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RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 9/21/2008 7:21:12 AM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wordstoponder

Long-Distance relationships have always been difficult for me. I am very emotionally needy and crave physical touch, and have a hard time taming my desires and controlling my neediness. I serve Master in real life, and am usually there on the weekends. However, with winter approaching, it will be more difficult to spend as much time with Him as I used to. He lives only two hours away, but after a long day at work, two hours is a long drive.

I was wondering if anyone has any advice, especially the submissives who love their Masters/Mistresses but are unable to see them as much as they would like.

Thank you.

I wish I were only 2 hours away from Mistress and personally wouldn't consider it long distance at all! I saw your post about your Master not having a driver's license at this time.

The best suggstion I have for you is to continue to create a life of your own and not one that revolves entirely around your Master. You need friends to support you and other interests to participate in to keep you busy when the two of you are not together. That will enrich your own life as well as the relationship the two of you have together. It is something that you will bring to the table and reduce the "neediness" that you mention.

If you are getting part of your needs met by other people along with the activities and interests you are involved in, you won't feel this neediness to nearly as such a great degree as you do now. I suggest you ask yourself what things interest you and pursue them. If I may, you may also want to consider asking your Master what skills he might want you to learn, then take a class in one of them to help keep you busy to improve youself for his and your benefit. I'd also highly recommend you try and get involved in a BDSM group that is local to you if there is one that exists. One that is near to me has a submissives group that regularly meets and many other events as well.

I hope you find these suggestions helpful to you.

- pixel

Lady Pact's bleaux

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to wordstoponder)

Post #: 21

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 9/21/2008 8:11:12 PM

cravesdom

Posts: 5219
Joined: 3/28/2008
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I absolutely hate long-distance relationships, but the man I fell in love with is over 1200 miles away from me. It is tough. Some days more so than others. We try to talk to each other on a daily basis. We chat via webcam when we can. We email when we can't. I write him long letters and send them in the mail to surprise him. We keep ourselves busy with friends and hobbies and work, of course. For me, it definitely helps that we have a long-term goal of living together. I think that if I didn't have that to look forward to, I wouldn't be able to make it through the tougher times. And when we are able to make plans for a visit, it helps me as well. Just knowing that I will be able to touch him and kiss him and see him in person in so many days is a huge help. But I think the one thing that keeps me going the most is that I know he is worth it. He is worth the hard times and struggles. He is worth the long time periods when I am not able to be with him in person. And I know that when I am able to be with him, all the heartache and suffering will only make it that much more special. I will make sure that I savor every moment and not take him for granted.

Be strong, keep busy and you will make it. 2 hours is not as bad as it could be, even though I know it seems that way right now.

_____________________________

Finally home where I belong.

"A lot of disappointed people have been left standing on the street corner waiting for the bus marked 'Perfection.' " Donald Kennedy

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 22

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 9/21/2008 8:39:35 PM

Slave2Him221

Posts: 7
Joined: 9/21/2008
Status: offline

Long distance is a challenge at best. Three years ago, I was in a "long distance relationship" living an hour away from my boyfriend. No, an hour isn't a long way, but it was far enough for me. I absolutley hated it. We would always fight about who was going over to who's house and things like that. I needed him a whole lot more than he needed me, and it just didn't work out.

That being said, my husband, and now Master (we are just now testing the waters of the s/m world) was stationed at an Army base 2.5 hours away from my home when we met. We spent the weekends together, and talked and texted each other during the week. The time we were apart made what we had together so much more special. Now he has been in Iraq for 11 months. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. We can only continue our relationship through online chats and the seldome phone calls. One runs out of conversation after 11 months. We each have the same routine every day and have absolutely nothing to talk about. I just moved to be closer to his base, and have no friends here, only my job and our dogs to keep me company, but I talk to friends on the phone nightly. There are days when I curl up and just cry. But all of it is worth it to finally be together in the end. There is no one else I would do this for. The question for me was; is it going to be worth it. And it is.

If you can hang in there, create a life of your own, with your own friends and your own routines; one that does not center around him every waking moment; if you can have good conversations at night and even get on web cams, you can make it work. If it will be worth it in the end, then why not?

(in reply to cravesdom)

Post #: 23

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 9/21/2008 8:57:26 PM

angelslave77

Posts: 478
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

Master and I met 14 months ago and had a long distance (500 miles) relationship until July 30th when I relocated. Due to costs of airfare we didn't see each other every weekend, but rather for an extended weekend every other month. What He did was to set a time for me to call and wake Him up every morning so that His was the first voice I heard each morning. We spoke every day for around and hour after work and then again before going to bed so that His was the last voice I heard each evening. As much as I hate webcams, we used them to help ease the pain of not being together.

In my case it may have been easier because my relocation to live with Him was planned from the start so I was able to remind myself that everything I was doing, no matter how mundane, was all in preparation for our life together.

Our story is very similar to this also, we had a plan from the outset also and so even when it was real tough I just reminded myself that we would be together soon, and now we are.

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 24

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 9/21/2008 9:58:30 PM

Stusmobile

Posts: 145
Joined: 5/26/2008
From: No fixed abode
Status: offline

Honestly a long distance relationship is no different to any other with respect to commitment.

How much you are willing to do the things needed to make things work and to get quality time together. Right now I am 4000 miles from my girl, it's tough but certainly not insurmountable. I crawl out of bed at 3am every morning, she stays up until midnight and we do it because it gives us a couple of hours every day where we are together. It's not ideal, it's not something that will last forever, but for now it fills a need.

We email, we journal, hell we use text messages to stay in touch through out the day and we schedule things so that we get our time every night. On those occasions where we know we'll be out of cam/voice range we'll call, either yahoo/skype to her cell or mine. It's important enough to us to make that time no matter what else is going on in our lives.

_____________________________

Goethe: "Whatever you do, or dream you can do, begin it - boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now."

EmlyKate is mine and I wouldn't wish for anything else.

(in reply to wordstoponder)

Post #: 25

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 9/22/2008 12:47:47 PM

Daes

Posts: 246
Joined: 4/20/2007
From: Diamond Bar, SoCal
Status: offline

I'll echo a few comments here. You have to decide if the reward (time, love, relationship etc) is worth it. My Sir lives two hours away from me in San Diego.

I get lonely, I start wanting him Here with Me, and it hurts like hell. Everything is pure bliss when we're together, could not be happier. Then he leaves, and I wake up. We both deal with our time apart, we do what we can and make time to at least have phone calls while we wait another opportunity to see each other. And I dont care what anyone says, two weeks, three weeks seems like Forever when you are constantly thinking about them, wanting them.

Quite frankly, long distance sucks.

But, for Us - these things are temporary, they're irrelevant in comparison to the bigger picture. We love each other and we work towards the day where we can have a live-in situation and these things are no longer an issue. That's the goal, and its something I look forward to, and for that, I can be patient and wait. It's so worth it. We have something rare and special and we're not letting it go.

_____________________________

~*Estrellita*~
I want to be in surrender of His strength, of His power. Alone, I am nothing, but in His arms I am all things...

~His puppy~

(in reply to camille65)

Post #: 26

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 9/22/2008 2:21:00 PM

LadyZee

Posts: 17
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shiazn03

this is said with the bestest intent: don't force yourself to be "okay" with a situation you truly are not....the outcome isn't a pretty one, especially if you break down. when you feel, little by little, the small unhappiness that your needs aren't met (or not met in a way that is enough to make you content) will build up. what was once a mole hill will eventually become a mountain. try to fix the problem now while it is still a small one. again, NOT to say your problem is a small one but you know that this situation can get worst if you (and your Master) don't work out a better situation to suit your physical and emotional needs.
<snip>

This is such wonderful advice. Don't settle for less than what you want and need in any relationship--especially at the beginning, as it will eventually catch up with you. If you can't work out a compromise now, then it might be wise to "nip it in the bud" as a wise slave told me today.

(in reply to shiazn03)

Post #: 27

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 9/24/2008 3:49:30 AM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

It never ceases to amaze me all those people who claim that they would never have a long distance relationship or that x amount of miles or travelling time is too far. How do you know? What if someone turned you and your life upside down so much you'd change your tune?

This is what some people experience and all I would suggest is don't knock something you don't understand. Never say never.

And when it comes to love there is ALWAYS a way. And it takes just that to find it. Love.

The longer the distance the bigger the sacrifice. Often it's worth it. How many of you out there can reach out, take your other half by the hand, and together sit and nod in agreement to these words?

Four things come to mind in my opinion to help you make it through - contact, communication, integrity and patience. Intimacy between two people doesn't really mean lying naked in a bedroom next to someone you've only just met, it rather means baring your soul and making that naked privately with your partner, irrespective of whether they are standing in front of you or are on the other side of the world, it's being able to share openly what you think and feel with that other person by whatever means.

It's not music, but intimacy which is the food of love. When it comes to being emotionally needy many people will tell you to love yourself, and though loving yourself is the first step to being able to share love with someone else it's being able to share that special intimacy or closeness which makes you feel loved or special in some way. Everybody needs someone.

I recently became involved with a gay man in his late 30's. He was homeless, in a rolling night shelter, terminally ill, and so ill that there was no way he was ever going to make it out of that shelter due to the HIV , substance issues and other health related problems. The staff wanted him in a hospice, he wanted to die on the streets or somewhere among his friends. This led to a conflict. It reached the stage where he was prepared to take his own life by slashing his wrists. We took it in turn to get him to drop the blades. I managed to get the blades off him by giving him a hug, holding him close to me. He hadn't been held for some years. However less than an hour later he was dead. He had taken an overdose.

This underscores something that we tend to overlook, life is short, very short, and it's often best to come right out with those feelings and say what you mean before it's too late. But it also underlines that need for intimacy which we all share and have in common, something which is very necessary and essential for our own happiness.

And when you are many miles apart that intimacy can only come from those four things - contact, communication, integrity and patience. There is nothing between people which cannot be found or solved in some way other than by love. It will always find a way if you let it.

_____________________________

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http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
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(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 28

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 9/24/2008 4:33:06 PM

denise23457

Posts: 1
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

Hi, i had a long distance relationship for 4 years. He flew me to him once a month. It was very hard. If there was some advice i could give you to make it easier i would do so but there isn't. i am needy too. i understand what you are saying and feeling. Just remember to keep asking yourself "would i be better off with him or without him". Also remember, as i found out, it isn't that easy to find someone closer who is real, compatible, and who loves me. Take care. denise

(in reply to wordstoponder)

Post #: 29

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 9/24/2008 5:10:23 PM

kristileigh

Posts: 1078
Joined: 3/23/2008
Status: offline

me an Master would chat every night online . Usually cam to cam. W/we would chat about anything and everything. About what happened at work and with family. And also what He would like me to do for Him the next time W/we were together. And what He would be doing to me the next time W/we were together. Just seeing Him on cam was kept me going. i have since moved in and am living 24/7. Good luck!

(in reply to wordstoponder)

Post #: 30

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 10/1/2008 11:08:05 AM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

my M'Lady has a rotating schedule and I'm now 3 time zones away. this is a challenge for Her as well as Her Husband is deployed at this time as well. before i left her home W/we made plans to keep in contact by chatting as often as schedules permitted and doing threads and a journal. also to try to contact by phone once a week as well. in my case i have a wife to be with when I'm away from my M'Lady, for my M'Lady i gave her a body pillow to snuggle with while her husband and i are away. this has helped her a great deal. you might want to find something special for your dynamic to ease your separation.

(in reply to kristileigh)

Post #: 31

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 10/1/2008 5:24:41 PM

vampchick88

Posts: 346
Joined: 4/10/2007
Status: offline

My long distance relationship with pet is over 800 miles away. We had a six week visit over the summer but I'll be attending school for a year before I get to move permanently to Louisiana. My advise is this, love can get you through anything. With patience, love, devotion, and picturing yourself with that person and only that person....well where there's a will there's a way. It gets hard, trust me I know it gets hard but in the end for me its worth it. pet and I also exchange small things, just items that belong to the other. small things help bring comfort, especially in times when you feel like you've hit bottom.

_____________________________

Proud owner of rubberpet, the best investment of my time, trust, and heart that any Domme could ever dream of.

(in reply to camille65)

Post #: 32

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 10/1/2008 6:23:26 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wordstoponder

To "move" would ruin both of our current situations. Neither of us are in a position to live together, though we plan to do so when the time is right.

I am content just "living" here on the weekends. I am at Master's as I type.

Then stop letting yourself spin into a negative mindset....

Everytime you feel yourself getting needy etc... remind yourself.. what is right for you NOW! If you let youself go into negative thougths.. your going to feel negative.

If the relationship is worth the effort.. you will see yourself through to the day that you do live together. Honestly, 2 hours apart is not all that bad... I wish I had your situation to deal with... I was 3500 miles from Kyra until she moved to be with us.... we did that for over 3 years.... It was worth it.... and every day that she is hear... I am glad that I kept focuse on that very idea.... "SHE IS WORTH IT" that is what got me through each day..

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to wordstoponder)

Post #: 33

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 10/1/2008 6:34:34 PM

lronitulstahp

Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

I wish I had your situation to deal with... I was 3500 miles from Kyra until she moved to be with us.... we did that for over 3 years.... It was worth it.... and every day that she is hear... I am glad that I kept focuse on that very idea.... "SHE IS WORTH IT" that is what got me through each day..

*sigh*
i just love happy endings!!!!!
i love that it does happen if people are willing to make it happen...or let it happen, for that matter.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOB8wxZVXFA&feature=related

_____________________________

Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 34

RE: Long-Distance Relationship Advice Wanted - 10/1/2008 6:39:07 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

We were long distance off and on for a few years. It has been tremendously difficult, and at times impossible, to continue on that way. We broke up twice and made our way back to each other and now we are together. This is the next step for us. I would never start a LDR ever again... although it has worked for us in the long run, it is emotionally wrenching to be far away from someone that you love.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to wordstoponder)

Post #: 35

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