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Advice sought - 9/23/2008 3:15:36 AM

PAVANE

Posts: 118
Joined: 1/3/2005
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Hi, my slave and i want to try me domming her while at our home with other family members present like her mum and dad or friends. they dont knbow abopavaneut the bdsm side of our relationship. so i would appreciate any ideas and advice as to how i could dom her in those circumstances.

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RE: Advice sought - 9/23/2008 3:42:13 AM

Focus50

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Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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In public, I mostly communicate with my eyes. But it requires a high level of familiarity for each to recognise the other's "look" and general body language.

What I don't do is flaunt our dynamic in front of those who won't appreciate and likely wouldn't approve. Abusing power to risk drawing attention or cause unnecessary embarrassment is not in my leadership style....

If you really must, you may consider code words for different things but don't for a second think people are stupid just because they're ignorant of your dynamic. Most subs recognise the "stare" and its different meanings. And I recognise her look of compliance or understanding; that's all I need....

Focus.

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RE: Advice sought - 9/23/2008 4:35:29 AM

ChampagneMojito

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Joined: 4/8/2008
From: UK
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When we were at t's parents, we were going downstairs for a cooked breakfast which his mother had prepared. t loves eggs, and I told him he was not allowed to eat the egg on his plate before we left the bedroom. I loved enjoying our meal together, watching him picking around the egg that he would normally have wolfed down.

I've done this just once, but I found it quite hot, so thanks for reminding me - I must try it again some time....hmmm

Only something very subtle and private would work for us in that dynamic, however. We both have far too much love and respect for our families to do anything which would make them feel remotely uncomfortable.

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I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman. ~Anaïs Nin

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RE: Advice sought - 9/23/2008 5:47:29 AM

DMFParadox

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I don't know if I can help. I'm just naturally demanding and insistent all the time, so it seems like standard operating procedure whenever a girl does something I ask for, family or no family.

Hmmm... start by asking little things. Ask about chores, about clothes, about her day, about what she wants to do, ask ask ask. Then make suggestions--not commands--about what happens next. Know more about what's going on than she does; form questions in your mind, constantly. Do it often enough and you'll learn how to do it so naturally that it falls underneath everyone's radar, until they realize you've been pulling the strings the whole time without them noticing. The point here is not to be a raging dickwad, it's just to have a natural, unassuming mastery of whatever situation you're in. When you get to that point, just go visit her family. If you have to be more 'dominant' than usual with your girl, pull her off to the side. Keep it light, keep it fun, stand by your principles and you'll be a crowd pleaser even if it seems like you've got her wrapped around your pinky. Trust me on this one.

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"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

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RE: Advice sought - 9/23/2008 5:55:44 AM

tsatske

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From: Louisville, KY
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He knows when I say, "i'm going to the bathroom', that I am making the request to do so, that I would normally make at home. I find his eye and wait for his subtle nod.
if the opertunity presents itself, i sit at his feet, but only when it is natural to do so.
if i can do it with completely natural apperence, (like, if it is only going to take an extra second or so), i will wait until he sits, to sit.
We are extra careful about how obvious we are, because I am out to my family, and yet have no desire to push it in their faces. So, things that we might get away with were i not out, will seem flagrent to them.
I do get his plate, his drinks, ect. But, there is some back and forth they see - he got my dessert last thanksgiving and brought it to me, while I was deep in conversation with three of my sisters. He simply said 'Your sister's pumpkin loaf was almost gone'. <so sweet.>
It might be as simple as what she is wearing reminding her that she is yours. It might be a command given before you are with them, as Champagne suggested. And, well, last thanksgiving i drank his piss with dinner. but, the key is that it is between the two of you, and no one else can see it.

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RE: Advice sought - 9/23/2008 6:09:48 AM

chamberqueen

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From: Kalamazoo, MI
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One small thing that you can try is giving her an alternate name to call you; for example, instead of Sir or Daddy (if you are male) it could be honey. She could be told not to pick up an eating utensil until after you have, not to take a sip of her drink until you have, etc. These would be subtle and probably barely noticeable differences but would keep that feeling of being under your control.

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RE: Advice sought - 9/23/2008 6:33:39 AM

SirMIkeSD

Posts: 613
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From: San Diego, Ca
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For me it's not about "Domming", I don't have to be telling him what to do to be the one on control. He defers to me and takes care of what he needs to for me as much as possible no matter where we are. It's the simple things that reinforce it weather it's getting me a drink of water or opening my soda can for me.

Mike

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RE: Advice sought - 9/23/2008 7:51:30 AM

ranja

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You could order or simply expect her to be the perfect hostess for the time you have family and friends to entertain, she should look after all of you including you Sir with much care and attention dressed as you want and once you are alone again you can reward her or pull her on flaws or punish her for mistakes...pretty fool proof i would think and very social, it works for us.

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RE: Advice sought - 9/26/2008 1:04:37 AM

PAVANE

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just want to say thanks to everyone for their advice. some good ideas to expand on. thanx, mick

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RE: Advice sought - 9/26/2008 2:35:19 AM

DMFParadox

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD

For me it's not about "Domming", I don't have to be telling him what to do to be the one on control. He defers to me and takes care of what he needs to for me as much as possible no matter where we are. It's the simple things that reinforce it weather it's getting me a drink of water or opening my soda can for me.

Mike

mm... I'm cautious about this statement. With girls that are just getting into BDSM, or haven't embraced the idea of total subjugation, expecting the girl to do this without asking--or remembering to do it when she's uncomfortable with it--tends to cause trouble. This is a good place to be, but it takes time to get there sometimes. Discuss it with your girl frequently, and make sure that it seems honorable, not demeaning, to be in service. Unless that's how her kink works, of course.

_____________________________

bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

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RE: Advice sought - 9/26/2008 5:37:27 AM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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What's wrong with saying "Honey, would you get me another cup of coffee?" If you two are laid back about this, then no one else should pay attention. Just don't invent stuff to send her for in order to draw attention to your dynamic. Because that's rude to everyone else.

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RE: Advice sought - 9/26/2008 6:43:06 AM

WhiplashSmile2

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I think Focus50 really nailed something on the head here, and it involves body language and eye contact. As a matter of fact even tone of voice and subtle expressions are clear methods of communication between a Dom and submissive around people that don't understand or find the lifestyle acceptable.

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