New....

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

New....

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> New....

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

New.... - 9/16/2008 11:00:47 AM

swetypye33

Posts: 3
Joined: 9/15/2008
Status: offline

Hi everyone...

Im new to this site and the lifestyle. I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 years and we have become interested in a Master/slave relationship. I'm a sub my nature and I love it. He is a Dom by nature and he loves it. We are a perfect fit. A lot of the quantities that I have read about for a Master/slave relationship, I have already have.

We are working on my rules right now and figuring out boundaries. He already knows my personal boundaries so I dont think there is much I need to point to out. But there is one problem... We cant seem to ever keep it going. One day I'm in my collar and on the floor in front of the couch next to Master writing my rules then the next I'm on the couch cuddling with Him.

Its like we just role play. I try to keep with it, do my chores, make sure I address Him correctly, but it just turns Him on and we end up having sex. So its almost like we just dont know how to get started. And I think a big reason is because we are girlfriend/boyfriend already. I really want to do this. I want to be His slave.

Any thoughts or comments??

Post #: 1

RE: New.... - 9/16/2008 11:09:48 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

I am confused about the rules you are writing? Do you mean you have limits or that he has you writing his rules out physically?

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to swetypye33)

Post #: 2

RE: New.... - 9/16/2008 11:09:53 AM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

I have a hard time finding fault with wild bunny sex when you submit to him.

I think it is a pattern of behavior that if you keep it up, you will both eventually sink more into. Right now, sounds like it results in something pretty wonderful.

And to cuddling...there is nothing wrong with that either - totally possible to be submissive and cuddle.

Think about, and identify for yourselves what your term "slave" means. There is a pretty broad spectrum.

Hope that helps, and welcome to the forums!

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to swetypye33)

Post #: 3

RE: New.... - 9/16/2008 11:54:30 AM

Deliena

Posts: 623
Joined: 6/16/2007
From: Darlington, United Kingdom
Status: offline

Erm - we're not supposed to have sex with Masters? Mine will be very put out if i tell him that!

Seriously, similar situation here in that submission/ritual/scening results in lots of happy sex, kissing, cuddling, being happy, laughing (sometimes during if something particularly funny happens like my body making noises i cannot control, am uncomfortable with and happen to continue for a while.... <shakes head at the memory>) can't see anything wrong with it. Just makes me love Him more and more. That *cannot* be a bad thing - or i'm in the wrong place! LOL

Have fun, keep exploring each other, hopefully it'll work it's way into place and you'll both be happy.

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 4

RE: New.... - 9/16/2008 11:54:37 AM

JewAndCelt

Posts: 110
Joined: 8/23/2008
From: Arkansas
Status: offline

Don't get stressed about the cuddling.

My husband and I cuddle up like two cats most of the time and it's wonderful. It's "our" way and it works out fine. There are no standard rules to all of this.

Some (very few) people would say that I should only sleep on the floor, call him Master or Sir, and swallow goats. But those people aren't us and we are doing just fine the way we are :)

And about the sex thing.........98 percent of the time - If I get over his knee for a spanking we wind up having wild bunny sex after the first few wacks. We find for a good beating I need to be cuffed up on a hook (it takes a bit more time and effort to get out of that position and to the bedroom, floor or table :) )

< Message edited by JewAndCelt -- 9/16/2008 11:57:39 AM >

_____________________________

Maturity is patience. Mastery is nine times patience.

!!!!!!כי לא נולד הבן זונה שיעצור את ישראל

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 5

RE: New.... - 9/16/2008 12:00:26 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

What is wrong with cuddling? Master and i like to cuddle we see nothing wrong with it. Just cause we are cuddling it does not make me less sub or him less Dom it is just something we enjoy.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to JewAndCelt)

Post #: 6

RE: New.... - 9/16/2008 12:51:20 PM

natasha66

Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline

Just have fun....when it stops being fun, in my opinion, then you need to look at the relationship. I wouldn't put pressure on yourselves and just let it evolve naturally. My 2 cents.

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 7

RE: New.... - 9/16/2008 1:36:08 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

Sure, I have a thought and comment... sounds great! what's the rub?

Is there some reason that you thought that your submissive behavior wouldn't turn on your boyfriend? God knows it turns me on when my wife does it. How is that "not getting started?" Sounds to me like it got started perfectly! Sometimes you snuggle, other times you kneel? Is this a problem? As much as I love it when my wife kneels in front of me on the couch, I also adore it when she sits next to me and we snuggle. I like chocolate AND vanilla. What's the problem?

Everything you wrote seems just about perfect to me. My suspicion (and just that based upon such scanty information), is that you are chasing some illusory role definition of "slave" in your head. From my standpoint, the only thing that matters insofar as the authority dynamic is whether she follows my lead... obeys me when I command. Everything else is window dressing. Why not simply do whatever it is that you two do that makes you happy?

Just so you know, we never wrote any "rules" either. She agreed to obey and I agreed to use that authority wisely. That was all the rules we needed to get going.

And this, hot off the presses... the first ever direct posting from my wife here...
In the beginning, a lot of things were awkward... calling my husband 'Master' seemed pretentious and goofy. Sitting on the floor seemed like I was following some cartoon charicature of a submissive. It helped that my master increased his feedback and adjusted his commands. It turns out he never directly commanded me to sit at his feet... I guess I just made that up. I don't have an established protocol that requires me to sit at his feet, so most of the time I do. But if I prefer, it's perfectly okay for me to join him on the sofa. Sometimes he'll tell me to join him ("sit next to me, mine"). We've been doing M/s since last November, and it's only been recently that we've really settled into it - and I suspect we still have a lot further to go. Give it time. You both have new habits to learn... it's also hard for the Dom to figure out exactly what he does with a slave once he's got one!

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to swetypye33)

Post #: 8

RE: New.... - 9/16/2008 1:43:12 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

quote:

I address Him correctly, but it just turns Him on and we end up having sex.

wish i had a Mistress like this.....maybe you will become one some day??? and dump the boy?

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to swetypye33)

Post #: 9

RE: New.... - 9/16/2008 1:50:19 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: swetypye33
But there is one problem... We cant seem to ever keep it going. One day I'm in my collar and on the floor in front of the couch next to Master writing my rules then the next I'm on the couch cuddling with Him.
Any thoughts or comments??

Why are the two not both slave behaviors? Fox is my slave. He spends most of his time on the couch cuddling with me. He does his chores, he serves when he is asked to. I get manicures and pedicures and he will be at my feet when I desire it. He is also cuddled up next to me when that is what I want. His service does sometimes turn me on and we do have sex because of it. I am the Owner and the Dominant and he is the slave regardless of if we are snuggled on the couch, or if he is strung up on my door.
I am wondering where you get the idea that having an affectionate relationship means you are having less of a D/s one. Do you WANT to give up the romantic relationship and strictly be a slave? Do you want to give up the physicality, and the emotion and the cuddling and softer side so you can do nothing but serve properly?
If he is the dominant and he wants to cuddle... then you cuddle. You are pleasing him, even if it isnt in a stereotypically slave-like manner. The important part is being happy, not the actions that bring that hapiness about.

My 2 cents.
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to swetypye33)

Post #: 10

RE: New.... - 9/16/2008 4:24:01 PM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

the only problem that i see that you might be having is deciding whether or not you 'need' to be constantly objectified to 'feel' like you are being his slave; other than that, i honestly don't see a problem.

(in reply to swetypye33)

Post #: 11

RE: New.... - 9/16/2008 5:15:13 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

If he wants to cuddle, you cuddle. If he wants to have sex, you have sex. They're not hard limits for you, are they?

The essence of the relationship is who is in control not what activities occur.

Sounds to me like the two of you need to sink into your roles more and feel more confortable with them. Have fun!

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to daddysliloneds)

Post #: 12

RE: New.... - 9/16/2008 5:41:16 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

D/s just means he makes the decisions. If he decides, like my dom does, that I should be snuggled up to him on the couch, that doesn't mean I'm not submissive. I am, because I'm following his wishes.

Just because someone else says all twue slaves sit on the floor and never wear panties doesn't mean shit. If your dom wants you in lacy thongs and that's what you wear, then you are being submissive because you're doing what he wants you to do.

Throw away all the rules you learned in books, porn and online. Don't discuss this for a month. At the end of the month you probably will be surprised to discover you have 3 rules in place. The first one will no doubt be about his morning coffee. During the next few months a couple more rules will appear. But if you wind up with more than about a dozen, you may want to rethink your compatibility. The truth is, that you will come to learn what makes him happy and choose to do these things. The things you don't pick up on are the ones he will give you. No more than one a week and expect a month per to get them to go from being things to think about and remember to become habits done automatically.

But he is just as much the dominant when he say "Let's go for ice cream" as when he says "Suck my cock". Both are expressions of his wishes.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 13

RE: New.... - 9/16/2008 6:32:25 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

Celeste is correct. It's impossible to be in full on sex slave/tortue slave/plaything mode 24/7/365. It's impossible for him, too. That doesn't mean that it doesn't exist when we're not in full on D/s mode. It means that it's an undercurrent to our relationships.

Most people would assume that Master and I are in an old fashioned vanilla marriage. He's the head of the house and it represents our D/s undercurrent.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 14

RE: New.... - 9/16/2008 6:57:27 PM

megggy

Posts: 11
Joined: 9/10/2008
Status: offline

lol?
there's nothing wrong with cuddling with your master..i don't think.
if my master cuddles me it'd help me see he is protecting me and loving me and cherishing me.
........that doesn't mean he still can't set rules, and that kind of stuff does turn you on.

you have to be mentally invovled more i guess, it's all about mental control ( at least it is with my master and i, mental control is even bigger than sex its self...which i love and he does too):D:D

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 15

RE: New.... - 9/16/2008 10:02:09 PM

MarksFantasyGirl

Posts: 3660
Joined: 10/13/2005
Status: offline

Fast Reply:

My Boyfriend is my Master... But we don't have rules... I ask his permission before I go out with my friends, before I buy something, before I really do just about anything... I feel like I have to wait for him to tell me goodnight before I go to bed... But he doesn't really consider it that way... lol He knows that I feel he IS my Master, but He doesn't tell me that I can or can't do anything... We cuddle constantly, and if I sit on the floor, he usually feels that he needs to as well... I haven't actually had the nerve to call him my Master, (I guess a lot of it is b/c I haven't been collared), but I know that If I did, he would seriously be so turned on, we would go straight to the bed! (Ok, so we do that anyways... I'm glad we don't live together yet, or we would 1. get no sleep, and 2. our whole relationship would be sex! lol) I seriously don't know what the problem is... But I think you should figure out why you feel this isn't working, WITH your Master... See if He has the same problem that you do with what is going on... That would be my advise! I hope all works out for you...

(Now I really want to be on my pillow at His feet.... :( )

_____________________________

--Fannie
AKA Savage's Fantasy
AKA Girl Dave
AKA Resident Flirt
AKA Sexy Hawt Woman

~*~Happily and proudly collared by my best friend~*~

Quitcher bitchen, and get out of the kitchen! ~Harry {3rdRock}

(in reply to megggy)

Post #: 16

RE: New.... - 9/17/2008 3:59:38 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: swetypye33

Im new to this site and the lifestyle. I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 years and we have become interested in a Master/slave relationship. I'm a sub my nature and I love it. He is a Dom by nature and he loves it. We are a perfect fit. A lot of the quantities that I have read about for a Master/slave relationship, I have already have.

We are working on my rules right now and figuring out boundaries. He already knows my personal boundaries so I dont think there is much I need to point to out. But there is one problem... We cant seem to ever keep it going. One day I'm in my collar and on the floor in front of the couch next to Master writing my rules then the next I'm on the couch cuddling with Him.

Its like we just role play. I try to keep with it, do my chores, make sure I address Him correctly, but it just turns Him on and we end up having sex. So its almost like we just dont know how to get started. And I think a big reason is because we are girlfriend/boyfriend already. I really want to do this. I want to be His slave.

Any thoughts or comments??

I'm getting the drift that his "interest"is related solely to the different ways of getting turned on for sex. And being gifted the dom role (by default) means he gets all he wants anyway. I'm betting he's happy with how things are working as is....

Here's the thing.... I have rules because there are certain things I require of my girl. OK, many things.... But what I don't have is rules for the sake of having rules. I'm the Dom, I know what I want and require so *I* make the rules - not her and not us! Her input to the rules comes in "fine tuning" if something isn't working as well in action as it was in theory. Hell, I may even discard a rule altogether if it's causing her/us too much grief.

Owning my girl is owning all she is. So yes, I may have her sit or lay at my feet or I may truss her up for a few hours and leave her on the lounge while I compute etc. Conversely, I quite like to share a cuddle, too, and I might wanna spend an hour or three talking equal adult to equal adult about life in general or nothing in particular at all. But whatever it is, she mostly takes her cues from me because that's what Doms do - we lead and set the required standards of behaviour etc.

I think your b/f likes being crowned dom and having sex on demand a whole lot more than putting structures in place for a slave to work within.... Just curious; what rules has he come up with?

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to swetypye33)

Post #: 17

RE: New.... - 9/17/2008 4:45:25 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

Well the OP hasn't returned to answer any questions as yet, so me being me perved the profile.
If you haven't got to grips with the relationship you are in, then why on earth are you trying to set up another?

From what I am getting from the OP and the profile, is security issues and a sense of trying to fit in to some type of model. The question you should be asking yourself 'is my partner happy and fulfilled?' If the answer is yes, then you need to go to him and talk to him about what is making you fill awkward. The only people that can work on this is you both and I believe you have a hell of a lot more self searching to do on a personal level. Don't get too wrapped up on being serious and enjoy the discoveries.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 18

RE: New.... - 9/17/2008 5:36:53 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Some people are lucky and can cuddle all of the time. In Michigan we have to wait till it snows and we can get our fireplaces going. Like Focus we are Doms we lead. Ha ha ha try telling that to a married Dom.

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 19

RE: New.... - 9/17/2008 11:42:56 PM

Klaio

Posts: 27
Joined: 9/17/2008
Status: offline

I support you and hope you the best in your relationship.

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> New....

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094