-=A Slave Killed My Only Fantasy=-

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ResidentSadist -> -=A Slave Killed My Only Fantasy=- (9/21/2008 7:06:25 PM)
-=A Slave Killed My Only Fantasy=- This isn’t a "what’s your fantasy thread". It’s a "do you pursue your wilder fantasies thread"? It also contains a story about how a slave inadvertently killed my Rockettes fantasy. Definitions To interpret the word fantasy, I think of two main definitions in which an “imagined event, usually fulfilling a wish or psychological need” is an “unrealistic or improbable supposition”. To fantasize about something you have no plans or expectations in actually experiencing or obtaining. Wishing for a piece of chocolate cake is far different than wanting a mother and daughter team to both serve as slaves or to have uncommon sexual experiences that are socially unacceptable or illegal. Why I was inspired to write this up It has been a long time since I have told a lie to anyone. I told one today in my reply to that Fantasies thread by using my ‘canned’ response to that questions and saying I wanted to sleep with the Rockettes. The energy from telling that lie inspired me to think why I said I have a fantasy when I don’t. So I wrote up this thread. I didn’t want to hijack the original thread by zakkan but I acknowledge that he seems practical in mentioning feasibility in the same breath when speaking of fantasy. I was cursed with being emotionally practical and I pursue my desires until they are fulfilled or I lose my desire with the knowledge it isn’t worth the trouble to fulfill. Life is simple and no unfulfilled burning desires are harbored within me. I don’t go around collecting regrets either (except that one time in band camp). I pretty much run on a set of morals that are independent of pier pressure and I was finically comfortable most of my life. Without an average set of morals and money not being a problem, I truly did and still do fulfill my fantasies as they arise. I have a rich and creative mind. It was no easy task finding all those midget post-op nuns and that donkey! Seriously though, much of the credit for fulfilling my fantasies goes to 3 excellent slaves spanning 30 years of relationships as well some creative but not-so-long-term slaves recently. But people just seem to take it wrong if when asked, I answer that I have no fantasies and just telling them I want chocolate cake never works. I am almost always pressed to explain that it is because I pursue(d) and satisfy my fantasies. Inevitably my mental health, or lack there of, comes up and I end up explaining that from my point of view, it seems emotionally counterproductive to continue harboring desire for something someone is not willing to pursue. In the alternative, I face a firing squad of questions about “bestially, rape, incest, polysexuality and everything else in the TOS at CollarMe”. So, a long time ago I chose to harbor one unfulfilled desire in order to avoid all that and avoid looking as amoral as I truly am. I wanted to participate in fantasy discussions without causing a ruckus. When asked, I would simply say that my fantasy was to sleep with the Rockettes. The death of my fantasy My fantasy was killed in 2002 by my dutiful and loving slave victoria. Victoria had a good heart, she was strongly empathetic, erotically creative and very giving. We both took our relationship roles seriously and fulfilling each others needs and desires was a fluent exchange. She wanted to make a milestone in my life and fulfill the one fantasy I still harbored after all these years. She started investigating the Rockettes. Victoria was very attractive and sexy. She had even modeled for girlie magazines when she was younger. However, she was a little older than the average Rockette. She contacted the Radio City Music Hall and pursed it from there. She is such a good girl, she passionately pursued her duty to fulfill my fantasy. One day she reported to me that she discovered she could become an honorary Rockette if I donated a nice sum of money, thus allowing me to fuck her as a Rockette. Further, once an honorary Rockette, victoria offered to go to NYC and snag as many of them as she could and give them to Master. She was very bisexual and more than willing to try for them all. However, she was a little iffy about being able to successfully seduce the entire dance troupe. God bless that selfless slave girl and her sacrificial offering of letting me finance her trip to NYC to attempt seducing as many Rockettes she could. What a slut… er… I mean, what a noble and kindhearted slave. I spent a really good chunk of change on victoria and our entertainment in our time together. I felt spending $25,000.00 in total expenses to sleep with her as a Rockette and possibly others wasn’t worth the cost. I know… I’m a wimp and I probably broke her heart because we weren’t hurting for money at the time and it was a feasible expense. I chose to let the fantasy die because it was more trouble and expense than it was worth. In essence, the fantasy was killed when a feasible price and procedure was hung on it and I had to choose to pursue it or let it die. My fantasy died peacefully and I will forever be grateful to victoria for her efforts to bring it within my grasp and give me the choice to fulfill it or not. Feasibility discussion Not everyone, but often enough people say they fantasize about things because they are unobtainable. I say that anything feasible is yours for the taking if you are willing to pursue it, even sleeping with Rockettes. Often I find myself explaining that if you are “not willing” to pursue something, then you don’t really want it. How can you harbor a desire for something you don’t want bad enough to pursue? I want to be wealthy and have slaves again. It is not a fantasy. I really want my D&B rating back and I have launched 2 businesses and 9 websites since Aug 1st. After my 90 day break from relationships, I also started searching for a partner again on Aug 1st. I now have a love life. None yet are well matched enough to live with me in my style of slavery and although the businesses haven’t made me wealthy yet, I am working towards my desires and will reach them in goodtime. Neither of those desires are exotic fantasies but to some people, being wealthy or having a poly house is just a fantasy. The point is that life is choices and harboring a desire for something that you aren’t willing to pursue or don’t really want seems emotionally counterproductive to me. I think you should live a little bit and pursue your feasible desires while letting go of the ones that aren’t feasible. Do you pursue your fantasies? Do you fulfill your wilder, amoral, socially unacceptable or illegal* desires? *Even things as mild as anal and oral sex are still illegal in many states. I’m not looking for Manson and Dahmer to make TOS violation replies, only the psychology, rhyme and reason in fulfilling those desires. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ PS… if there are any identical twins that have disproportionately large breasts and are bisexual, nymphomaniac, masochistic nuns that happen to have a fantasy about being caged by a sadist in Daytona Beach, hit me up. I’ll be glad to fulfill your fantasy. [:)]

WhiplashSmile2 -> RE: -=A Slave Killed My Only Fantasy=- (9/21/2008 10:35:23 PM)
I've had a couple of long time fantasies that could have been reality, however when faced with the opportunity I made the choice to not go for it. The logic or reasoning behind it somewhat different in each circumstance or situation. I would not say these fantasies of mine are completely Killed or gone bye bye. They are still there, however my thoughts and feelings around them are somewhat a little changed. I myself tend to view things in terms of reality at times. What are the best choices and decisions I make for myself and my partner at the time. I by no means view my orientation or relationship role as being one where I'm a completely Selfish Bastard that must live out Fantasies at the expense of causing my partner great mental harm or damage. Basically, to not push somebody past a hard limit for the sake of my own fantasy. Even more so when I find my own fantasies somewhat questionable in nature at times. For the last month and a half I've been spending some quality time getting to know somebody new and completely wonderful that has popped into my life. She's been a fresh breath of air. I've been spending a great deal of time putting my focus upon my work lately. Doing intensive Web application development for a major B2B exchange site on the internet. I'm also in a new band now, and well... it's really a kick ass rocking one. So many positive things going on in my life right now. My fantasies don't really have top priority compared to any of these things going on, actually there are so many more things in life that mean a hell of a lot more to me besides my fantasies. Sure, I'm a pervy Dom. Always have been and always will be. That's something that will never change. I'm just saying that there are other things that are more important to me. Besides, it's always good to hold onto some fantasies now and then. Does not harm anybody, and if anything it's something hot to talk about from time to time.

ResidentSadist -> RE: -=A Slave Killed My Only Fantasy=- (9/22/2008 1:24:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile2 … I would not say these fantasies of mine are completely Killed or gone bye bye. They are still there, however my thoughts and feelings around them are somewhat a little changed… Your entire reply was very well put, thank you. I think I understand what you mean by not completely killed. To expand on what I mean by the death of a fantasy, I refer to the passion that charges it… a visualization of sorts. I see you are in the music industry so I give you this example. When I write a song, I hear it in my head before I actually figure what notes and chords it is composed of. My next step in recording it is to figure out how to play it. For me, the same is true with fantasies. I can see, hear or feel them in my imagination and that attaches my desire to experience it in reality. For example, if it was a simple fantasy scene, I have a picture of what I want and I arrange for the gear and location to make it come to fruition just like figuring out how to play the song. The “death” of a fantasy for me is when I detach the vivid imagery and sensations of it that inspire my passion to experience it. It is no longer a “burning desire” once the sensations, taste, sound and smell of it is disassociated. The passion off because I exhausted my pursuit by arriving at the choice not to do it. That is what I mean by pursuing feasible fantasies and letting go of the rest. Just as you choose when to pursue or not pursue your fantasies as you mention in your reply. I think the mechanisms are much like having a food craving. Have you ever craved Mexican food but the good restaurant was further than you cared to travel for it? Initially you wanted it so bad I could taste it but after choosing not to pursue it, it was no longer vivid in your mind and you don’t “taste” it anymore. Ask me if I’d like to bang the Rockettes and the answer is yes. But I no longer associate a picture of them all naked and oiled up in a big plastic lined room. I don’t imagine the feeling of bouncing around penetrating all of them and the intense sensation that repeated initial penetrations would bring. I don't imagine the smell of over 100 women in the same room. However, if the Rocketttes showed up at my door tonight, I sure wouldn’t send them away.

gypsygrl -> RE: -=A Slave Killed My Only Fantasy=- (9/22/2008 3:30:38 AM)
This is like totally brilliant. It'll give me something to think on all day.

DesFIP -> RE: -=A Slave Killed My Only Fantasy=- (9/22/2008 4:45:59 AM)
You ask how can someone harbor a desire for something they are not willing to pursue? My answer is that those desires are things I know I can't do. Physically I could do them, emotionally I can't. I would do damage to this relationship if I somehow managed to convince him to act them out for me. Because I know where my limits are, and my reactions when things are beyond my capability to easily handle, I choose not to do them in order to keep my emotional health on an even keel and in order not to destroy a wonderful relationship. He wouldn't agree to do act out these fantasies because he knows I can't handle it and he's too smart to deliberately set up a situation that he knows would do damage to me, quite possibly permanently. As far as a fantasy of his, he has never fulfilled: A threesome. He is emotionally monogamous and prefers sex inside of a good relationship so he doesn't seek out casual bi partners. Since you can't have a monogamous relationship with the occasional threesome when your partner is monogamous also, he chooses to not try to fulfill this fantasy in favor of the reality of an extremely satisfying relationship.

slaveluci -> RE: -=A Slave Killed My Only Fantasy=- (9/22/2008 5:27:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist The point is that life is choices and harboring a desire for something that you aren’t willing to pursue or don’t really want seems emotionally counterproductive to me. I think you should live a little bit and pursue your feasible desires while letting go of the ones that aren’t feasible I've got room in my mind to "harbor" a few desires that I'll probably never pursue. It's not like there's only so much room so you have to go through, select a few keepers and then purge the rest, ya know?[8D] Master is of the opinion that many people have fantasies that are a step/level or two beyond what they would ever actually do or really want to enact. That's why they are called fantasies. I know He and I both have some that are hot to talk about and share but that we wouldn't really want to do. Are they "immoral?" To some, most definitely. Illegal? Some of them are, sure. The consequences aren't as hot as just imagining what I would be like to do it. That's the absolute beauty of fantasy. You can live it in your head and not have to face any consequences. We've acted upon many of our fantasies. It's just that they aren't all suitable for doing that with and that's ok with us. We have a beautiful reality, we sprinkle in some occasional acting out of the fantasies and keep the really naughty ones to ourselves.[;)] It's all good................luci

sistermargaret -> RE: -=A Slave Killed My Only Fantasy=- (9/22/2008 6:03:06 AM)
only the psychology, rhyme and reason in fulfilling those desires. Great post. Laughed my as off. Great slave, too. i had a whole slew of unfulfilled fantasies all my life. Then i met the One, and they were fulfilled (and then some) the second time W/we played. i led a sheltered life, what can i say? Anyway, now i'm content to ride on His fantasies until i have the strength and stamina to devise some of my own. But i can see now that some of my fantasies will remain comfortble, like my favorite old sweater and some will be from way way out in left field, totally unexpected because of the influences of someone from a whole other planet in BDSM. The blending of our imaginations and skills and physical fitness should make for lots of fulfilled fantasies. Gosh, this is so much fun :) sm All it takes is absolute surrender.

leakylee -> RE: -=A Slave Killed My Only Fantasy=- (9/22/2008 6:10:52 AM)
now that is a wonderful way for a fantasy to expire. i can honestly say that i do everything in my power to flip those fantasies onto the agenda list. now there are one or two that most likely qualify for the 'sick bitch' list, but i am dern sure plotting the feasibility of the event. smooches lee

ranja -> RE: -=A Slave Killed My Only Fantasy=- (9/22/2008 6:21:24 AM)
If you only ever fantasise about things that are possible to achieve and then set out to make it come tue...isn't that what is called a project? doesn't the fantasy become a goal? I could not possibly find the time, money, mythical beasts, royalty or aliens to realise all of mine...nor would I survive some of them and that really would be a killer... I would not dream to barr them from my mind for being unrealistic though, what a bore that would be.

SlaveIndigochild -> RE: -=A Slave Killed My Only Fantasy=- (9/22/2008 6:41:29 AM)
I'm an identical twin R.S. She's a domme though and i am not party to her tricks....you might end up regretting both of our air fares and the time it takes to convince my Master it is all for a worthy cause. PS: i do understand feasibility studies. Damn; they usually kill most of what i would term creativity (at least during this period of economic recession). PPS I also understand pier pressure. i'm not admitting to the fantasies i've fulfilled at the end of at least two piers with the biker boys.

gypsygrl -> RE: -=A Slave Killed My Only Fantasy=- (9/22/2008 6:47:09 AM)
quote: PPS I also understand pier pressure. i'm not admitting to the fantasies i've fulfilled at the end of at least two piers with the biker boys. Heh. I interpreted that lovely little typo as meaning something along the lines of "sleeping with the fishes" pier pressure. :)

SlaveIndigochild -> RE: -=A Slave Killed My Only Fantasy=- (9/22/2008 6:55:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gypsygrl quote: PPS I also understand pier pressure. i'm not admitting to the fantasies i've fulfilled at the end of at least two piers with the biker boys. Heh. I interpreted that lovely little typo as meaning something along the lines of "sleeping with the fishes" pier pressure. :) Well i had thought it could have been worse and Master could have pushed me off the pier for baptism. But you know my mind stopped that fantasy right there.Any inkiling of a feasible scene that comes out of my mouth and whoops....i find myself in it for real.

CreativeDominant -> RE: -=A Slave Killed My Only Fantasy=- (9/22/2008 7:21:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist -=A Slave Killed My Only Fantasy=- This isn’t a "what’s your fantasy thread". It’s a "do you pursue your wilder fantasies thread"? It also contains a story about how a slave inadvertently killed my Rockettes fantasy. Definitions To interpret the word fantasy, I think of two main definitions in which an “imagined event, usually fulfilling a wish or psychological need” is an “unrealistic or improbable supposition”. To fantasize about something you have no plans or expectations in actually experiencing or obtaining. Wishing for a piece of chocolate cake is far different than wanting a mother and daughter team to both serve as slaves or to have uncommon sexual experiences that are socially unacceptable or illegal. Why I was inspired to write this up It has been a long time since I have told a lie to anyone. I told one today in my reply to that Fantasies thread by using my ‘canned’ response to that questions and saying I wanted to sleep with the Rockettes. The energy from telling that lie inspired me to think why I said I have a fantasy when I don’t. So I wrote up this thread. I didn’t want to hijack the original thread by zakkan but I acknowledge that he seems practical in mentioning feasibility in the same breath when speaking of fantasy. I was cursed with being emotionally practical and I pursue my desires until they are fulfilled or I lose my desire with the knowledge it isn’t worth the trouble to fulfill. Life is simple and no unfulfilled burning desires are harbored within me. I don’t go around collecting regrets either (except that one time in band camp). I pretty much run on a set of morals that are independent of pier pressure and I was finically comfortable most of my life. Without an average set of morals and money not being a problem, I truly did and still do fulfill my fantasies as they arise. I have a rich and creative mind. It was no easy task finding all those midget post-op nuns and that donkey! Seriously though, much of the credit for fulfilling my fantasies goes to 3 excellent slaves spanning 30 years of relationships as well some creative but not-so-long-term slaves recently. But people just seem to take it wrong if when asked, I answer that I have no fantasies and just telling them I want chocolate cake never works. I am almost always pressed to explain that it is because I pursue(d) and satisfy my fantasies. Inevitably my mental health, or lack there of, comes up and I end up explaining that from my point of view, it seems emotionally counterproductive to continue harboring desire for something someone is not willing to pursue. In the alternative, I face a firing squad of questions about “bestially, rape, incest, polysexuality and everything else in the TOS at CollarMe”. So, a long time ago I chose to harbor one unfulfilled desire in order to avoid all that and avoid looking as amoral as I truly am. I wanted to participate in fantasy discussions without causing a ruckus. When asked, I would simply say that my fantasy was to sleep with the Rockettes. The death of my fantasy My fantasy was killed in 2002 by my dutiful and loving slave victoria. Victoria had a good heart, she was strongly empathetic, erotically creative and very giving. We both took our relationship roles seriously and fulfilling each others needs and desires was a fluent exchange. She wanted to make a milestone in my life and fulfill the one fantasy I still harbored after all these years. She started investigating the Rockettes. Victoria was very attractive and sexy. She had even modeled for girlie magazines when she was younger. However, she was a little older than the average Rockette. She contacted the Radio City Music Hall and pursed it from there. She is such a good girl, she passionately pursued her duty to fulfill my fantasy. One day she reported to me that she discovered she could become an honorary Rockette if I donated a nice sum of money, thus allowing me to fuck her as a Rockette. Further, once an honorary Rockette, victoria offered to go to NYC and snag as many of them as she could and give them to Master. She was very bisexual and more than willing to try for them all. However, she was a little iffy about being able to successfully seduce the entire dance troupe. God bless that selfless slave girl and her sacrificial offering of letting me finance her trip to NYC to attempt seducing as many Rockettes she could. What a slut… er… I mean, what a noble and kindhearted slave. I spent a really good chunk of change on victoria and our entertainment in our time together. I felt spending $25,000.00 in total expenses to sleep with her as a Rockette and possibly others wasn’t worth the cost. I know… I’m a wimp and I probably broke her heart because we weren’t hurting for money at the time and it was a feasible expense. I chose to let the fantasy die because it was more trouble and expense than it was worth. In essence, the fantasy was killed when a feasible price and procedure was hung on it and I had to choose to pursue it or let it die. My fantasy died peacefully and I will forever be grateful to victoria for her efforts to bring it within my grasp and give me the choice to fulfill it or not. Feasibility discussion Not everyone, but often enough people say they fantasize about things because they are unobtainable. I say that anything feasible is yours for the taking if you are willing to pursue it, even sleeping with Rockettes. Often I find myself explaining that if you are “not willing” to pursue something, then you don’t really want it. How can you harbor a desire for something you don’t want bad enough to pursue? I want to be wealthy and have slaves again. It is not a fantasy. I really want my D&B rating back and I have launched 2 businesses and 9 websites since Aug 1st. After my 90 day break from relationships, I also started searching for a partner again on Aug 1st. I now have a love life. None yet are well matched enough to live with me in my style of slavery and although the businesses haven’t made me wealthy yet, I am working towards my desires and will reach them in goodtime. Neither of those desires are exotic fantasies but to some people, being wealthy or having a poly house is just a fantasy. The point is that life is choices and harboring a desire for something that you aren’t willing to pursue or don’t really want seems emotionally counterproductive to me. I think you should live a little bit and pursue your feasible desires while letting go of the ones that aren’t feasible. Do you pursue your fantasies? Do you fulfill your wilder, amoral, socially unacceptable or illegal* desires? *Even things as mild as anal and oral sex are still illegal in many states. I’m not looking for Manson and Dahmer to make TOS violation replies, only the psychology, rhyme and reason in fulfilling those desires. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ PS… if there are any identical twins that have disproportionately large breasts and are bisexual, nymphomaniac, masochistic nuns that happen to have a fantasy about being caged by a sadist in Daytona Beach, hit me up. I’ll be glad to fulfill your fantasy. [:)] Fantasies...I see them on 4 levels: The fantasy. This is something that my mind likes to build and add dimension to. For me, there are are a couple that definitely violate TOS and there are the easier ones, such as a threesome of various sorts. The dream. This is when, because of a willing partner, I move the fantasy over into the realm of exploration and discussion of who it could be made to come true. The project. This is when that willing partner and I come up with the details of making the fantasy/dream come true and set up making it become... The reality. The fantasy becomes fulfilled. Hopefully, thanks to careful planning and plenty of communication and REALISTIC expectations (a big key in fantasy fulfillment), it is one that does not disappoint in the end.

Padriag -> RE: -=A Slave Killed My Only Fantasy=- (9/22/2008 11:07:15 AM)
Just wanted to say thanks for sharing. It was nice to peek in today during some spare moments and see that I'm not the only one who takes such a pragmatic and practical approach to their "fantasies". Like you, I don't really have fantasies... I have goals. I don't day dream about unobtainable things, like you my feeling is "what's the point?" Yet so often I have seen others post about various fantasies, an sometimes it has seemed like a competition to see who could come up with the wildest and most outrageous or shocking fantasy. That just isn't me. I posted my fantasy... my goal... and I'm on my way to making every aspect of it a reality.

FaithBlue -> RE: -=A Slave Killed My Only Fantasy=- (9/22/2008 7:55:27 PM)
My fantasy is coming true.

sistermargaret -> RE: -=A Slave Killed My Only Fantasy=- (9/22/2008 10:10:18 PM)
Cool, goblin dew :) Good for you. sm All it takes is absolute surrender.

Secretslave1138 -> RE: -=A Slave Killed My Only Fantasy=- (9/22/2008 11:56:58 PM)
Wow...i just read this thread for the first time, and i was so struck by your words. All i have to say is that you hit it right on!!! Congratulations on making sense, thank you!!!

SlaveIndigochild -> RE: -=A Slave Killed My Only Fantasy=- (9/23/2008 12:13:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP He wouldn't agree to do act out these fantasies because he knows I can't handle it and he's too smart to deliberately set up a situation that he knows would do damage to me, quite possibly permanently. The first and most basic 'take' on why we have fantasies is of course Freudian. Coined by Freud as 'the will to repeat' (in one compound German word), Freud stated that we repeat and repeat situations as fantasies because we are essentially rehearsing those things which would otherwise be dangerous to us. We rehearse and refine them until we can handle them psychologically. Although i am not a Fruedian for many reasons (paraphilias, childhood development/sexuality: indeed most of his major approach) i think that his theory of fantasy is sound. In this theoretical approach it is the mind doing a fesibility study. So yes i agree that Resident Sadists take on it is brilliant. Not a sexual fantasy this: but as a child of an alcoholic mother i used to fantasise about my mother coming home from the pub. It became obsessive, involved rituals of counting backwards from ten unti her arrival etc.etc. The reality never was as good as the fantasy though as she would get home drunk and incoherent. Many of my fantasies (when i needed them) have involved some take on agandonment, being 'found', being kept safe (restraint) and being bound/gagged/held prisoner by someone who cares for me. Lucky 'ol me i got what i needed.....

SlaveIndigochild -> RE: -=A Slave Killed My Only Fantasy=- (9/23/2008 12:15:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Padriag Just wanted to say thanks for sharing. It was nice to peek in today during some spare moments and see that I'm not the only one who takes such a pragmatic and practical approach to their "fantasies". Like you, I don't really have fantasies... I have goals. I don't day dream about unobtainable things, like you my feeling is "what's the point?" Yet so often I have seen others post about various fantasies, an sometimes it has seemed like a competition to see who could come up with the wildest and most outrageous or shocking fantasy. That just isn't me. I posted my fantasy... my goal... and I'm on my way to making every aspect of it a reality. i read: i don't really have fantasies, i have girls....(Freudian slip obviously [:D]).

lally3 -> RE: -=A Slave Killed My Only Fantasy=- (9/23/2008 4:14:40 AM)
Many of my fantasies (when i needed them) have involved some take on agandonment, being 'found', being kept safe (restraint) and being bound/gagged/held prisoner by someone who cares for me. Lucky 'ol me i got what i needed..... being a nerd here.. but isnt that abreaction - considering your mum and stuff, if you see what i mean. which makes me wonder if some fantasies are a form of abreaction. ive been thinking hard about this, well, just now anyway - some fantasies send you nuts to the point where you have to get them done some how, or theyll just eat away at you. some fantasies need to stay as fantasies because theyre just so great left as they are, mucking it about with the grit of reality would wreck it and fantasies are like good friends, they keep you smiling on the bus when youre bored. so i dont think its necessarily about not wanting to live them out, maybe its more to do with keeping them perfect, private and unrealised - un-abreacted if you like. victoria turned your fantasy into a pragmatic minefield (grit of reality) and as you said 'killed it' bless her, poor love - hope she doesnt read on here. but bloody hell, $25,000 - you must wonder what that was going to buy you sometimes, come on, admit it!

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