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Some Modern Proverbs - 9/22/2008 11:05:25 PM

MadAxeman

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01. Birds of a feather flock together. And then they shit on your car.
02. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
03. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbour's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
04. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
05. Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
06 A penny saved...is a government oversight.
07. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at a tempting moment.
08. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
09. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
10. He who hesitates is probably right.
11. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
12. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
13. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
14. The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open.
15. The only difference between a rut and a grave...is the depth!

Additions welcome

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RE: Some Modern Proverbs - 9/22/2008 11:17:16 PM

GreedyTop

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16. Make sure brain is in gear before engaging mouth

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RE: Some Modern Proverbs - 9/23/2008 8:56:33 AM

Dnomyar

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17. When she ask if it is in yet tell her to wait until you adjust the 2 x 4
18. If you wife starts moaning in pleasure tell the other guy to get off of her.
19. If your hubby starts moaning in pleasure wake him up and ask him who she is.

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RE: Some Modern Proverbs - 9/23/2008 9:07:34 AM

subtee

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One of my favorites of Gibran (so not so modern):

...And in much of your talking, thinking is half murdered

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RE: Some Modern Proverbs - 9/23/2008 10:22:28 AM

kittengirl8

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20. Think before you speak. That gives the rest of us time to get away.

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RE: Some Modern Proverbs - 9/23/2008 6:31:25 PM

Saratov

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21. If at first you don't succeed, you're about 'normal'. Quit and go do something else.
22. A stitch in time save embarassment for you and ruins a chance for a good laugh for the rest of us.
23. Half a loaf doesn't make as many sandwiches.
23a. Half a loaf means you need to learn to relax more.

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RE: Some Modern Proverbs - 9/23/2008 8:03:02 PM

BlackPhx

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24. Laughter is the best Medicine..according to the HMO's
25. The only sure things in life are Death and Taxes and they have found a way to tax death.
26. Hard work can solve any problem unless the problem is your working too hard.

and for the cynics among us..

27. Ask not what your country can do for you..seriously..it stopped listening years ago.

poenkitten

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RE: Some Modern Proverbs - 9/24/2008 3:03:23 AM

TabrisMaceth

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28. There a lot of things I would do if not for horses.

Truer words have never been spoken.

-Tabris

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RE: Some Modern Proverbs - 9/24/2008 6:22:53 AM

rubberpet

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29. Make something idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot!

30. Man who wear sandpaper jock strap unhappy in pants.

31. Never judge someone till you walk a mile in their shoes. If you discover that they are an asshole, you are a mile away and you have their shoes.

32. Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

33. Man who preserves nature pickles squirrels.

34. Everyone has photographic memories...most just don't have film.

35. Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

For the religious people out here.....
36.    1 savior
     + 3 nails
         4-given

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RE: Some Modern Proverbs - 9/24/2008 7:20:25 AM

persephonee

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omg....im so stealing like 2 of those...when it shows up on my sig line...dont call me on it

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RE: Some Modern Proverbs - 9/24/2008 7:25:00 AM

Surata

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.37 Man who walk sideways through airplane door going to Bangkok.

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RE: Some Modern Proverbs - 9/24/2008 7:31:03 AM

MistressPav

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1. Wise men say it's good to meet girl in park. Horny men say it's better to park meet in girl.
2. Man who spend time in cat house soon find himself in doghouse.
3. A penny saved is .......not very much. =(

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