RE: Male Dominants? (Full Version)

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MissSCD -> RE: Male Dominants? (9/17/2008 8:00:40 PM)

I find that male dominants in person are a lot more warm than on the internet. 
There are a few nice ones on the net as well.   There are also as many female dominants that are abrasive as well as nice.  It is all about the individual.
 
Regards, MissSCD



Lashra -> RE: Male Dominants? (9/18/2008 3:10:52 AM)

I have met some really nice, intelligent male Doms who had their shit together and treated their subs/slaves wonderfully. I've also known some who were immature, clueless, egotistical and thought all women should bow down to them. I do not think ALL male Doms are clueless and egotistical, just some of them are. Because you find the same thing among all people regardless of the label they wear.

~Lashra



thetammyjo -> RE: Male Dominants? (9/18/2008 6:38:02 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

My friends and I have noticed a phenomenon in our local scene

Dominants - male or female - fresh off the net can be bizarrely egotistical.  Which is just a mask for their insecurities being new and inexperienced I guess.

But the longer someone spends in the real BDSM scene, the less ego they seem to have.

Really confident Doms don't swagger and boast at all.  They just quietly observe the newcomers shooting off their mouths!!



I'll add that this is also true for those "doms" who frankly have very little or no meatlife experience but primarily a fantasy life -- online or offline doesn't seem to matter.

If those folks continue to go to munches and such events but continue to not get meatlife experience (usually because their personality and attitude is terrible) they start to pick at those who do have a lot of meatlife experience behind their backs, targeting new members of the groups.

The results are often that those who started things and know how to organize them end up leaving because of the BS and the groups decay into in-fighting and ego-battles.

This does not seem limited to men or women but I think does reflect the role of the majority of the earlier generation who had the experience and did the work. Thus in a community originally driven by women, later women will be fighting; groups first run by men will continue to be "run" by men jockeying for position.



kidwithknife -> RE: Male Dominants? (9/18/2008 7:09:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Steponme73

I agree that "all" is probably a bad term.  However, there seems to be more men who have ego problems or bullying problems then women.  I am sure there are some well rounded male doms.  It just seems like the majority of them I have come across as more bullies than doms.
I have an Alpha personality and maybe that is part of the problem too.  Just thought I would throw this out and see what everyone thinks.


That's a very large proportion of it I think.

Because what we're talking about is guys who desperately want to be Alphas.  But, in the privacy of their own thoughts, they don't believe that they are.  So they bluster and bully.  Because the next best thing would be to be considered Alphas by observers.  Despite their behaviour being remarkably transparent.  It's like just before a fight breaks out.  Ignore the guy shouting his mouth off and beating his chest.  Look for the one casually observing the scene, with an air of studied disinterest.  It's the latter who's genuinely dangerous.

And if someone's basing their justification on why they should be subbed to on their  self-identification as a dominant, as opposed to their dominance, anything that so much as looks like it could threaten that is going to be met with hostility.  We're talking about very brittle egos indeed.

Obviously, this makes it no less annoying for you, but their behaviour is coming from a position of weakness, not strength.

And the kind of male dom in question does appear to me to have a particular problem with female doms.  I suspect it's because they can at least identify to an extent with other male doms, so we feel like less of an obvious threat.  In my view, this is at the centre of all  the 'women can't really be doms' wittering.

However, I did give a twinge of recognition to MadRabbit's comments on intellectual arrogance.  And the intellectually arrogant have generally more complex, varied and subtler ways of trying to establish our status.  Even what I just did, deliberately bringing up an issue so I could be the one controling its presentation, is a textbook tactic.  It's up there with the ironic smirk as a primary weapon in the intellectually arrogant's arsenal.

So you should probably take everything I've said with a certain degree of cynicism.



rick19 -> RE: Male Dominants? (9/18/2008 12:24:11 PM)

Really? Because I see more gender supremacy crap from this side of the field than the other. I'd like to find a Domme who isn't a total castrating man hater.



MadRabbit -> RE: Male Dominants? (9/18/2008 12:29:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rick19

Really? Because I see more gender supremacy crap from this side of the field than the other. I'd like to find a Domme who isn't a total castrating man hater.


I'm sure they will be knocking down your door after that generalization.



BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: Male Dominants? (9/18/2008 12:32:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rick19

Really? Because I see more gender supremacy crap from this side of the field than the other. I'd like to find a Domme who isn't a total castrating man hater.


I agree with you rick,most male Dom's are just strong manly men,the large percentage of the female dommes are bitch's from hell, I know I am married to one ....ducks and covers lol.. 



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Male Dominants? (9/18/2008 12:34:41 PM)

LOL Bounty!  I'm telling! [:D]



rick19 -> RE: Male Dominants? (9/18/2008 12:37:40 PM)

I am no longer looking, and I speak from personal experience, I have had bad luck. Obviously your experiences have been different and I'll leave it at that.



Lynnxz -> RE: Male Dominants? (9/18/2008 3:21:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rick19

Really? Because I see more gender supremacy crap from this side of the field than the other. I'd like to find a Domme who isn't a total castrating man hater.


*Puts on the domme hat*

I don't hate everyone as a general rule- normally they have to behave like a jackass first. Besides... I turn down the guys who want me to castrate them... doesn't that count for something?

Pouty, jaded behavior is grounds for dismissal to the idiot corner.



RedMagic1 -> RE: Male Dominants? (9/18/2008 3:37:28 PM)

I've had a lot of female subs tell me I'm not really a dom because I'm not enough of an arrogant asshole.  The most recent example, coming from a friend I care for dearly: "You're definitely a top, but you're a leader, not a ruler.  Doms are rulers.  You're more of an erotic frontiersman."  I think she's right about me, and women seem to be ok with that, so I'm not complaining -- and I'm not willing to turn into a jerk, in any case.  But women give off vibes of what they want, and men do pick up on them (ha ha).

Men don't think doms are "supposed" to be arrogant assholes just out of the blue.  There are plenty of women who give cues that it's the right thing to do.



lusciouslips19 -> RE: Male Dominants? (9/18/2008 3:40:11 PM)

IMHO, I think there is two types of Dom/Dommes. The real kind who don't have to swagger. They have a quiet confidence and know who they are and show respect to all. Then there are the wanna be fakes. They are the "on your knees bitch" Variety of dominant. They have this caricature view of what it is to be dominant and submissive. There are good and bad in both male and female's who call themselves dominants.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Male Dominants? (9/18/2008 7:33:33 PM)

"Erotic Frontiersman"!  Thank you, Red, for Today's snork of laughter.  No offense, I just had this sudden visual of you in a Daniel Boone getup, and that was that...[:D]



Racquelle -> RE: Male Dominants? (9/18/2008 9:58:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rick19  Really? Because I see more gender supremacy crap from this side of the field than the other. I'd like to find a Domme who isn't a total castrating man hater.
  Gosh, I love men.  I have married two of 'em, and both of them have their testes to this day.  Oh, but I guess that comment wasn't aimed at me.  I am a female dominant, not a "Domme".



khem -> RE: Male Dominants? (9/18/2008 10:37:57 PM)

I have a theory on this...  I have noticed three main personality types gravitating toward the top side.  1) people who are naturally drawn to leadership roles and tend to take control in group situations (and in relationships) 2) people who are not normally comfortable with assuming a dominant role in the their day to day lives, but get an erotic charge from doing it in their personal lives, 3) people who want to believe that they are in the first category, but lack the social skills/experience to pull it off.  #3  results in the awkward chest thumping and nonsense, I believe.  The folks in category #2 tend to just sit back and watch people act up, the folks in category #1 organize great events and actually help munches function.  #3's, in smaller munch groups, take over given a lack of #1's.   #3's can't figure out that they are not capable leaders and resort to belittling and ego trips to try to bend people to their will.  They refuse to keep their "dominance" consensual by subjecting anyone who comes along to their ego trip. 

My solution on the #3's is to call them on consent.  If they are bashing, belittling, taking charge of an event/person/object that does not belong to them, it is important that someone calls it what it is.

Errr that was unnecessarily wordy.



slaveboyforyou -> RE: Male Dominants? (9/18/2008 10:57:02 PM)

They never are with me.  But I am extremely confrontational.  I don't put up with other people's nonsense, and I will call someone on their bullshit in a minute. 



MsStarlett -> RE: Male Dominants? (9/19/2008 4:49:22 AM)

"Hear me Roar" Doms are just plain useless. 

My mentor is a ruthless Dom in private.  He only wants to torture his girls and send them packing.  He is NOT the sub's friend.  That's not the D/s relationship he looks for.  Yet, even then, he is respectful and grateful to his girls.  He takes good care of them.  Lots of prior and after care.  To his friends and casual acquaintances, he is the most wonderful, fun loving, kind and generous person you would ever be delighted to meet.

When I first joined here, he was so funny looking over my shoulder.  He kept telling me "No, No, NO!  That's not what they WANT!  You are just TO NICE!  These guys want you to be heartless and cruel!  Don't smile in your photos!  You need to be STERN!"

(This is so funny to me because I can hear his voice in my head.  I hear his funny little laugh and see that goofy smile of his when he pokes and me and tell me to be evil.  He's such a great guy and a terrific friend!)

Maybe Dominates of both sexes ACT that way on the net because they believe that's what subs want to see.  I gave up the 'act' pretty quickly because it's just not who I am.  I find gentle persuasion to be my better quality.  I tend to fall back to the old "You catch more flies with honey" routine.  I've always been good at gently louring men into my bedroom... then letting the bitch loose.  [:)]



Dnomyar -> RE: Male Dominants? (9/19/2008 5:04:25 AM)

How do you swagger??  When I see swagger I think of a guy with one hand on his hip and a purse in the other. Arrogant people give us someone to talk about.



MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: Male Dominants? (9/19/2008 5:08:27 AM)

Yes I have to agree.  If it wasn't for the arrogant newbies, who would we p*ss ourselves laughing at?



MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: Male Dominants? (9/19/2008 5:10:21 AM)

ummm...btw, to "p*ss ya'self laughin' " is Aussie vernacular that might lose a bit in translation....sorry



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