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Not wanting to cum - 9/21/2008 5:16:45 PM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline 		Ok. For me, sex has always been about the orgasms. I've always said I cum like they vote in Chicago- early and often.
 
With Master, I need permission to cum, and He has often said He can't decide which He enjoys more- watching me cum or struggling not to when He denies permission.
 
But even when He denies for a while - He likes the cumming too much to deny Himself the pleasure of having me cum for Him- so it has been very rare indeed when He hasn't allowed me to cum after a while.
 
So, what's the issue?
 
Lately, when we have intercourse and He starts out by denying me, I've been finding myself in this head space where I DON'T WANT TO CUM. What the 'F' is that about?
 
It's like, if I don't cum, then I really am just a hole- nothing but a vessel for Him to use and fill with His cum. And the headspace is really good. I find myself hoping He'll get rougher and rougher and then cum and then just walk away.
 
So, I am there, being nothing but f*ckmeat, and then He decides He wants me to cum.
 
And I can't. It's like I'd have to go backwards to reach a place inside of me that feels anything like cumming.
 
Of course, I have. He insists. But it takes a while (which is unusual for me in and of itself). And I really don't want to lose my headspace, but I must to please Him.
 
Does anyone else have experience with this kind of thing? Am I being selfish to want to stay in my floaty space and not cum? Is it weird to not be able to cum in that floaty space?
 
(...am I asking too many questions? Overthinking things? -who, me, overthink? lol.)
 
(oh, and, of course, yes, I have discussed this with Him. I'm just hoping for more insight for myself.)

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RE: Not wanting to cum - 9/21/2008 5:46:34 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		It all sounds quite normal to me.  You've communicated to him so he has all the info for the future.  Now go and enjoy.

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RE: Not wanting to cum - 9/21/2008 5:47:39 PM   
sfdrew


Posts: 124
Joined: 6/15/2007
Status: offline 		Sounds like a real predicament. Men don't have these problems since we have to cum, in one form or another sooner or later even if we didn't want to. Our bodies just don't work that way. Personally I think he needs to adjust his requirements for you. Either way he wants you should be acceptable, but if you just can't do both, he needs to chose. Either you cum when you have sex, or you are fuckhole from now on. Seems like an oversimplification, but based on your story, it seems like the only real solution.... other than you going crazy, and the both of you being frustrated all the time.

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RE: Not wanting to cum - 9/21/2008 6:53:25 PM   
lizcgirl


Posts: 287
Joined: 4/13/2008
Status: offline 		It's harder for me to cum after I was denied. I convince myself not to cum, I fight it as hard as I can, then He tells me to cum and I can't back peddle that fast- it's like starting all over again. It can be frustrating, that's for sure. I end up feeling like letting go is harder than refusing myself simply because I restrained myself so much or for so long that it can't be undone that easily. There are times I don't WANT to cum, I simply want to make Him cum, nothing else. I get such enjoyment out of it that cumming just doesn't seem important at that moment. I love being His to use to please HIM, that's a turn on in itself. I don't think it's weird to not want to cum- it's a wonderful feeling to please some one to that extent without wanting anything in return.

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RE: Not wanting to cum - 9/21/2008 6:56:30 PM   
VivaciousSub


Posts: 446
Joined: 9/7/2008
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

The
quote:

ORIGINAL: lizcgirl

There are times I don't WANT to cum, I simply want to make Him cum, nothing else. I get such enjoyment out of it that cumming just doesn't seem important at that moment. I love being His to use to please HIM, that's a turn on in itself. I don't think it's weird to not want to cum- it's a wonderful feeling to please some one to that extent without wanting anything in return.


Thank you liz! I have felt this way for eternity but hadn't the words to put it into a coherent thought. I like to be used as a fucktoy and nothing more on occasion. If He wants me to cum, I will, but I enjoy it when I'm used solely for His pleasure.


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RE: Not wanting to cum - 9/21/2008 6:57:30 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		Well, What do you think this could be from a scientific standpoint? If you use your mind to turn off a physiological response I would think you would be back at square one physically.

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RE: Not wanting to cum - 9/21/2008 7:12:56 PM   
MasterHypnotist


Posts: 120
Joined: 6/8/2006
Status: offline 		The posts from the OP and lizcgirl have given me insight into my pet's focus on my pleasure. she says similar things, but when I hear them "in the moment" I shade it with, "she's just saying that as my submissive." Bad, bad Master!

Of course, I can cheat. I have post-hypnotic triggers for her to orgasm through so many stimuli that's it's just not fair. My pet is very much like hejira92 and I agree with her Master. What y'all do is simply amazing to us. It's a shame to miss the show!!!!

MH

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RE: Not wanting to cum - 9/21/2008 7:17:16 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		hejira,

I know someone who is going to really enjoy this thread!  That said, I once told a mutual friend "be careful what  you say no to" as that becomes my next hot fantasy.  A woman cums easy, don't let her cum, she can't come, make her come early and often.

What you two have is rather splendid, don't overthink it.  If it really really is something you need to do once in a while, communicate that to him too but it sounds like you have.

Personally, I think it is all hot as hell!

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RE: Not wanting to cum - 9/21/2008 7:25:43 PM   
angelslave77


Posts: 478
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		what lizc said

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RE: Not wanting to cum - 9/21/2008 8:30:43 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		We're complicated enough to be motivated in more ways than one and demotivated in more ways that one- thus we can be simultaneously motived and de-motivated in the exact same moment in the exact same action.

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RE: Not wanting to cum - 9/22/2008 5:26:24 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		He can't expect it both ways. He's set it up so you can't orgasm and then he wants you to. He needs to work within the limits of your body.

It isn't at all uncommon for women put on denial to lose interest or ability. It also isn't uncommon for women to not be able to after they've been refused. Some of us just can't switch back and forth that easily.

For me; if he ruins or refuses me the first one, there won't be any others. If allowed the first one easily, I can more easily handle teasing for an hour and then be able to.

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RE: Not wanting to cum - 9/22/2008 7:59:30 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		Hi hejira,

I went through something similar when I was with my former master.  It was slightly different, yet similar.  The agony of having to hold an orgasm and not release it, while bringing me to tears at times, made me feel the control he had over me - mind and body - and it gave me such a rush.  It put me in that tortured head space which I loved.  Like your Master, mine often said he couldn't decide which he liked better, but ultimately decided he liked watching my cum even more than watching me suffer from not cumming.

Sooo...the balance in my mind was that I got the rush from his control and power by not cumming, and then ultimately gave in to his will to give him the ultimate pleasure by cumming.  It's win-win, really, hejira.  Your Master gets the best of both worlds - of having you not cum and having you cum.  And in this way, you are actually being totally used for his pleasure - fuck-meat and cum-meat!  Because whether you enjoy your orgasms or not, they are obviously for his pleasure - he has said as much!  Perhaps with this in mind, you can keep that headspace whether you are cumming or not.

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Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



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RE: Not wanting to cum - 9/22/2008 8:14:19 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Master knows i cum very easy  at least with him i do. He will take me right to the edge stop let me get breath back then start again.  He always said you are not gonna cum until i make you cum.  He does that to make it better form me and to give himself more pleasure.  I think orgasm denial is one of thr ultimate power trips for Dom's.  At least Master never leaves me like that always makes sure i cum.  Sometimes (not very often) i have trouble so he warms me up first.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to NuevaVida)
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RE: Not wanting to cum - 9/22/2008 3:13:07 PM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lizcgirl

It's harder for me to cum after I was denied. I convince myself not to cum, I fight it as hard as I can, then He tells me to cum and I can't back peddle that fast- it's like starting all over again. It can be frustrating, that's for sure. I end up feeling like letting go is harder than refusing myself simply because I restrained myself so much or for so long that it can't be undone that easily. There are times I don't WANT to cum, I simply want to make Him cum, nothing else. I get such enjoyment out of it that cumming just doesn't seem important at that moment. I love being His to use to please HIM, that's a turn on in itself. I don't think it's weird to not want to cum- it's a wonderful feeling to please some one to that extent without wanting anything in return.


I so relate to these comments! It's so nice to know that I am not alone in these feelings.
 
Also, Master is one who enjoys the control aspects so much that He does not even focus on His own orgasm. He says He may not always cum, but He always gets off. So, To be used for His orgasm is even hotter, because He rarely uses me solely to cum.
 

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RE: Not wanting to cum - 9/22/2008 3:18:33 PM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Well, What do you think this could be from a scientific standpoint? If you use your mind to turn off a physiological response I would think you would be back at square one physically.


But I'm not really at square one, more like another path taken. One that is quite enjoyable, but leads somewhere other than orgasm.
 
(and, you do know me, my mind always looks for the physiological answer- science geek that I am. I once started describing the mechanisms of the spongy cavernosum to Master--- while it was happening in my hand. He indulges me. lol) 

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"You're the gleam in my eye, the smile on my face and the bulge in my pants" - Cuffkinks

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RE: Not wanting to cum - 9/22/2008 3:20:54 PM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterHypnotist

Of course, I can cheat. I have post-hypnotic triggers for her to orgasm through so many stimuli that's it's just not fair.


Yes, it is by the use of the triggers He has placed in me that I am able to cum after being denied. He will cue me when He sees that I am far from where He wants me to be. He's evil that way .

_____________________________

Property of Cuffkinks

Member:
The Pimpettes
MoGa's IN-Crowd

"You're the gleam in my eye, the smile on my face and the bulge in my pants" - Cuffkinks

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RE: Not wanting to cum - 9/22/2008 3:24:23 PM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

hejira,

Personally, I think it is all hot as hell!


Thank you, Michael.
 
Actually, it is. And that's exactly what I want for Him to feel. I'm just afraid that my changing responses may not be pleasing. Also, I do try to understand myself and I'm insatiably curious about sexual matters.

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Property of Cuffkinks

Member:
The Pimpettes
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"You're the gleam in my eye, the smile on my face and the bulge in my pants" - Cuffkinks

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RE: Not wanting to cum - 9/22/2008 3:28:16 PM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

He can't expect it both ways. He's set it up so you can't orgasm and then he wants you to. He needs to work within the limits of your body.


Ah! I think you may have hit upon something. He doesn't have to work within the limits of my body if He controls and re-trains and changes those limits.
 
He has taught me NOT to orgasm. He has taught me to orgasm by trigger. He has taught me to orgasm with and from pain stimulus. He has changed all these things- maybe He's just pushing more.....

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The Pimpettes
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"You're the gleam in my eye, the smile on my face and the bulge in my pants" - Cuffkinks

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RE: Not wanting to cum - 9/22/2008 3:29:39 PM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

Hi hejira,

I went through something similar when I was with my former master.  It was slightly different, yet similar.  The agony of having to hold an orgasm and not release it, while bringing me to tears at times, made me feel the control he had over me - mind and body - and it gave me such a rush.  It put me in that tortured head space which I loved.  Like your Master, mine often said he couldn't decide which he liked better, but ultimately decided he liked watching my cum even more than watching me suffer from not cumming.

Sooo...the balance in my mind was that I got the rush from his control and power by not cumming, and then ultimately gave in to his will to give him the ultimate pleasure by cumming.  It's win-win, really, hejira.  Your Master gets the best of both worlds - of having you not cum and having you cum.  And in this way, you are actually being totally used for his pleasure - fuck-meat and cum-meat!  Because whether you enjoy your orgasms or not, they are obviously for his pleasure - he has said as much!  Perhaps with this in mind, you can keep that headspace whether you are cumming or not.


Wow. Thanks for the insights. This helps a lot. Much to ponder.....

_____________________________

Property of Cuffkinks

Member:
The Pimpettes
MoGa's IN-Crowd

"You're the gleam in my eye, the smile on my face and the bulge in my pants" - Cuffkinks

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RE: Not wanting to cum - 9/22/2008 6:27:50 PM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		You know...its easy to have it both ways..what I do is tell the sub..Now.I'm going to allow you to cum on a count of 20..and start counting backways..you can always make it a longer count or a short count.depending on just how much time she needs to back in the cum area.  And if you think it doesn't work..I call on all Master/Dom's to try it on their subs....lol

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