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MichMasochist -> RE: Does tribute equal being a hooker? (2/2/2006 6:13:02 PM)
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In my admittedly limited dating experience ;) I often find that the hardest obsticle to over come is that so many vanilla women out there think they hafta put out for dinner. Desert can be nice with a good woman, but to be perfectly honest I'm in no rush to commit fatherhood with someone who is almost a stranger.
As for this hooker issue call it for what it is because it is. And don't confuse mating rituals with prostitution. I've scored more browny points with a handfull of flowers I picked myself and social politeness over a hot dog dinner. The only time I ever paid for a lobster and steak dinner was for a special ocasion. Six monther.
As for gold diggers I think a good clue is if your date expect high price ticket items as gifts. I was tending bar one evening when two ladies talking to each other about how many things they boyfriends have given them. One even went so far as to say that if her boy did't buy her what she wanted she would leave him. Let's face it there are alot of bad eggs outhere, both sides of the gender. And yes I've been told by a few ladies who have said that they would never date me because I made less than thirty thousand a year. When I find these girls I just move on.
Well this is my rant for the day. Good night all you wonderful wankers and spankers.
PS I mean by spanker someone who spanks with an spanking instrument, like a mistress ;)
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ORIGINAL: AAkasha
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ORIGINAL: Real0ne
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ORIGINAL: Arpig
If the money/cash/gifts/tribute (a rose by any other name, and all that) is a prerequisite to the relationship, then the one requiring the money is either a hooker (short-term) or a gold-digger (long-term). This applies regardless of the gender of the people involved.
This is not about paying for dinner, or gifts given voluntarily. This is not about those involved in a TPE where the domme has total control over all the sub's money.
It is about some dommes openly offering their (admittedly sexual) services in exchange for money. Some are honest enough about it to set hourly rates, and specific charges for specific acts, and others dress it up as "tribute", but in the final analysis it is a financial transaction in which the sub purchases the dominant's services for his/her sexual gratification.
To me, a submissive's submission is all the tribute I need.
And as to who pays for dinner...who the hell cares, if we want dinner and I don't have the cash, then she better pay, its either that or open a can of soup and see what's on tv....pretty simple really.
BLAM!
hit the nail right on the head!
well said arpig
Mmm now i have a hunger for chicken soup, another dish i havent had in ages! think i will cook one up this weekend.
I think submissive men are so out of touch with the reality of "dating" and have so little real experience with courting a woman that they have taken this "money dommes" thing to a hysterical level and use it as an excuse to be cheap and lazy.
If you peek your head into the "real world" of dating among vanilla gentlemen you see classy courting (granted, it's only a PORTION of men, but it's MUCH higher than the percentage compared to kink where the sub men do almost zero courting, and forget it if it involves spending a dime -- god forbid, she must be a money domme if she expects the man to pay for dinner beyond just fast food).
You don't see vanilla guys paranoid that if they take a woman out to a classy restaurant that he's fallen into the trap of paying for sex. Sure, some guys ARE just doing that, and some women ARE just doing the same, but they both know what they are doing. When a guy is courting a nice girl for a relationship he still treats her with class and dignity and if he's a gentleman, he pays, brings flowers, picks up a CD of music he thinks she'd like, sends a handwritten note at the stage when they both have butterflies when talking on the phone. It's called being romantic.
Vanilla men discriminate when they choose who to spend money on, but you can believe they do their best to impress when they are courting a woman they know has many options. No, this does not mean he spends $500 instead of $50; it may mean he is generous in time and spirit, or creativity. When they "fall hard" for a lady they show it by courting her with effort. Do they get screwed over sometimes? Sure, it goes with the territory. But unlike the sad "subbie" world, they don't hole themselves up in their computer room and rant, "I am NEVER paying for a date with a woman again, they all only want money! Any woman who expects gifts, flowers, or me to pay for dinner is obviously a SCAM artist!". They get back into it and they practice more discrimination and they keep at it. Why? Because what they want is important to them -- they want a relationship.
Do you subs think femdoms don't get courted by vanilla guys? You see why we get tired of your whining and complaining because guys that are interested in us and don't even know about the "BONUS PACKAGE" (did you know your potential GF is really open minded, erotic, and sensual?) are still courting us traditionally and showing us a nice time without being so sour about it.
You will never have success in dating/courting women if you are so bitter and cheap that you assume all femdoms are only after your wallet. What is funny is that "money femdoms" pretty much wear their M.O. on their sleeve right out of the gate by asking for cash.
I'll clarify this by adding that for those subs that say "why doesn't the femdom do the courting then? why doesn't SHE pay for the dinners and gifts?" I respond -- absolutely! If SHE is the one doing the courting. In my past relationships, I did the courting in about 75% of them. But you can believe the 25% that were the man courting me, I expected (and deserved) an effort and generosity (in spirit, time and not only money) that caught my attention. Men that just told me they were "available and interested" were ignored. Those that courted me but asked me to pay half? Forget it. Those that took me to a crappy restaurant, didn't prepare themselves, had no clue what they were doing? No second date.
Instead of looking at courting as a rip-off scam where "lowly subs" get taken to the cleaners, try to figure out how you can court a woman and use your SKILLS to impress her, and wrench your whiteknuckled fingers off the wallet enough to at least take her out to dinner. I can only imagine how much most of these guys pay for PORN in a month or how many hours wasted masturbating to femdom porn when they could be bettering themselves or interacting with women in real life.
Akasha
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