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RE: Weirdness: Domme Insecurity - 11/29/2005 7:45:17 PM   
BeachBear


Posts: 30
Joined: 10/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

somehow I would never expect that they were--now that I know you are in NC gawd---I get why the invites went to you and why She was " shunned"--I wish you both well---oh and some advice-- we Dommes lovingly call this area the testosterone belt---it seems that the Doms tend to stick together and ahem think that female Domination rather a joke--and shun or exclude them--in favor of Male supremacy----it all makes sense now---


I actually live in another state, but spend a good deal of time in NC. Good to know about the "old boy" network in the background. Where I think some of the theory breaks down a bit is that all of the invites, save one, have come from Dommes, not Doms.

Curiouser and curiouser,

-bear

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Weirdness: Domme Insecurity - 11/29/2005 7:45:29 PM   
LindaLashes


Posts: 170
Joined: 10/28/2005
Status: offline
quote:

we Dommes lovingly call this area the testosterone belt---it seems that the Doms tend to stick together and ahem think that female Domination rather a joke--and shun or exclude them--in favor of Male supremacy----it all makes sense now---


Aren´t you all just afraid of female domination?

_____________________________

Smack me around and call me Suzy...

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Weirdness: Domme Insecurity - 11/29/2005 9:37:36 PM   
Mythy


Posts: 22
Joined: 9/15/2005
Status: offline 		OK I am flying in the face of all that has been said here and although I agree with alot of it I do believe that the Domme in this situation has to take some blame. After all any BDSM relationship is just that a "relationship" and as with any other relationship it takes two to make it work and two to make it fail.

I use to be with a Gentleman (we were both Dominants) but he was far more outgoing then I. When we started attending events he was able to be much more outgoing then I was. Would it have been fair to blame him for my lack of ability to be as outgoing? No. That was something I had to work on myself which I was able to and soon I found that I was able to take a deep breath and be outgoing as well even though inside I was still nervous.

I think perhaps this sub has done some things that he could perhaps change but I think that the Domme also needs to be honest with herself and realize that if she isn't willing to be outgoing and the one that is willing to step forward always expecting her sub to do it then its only natural it will be her sub that is soon remembered and she is just the shadow.

Just my thoughts on it anyhow.

Mythy

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Weirdness: Domme Insecurity - 11/30/2005 4:51:45 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Here is another detail not brought up yet----there is no more unpopular person in the world than a single femdom. (yes, even single men get more invites than we do)

What do you do with a single domme, if there are no male subs to shove in her direction, and no females invited who play with women? Well, more often than not, you don't invite her!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to Mythy)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Weirdness: Domme Insecurity - 11/30/2005 5:30:53 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		LOL, yep, that's why I keep a list of rentasubs handy---and why I don't play here, I go to Hotlanta---

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Weirdness: Domme Insecurity - 11/30/2005 7:12:02 AM   
BeachBear


Posts: 30
Joined: 10/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Here is another detail not brought up yet----there is no more unpopular person in the world than a single femdom. (yes, even single men get more invites than we do)

What do you do with a single domme, if there are no male subs to shove in her direction, and no females invited who play with women? Well, more often than not, you don't invite her!


While the above doesn't really pertain to my Domina (she has three in "lower" collars, and now me), I have noticed a plethora of unaccompanied Dommes at some of the local functions. At the last social, someone came up with a ratio of about 4:1 Dommes to subs. The head scratcher, to me, is that I know a ton of nice gents (subs) that would love to be collared, and are associated with the above mentioned organization. Seems like there are a lot of potential serviceable D/s relationships that are going wanting. (Either that, or a bunch of people have standards that no one seems to reach).

-b

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Weirdness: Domme Insecurity - 11/30/2005 7:57:09 AM   
LindaLashes


Posts: 170
Joined: 10/28/2005
Status: offline 		I haven´t been to any local functions or partys, yet, but I know that the Domme/sub ratio over here is quite different and obvious. I don´t have any statistics but It´s widely known that the scene in Iceland is overflowing with lonely subs and too few dommes to claim them as pets. Guess I´m one of the lucky subs



_____________________________

Smack me around and call me Suzy...

(in reply to BeachBear)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Weirdness: Domme Insecurity - 11/30/2005 8:04:39 AM   
QueenRah


Posts: 380
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachBear

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

and the invite was a slight, I would have expected My sub to turn to Me and say Mistress, your thoughts please---


... and I did. "Dr, we're having a cutting party at a private residence next Saturday Night, would you honor us by attending? Oh... your Lady as well". "Domina, what is your desire?" "I'll take a look at our schedule, and have you respond, thanks Sir "T" for the invite".


Simple manners are generally not lost on me, nor sensitivity to my Domme/Lover's feelings.

-bear


The initial exclusion of your Lady from invitation to the upcoming private party, was either an inadvertant, albeit rude, oversight, or a deliberate and very low-classed slight on the part of the person who invited you. Perhaps history has informed your new comrades that she is not the social butterfly and probably would not attend, or that she has not been the most enjoyable party mate. It would be in her best interest to discuss this with one or more of her more trustworthy fellows (if there are any) to determine the reasons behind their continual exclusion of Her August Self. If they exclude her out of habit, she can communicate the determination to improve *her* retiring habit, or not. If they are excluding her because she's not well-liked, she can determine whether these people deserve to be in her company, or not; and if she needs to make any changes to that end, as well.

QueenRah



< Message edited by QueenRah -- 11/30/2005 8:10:58 AM >

_____________________________

Life's too short to drink cheap booze!

(in reply to BeachBear)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Weirdness: Domme Insecurity - 11/30/2005 8:20:18 AM   
QueenRah


Posts: 380
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachBear

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

somehow I would never expect that they were--now that I know you are in NC gawd---I get why the invites went to you and why She was " shunned"--I wish you both well---oh and some advice-- we Dommes lovingly call this area the testosterone belt---it seems that the Doms tend to stick together and ahem think that female Domination rather a joke--and shun or exclude them--in favor of Male supremacy----it all makes sense now---


I actually live in another state, but spend a good deal of time in NC. Good to know about the "old boy" network in the background. Where I think some of the theory breaks down a bit is that all of the invites, save one, have come from Dommes, not Doms.

Curiouser and curiouser,

-bear



Ur...I haven't had that experience with being shunned by or considered a "sub-wannabe" by the dominant males with whom I've socialized...at least, not to my face. (I'm a North Carolinian). They've actually been quite polite and congenial and seem to treat me as a human being. I have noticed, however, that the number of *viable* male submissives (single, unattached, service- rather than self-oriented, physically, emotionally and morally compatible, local, etc), who have approached me, is rather low.

bear, darlin', I wouldn't mind if you'd make that list of willing boys available! LOL!

QueenRah

_____________________________

Life's too short to drink cheap booze!

(in reply to BeachBear)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Weirdness: Domme Insecurity - 11/30/2005 11:41:09 AM   
BeachBear


Posts: 30
Joined: 10/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: QueenRah


quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachBear

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

somehow I would never expect that they were--now that I know you are in NC gawd---I get why the invites went to you and why She was " shunned"--I wish you both well---oh and some advice-- we Dommes lovingly call this area the testosterone belt---it seems that the Doms tend to stick together and ahem think that female Domination rather a joke--and shun or exclude them--in favor of Male supremacy----it all makes sense now---


I actually live in another state, but spend a good deal of time in NC. Good to know about the "old boy" network in the background. Where I think some of the theory breaks down a bit is that all of the invites, save one, have come from Dommes, not Doms.

Curiouser and curiouser,

-bear



Ur...I haven't had that experience with being shunned by or considered a "sub-wannabe" by the dominant males with whom I've socialized...at least, not to my face. (I'm a North Carolinian). They've actually been quite polite and congenial and seem to treat me as a human being. I have noticed, however, that the number of *viable* male submissives (single, unattached, service- rather than self-oriented, physically, emotionally and morally compatible, local, etc), who have approached me, is rather low.

bear, darlin', I wouldn't mind if you'd make that list of willing boys available! LOL!

QueenRah


LOL! Anything to help a fellow Carolinian! I do know a few, some of which have sterling reps as submissives, just out of a relationship at the moment. In addition, some of the Carolina groups feature a "trolling night" that gives those who need a collar/ want to collar, a chance to chat in a room. Someone interests you, you can always contact another Domme on the list to see if the boy is as good as he thinks he is <evil grin>.


respectfully,

-bear

(in reply to QueenRah)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Weirdness: Domme Insecurity - 11/30/2005 7:32:43 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachBear

My Thanks to all. I will probably forward all invites, asking that my Domina CC me with response (whenever possible), this will somewhat force social interaction, and create bonds between her and the folks that I already have created bonds with. It was kind of sad last Saturday night when, right in front of my Domina, I was asked to a rather advanced private party, and then the invite was (as a sedond thought) then directed to her. I know that the reason that I was invited was that there will be a lot of scapel work, and I am a physician (kinda good to have one around), but it seemed a slight to my lady, and I did my best to ameliorate any bad feelings.


I'm going to suggest something else.

I can't imagine ignoring a dominant in front of her/his sub like this. I personally think that is very rude.

Do these friends of yours not know of your Ds dynamic?

Having you carry on the social aspects of the social relationships for you both should not, in my not particularly humble opinion right now, negate recognization that she is the dominant. I believe you should perhaps have a discussion with your friends (it seems they are in the scene, yes) and ask them to please address your mistress first. You don't need to tell them why but if they ask, you could simply explain that you would really appreciate them acknowledging this relationship you're in by simply addressing the lady first in this case.

While your mistress's feeling are her feelings, she really shouldn't have it both ways -- get upset when folks talk to you first or invite you first AND expect you to be the social butterfly. By asking others to acknowledge her first though she can then reply as you say she later did and indicate you should carry on the conversation or that you will deliever her decisions.


_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to BeachBear)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Weirdness: Domme Insecurity - 12/2/2005 10:48:28 AM   
MsElle


Posts: 20
Joined: 4/1/2005
Status: offline 		As onceburned noted earlier - I think the thing you should focus on (and, honestly, where I think your question was focused to begin with) is on your Domme and how you can meet her personal needs in this situation.

Is she being totally fair and rational? Maybe not. But who among us is perfect? The point is, what she is feeling here seems to be a little 'left out' - even if this is really due to her own lack of outgoing social butterfly skills (the area where you excel) it doesn't diminish the fact that this emotional reaction is negative and not what either one of you wants. Since you do have the necessary communication skills together to know that this is the problem (challenge #1), the best thing for you to do is address the issue directly and not worry yourself with the appropriateness or intentions of those marginally associated with the situation. Put your focus entirely on HER and the attention that you have garnered through your outgoing nature will naturally be deflected onto her.

Mind you, the simple suggestions such as having others cc your Domme in all invites, deferring directly to her when receiving them in public, and making a point of noting the importance of your D/s relationship with your Domme with those you know in the lifestyle are all very good suggestions, but they all work to the same goal - putting your focus on your Lady. It is difficult sometimes, for an outgoing and social person to not get wrapped up in the socialization and be the center of attention (being a very social person myself I know how this goes), but, in this situation, you might try to consciously deflect that attention to HER - whether directly, if she is nearby, or through your obvious devotion of word and action - never letting your love of being the 's' to her 'D' leave the spotlight.

And, of course, continue to communicate with her as you go to see what works and how she feels. I'm sure that she will come to enjoy having you as her 'social secretary' once she is assured of the essential nature of her happiness to you - and that your relationship comes before all your social doings.

~MsElle

(in reply to BeachBear)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Weirdness: Domme Insecurity - 12/2/2005 11:12:32 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Three in LOWER collars?? meaning they are collared below the belt? ok ok I couldn't resist, hmm collar levels... interesting--

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to BeachBear)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Weirdness: Domme Insecurity - 12/2/2005 1:24:34 PM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		Aren´t you all just afraid of female domination?
========

not pointed at any one person here.......

but just to set the record straight.......from my personal experiences.......re: this party thing with invitations?
i personally have seen some very catty Ladies that like to back-bite and have seen first hand,,,those that have deliberately said don't have such n such here coz they caused such an uproar scene last time...or the ones they brought embarrassed me.
ergo
'a' domme i knew...in calif..brought 'a' girl sub..to 'a' party my Ma'am had given..and the sub was being slutty to all the males and even went so far as to break the "house rules" as to putting a mle-member in her mouth and playing with the male...it caused such a scene.....
so the Domme that brought this girl was black balled, as well as the girl sub too.


so there are issues everywhere.......i just hope this Domme in question with the male sub doing the secretarial stuff...didnt make someone mad..before-he-got-there???????


happy holidays



_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to LindaLashes)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Weirdness: Domme Insecurity - 12/6/2005 12:22:26 PM   
L8txVixen


Posts: 1
Joined: 12/29/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LindaLashes

I haven´t been to any local functions or partys, yet, but I know that the Domme/sub ratio over here is quite different and obvious. I don´t have any statistics but It´s widely known that the scene in Iceland is overflowing with lonely subs and too few dommes to claim them as pets. Guess I´m one of the lucky subs




Believe me, it's the same here in NC.

Ms Vix

(in reply to LindaLashes)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Weirdness: Domme Insecurity - 12/6/2005 3:48:35 PM   
sunshine333


Posts: 203
Joined: 8/16/2005
Status: offline 		Beach Bear ... things have a way of falling into place.

when i first met my Master he told me that he needed a woman's presense in his home ... a woman's touch. lord was he right! it seemed clear that was a part of my purpose there, part of my service to him ... to make his house a home. he was very supportive and encouraging at first ... but then my attemps were met with resistance. i persevered though and continued making suggestions of things that we needed to buy and do for the home. shoping trips became stressful and his encouragement lessened.

he had a friend at the house the other day and, while eating some homemade bread, he commented on how well the house was coming together ... how nice everything looked. my Master smiled, agreeing, and gave me the credit. i knew he was pleased. after all ... he got what he wanted.

sometimes we have to work "against" our Owners in order to work "for" them. it's a tough job ... but somebody's gotta do it.

hang in there.

humbly,
sunshine

(in reply to BeachBear)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Weirdness: Domme Insecurity - 12/6/2005 4:10:15 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshine333

sometimes we have to work "against" our Owners in order to work "for" them. it's a tough job ... but somebody's gotta do it.



Not only this, but sometimes you have to be assertive and speak out and tell us what to do. That's part of giving good service and caring for one's owner/mistress/master; at least in my household it is.


_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to sunshine333)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Weirdness: Domme Insecurity - 12/6/2005 4:16:49 PM   
Cloudz


Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

and the invite was a slight, I would have expected My sub to turn to Me and say Mistress, your thoughts please---


Lovely response!

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."


(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Weirdness: Domme Insecurity - 12/6/2005 4:20:19 PM   
Cloudz


Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline 		You have already received many good replies. I would add thst you are new and extroverted so you would generate some excitment. I would simply forward all invitations to her, with a note back to the invitee that you have forwarded the email to her and are awaitng her input.



_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."


(in reply to BeachBear)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Weirdness: Domme Insecurity - 12/6/2005 4:54:46 PM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		sometimes we have to work "against" our Owners in order to work "for" them. it's a tough job ... but somebody's gotta do it.
========

oh yes. there have been those times, in MY service...to both of my Owners. 1st in calif and now in wisconsin.
"i" see something, just not right,..so i say, ya know????????

and i am usually given opportunity to make that change for the "household".

ahhhhh
tis a tough job, yes!
but what else can a service slave but do?

happy holidays to all.


_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to sunshine333)
Profile   Post #: 40
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