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shyness - 12/1/2005 9:53:33 AM

fetishave

Posts: 4
Joined: 11/30/2005
Status: offline

hello all. i have been known to be very shy when it comes to my submissiveness. it seems whenever i tell a woman i am submissive and love female feet it turns into me being a freak or a weirdo. i have tried every way tot ell them even by starting with a foot massage. its just so upsetting that some women still view men in a diferent way just because we are attracted to a part of there body. and tv doesnt help when they make shows and commercials making foot men the joke of the hour. does anyone have any advice on how to be more open without being shy or nervous or worried about being humiliated and not in a good way.

thank you,

[ModEdit please refere to the TOS]

< Message edited by ModeratorTen -- 12/1/2005 11:32:44 AM >

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Post #: 1

RE: shyness - 12/1/2005 10:28:32 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fetishave

hello all. i have been known to be very shy when it comes to my submissiveness. it seems whenever i tell a woman i am submissive and love female feet it turns into me being a freak or a weirdo. i have tried every way tot ell them even by starting with a foot massage. its just so upsetting that some women still view men in a diferent way just because we are attracted to a part of there body. and tv doesnt help when they make shows and commercials making foot men the joke of the hour. does anyone have any advice on how to be more open without being shy or nervous or worried about being humiliated and not in a good way.

thank you,

You really can't see why a woman would be upset if she thought you were only attracted to her because of one part of her body? I know you may not see your approach in this light but that's how it comes across in your post.

I suspect, if you spent more time letting her know (or at least think) you were interested in her as a person and "enjoyed" her feet (breasts/hair/ass), you may not get the "freak" label as often.

How soon do you come out to a woman? It's important to let them get to know you as a person too. Imagine how successful I'd have been in my vanilla days if I said, early in a relationship, "I'd like to tie you up and whip you?"

[Mod Note: email address in quote removed]

< Message edited by ModeratorEleven -- 12/1/2005 12:01:01 PM >

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(in reply to fetishave)

Post #: 2

RE: shyness - 12/1/2005 11:07:48 AM

missliz40

Posts: 1
Joined: 12/1/2005
Status: offline

hun the only advice i can give u on shyness with a woman is just to be yourself...a Domme would know this and she should understand and besides thats the fun of any relationship bringing u out of u shelland psssssssssst i was just as shy as u ten yrs back time does help xxMissLiz

(in reply to fetishave)

Post #: 3

RE: shyness - 12/2/2005 4:45:13 PM

watchersgirl

Posts: 23
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline

Shyness is a big issue for me too. When I've been in d/s relationships I usually met my partners online in a non-BDSM forum, and we emailed and AIMed for a long time before we played in person. I have an opportunity to go a party in my area, but I've never been to a play party by myself, and I'm afraid I'll go all wallflower-y. How does a shy but eager lesbian sub go about meeting a compatible top w/out making a fool of herself? :-) --watchersgirl (feeling her stomach twisting just thinking about it)

(in reply to missliz40)

Post #: 4

RE: shyness - 12/2/2005 5:13:25 PM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

I know your pain as im very shy myself :(

(in reply to fetishave)

Post #: 5

RE: shyness - 12/2/2005 5:52:26 PM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

But you don't *type* shy.

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a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 6

RE: shyness - 12/2/2005 7:28:45 PM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fetishave

hello all. i have been known to be very shy when it comes to my submissiveness. it seems whenever i tell a woman i am submissive and love female feet it turns into me being a freak or a weirdo. i have tried every way tot ell them even by starting with a foot massage. its just so upsetting that some women still view men in a diferent way just because we are attracted to a part of there body. and tv doesnt help when they make shows and commercials making foot men the joke of the hour. does anyone have any advice on how to be more open without being shy or nervous or worried about being humiliated and not in a good way.

thank you,

[ModEdit please refere to the TOS]

I just have one question for those who are shy here. Is this shyness or lack of self-confidence? My sub was very confident, but extremely shy. It was very hard to talk to him. Sometimes we would be at a restaurant and I would be racking My brains trying to think of ways to bring him out of his shell and carry on a conversation. As bad as it is for you to be shy, I think it is just as hard for the person you are with.

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(in reply to fetishave)

Post #: 7

RE: shyness - 12/2/2005 7:39:13 PM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Misstoyou

But you don't *type* shy.

Lol the net and real lifes two different things...

(in reply to Misstoyou)

Post #: 8

RE: shyness - 12/3/2005 10:52:31 AM

tasha_tart

Posts: 385
Joined: 2/20/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fetishave

hello all. i have been known to be very shy when it comes to my submissiveness. it seems whenever i tell a woman i am submissive and love female feet it turns into me being a freak or a weirdo. i have tried every way tot ell them even by starting with a foot massage. its just so upsetting that some women still view men in a diferent way just because we are attracted to a part of there body. and tv doesnt help when they make shows and commercials making foot men the joke of the hour. does anyone have any advice on how to be more open without being shy or nervous or worried about being humiliated and not in a good way.

thank you,

[ModEdit please refere to the TOS]

It sounds to me that the problem is not shyness, but in how you are presenting yourself.

Are you jumping right into this too early, before you have any idea how she feels about it? If you've reached a stage in a relationship where you are giving her a foot massage, why not hold there for a while, rather than jumping right to the next level.

I think many women, and more than a few men, would be put off by a potential partner, who popped out with "I'm a (fill in the blank)" early in a relationship, or with little foundation. To find out that you are valued more as a pair of feet, a set of breasts, a large penis...no scratch that last one...sends the message that you aren't valued as a person, but as an object.

I'm not talking through my hat here. I do have experience of the "when/how/if" to bring up my particular issues, and it is not easy. There is no formula that will tell you when it is right. You have to muddle through, and with luck, you will meet someone that is right. But don't sabotage yourself!

Tasha

_____________________________

"Sex without love is an empty experience. But as empty experiences go, it's one of the better ones."...Woody Allen

(in reply to fetishave)

Post #: 9

RE: shyness - 12/3/2005 10:58:08 AM

rwmbk

Posts: 43
Status: offline

quote:

I just have one question for those who are shy here. Is this shyness or lack of self-confidence? My sub was very confident, but extremely shy. It was very hard to talk to him. Sometimes we would be at a restaurant and I would be racking My brains trying to think of ways to bring him out of his shell and carry on a conversation. As bad as it is for you to be shy, I think it is just as hard for the person you are with.

In my case perhaps a little of both, but primarily just shyness. After I've been around someone long enough that eventually goes away. And yes I've noticed it's hard or awkward for both people.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 10

RE: shyness - 12/3/2005 11:16:32 AM

LadyCompassion

Posts: 87
Joined: 11/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I just have one question for those who are shy here. Is this shyness or lack of self-confidence?

To be completely honest....My shyness is about 90% from lack of confidence. Both physical and in general.

(in reply to rwmbk)

Post #: 11

RE: shyness - 12/3/2005 11:53:02 AM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyCompassion

quote:

I just have one question for those who are shy here. Is this shyness or lack of self-confidence?

To be completely honest....My shyness is about 90% from lack of confidence. Both physical and in general.

Dear LadyCompassion and rqmbk,
Thank you for responding, I kind of thought that this was the case. It is especially hard if you are a Domme. I have some suggestions that may help.

1. Look at yourself in a hand-held mirror for at least 15 minutes a day. Don't critisize what you are looking at, but look with the eyes of those who may be looking at you. Smile. If you have been complimented on your smile, then smile alot. If someone has complimented your eyes, then focus on your eyes. Do not look away with embarrassment.

2. Move on to a full-length mirror. Paying close attention to the parts of your body that you have been complimented on. These are focus points that you know others have enjoyed seeing.

3. Practice eye contact with a friend. Have a general conversation with someone you trust, using full eye contact. This is especially helpful if you are Dom/me. Eye contact is almost critical. Do not lower your eyes while talking. Make a conscience effort to stay focused on your friends eyes, or his/her face.

4. I have used the self-help tapes that enforce positive thinking. Play one as you are relaxing. Subliminal messages help!

5. LOVE YOURSELF. I know how hard it is sometimes to look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are loved, especially when someone has just hurt you. But you ARE loved, by someone. Whether it be a family member or your dog, you are loved. Period. Take what you can get lol

I hope this helps. I am not the most confident person in the world, but I do know that it takes work. The mirror exercise was very difficult for Me to do. But try to remember that the way you see yourself is not how others view you. Good or bad.

_____________________________

(in reply to LadyCompassion)

Post #: 12

RE: shyness - 12/3/2005 2:10:44 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

I am sorry: I suppose, but I don't get the whole fucking deal.
I pretty much think there are women here who think highly of the prettiness of their feet. feet can be and are pretty. This site is rife with that, most of my MasterAs friends, I don't know what to say here, Masters. Dommes. strong women as a whole, are certainly considering that you have a procilivity towards thier feet, and feet chould fit in the mix. and you may be an asshole or a whimp or a existential individual and what does that have to do with this?

Ron

Can you talk?
Can you read?
Can you eat with your mouth closed?

Fine. you have 3 of the foru skills to be happy and find the mistress you want............

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to fetishave)

Post #: 13

RE: shyness - 12/3/2005 9:51:37 PM

RealmOfSenses

Posts: 24
Joined: 9/6/2005
Status: offline

As has already been eluded to, it's all about the delivery and timing of sayin such a thing. Put it this way. Would you tell a woman you were turned on by her breasts in general conversation and not expect either a slap or being called a pervert?

The foot fetish like any fetish is finding something on the woman a sexual object that turns you on. Whether it be bums, breasts, feet whatever. You should never blatantly tell a woman you only find that one part of her body a turn on (unless you wanna be suave like me and say you love her smile<- always gets a few brownie points

). Anyways best way to approach this and to break this shyness is to wait till you have the trust of the lady and let her know you want her for who she is and then if you get intimate she may be more interested in knowing what turns you on which lets you freely tell her you have a foot fetish and i guarantee you if she really digs you she'd gladly indulge it for ya. Just don't push it too much, let it all happen naturally, believe me it works.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 14

RE: shyness - 12/4/2005 12:20:56 PM

MadameAdele

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/4/2005
From: Ohio
Status: offline

One thing I would be curious to know is, do the Women you date tend to be conservative in most other areas? I would think that if you date Women who have an open mind in every day matters, chances are They would also have an open mind where fetishes and sexuality are concerned. It would also be of value to make certain that She understands it is HER feet that you long to worship and service, and that while you are attracted to a certain body part, that if you were not also deeply attracted to Her, you wouldn't desire to wosrship Her feet. Unless of course, that is not the case. And if it *is* just "any set of feet would do", then wank to a mag and dispell the need to tell Her at all.

_____________________________

Madame Adele
www.houseofdomme.com
"Thou Art A Wicked Mistress"

(in reply to fetishave)

Post #: 15

RE: shyness - 12/4/2005 3:16:59 PM

CamaroGuy2001

Posts: 8
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa
I just have one question for those who are shy here. Is this shyness or lack of self-confidence? My sub was very confident, but extremely shy. It was very hard to talk to him. Sometimes we would be at a restaurant and I would be racking My brains trying to think of ways to bring him out of his shell and carry on a conversation. As bad as it is for you to be shy, I think it is just as hard for the person you are with.

[ModEdit please refere to the TOS]

i dont believe that the situation is shyness or lack of confidence. i am a very confidant person in my abilities and my outlook in life. i know what i want and persue it till i have completed my tasks. i sometimes feel shy or nervous when talking do new people because of trying to leave a good impression of myself with the person. i believe that it isnt lack of confidence, but instead a situational factor in the environment. Being in a new place around strange people may cause a person to pull back in fear of leaving a bad image of themselves or embarresing the person they are with.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 16

RE: shyness - 12/4/2005 10:49:40 PM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

I just have one question for those who are shy here. Is this shyness or lack of self-confidence? My sub was very confident, but extremely shy. It was very hard to talk to him. Sometimes we would be at a restaurant and I would be racking My brains trying to think of ways to bring him out of his shell and carry on a conversation. As bad as it is for you to be shy, I think it is just as hard for the person you are with.

Im confident but very shy. ITs hard to break.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 17

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