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Witty Insults - 9/22/2008 11:20:14 PM   
VivaciousSub


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Witty Insults


He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”

Winston Churchill

“A modest little person, with much to be modest about.” –
Winston Churchill


“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” –
Clarence Darrow


“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” –
William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time in reading it.” –
Moses Hadas


“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.” –
Abraham Lincoln


“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” –
Groucho Marx


“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” –
Mark Twain


“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” –
Oscar Wilde


“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play. Bring a friend… if you have one.” –
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.” –
Winston Churchill, in response


“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” –
Irvin S. Cobb


“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” –
Samuel Johnson


“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” –
Paul Keating


“He had delusions of adequacy.” –
Walter Kerr


“There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.” –
Jack E. Leonard


“He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them.” –
James Reston (about Richard Nixon)


“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” –
Mark Twain


“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” –
Mae West


“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever…” –
Oscar Wilde


“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lampposts… for support rather than illumination. ” –
Andrew Lang


“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” –
Billy Wilder


< Message edited by VivaciousSub -- 9/22/2008 11:21:57 PM >


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RE: Witty Insults - 9/22/2008 11:24:54 PM   
GreedyTop


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From: Savannah, GA
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I love these!!

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RE: Witty Insults - 9/23/2008 7:05:21 AM   
lilmissdefiant


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I want more



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RE: Witty Insults - 9/23/2008 11:26:49 AM   
Marc2b


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Winston Churchill is one of my favorite historical figures.  Some other quotes attributed to him:

“I am ready to meet my maker- but whether my maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.”

“If Hitler invaded Hell, I would at least make a favourable reference to the Devil in the House of commons” (said when Russia was invaded by Germany).

When proposing a toast to Stalin at a conference he praised his desire for peace then in a whisper to a colleague, “'a piece of Poland, a piece of Czechoslovakia...”

To a well endowed woman who told him she had got up at dawn and driven a hundred miles to attend the unveiling of his bust in Richmond, Virginia, “Madam, I want you to know that I would be happy to reciprocate the honour.”

The marks of a good politician according to Winston, “The ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, and to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn’t happen.”

“Democracy is the worst form of government except all those others that have been tried from time to time.”

In a campaign, when told by a voter they would rather vote for the devil than him, “but in case your friend is not running, can I count on your support?”

“If I valued the honourable gentleman’s opinion I might get angry.”

“The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries.”

“Speeches are the art of making deep sounds from the stomach sound like important messages from the brain.”

“I am going to make a long speech because I haven't had time to prepare a short one.”

“I can well understand the honourable member's wishing to speak on. He needs the practice badly.”

I am not usually, even by my friends, accused of a modest or retiring disposition”

“Of course I am an egoist. Where do you get if you aren't?”

“The English never draw a line without blurring it.”

“It is better to be irresponsible and right than responsible and wrong.”

“A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.”

< Message edited by Marc2b -- 9/23/2008 12:06:37 PM >


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RE: Witty Insults - 9/23/2008 11:29:02 AM   
softness


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"It was the type of home with 6 Bibles ... and not a single corkscrew" Oscar Wilde

subtle ... but cutting



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RE: Witty Insults - 9/23/2008 11:36:06 AM   
kittinSol


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I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. ~ Groucho Marx

He has all the characteristics of a dog -  except loyalty. ~ Sam Houston

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy. ~ Woody Allen





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RE: Witty Insults - 9/23/2008 11:43:21 AM   
AMaster


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>>>>> taking notes.  

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RE: Witty Insults - 9/23/2008 3:08:50 PM   
MadAxeman


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From: UK
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You swine. You vulgar little maggot. Don't you know that you are pathetic? You worthless bag of filth. I'll bet you couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you.
You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you. You are a bloody nardless newbie twit protohominid chromosomally aberrant caricature of a coprophagic cloacal parasitic pond scum and I wish you would go away.
You're a putrescence mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.
You are a bleating fool, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.
I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?
If you aren't an idiot, you made a world-class effort at simulating one. Try to edit your writing of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly.
You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs.
You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot.
And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?
You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile one-handed slack-jawed drooling meatslapper.
On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.
I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. So stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid become so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh.
The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of what you wrote, because, well... it didn't really say anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was PITIFUL. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective... Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.
P.S.: You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, Byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dystopic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, abrasive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive, socially-retarded, puerile, clueless, and generally Not Good.
Love and kisses
Copyright ©  2008 Fibbo

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RE: Witty Insults - 9/23/2008 4:17:07 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
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From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
wow, MA... sounds like someone met my ex-husband!

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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RE: Witty Insults - 9/23/2008 6:04:25 PM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

wow, MA... sounds like someone met my ex-husband!


Holy crap, I concur. I want some of this kind of bile  . What a talent!

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RE: Witty Insults - 9/23/2008 7:35:56 PM   
MadAxeman


Posts: 4171
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From: UK
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<Takes a bow. Was saving that for the white supremacy thread, but hey one likes to join in.
GT, did your ex ever sell insurance in the UK?

< Message edited by MadAxeman -- 9/23/2008 7:36:46 PM >

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RE: Witty Insults - 9/23/2008 7:36:42 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
not to my knowlegde...LOL

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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RE: Witty Insults - 9/23/2008 7:48:10 PM   
Thunderbird56


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Joined: 11/19/2005
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I like this one that came to me while chatting with a person I considered to be exceedingly ignorant: "... so pull your head out of the sand, or where ever you keep it, and ..."

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RE: Witty Insults - 9/24/2008 1:02:08 AM   
TabrisMaceth


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From: The Ghost Matrix
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You, sir, are dumbass little bitch, and you can go suck it.
-Oscar Wilde

...What? Oscar Wilde said that. Really. Look it up.

-Tabris

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