krikket
Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: goodgirlslave
but is not that i don't know the answer, as much as i think it inappropriate to discuss with a cyber person who may not even be real. so, i find myself refusing to answer such questions. do you consider this disrespectful?
Yes. No. Maybe. (How's that for a definate answer..lol)
Yo'rer entitled to your feelings about whether the questions they're asking are disrespectful or if the fact that you won't answer them is disrespectful or not. Feelings, in and of themselves, are neither right nor wrong, imho, but it's what we do with those feelings that puts judgment on it.
I get a number of letters like the one you describe, and yes, it does make me somewhat uncomfortable, especially if it's in the first letter (or IM) or two. i try to understand that the Dom is trying to get an idea of whether or not we might be a good fit. i know that some people who write aren't interesting in getting to know me as a sub/woman/friend first because their time is so valuable they don't have time to invest is discovery first. I try to remember that not everyone one is looking for the same things i am in a relationship (or interested in a relationship at all for that matter, other than sexual or bdsm). i'll answer general questions, but when they cross my "self-imposed" line of too personal, i'll tell them that i just don't know them well enough to feel comfortable answering those "kinds" of questions. The key here, for me, is to respond in a respectful manner. If they respond in kind, not demanding on email #2 that all my orgasms/my body belong to them, but taking the time to get to know me, then the emails continue and a meeting becomes a very real possibility. If they disappear (as is often the case), or they get huffy or demanding, then, after another attempt to explain my feelings, i cut communications off myself. (Yes, a sub can do that as well as a Dom.) I usually say that talking about personal, intimate details of my sex life (as opposed to talking about my likes, dislikes, limits, desires, etc.) are a personal limit when it's with someone whose name i don't even know (and that i have already replied in kind). My thought is that if they can't respect that "limit" in the beginning, then they probably won't respect my physical limits during play time, so it becomes a red flag for me.
Now, i know i can be completely off in that assessment, but it's part of my "weeding out" processes. In all cases, i try to remain respectful, mindful that there's a real person on the other side of my computer screen, and to treat them accordingly -- being a Dom has nothing to do with that, btw. It's just how i am.
So, in reply to the OP, yes, it's okay to feel it's disrespectful -- it's your right to feel however you want. No, i don't believe you should respond in a disrespectful way to their innocent (or not) questions, and.. Maybe, when you're writing to someone it's okay to suddenly feel a connection and answer their questions anyway..lol.
Good luck..
jimini
_____________________________
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."
by A. Nin
When your heart speaks take good notes.
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RE: appropriate cyper chat - 
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