OneMoreWaste
Posts: 910
Joined: 8/24/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel
Just out of curiousity here... does she understand why you have been doing all the housework and such? I mean, did you talk with her at all about it? If not, then I would just back off doing it slowly. You know, like each week do a little less and let her pick up the slack until it's on an even keel again. And if you did talk to her about it and she knows why you are/were doing it all and it hasn't helped your situation at all then I guess you can let her know. A simple.. "ok, this isn't working" would be a start.
And I'm guessing here... I take it the service you did wasn't exactly what you needed huh? I understand that and I'm just wondering if you wouldn't be happier in doing it if you were to change your mindset a little? Maybe she doesn't want to be the dominant you wanted, but is she happy with what you do for her? Have you succeeded in making her life easier? And in the long run, minus the kink of course, isn't that what you want?
Yeah, I'll keep asking questions here... How do you know it's a lost cause? What has happened to make you feel that way? There really is very little info there for us to comment on. If it's the simple fact that she hasn't started acting all dominant towards you, or at least in a way that you would expect a dominant female to act, then maybe your expectations are to high? Or maybe she is a slow study (no, I don't mean she's stupid!) and just hasn't really had time for it to soak in? And maybe she really has no clue as to why you do what you do and if that's the case then maybe it would be best if you shared that info with her.
You're right (as are others)- I provided very little information, due to my mood at the time of the OP.
To clarify: I am a hetero male submissive (not that it matters all that much, but just so everyone can have their pronouns on the same page). We're married. We've been living together for a little over ten years.
She knew from the beginning that I was submissive and a masochist, and the idea of being Dominant appealed to her. Even though it didn't come naturally to her, I did what I could to help. There were times that we were pretty active in BDSM. But in the past year or so I've come to realize that if somebody involved in D/s saw us together, they would assume that *I* was the Dominant. Every Single Decision comes down to me, big or small. Big, like, should we move to a new home, down to "what should I wear today", and God help me, "what should we have for dinner". I talk to other people for her because she's afraid to (we actually both have social anxiety disorder; I'm being treated for it, she refuses). When we play (4-6 times a year), there are always explanations- "We should play tomorrow night, I feel bad that I've been neglecting you so long"; "Oh, I know you prefer to be tied up, but it's just too much work, is it okay if we don't do it this time?" It was always a little awkward, but now... there's just nothing for me to hang on to anymore to pretend that I'm her pet. I feel like her father.
Anyway, as things developed I do everything around the house- literally, everything. She'll take a dirty dinner plate into the kitchen and put it on the counter, and that's pretty much it. And while it was fine for a long time, and I even took pride in it when she'd brag to her co-workers and such about how she never had to do a single thing... Now it just makes me irritable. It seems as though if I'm the one in charge, I should be the one sitting on the couch while the laundry's being done, right? So maybe it's more of a rhetorical question and a vent than anything else. I donno.
Honestly, what I'll probably end up doing is just telling her what her new chores are, and she'll do them because she's afraid of disappointing me (I would NEVER strike her; I've never even yelled at her, I'm always very careful to avoid saying anything that she might construe as being in any way negative... I don't know where this comes from).
Anyway, that's what all that is about, for those who have read this far.
-Wastie
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RE: If you give up on "converting" a vanilla ... - 
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