Domme/Mistress vs. Domina/Dominatrix

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Domme/Mistress vs. Domina/Dominatrix - 9/17/2008 11:30:07 AM

squ1rt

Posts: 10
Joined: 7/10/2008
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greetings and hello everybody!

I have a general question of understanding of simple verbiage vs. concept of the terms: Domme and Mistress vs. Domina and Dominatrix. to avoid exhaustive repetition of something that may have been discussed here ad nauseam already, please point me at the relevant threads in question.

I see multiple uses of how dominant females refer to themselves here and how they call themselves in their screen names. assuming that the screen names are prompted by the fact that the desired names are already taken, I will focus on the self-labelling and self-perception.

to me, Domina and Dominatrix has always been the description of a professional (as in: money exchanging hands for professional services rendered) dominant female, whereas the terms Domme or Mistress (or also Maitresse) refer to a female (biological or self-gender-defined) dominant in the BDSM lifestyle.

what stumps me is that I see an entire across-the-board flux of uses of the terms, none of which seem to have any common denominator of concept understanding. I write-off (due to the blatant whackiness of some of these profiles) some of these inconsistencies of use to mere fakeness/phoniness of profiles or simple ignorance - but still, nothing seems to really follow a consistent notion. could you kindly try to illuminate this topic by providing your personal take(s)?

for reference, the Wikipedia has this to offer: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domina.

thank you all for your time and effort,

J.

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RE: Domme/Mistress vs. Domina/Dominatrix - 9/17/2008 11:36:57 AM

Miyabi

Posts: 3
Joined: 9/11/2008
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In my experience here in New York, there is little if any distinction between "Mistress," "Domme," "Domina," "Dominatrix," or any other title. Most women want to be called a certain thing because they like the way it sounds.

Personally, I'm a Professional Dominatrix and most people refer to me as Lady Miyabi or Nawashi, a Japanese word meaning a rope mistress, because my name is Japanese. Usually, if someone is a professional, they'll say professional. "Mistress," "Domina," "Empress," or any other title is no indication of whether She's a lifestyle Domme or a Pro. Most people explain themselves in their profiles or will tell you if you ask.

Hope that helps!

(in reply to squ1rt)

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RE: Domme/Mistress vs. Domina/Dominatrix - 9/17/2008 2:26:55 PM

Usako

Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
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I agree that Domina/Dominatrix, to me, usually refers to someone out to take the man's money for the session and Domme/Mistress is someone who isn't going to do that most likely.

But in the end, who gives a crap. Titles are just words people stick in front of their name to sound better. A woman could want to call herself Supreme Donkey Herder Sarah and still want to whip a man's ass for free or pay. People put too much weight into words sometimes.

If ya do what ya do (pay/free) then whatever. Fancy words aren't really important. One of the lovely things about this is people have their own definitions for things and in the end that's all that matters; what works for them. If they don't want follow a consistent notion then why should they?

(in reply to Miyabi)

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RE: Domme/Mistress vs. Domina/Dominatrix - 9/17/2008 8:07:13 PM

MissSCD

Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
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I forgot about Lady. Lady can be sub or Domme.
I use Domme as an abbreviation in forums. Dominatrix is professional of course.
I think Dominia is a bit more experienced than Dommes. I put them all together and came up with MissSouthCarolinaDominia!

LOL

Regards, MissSCD

(in reply to Miyabi)

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RE: Domme/Mistress vs. Domina/Dominatrix - 9/17/2008 8:59:43 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
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I generally prefer to use the gender-free "Dominant" when I refer to my Owner, if I'm not simply calling Her "Ma'am". It works for us, as I feel that Her dominance does not come from Her being a woman. When speaking in general of dominant women, I almost always simply say "female dominant" or "dominant women"; it's a nice catch-all that one would be hard to find offensive,

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to MissSCD)

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RE: Domme/Mistress vs. Domina/Dominatrix - 9/17/2008 9:29:58 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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As confusing as this might sound, I'm clip's Domme and bleaux's Mistress. Different dynamics, so different terms.

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to darchChylde)

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RE: Domme/Mistress vs. Domina/Dominatrix - 9/17/2008 9:45:49 PM

Racquelle

Posts: 600
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

I generally prefer to use the gender-free "Dominant" when I refer to my Owner, if I'm not simply calling Her "Ma'am". It works for us, as I feel that Her dominance does not come from Her being a woman. When speaking in general of dominant women, I almost always simply say "female dominant" or "dominant women"; it's a nice catch-all that one would be hard to find offensive

I like how you expressed that. I don't personally care for Ma'am because it feels old-ladyish to me, but I usually recognize its an attempt at politeness. I quite dislike the term Domme myself - it is unnecessarily diminutive.

(in reply to darchChylde)

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RE: Domme/Mistress vs. Domina/Dominatrix - 9/17/2008 10:37:13 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Racquelle
I like how you expressed that. I don't personally care for Ma'am because it feels old-ladyish to me, but I usually recognize its an attempt at politeness. I quite dislike the term Domme myself - it is unnecessarily diminutive.

"Ma'am" has long been a bit of drama for me. With a huge dad who had a quick backhand; I couldn't say much of anything to a woman in his presence without saying "Ma'am" if I didn't want to fly backwards across the room. So, to this day I say "Ma'am" when talking to women of any age as a simple sign of respect.

Later, I have been totally dressed down by women who had a problem with being called "Ma'am".because they thing I'm calling them old. If they had any idea of my predilection for older women, they'd not have been offended; hehe.

When I met Ma'am, it became a bit more drama; as I was then calling my sister submissive (who's about 10 years my junior) "Ma'am" as well. Well that didn;t go over very well. I know we had the conversation, but I don't know exactly how we decided on Ma'am. Other than my own prejudices against "Mistress" (to me it means either a kept woman of a married man or a professional dominant; while I know that's not the entire meaning of the term, I can't do much about the connotations it brings for myself), I don't have a preference; but it works for us.

While I still use "Ma'am" in non-lifestyle situations and for an occasional lifestyler who has my earned respect instead of the basic respect I accord everyone; when I call my Owner "Ma'am", it has an entirely different feeling and meaning to me. There is an almost physical response within myself when I say that to Her or in reference to Her.

Now, my main drama is on those occasions that I am forced to call Her by Her name; it just feels so wrong that I am not able to say it smoothly or naturally.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to Racquelle)

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RE: Domme/Mistress vs. Domina/Dominatrix - 9/18/2008 6:42:13 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

I generally prefer to use the gender-free "Dominant" when I refer to my Owner, if I'm not simply calling Her "Ma'am". It works for us, as I feel that Her dominance does not come from Her being a woman. When speaking in general of dominant women, I almost always simply say "female dominant" or "dominant women"; it's a nice catch-all that one would be hard to find offensive,

*applauds*

I really dislike the attempts to signal gender when frankly it is rather unimportant until you really need to know or are using it for a good reason.

I consider myself a dominant first and a sadist second in terms of BSDM. The fact that I'm female feel almost unimportant because I'm pretty certain that if I was male, I'd still consider myself in these categories.

Only my slaves should be calling me "Mistress" and only subs should call me "Milady" -- everyone else, please just call me TammyJo or Ma'am if it is truly necessary for you to use some title.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to darchChylde)

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RE: Domme/Mistress vs. Domina/Dominatrix - 9/18/2008 8:07:05 AM

squ1rt

Posts: 10
Joined: 7/10/2008
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I really appreciate everyone's perspectives and insights - they give me a glimpse from a different angle that I had not considered in my original question: the angle of extro-perception. understanding that from an outside viewpoint, the gender really plays no part and role, but merely the innate as well as perceived dominance does.

but it still leaves me wondering about the intro-perception of these female dominants (and again, I was not referring to their screen names, since those are often driven by mere availability) in how they refer to themselves in the narratives of their profiles and emails/posts to others. any takers/insights on that angle?

again, your time and thoughts are much appreciated,

J.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

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Post #: 10