
BODY, BUT RATHER TO SKID IN SIDEWAYS, TOTALLY WORN OUT, SHOUTING "HOLY
SHIT......WHAT A RIDE!


(in reply to subbiejenn)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: new things in my life - 8/1/2004 7:23:34 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		When I was seasrching for a Dominant I came across this same sort of situation.
I'm not even going to talk about the messieness of the whole situation. Aside from saying...beware. It's hard to screw someone and not have any sort of feelings develop.

Anyway, back to the situation I was in. I was seeking a monogamous relationship. I made that very clear to all I spoke to. You would'nt believe the amount of people that just think you will settle for dirt when you want caviar.
Anyway, after 9 months of online chat and munches with a certain Dominant. He used to come home each and every night and sign onto the pc to speak with me. I made up some tests. Well one evening he was late. I comically said "what, did you spend too much time with your sub tonight you were late getting home?" He replied something to the effect of yes she was being an imp.
Of course within seconds crap hit the fan. I told him all negotiations were ended. It was not meant to be. I was told I was overreacting and it would be his way. I said no, until submission it is my way.
Anyway, if he had communicated to me he was screwing this other woman until he chose one for himself. I would have been fine with it. Although he never did. I may have had questions since the two of us were seriously talking..as to why he felt he needed to be out there screwing others.
Anyway the moral of the story is communicate. Be honest. If I'm going to get hurt in the long run I'd like to at least have a heads up about it. Therefore I can decide myself if I want to carry on.
My Dom and I have been together for 5 1/2 years now. This happened a good year before I met my Dom. That man is still alone....hmm wonder why?

(in reply to cheeba0228)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: new things in my life - 8/1/2004 7:49:04 PM   
cheeba0228


Posts: 230
Joined: 7/27/2004
From: Detroit
Status: offline 		Congrats on Finding your One. And thank you for relaying your experience with me. I'm just trying to get a bunch of scenarios and experiences from others before making my final decision. I dont want to just jump to a decision, and at the same time I dont want to over react. I have a feeling that I'm caught into something that I'll just procrastinate in until it blows up in my face.

_____________________________

LIFE'S JOURNEY IS NOT TO ARRIVE AT THE GRAVE SAFELY IN A WELL PRESERVED
BODY, BUT RATHER TO SKID IN SIDEWAYS, TOTALLY WORN OUT, SHOUTING "HOLY
SHIT......WHAT A RIDE!


(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: new things in my life - 8/1/2004 8:45:48 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		It can be very hard to keep feelings out of this kind of a relationship. I was married when i had a 6 mo affair with my first r/l dom. He fell in love with me. I was never in love with him, just loved what we did. When i had to break it off that caused a lot of problems--jealousy, cyberstalking, hurtful lies, phone calls, etc. Be very careful.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to cheeba0228)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: new things in my life - 8/1/2004 9:05:14 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Many does not mean all. And sometimes sterotypes are true. That is why they are sterotypes.

(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: new things in my life - 8/1/2004 10:38:44 PM   
Leonidas


Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline 		I personally would say yes, that is a marriage that is on its way down the tubes. What you are describing there isn't support on his part for her being submissive to other men, it is resignation . Basically "OK, I'll accept the old lady fucking around as long as it isn't thrown in my face too much". Danger Will Robinson. Sometimes men like that will just accept being the cuckhold, other times, they will stew in their own juices for a bit, and then decide that she's nothing but a [blank] and a [blank] [blanking] piece of [blank]-[blank]. Guess who she's going to turn to when he either hits the road, or sends her down it? You guessed it. And, my brother, that is the best case scenario.

I think that your big head needs to have an urgent and heartfelt talk with your little head as soon as a meeting can be arranged.

Just my opinion, but you did ask.

Take care of yourself

Leonidas

< Message edited by Leonidas -- 8/1/2004 10:40:06 PM >

(in reply to cheeba0228)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: new things in my life - 8/2/2004 2:44:04 AM   
MistressDREAD


Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		cuckholding is a well accepted practice
and every one faces its practice differently
but all partys involved are agreeable to its practice.
Not everyone into a physical relationship purly
for the sex become emotionally attached. Those
whom seek such out side a set relationship do so
many times to feed an addiction or fill a well
known void in the original relationship and never
become emotionally involved with it and are detached.

The situation you have availed your self into
tells Me that it is allright for you to be in
alternate relationships there for I would say
for you to look into your self and deciede what
kind of relationship you truly are looking for
because if it is a mono one then whom you seek
will not accept what you are into currently and
will want to be the only person in your life but
if it is a poly then those that you find will have no
issue in bringing in another one into the relationship.
If you seek either one or more to be intimate with for
a lifetime but still desire out side contacts I suggest
being single for a while longer and continue to sow
your wild oats. When its time to settle for what ever it
is you seek You will know. Those whom come in contact
with You and desire You will accept You as they found You
there for be true to Your self and not worry about what
the other one will want. Enjoy the ride and sumone will
hop on if they like the same ride. JMO

(in reply to Leonidas)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: new things in my life - 8/2/2004 5:55:18 AM   
cheeba0228


Posts: 230
Joined: 7/27/2004
From: Detroit
Status: offline 		nicely put and I like the Danger Will Robinson referance its killer. No not from teh newer movie from the classic.

_____________________________

LIFE'S JOURNEY IS NOT TO ARRIVE AT THE GRAVE SAFELY IN A WELL PRESERVED
BODY, BUT RATHER TO SKID IN SIDEWAYS, TOTALLY WORN OUT, SHOUTING "HOLY
SHIT......WHAT A RIDE!


(in reply to Leonidas)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: new things in my life - 8/2/2004 5:59:37 AM   
cheeba0228


Posts: 230
Joined: 7/27/2004
From: Detroit
Status: offline 		Well your making very good points and I plan to sit down and talk with Her tonight and both my little head and my big head will be there. But now I have an interesting dilema. After thinking and putting some real serious thought into this. I have made up my mind that if she left him and wanted a full time relationship I might have to seriously consider it a posibility. However I under no circumstance want to be the reason that she leaves him or vice versa. If it happens so be it. So now how do I relay this to her without choosing the wrong words that would make her think I do want that from her right now? See my problem. Another issue now is I mean no ill will towards the man she would be leaving I dont really care about him, but at the same time I do not mean to be the cause of any distress for him. Luckily he doesnt know where I live.

_____________________________

LIFE'S JOURNEY IS NOT TO ARRIVE AT THE GRAVE SAFELY IN A WELL PRESERVED
BODY, BUT RATHER TO SKID IN SIDEWAYS, TOTALLY WORN OUT, SHOUTING "HOLY
SHIT......WHAT A RIDE!


(in reply to MistressDREAD)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: new things in my life - 8/2/2004 7:03:03 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

Many does not mean all. And sometimes sterotypes are true. That is why they are sterotypes.


and sometimes sterotypes are lies used to either make some feel 'better' or superior... or to cause wars... arguments and hatred.

Sterotypes are created but the fearful, to deny the truth and prevent freedom of others.

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: new things in my life - 8/2/2004 9:58:53 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDREAD
... I would say for you to look into your self and deciede what kind of relationship you truly are looking for...


I believe Dread has a point here. You have to figure out what's write for you. You have great accounts of what other people have gone through but ultimately, you have to figure out what you can handle.

More interesting thoughts on this can be found in the thread Married? Married! in the Ask a Domme section.

Good luck, whatever you choose.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to MistressDREAD)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> new things in my life Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078