D/s without BDSM? (Full Version)

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SrchngCpl73112 -> D/s without BDSM? (9/25/2008 5:45:34 AM)

Hi, first I want to say hello to everyone out there.  This site has been great.  I am new to the site and new to the D/s lifestyle.  I have a wonderful "DaddyDom" who i love dearly but i am realizing we dont live the "typical" lifestyle.  Neither of us are into BDSM really at all.  We live the life 24/7 whereas i am his total submissive and he is in total control of the relationship and anything else.  He is just a natural dom and me a natural sub, my life revolves around making him happy and serving him in any way possible.  He has brought this wonderful side of myself out and I am finding my true nature thru him.  He has been in the lifestyle for many years and isnt into inflicting pain or bondage or any of that.  He fits me perfect because i am a sub that isnt any of that either.  We have the occasional light choking or spanking but nothing heavy at all.  So we fit each other perfectly.  My question is are there others like us?  I am finding there are so many different aspects to this lifestyle, it just amazes me.  From everyones experience is it fairly common to have a 24/7 D/s lifestyle and not be into BDSM? 

Thanks everyone for reading!  This site has given me so much information and I appreciate all of you.



RCdc -> RE: D/s without BDSM? (9/25/2008 5:48:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SrchngCpl73112
My question is are there others like us?  I am finding there are so many different aspects to this lifestyle, it just amazes me.  From everyones experience is it fairly common to have a 24/7 D/s lifestyle and not be into BDSM? 

Thanks everyone for reading!  This site has given me so much information and I appreciate all of you.


Yes there are.
Yes it's fairly common.
 
the.dark.



MarcEsadrian -> RE: D/s without BDSM? (9/25/2008 6:46:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SrchngCpl73112

Hi, first I want to say hello to everyone out there. This site has been great. I am new to the site and new to the D/s lifestyle. I have a wonderful "DaddyDom" who i love dearly but i am realizing we dont live the "typical" lifestyle. Neither of us are into BDSM really at all. We live the life 24/7 whereas i am his total submissive and he is in total control of the relationship and anything else. I am finding there are so many different aspects to this lifestyle, it just amazes me. From everyones experience is it fairly common to have a 24/7 D/s lifestyle and not be into BDSM?


Certainly. Of course, it all depends on how one views "BDSM". The acronym has become a bit of a cartoon in recent times, so anyone uncomfortable identifying with the label is well justified in my mind. What's important is you are living submission and finding fulfillment in it. He may discipline you or not in any way fitting, but doesn't seem to make a fetish of the tools or the hysteria of the so-called lifestyle. I say bravo.




Patrick2005 -> RE: D/s without BDSM? (9/25/2008 7:01:32 AM)

There are many more people out there who share your interests.  They aren't always easy to find, because many of them don't identify with bdsm at all, and thus don't participate in the discussions or forums.  I have always been fascinated with the huge variances in Our World- it keeps things interesting. 



justgemmie -> RE: D/s without BDSM? (9/25/2008 7:05:14 AM)

greetings SrchngCpl 

it's very common indeed  :)  if you learn nothing else from the Boards, you will learn that everything and anything is around, just some more common that others.  D/s alone with very little "kink" i seem to see a lot.

another example is the Gorean life and philosophies.  i would venture to say the vast majority of Goreans do not partake in bdsm, but rather are only M/s or Free Man with Free Companion.  (If you don't know what Gorean is, i would strongly suggest you use the search feature and ask "what is Gor," rather than asking here or on the Gorean board, as it's a rather common question.)

welcome to the Boards,
gemmie



OsideGirl -> RE: D/s without BDSM? (9/25/2008 7:05:17 AM)

I know people that engage in BDSM that do not engage in D/s. I know people that engage in D/s that do not engage in BDSM.



CreativeDominant -> RE: D/s without BDSM? (9/25/2008 7:08:13 AM)

Welcome to the Forums.  [:)]

There is nothing written down anywhere that says you have to incorporate BDSM play into a D/s dynamic.  You and your partner can choose to include it at a very light level, at a heavy level, at a level somewhere in-between or not at all.  The really great thing about it is that D/s does not have to have an association with BDSM nor does BDSM have to have an association with D/s (witness most of the top/bottom play that takes place).  It can but it does not have to.

Enjoy what you have and should you CHOOSE to add BDSM in, then do it...as you seem to have done everything else so far...together.  Find what interests you, learn about it, communicate with your partner and explore.



SrchngCpl73112 -> RE: D/s without BDSM? (9/25/2008 7:23:18 AM)

Thank you guys for the responses.  I am learning so much from these boards.  I am loving realizing all of the different facets of this lifestyle.  One thing He always says is "nothing is taboo as long as it is being done together and there is open communication".  I really love that because it is so true.  People like what they like and who is anyone to say if it is right or wrong as long as both/all people in the situation are happy.  BDSM has such a bad rap.  Most people just dont understand.  They need education.
I am going to check out the Gorean information.  So much is so new to me and I am loving learning everything.
Thanks everyone!



robertolapiedra -> RE: D/s without BDSM? (9/25/2008 8:29:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I know people that engage in BDSM that do not engage in D/s. I know people that engage in D/s that do not engage in BDSM.


Hello OsideGirl. Same for me. I know some people that engage in BDSM but have no 24/7 power based relationships. I also know a lot of vanillas. RL.



leadership527 -> RE: D/s without BDSM? (9/25/2008 8:40:59 AM)

You'll find no real agreement on what "BDSM" means.  For myself, I have decided that it does not include D/s, at least in common usage.... that is to say, If you are in a BDSM group, they are going to expect a kink-centric focus on whips and chains.  However, a LOT of people are interested in authority transfer dynamics without all the bells and whistles.  You'll find some such people here and large numbers of them in other communities such as "Taken in Hand".

My wife and I are just like you are describing.  That makes our viewpoint a bit "off" relative to most of the posters here, but I still come here and find value in both reading and posting.

I hope that helps
~Jeff



RealSub58 -> RE: D/s without BDSM? (9/25/2008 8:54:03 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SrchngCpl73112
My question is are there others like us?  I am finding there are so many different aspects to this lifestyle, it just amazes me.  From everyones experience is it fairly common to have a 24/7 D/s lifestyle and not be into BDSM?  


There are scads of folk who live D/s without any form of BDSM.  They have their own forms of rewards and punishment, discipline and sexual fun.
 
What my concern is, and I have been thinking about this after reading several threads in the past week,  why it is that people are concerned "vanilla" has set in if forms of BDSM are not implemented.
 
The dominant with control will always have some sort of boundaries and the submissive who is willing to be under these controls, is submitting to this dominance.
 
D/s doesnt need to be overt but within the relationship there is alwaysa dominant who has control and in some form imposes his will and the submissive submits to that will.
 
If I lived with my Sir at this moment in time, I could never say he is not wanting D/s or OMG he's switching to vanilla.
He is a dominant man and I know that his control over me me means I do as he wills.  His control is of the mind and heart.  To displease him would not to be honest and open about everything.  We have a partnership now that maintains boundaires for me, related to who I am and who he is. 
He doesnt tell me how to spend "my" money, but his expectations are that I am not wasting or being a shopper without purpose.  
He doesnt tell me how to spend my time, but I know his expectations are that I use it wisely.
 
There is no contracts no re-negotiations just  shared discussions, openness and honesty. 
 
We both have family concerns with parents which must be attended to, he has college age children who still need their dads time and energy...does this take away from his dominance and my submission?  No.
 
D/s is of the mind and heart, the relationship, not of the BDSM involved.



SrchngCpl73112 -> RE: D/s without BDSM? (9/25/2008 9:28:18 AM)

Thank you for telling me about Taken in Hand.  I am going to check it out. 

RealSub, it sounds like we share the same basic type of relationship.  I am very glad i posted this.  It's good to know there are relationships out there that are D/s but not necessarily BDSM. 
If I lived with my Sir at this moment in time, I could never say he is not wanting D/s or OMG he's switching to vanilla.
He is a dominant man and I know that his control over me me means I do as he wills.  His control is of the mind and heart.  To displease him would not to be honest and open about everything.  We have a partnership now that maintains boundaires for me, related to who I am and who he is. 
He doesnt tell me how to spend "my" money, but his expectations are that I am not wasting or being a shopper without purpose.  
He doesnt tell me how to spend my time, but I know his expectations are that I use it wisely.
I love what you said here.  This is just like our relationship.  He doesnt control my every move or control what i do with money, but i know what his expectations are so i abide by that because i know he only wants whats best for me and for us. 

Thank you both!



DesFIP -> RE: D/s without BDSM? (9/25/2008 10:19:13 AM)

D/s yes.
We do light spanking and bondage but no s & m.

Think of the initials as a buffet, take what you want and leave the rest.



silkncarol -> RE: D/s without BDSM? (9/25/2008 5:17:38 PM)

What i find so great about the Lifestyle is there are so many activities and areas to explore....then you find what you like, what works for you as a couple and make it your own.....there is no right or wrong.  Enjoy!



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