RE: New Sub getting carried away?

RE: New Sub getting carried away? (Full Version)

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slaveluci -> RE: New Sub getting carried away? (9/21/2008 8:29:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VivaciousSub My post was simply to state that there was something alarming about this particular approach considering the parties involved. I did not say that "starting with the spanking" was right for everyone. True, you did not. Neither did I say it wasn't right for anyone. Just sharing my personal experience. I didn't mean to twist your words in any way. Sorry if it seemed so...........luci

scarlethiney -> RE: New Sub getting carried away? (9/21/2008 8:48:37 PM)
Your welcome brokenmind. Reality can sometimes be harsh. scarlet

nwcutie102 -> RE: New Sub getting carried away? (9/22/2008 6:00:24 AM)
sub frenzy i would say. use YOUR judgement

persephonee -> RE: New Sub getting carried away? (9/22/2008 6:09:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist quote: ORIGINAL: Ubik I have been talking to a new sub about a first meeting … she is VERY eager, even though she has no experience… She also wanted to move quickly to the first meeting… my main concern is that she wants me to hit her as hard as I can with the riding crop the moment we meet!... My instinct is to say no, but I am curious on what other people say… What is peoples opinion on this?... I see nothing wrong with satisfying mutual interests and it makes you look no less “Domly” to consider the desires of your partner. This is the beginning and it is also her choice as to whether you guys get together or not. It’s just an ass beating. Other than bruises, if you are just hitting her with a crop, what’s the harm? She wants you to take her on a Disney ride and either that appeals to you or it doesn’t. If it doesn’t you should both move on to someone one else or agree to approach it differently. In the alternative, if you want to move quickly on the first date, get some rope, a sword and use the Damocles mind fuck on your first date… oh wait, that’s probably not a good idea after all. LOL OK, coat her lightly with oil, salt to taste and beat her till the salt burns her raw flesh like a hot poker. She will either love it or hate it. Good luck. omg...You simply have to stop saying things like that...i have frequent flyer miles burning a hole in my thong as we speak.

persephonee -> RE: New Sub getting carried away? (9/22/2008 6:20:16 AM)
~FR~ i once asked one of my partners to catch me at the door and throw me down, press my face into the hardwood with his steeltoed boot and ..well...it got a bit unseemly after that... A bit later...just that happened. i remember thinking as my left cheek was smushed so far up my face that i couldnt see anymore from my position on the floor...face to wood/boot on back of neck....what did i get myself into?? Of course the rest of the session i wasnt the one doing any of the thinking...and it was great. For me. Because i know what i want and what i can handle now. If i had made that lil fantasy situation known to a Dom when i was way new...i could have been seriously emotionally traumatised...there is a big difference between fantasy and reality and that whole...be careful what you wish for, you might just get it...comes to mind. You are experienced and You are in control...so really its whatever Your gut is telling You is the right way to proceed. You can always work up in intensity. Remember...You cant unring a bell.

justNCmale -> RE: New Sub getting carried away? (9/22/2008 6:22:46 AM)
set-up was the first thing that came to my mind also. I have never found a "new" sub that wanted it hard and fast, explore - yes and want to 'feel' the lifestyle, but usually the sub is careful as the Dom should be I what they want from a new relationship.

persephonee -> RE: New Sub getting carried away? (9/22/2008 6:46:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: justNCmale set-up was the first thing that came to my mind also. I have never found a "new" sub that wanted it hard and fast, explore - yes and want to 'feel' the lifestyle, but usually the sub is careful as the Dom should be I what they want from a new relationship. With respect, simply because you have never met one doesnt mean she doesnt exist. i understand the mindset and perspective of the Dominants who are worried about law enforcement involvement and that is nothing to sneeze at...and therefore precautions are a must...but really now, not every sub who is adventerous is not necessarily out to set someone up for arrest. Some of us might just want to cut the crap and get down to what its going to be about.... just my 2 cents.

scarlethiney -> RE: New Sub getting carried away? (9/22/2008 7:10:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: persephonee quote: ORIGINAL: justNCmale set-up was the first thing that came to my mind also. I have never found a "new" sub that wanted it hard and fast, explore - yes and want to 'feel' the lifestyle, but usually the sub is careful as the Dom should be I what they want from a new relationship. With respect, simply because you have never met one doesnt mean she doesnt exist. i understand the mindset and perspective of the Dominants who are worried about law enforcement involvement and that is nothing to sneeze at...and therefore precautions are a must...but really now, not every sub who is adventerous is not necessarily out to set someone up for arrest. Some of us might just want to cut the crap and get down to what its going to be about.... just my 2 cents. With all due respect persephonee until you've sat in a court room with someone you love once a month for six months worrying about such things as "prison", you can't possible understand the mindset of some Doms. Let's don't be flip about responses or opinions in this situation. I do think the OP has a good grasp of the situation and is obviously intelligent enough to realize the need for caution. I for one after reading his posts am not worried at all about his ability to handle this situation. Most of us would immediately find this sub's behavior out of the norm. Of course there are those who have felt the way this sub did and I'm sure acted on it without anything detrimental happening. Caution is never a bad thing and neither is thinking this person's behavior is a bit suspect. scarlet

scarlethiney -> RE: New Sub getting carried away? (9/22/2008 7:25:50 AM)
I have to apologize persephonee after re/reading my post to you. It wasn't my intention to sound harsh or critical toward you. I have to stop myself and remember I have a skewed perspective because of our experience toward this type of situation and it wasn't fair of me to state that you sounded flip. I'm sure that's not the way you intended to be perceived. I apologize. scarlet

CreativeDominant -> RE: New Sub getting carried away? (9/22/2008 7:29:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: brokenmind Which of you is the D? That was the first thing that hit my mind. Yes, you are two people...on equal footing...no one position having more significance than the other. Yes, getting to know each other requires a certain "amping down" of the dominance you would display if she was already yours. That being said, making plans to meet for the first time and making plans to play for the first time and the fact that she is so eager does not mean you should be turning over the reins completely to the submissive type. At this point in time, meetings and negotiations are about satisfying BOTH people's wants and desires...not just hers. The ability and the willingness to compromise, the ability to recognize the importance of what the other seeks and the ability to discern how much of that you should play to should be coming from both of you. Plus...if she is as new as you state she is, the fantasy aspects of all this could be what is driving her more than common sense. She may state that she wants all this and then you wake up next morning next to someone who is telling you that the police are on their way. persephonee and others note that there may be a few who would do this but not all adventuresome submissives are looking for police intervention. That may well be true, but do you really want to find out if a NEW play partner...one that is pushing for a meeting with little time spent getting to know each other inside and out...is one who would do it? I did...and spent a couple days afterwards worried about the police knocking at my door. And the odd thing is, she wasn't a newbie...or at least so she said. Be the dominant and show both some common sense and some sense of responsibility and be willing to exert some dominant control, especially if you have any more experience at this than she does.

Aslanemperor -> RE: New Sub getting carried away? (9/22/2008 7:37:34 AM)
I have read a few of the responses and it seems like most of the people here are thinking what I am. Dude, you're the Dom. Be the Dom. Tell her, "This is how it goes. If you can't accept that then we can't meet." If you can't do that, she will be turned off to you soon anyway. It's up to you to be wise enough to know how much is to much and how much isn't enough.

Ubik -> RE: New Sub getting carried away? (9/28/2008 3:13:10 AM)
So I met her, twice in fact. The first meeting was kind of a rushed affair, but even then I felt we really didnt click. The second meeting was dreadful. All she was interested in was hearing all the things I had done, the more extreme and kinky the better, while I was trying to get a sense of who she was, outside of her BDSM interest. There was just no spark, we didnt really make each other laugh and it just felt like a business transaction. So I wont be meeting her to play, and when I told her, she said "You should be grateful, that I had found somebody who would play with me!!) I guess my initial instincts were right. And however long it is since I did play and did feel a spark, it has to be right for me Thank you all for your helpful comments Ubik

babbblin -> RE: New Sub getting carried away? (9/28/2008 3:38:14 AM)
i met a Dominant. i am not without experience but i don't have that much and none as of late. The meeting couldn't have been worse. i never want to see or speak to Him again. He rushed me into the first meeting, He lied to His wife about where He was going so He could see me, and nothing of what He promised took place. i do believe i was in a sub frenzy.....no doubt about that...and i take some of the responsibility. But if a Domiant rushes a submissive to meet in a not so safe stituation and in a moment of clarity she realizes this has to be the dumbest thing she has ever done........is it her fault if she bolts? Forgive me Ubik for using Your thread to post a question but O/our stories sound similar. But there willl be no second meeting here.

Areflectionofyou -> RE: New Sub getting carried away? (9/28/2008 5:15:30 AM)
Youare the Dominant and it isn't her place to tell you what you are to do on meeting. Although it is her place to say No if she feels its too much. Id say its a dangerous position to go full force on just meeting someone. How about coffee?

ExSteelAgain -> RE: New Sub getting carried away? (9/28/2008 6:11:05 AM)
I wouldn’t have doen something like that because a scene is a conversation musically and physically for me. We are both performers taking turns playing in response to the progress of the other. What is apropos has to come from the energy of the scene and can’t be prearranged. The Cirque de la Symphonie, which combines orchestra music with cirque-style performance is coming to my home town soon. The circus performers are with a different orchestra in each town yet, they are able to give a blend of different arts that work to bring a spell bounding performance of visual awe with visceral music. That’s my take on a scene. It is not as simple as saying hit me hard when we first meet. Each performance is different; each makes demands on the performers as they are challenged to perform carefully controlled acts in new environments.

RealSub58 -> RE: New Sub getting carried away? (9/28/2008 7:35:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Ubik So I met her, twice in fact. The first meeting was kind of a rushed affair, but even then I felt we really didnt click. The second meeting was dreadful. All she was interested in was hearing all the things I had done, the more extreme and kinky the better, while I was trying to get a sense of who she was, outside of her BDSM interest. There was just no spark, we didnt really make each other laugh and it just felt like a business transaction. So I wont be meeting her to play, and when I told her, she said "You should be grateful, that I had found somebody who would play with me!!) I guess my initial instincts were right. And however long it is since I did play and did feel a spark, it has to be right for me Thank you all for your helpful comments Ubik My question at this point would be, did you at least counsel this woman on the fact that she might be abused by someone not as in control as you are? That her rush will put her into danger's way? If she is here on CM, I think you need to direct her to this post. JMHO

CalifChick -> RE: New Sub getting carried away? (9/28/2008 7:59:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Ubik So I met her, twice in fact. The first meeting was kind of a rushed affair, but even then I felt we really didnt click. The second meeting was dreadful. I'm sorry that it didn't work out, but I'm glad that it didn't go terribly wrong either. Hang in there. Cali

tweedydaddy -> RE: New Sub getting carried away? (9/28/2008 5:01:19 PM)
I don't think you have had enough experience to be dominating anybody on your own. Go to a club and learn. You are rushing things as much as this hypothetical slave, slow down, make sure you have the knowledge you need, your questions make it plain that you don't. You are heading for very dangerous waters, many things about BDSM are best not learned on the hoof, and riding crops are one of them. You cause damage to a newbie and they go to the law..... woohoo!

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