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i was known as wimpslave - 9/17/2008 9:38:55 AM

djdavidnoble

Posts: 2
Joined: 9/17/2008
Status: offline

Hi after all the advise i was given on i should change my name to suite me as a person because wimpslave was a big turn off. What do you think of my new profile :)

Thank you
David

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RE: i was known as wimpslave - 9/17/2008 11:18:02 AM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

Hihi Dave:

Hope you don't mind another sub responding here...my thoughts for your profile:

Punctuation
Spelling
Capital letters
Complete sentences
Drop the LOLs

Other interests than BDSM and DJing

Show some thought about this beyond a girl in school that beat you up:
Why do you want to submit?
What attracts you to it?
How does it make you feel?
What do you want to do for them - what will you offer up?

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I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

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RE: i was known as wimpslave - 9/17/2008 11:23:28 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
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And I wanted to add... I hope that isn't your real name... that is NEVER a good idea.

Jewel

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RE: i was known as wimpslave - 9/17/2008 11:39:43 AM

Miyabi

Posts: 3
Joined: 9/11/2008
Status: offline

yes. using your real name would be bad, darling

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

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RE: i was known as wimpslave - 9/17/2008 12:07:21 PM

djdavidnoble

Posts: 2
Joined: 9/17/2008
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really why is that bad? please

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RE: i was known as wimpslave - 9/17/2008 12:16:10 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
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quote:

ORIGINAL: djdavidnoble

really why is that bad? please

identity theft.

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RE: i was known as wimpslave - 9/17/2008 12:36:28 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

Also, in 30 years when you're running for congress; your opposition will let everyone know what kind of sick pervert you are.

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if only to keep me to herself.

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RE: i was known as wimpslave - 9/17/2008 1:07:34 PM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

Also, in 30 years when you're running for congress; your opposition will let everyone know what kind of sick pervert you are.

Given the things that politicians are participating in today...in 30 years, what we do will seem like vanilla. :P

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RE: i was known as wimpslave - 9/17/2008 1:09:35 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: djdavidnoble

really why is that bad? please

It shows a lack of judgment. People don't want to get into a power exchange relationship with someone who has poor common sense. Seriously, you can't think of any reason why having your full name, city and picture on a kinky web site is a bad idea?

Akasha

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RE: i was known as wimpslave - 9/17/2008 2:30:50 PM

Usako

Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

Name is much better. While I would agree using your full first and last name is a bad idea, I won't knock ya for it. It shows you have guts. If you have nothing to hide from the world then use your name all you want. If you do (ie because of job, family reasons, whatever) then it's best to use a nickname.

Though there is nothing wrong with just using a first name! I would just kill the last name part. Unless it's not your last name and you're just a noble guy. lol

(in reply to AAkasha)

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RE: i was known as wimpslave - 9/18/2008 6:43:46 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

And I wanted to add... I hope that isn't your real name... that is NEVER a good idea.

Jewel

I think using first and last names can be a serious choice but I use my first name all the time because I'm not in a closet. If he wants to be out of the closet, let that be his choice.

I strongly feel that if more of us got out of the closet it would be better for everyone but I can't and won't say it is a good idea for everyone.

< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 9/18/2008 6:45:36 AM >

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

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RE: i was known as wimpslave - 9/18/2008 6:49:10 AM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: djdavidnoble

really why is that bad? please

It shows a lack of judgment. People don't want to get into a power exchange relationship with someone who has poor common sense. Seriously, you can't think of any reason why having your full name, city and picture on a kinky web site is a bad idea?

Akasha

The name i would agree with but i own a business and i have my picture up. I figure if someone is looking on this site to begin with, ya know? Not to mention, i could care less what others really think of me if they would judge me because of it.

< Message edited by Icarys -- 9/18/2008 7:23:58 AM >

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RE: i was known as wimpslave - 9/18/2008 7:40:09 AM

Venatrix

Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

Also, in 30 years when you're running for congress; your opposition will let everyone know what kind of sick pervert you are.

You already have to be a sick pervert to run for Congress.

(in reply to darchChylde)

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RE: i was known as wimpslave - 9/18/2008 9:21:18 AM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
I think using first and last names can be a serious choice but I use my first name all the time because I'm not in a closet. If he wants to be out of the closet, let that be his choice.

I strongly feel that if more of us got out of the closet it would be better for everyone but I can't and won't say it is a good idea for everyone.

I agree.

I also give some credit to the point about judgment. Being out could for good reasons (courage, wanting to be as you wish to be) or for bad reasons (not having thought it through, question of judgment).

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 9/18/2008 9:25:51 AM >

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RE: i was known as wimpslave - 9/18/2008 9:30:22 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

And I wanted to add... I hope that isn't your real name... that is NEVER a good idea.

Jewel

I think using first and last names can be a serious choice but I use my first name all the time because I'm not in a closet. If he wants to be out of the closet, let that be his choice.

I strongly feel that if more of us got out of the closet it would be better for everyone but I can't and won't say it is a good idea for everyone.

Being "out" is only one part of it. I wouldn't put my full real name in a public forum of any kind on the Internet. Why risk the potential of having that much data at the fingertips of other people?

Second, the guy is still young. Sure, it sounds like a good idea at the time, or harmless, but 15 years from now, he won't have the chance to just "undo" these kinds of things depending on how this is archived and indexed. You basically reduce your options in the future. If you are in a career, established, your family knows you are kink, you wear it on your sleeve - ok, maybe (despite the risk I mentioned in the first paragraph), but for someone young, that seems very dramatic and impulsive. Do you still believe in everything you did when you were in your early 20s?

Akasha

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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

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RE: i was known as wimpslave - 9/18/2008 10:09:45 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

And I wanted to add... I hope that isn't your real name... that is NEVER a good idea.

Jewel

I think using first and last names can be a serious choice but I use my first name all the time because I'm not in a closet. If he wants to be out of the closet, let that be his choice.

I strongly feel that if more of us got out of the closet it would be better for everyone but I can't and won't say it is a good idea for everyone.

Being "out" is only one part of it. I wouldn't put my full real name in a public forum of any kind on the Internet. Why risk the potential of having that much data at the fingertips of other people?

Second, the guy is still young. Sure, it sounds like a good idea at the time, or harmless, but 15 years from now, he won't have the chance to just "undo" these kinds of things depending on how this is archived and indexed. You basically reduce your options in the future. If you are in a career, established, your family knows you are kink, you wear it on your sleeve - ok, maybe (despite the risk I mentioned in the first paragraph), but for someone young, that seems very dramatic and impulsive. Do you still believe in everything you did when you were in your early 20s?

Akasha

Actually, yes, I do. Have the same moral and ethical code, the same careers, the same family goals. Age is not the deciding factor in these things. Some of us were well formed as individuals long, long ago, others in their 40s and 50s are still figuring themselves out.

I lived much of my life in secret because of the abusive family i survived. The bulk of the abuse was encouraged to go on by the series of lies we all told and the hiding we all did. When I came out to myself, I decided to stop that now with me and be fully out.

Everyone makes mistakes and frankly we should make them.

He's improved his screen name to be less fetishy and thus a reflection, I hope, of himself. We should be telling him it's a good first step instead of attempting to scare him into the closet. Sure, give him warnings but are you sure your warnings are more realistic than paranoid?

I find a lot of paranoia in the "community" among folks in the closet. In my years of experience I just haven't seem even a fifth of these born out by most people's experiences and those who have problems seem by and large to be those who thought they were hiding well within their closet and simply just made stupid errors of judgment beyond a name but in terms of their actions and activities and who they let into their inner circle of friends.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to AAkasha)

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RE: i was known as wimpslave - 9/18/2008 11:19:09 AM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

I've been "out" most of my adult life, and in some cases it has caused problems, but I realized at some certain point that I already put myself out there, so reeling myself back in was never going to do any good.

An example: Just a few days ago, two graduate students with whom I work came to my house and seemed really pleased with themselves because they had "googled" me, and were now in possession of deep, personal information about me. So I asked them what this information was that they found. Well, they talked about my published novels, my academic papers that they found referenced, and all throughout the conversations you could tell they were teetering on the desire to just come out and "say it". But they wouldn't. So, finally I said, "If you found something you really want to bring up, then just out with it. I assure you, NOTHING in my past is anything of which I am ashamed or embarrassed."

But they were too embarrassed to bring it up. So I left it at that. Because I don't care. If they are now "armed" with this knowledge that I'm a lifestyle submissive, it hasn't changed anything about me, about my place in life, or about even any interactions I have with other people. My one close grad student friend knows all about my lifestyle. She kind of figured it out without having to google me because she realized I was always willing to go out of my way to help her whenever she needed it. At first, she thought it was friendship, and then she started to piece things together because she couldn't understand why I'd go WAY over what a normal friend would do in order to help her out sometimes. She confronted me with it at one point, curious as to motivation, and we had a nice, friendly conversation about it, about how I'm naturally submissive to women and will often go out of my way to help the women who exist in my life, even if there's no D/s interaction involved. And we've remained friends for years, and she's just grown accustomed to knowing she can pretty much ask me for anything and it will get done. She's become a good friend beyond that because now armed with that, she avoids taking advantage of me, and often looks out for me to make sure no one else does either.

Another part of it is that I'm a writer, and years from now when people are trying to figure out what were my motivations, and I'm no longer around to steer the conversations, I'd like people to have information available about who I really was, so that they might understand that not only was I a writer of strange novels; I was a pretty strange writer, too.

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