WhiplashSmile2
Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
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I'm not fully certain what your motivations are behind your post here. In part it's a bitch and complaint about people in general being actors.
Actually many people put on a facade or public image for other people. Some people do this to protect themselves, some people do it to sell themselves. It's just not limited to BDSM or the lifestyle. Go out to any crowded bar on a weekend and you'll see plenty of people playing this game. In fact go to any social gathering of people. Some people will form click groups with a common agenda.
What you are bitching about is all part of life. This type of behavior everybody should have learned to deal with before graduating from high school. At least this is my harsh opinion on it.
I really don't bow down to groups and other people's opinions. If I went to a munch and somebody asked me if I was for real, I'd be firing back some smart ass remarks like. "I'm as real as your twisted imagination is", "No, I'm not real I'm a complete figment of your imagination and you are really locked in a padded room right now."
However I after making such a smart ass remark, I would extend my hand and introduce myself as if nothing had been said at all. Why? Because it does no good for me to take things personally to the point it ruins me enjoying myself.
OK, the host walked away from you. Did you take it so personally that everybody could read you like an open book, that you were taking it personally? Perhaps the host needed to do something, talk with somebody else, or had more pressing issues on their mind at the time, where they could not spend time talking with you.
Personally when I go to any event, I'm there for some reason besides trying to make friends with the Host. I've been a host or the person in charge of events and such. I'm not talking specifically about BDSM events either. Being a host or in charge of an event takes some time, engery and focus. Sure it would be nice if I could spend quality time with everybody, but this is not realistic. In short, I can put myself in the shoes of what it's like to be a host.
I don't know everything that went down at these events or gatherings you went to. It's obvious that people have reacted to you in a manner that you take very personally and it provokes distaste and a certain amount of anamosity in you.
Dude, kick back, crack open a beer and relax don't take things so personally, everybody is not perfect, always polite and in the right. These are complete strangers that you tried interacting with.
My spidey senses tell me they responded to you in the manner they did, not based on your physical appearence alone. People will figure you out in part by how you look, but they will watch and observe your ass at the same time. Your personality has a lot to do with how people respond.
I actually think you are too wrapped up in believing the issue with with the clothes you were wearing, when in fact the issue is probally a lot deeper then you care to realize or admit to yourself. I'm not trying to intentionally piss you off here with my post. I'm trying express some honest sincere food for thought. Perhaps something for you to consider, explore and think about it. I'm just giving my honest advice and thoughts based on the limited information you laid out in your OP.
For me I sort of bask at times in sticking out like a sore thumb in groups and social settings. Mind you, I take showers and take reasonable care of my appearence. Most munches people don't dress up in their best leather anyways. Not everybody is into leather, some are into Latex, some are into the Goth look, some people are into the Redneck look, some people a bit more business like or whatever. OK, there's nothing wrong with casual clothing to wear to a munch. In fact many people, have places they are going to before and after the munch is over. Most people into BDSM live very real productive lives with real things going on. If somebody does wear their Fetishwear out to a munch, that's great too.
Some people wear clothing that they love, and will wear their favorite things out to events. Why? Because they are proud to be into BDSM, and enjoy it. They love their clothes just as much as their floggers or whatever else. Really, it's a downer to find fault with somebody else over something they enjoy. That's sort of like raining on somebodys sunny day or pissing in their corn flakes during breakfast. Dude, lighten up some about other people.
I'll be honest with you, much of my experience with BDSM and the lifestyle was gained from hands on learning and doing it. Mind you with a little help from my friends, and my partners. I really don't consider myself formally trained in the Lifestyle or BDSM itself per se. In terms of D/s learning, D/s is very much a part of many of my so called vanilla family. Including aunts and uncles and such. The power games and control and whatever else. Somebody being in charge of shit. Then there's my own social experiences growing up and the whole evolution of myself. I'm Dominant, and I'm pretty certain it's pretty natural like water is to a fish. I'm also very twisted and kinky, have been since I was a kid. I'm a bit of an odd ball when compared to many people. Why do I know this? Because so many people over the years telling me this all can't be wrong.
I actually started doing BDSM activities without sex, around the time I was 13. In fact the first time I did a rape scene when I was 14 years old with the provision that I not go all the way with it having sexual intercourse. Rape scenes and even forced sex is not about sex, it's about something else. All stuff I figured out when I was teenager. Nobody sat me down and explained to me the nature of BDSM and D/s and all this crap. The first time, I dealt with somebody going through sub-drop was an amazing and crazy experience. However, I'm a human being with something called compassion and I give a shit about people in general. Was not very hard to figure out how to deal with sub drop, it's a matter of good old fashioned communication and knowing that it could happen again, because it happened once.
To be honest with you, I'm amazed I've done 1/2 the things I have without somehow making some major fuck up mistakes. That was just a scarcastic remark I made. Why? Because people beat some of these topics to death and are scared shitless about fucking up and making mistakes. I kind of roll my eyes and wonder what ever happened to common sense? Then again somebody did not grow up knowing how to safely play with knives and other shit. Basically, I grew up owning and having knives. It's the people who have not familarized themselves with knives, fire, rope or whatever else are the ones that need to simply experiment and explore things. For instance one can go out buy a fucking knife, a sharpening stone, and play around with it themselves. Caress their own friggen skin with it, press it against safe parts of their body. Get a feel for what they are doing, including heating and cooling the blade. Shaving the air off their arms or whatever else.
Anyways, everything I know about knives came from many different people and experiences I had with them in general over the years. I did not have some Master in the Art of knife play give me a formal training session and teach me this crap.
Everybody has their own skill sets of things that they can do, it's something for anybody to be proud of as well. I think it's a fair statement that the majority of people doing what it is we all do, did not learn it in some formal workshop or training session. I might be wrong about that one, I'm not always right.
So yeah, we all have to put ourselves out their to find partners or connect with people of similar interests. We all have to do our own self marketing. We all want to show our best sides and not are not so good sides. Is this an act? Not really? perhaps in part a facade to a limited degree. We are showing the best of ourselves to others. It takes time to get to really know a person for who and what they really are. Facades are part of the deal when you first met somebody. It's a sort of a given.
Now hell, I've had a few girls knees buckle when they were in my presence. However, not everybody girls knees buckles around me. Actually if that happened it would seriously scare me. I think it's only natural for somebody who's really into another person for them to become weak in the knees and have their heart race and the whole nine yards. Again, this really is something that most people know about. Many people have experienced it happening to them or having that effect upon somebody else. It's totally 100% natural when it occurs. Yes, it's special! But within the scope of what's happening between two people, not the whole damn wide world. If that happened like that, it would not be all that special now would it be?
Yes, woman can be just as perverted if not more so compared to many guys. They are not those innocent fluffy fragile creatures we (us guys) were lead to believe back in grade school. I actually knew a girl back in grade school who was anything but innocent as well. Needless to say, I had this illusion shattered a long long long time ago.
This is the bitch about dealing with social conditioning and social groups, either you figure out how to adjust and not take things so personally or you become a bit of a true outcast. Sure, one can D/s in a one-on-one relationship, some people can D/s a whole fucking group of people. If you take things too personally, you won't get very far in a social setting. Hell, if you are a submissive type in a social group and take things too personally the group still won't want anything to do with it.
We all have our private and personal moments in our relationships, and in social settings and events. At times, it's best to leave the Group D/s to the current host of the event. Be friendly to everybody and take things in stride. I really try to be who I am and fuck whatever everybody is thinking about me. Love me or Hate me, whatever. People tend to respect and admire my devil could give a rats ass less attitude at times.
My Grandfather sat me down as a kid and said there are two types of people in this world. leaders and followers. Leaders take the risk and put themselves out there. They make choices and decision and do things that are not alway popular with the crowds. Leaders follow a code of ethics and morals and don't sway from it to please other people. Then he sprung the news on me that there are more followers then there are leaders in the world. Really simple in a nut shell.
I could give a shit less if somebody approved of my jeans, shirt or shorts and shoes or sandles that I'm wearing. If somebody has a problem with it, it's their problem not mine. In the mean time, I'm not going to let it eat me upside. If it did bother me that much, I would come back dressed differently the next time. Problem fixed!!!!
If you want to fix this social problem and feel it's centered around the clothing you are wearing to these event, well fucking fix the damn problem! Wear something else that makes a better impression of yourself to other people, and stop taking shit so fucking personally. Just Wear something differently, and your problem will be somewhat Fixed. Dugh! I could of had a V8.
If you look like you just came off from a hike on the beach... you are going to have people looking at you a bit strange. You sound like you are smart enough to know the kind of attention and heat you are going to get from it. So either take the heat with a smile on your face and don't let it get to you... or be more conscious to put a better first impression forward! Save the Beach Bumware to wear later after people have got used to you! For instance anytime, I dealt with a new client I got all dressed up in business like clothing in the beginning, then after the relationship was established did I let them see me in a pair of Jeans and such. OMG, this is almost too much common sense is it not?
< Message edited by WhiplashSmile2 -- 9/24/2008 10:00:50 PM >
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