Does it work? / Will it happen? (Full Version)

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Zaudika -> Does it work? / Will it happen? (8/1/2004 5:44:55 PM)

A general question that is of course personally involved that I wanted to throw out there for opinions from others .. not generally something I would do, but I'm having a confused day.

Say two people are together and are for about 6 months, one moves half way across the US to be with the other person. They're in love, they're happy.
Things get rocky and they split up, but decide to stay friends. After a few months of being just friends they become intimately involved again. ... but, do not get back together. It is a D/s relationship, and a sexual one, there's just not a 1 on 1 commitment there. (both can date others, but there is the agreement that neither will have sexual relations with another)

Things stay this way for a few months. They discuss getting back together at times but the Dom and very good friend in the relationship says that while he cherishes her with every bit of his being, he just doesn't know if he'll ever fall back "IN" love with her again.

So,.. she doesn't want to leave because she still loves him, she continues to hold on, but also continues to date others casually while in this relationship to make sure that she isn't going to make a mistake about the right one coming along. Although, her heart still completely belongs to her Dom she's still intimate with.

So.... in this situation. Does it eventually work out? Is it possible for someone (the Dom) to fall back in love after falling out of love? ... Is it possible with time the original feelings in the original relationship may come back?
Or does it seem that it would be better for both parties to just step back. Stay only good friends and cut the physical aspect?

Just wanting general unbiased opinions...



iwillserveu -> RE: Does it work? / Will it happen? (8/2/2004 4:48:22 PM)

First, Walthham? To bad your a sub![:)][&:][:D]

My opinion, or advice. He's using her as a fall back option. If she is OK with being there for him on lonely Friday nights, fine.

That it is mutual is a sop to his consceince. If she goes, fine with him. If she doesn't, fine by him. And on top of that he can see other women?

Sounds like a fantasy for him.

"We'll just have casual sex as 'friends' until I can find someone decent."

Sorry, you asked for opinions. The next few posters will tell you how short sighted I am.[:)]



LadyBeckett -> RE: Does it work? / Will it happen? (8/2/2004 6:35:40 PM)

I'm not certain that I'm clear on this. Are the Dom and the sub/good friend still intimate with one another and "casually" dating others (non-intimately)? Or dating others intimately, and not intimate with one another?

Whatever the case may be, the probability that he will fall "back" in love, is statistically on the low side. However it sounds like there is a great deal of trust and respect involved.



tanna -> RE: Does it work? / Will it happen? (8/2/2004 7:50:11 PM)

Afraid I have to agree with iwill on this one.. The Dom is using that sub as a stand by till something better comes along. The relationship seems to be based on sex..

This situation is tough. It always seems easier to hang on with hope that he'll have a change of heart than to just cut clean and start over.

We all know the drudge and frustration of finding another One.. It's difficult to establish trust, and to find someone that you have chemistry with.

To me it sounds like that sub needs to look after herself and her own emotional health and move on. It hurts for a while, but less now than later when he really does find someone else and dumps her completely.

But that's just my two cents.

tanna



LadyBeckett -> RE: Does it work? / Will it happen? (8/2/2004 8:09:25 PM)

I am not disagreeing with iwill here. There is obviously not a deeply bonded emotional relationship here. I was addressing it from the friend/play partner aspect.

quote:

After a few months of being just friends they become intimately involved again. ... but, do not get back together. It is a D/s relationship, and a sexual one, there's just not a 1 on 1 commitment there.


Sounds to me like they have a safe play arrangement while they are both exploring their future "relationship" options.



Laura -> RE: Does it work? / Will it happen? (8/2/2004 10:07:54 PM)

I don't believe in the whole falling out of love thing. If someone falls out of love they were never in love in the first place. Love isn't a disposable pen.

Move on. You can't keep something you never had. Don't cheat yourself.



WayHome -> RE: Does it work? / Will it happen? (8/5/2004 7:31:35 PM)

This happens in the vanilla world too. A man ends a relationship and the woman still wants him so she stays friends and keeps fucking him hoping maybe someday he will "come around". She says they are just friends and they date other people but really she wants him back. Secretly, he knows this and knows it's not healthy for her, but he continues because it's nice to be able to make that "booty call".

He never "comes around" and will eventually find someone he likes enough to stop making the call.

Don't waste your time. Move on.



LadyBeckett -> RE: Does it work? / Will it happen? (8/5/2004 7:42:27 PM)

Since I posted on this thread I became aware that someone close to me, and his wife seperated. He continues to see her because he doesn't want to "devastate" her. When he told me that I thought, "Jesus, why prolong the agony????" Why not just be honest with one another and say, "I don't want to be in an intimate relationship with you anymore." ??? Part paths, move forward, make space, etc. Come back later and be friends, after you have healed, progressed, and have a grip. Which, incidently, you don't right now. If he's not in love with you, he's not going to be. That part of your relationship is over. It's done. Move on.



WayHome -> RE: Does it work? / Will it happen? (8/5/2004 7:52:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyBeckett

Come back later and be friends, after you have healed, progressed, and have a grip.



Oh, good point! It is very possible to be good friends with an "ex", but not right away. If you try, you only stagnate.



sweetsub0 -> RE: Does it work? / Will it happen? (8/6/2004 3:50:34 AM)

It seems as though the subject is suffering from "Old Cow" syndrome. See the movie Lake Placid for a real explaination of this sickness that strikes man in general. In short it is this; A bull, given the choice, will opt for a new cow as opposed to the old one he has already had.
Most Doms love to teach, they want to be respected and relied upon, they want you to be as helpless in the realworld as you are in the bedroom (even though some swear they don't) I once had a Dom that told me that when we played a game, never ever to LET him win. If he beat me with his own skill that was one thing, but under no circumstances was i to ever LET him win. Since I am VERY good at games he almost never won, i mean 97% of the time he lost to his sub. i beleive this had alot to do with our eventual breakup. His dignaty was hurt by these constant loses. Eventually, he lost self respect in his subconscience. I wasn't paying close enough attention to what was happening. All I knew was that my Dom told me to never LET him win, being a good sub, i didn't.
There is an old saying, familiarity breeds contempt. If you witnessed something that this Dom did that is dishonorable, or you know something about this DOm that is less then perfect, do not expect him to return to you. You know things about him that new girls do not know. THIS MAKES YOU AN OLD COW.



ManeSlave -> RE: Does it work? / Will it happen? (8/6/2004 1:12:10 PM)

Dear Zaud...

As a degreed Psychologist and as "Dr. Phil" would say... No Way. You're
being held on to as a "back up" for sure, and it "ain't" goin' nowhere (nor will it ever) for you. Walk the deal NOW and seek another.. You'll be much happier. This one's over. There are others out there! Best of wishes!



DaddysGirlVA -> RE: Does it work? / Will it happen? (8/10/2004 5:24:33 PM)

Just a question to the person who posted this. You dont have to answer to anyone but yourself. What happens if he falls in love with someoen else? Is he still going to have time to be your friend and can you handle seeing him with anyone else?

My personal experience would say leave now before that happens, because if you do truley love him and this happens it will have long term effects on your psyche

Girl



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