When you question where you fit in this lifestyle (Full Version)

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oceanwynds -> When you question where you fit in this lifestyle (9/25/2008 5:21:52 PM)

i accept that i am a submissive and am in tune with my need to serve Sir. i have completely surrender to what He needs and what He wants from me. i have accepted that i am committed to serving Sir, without any form of commitment from Him. i am fine with not calling Him my anything, nor wearing a collar. i am fine about living alone and exploring other aspects of me, as well as when we do get to spend time together. i accept  him for all that is part of his personality make-up, good and the bad. i am happy with all this. Yet something perplexes me; where do i fit in with a BDSM/Ds/Ms community? The extent of my submission to Sir seems alien to others, since i am not own by him in any way, shape or form. Through these two years plus, our relationship has worked well for both of us, and it has only been the two of us. He states he is not my Dom. etc. and am free to do as i wish. i do just that, serve him.  i am active in my life and have friends of different walks of life, yet i really don't have any submissive friends, which is something i would like. It has been a complicated journey for me, and have learned a lot from these forums, but i don't know where i fit in. Have any of you wondered where you fit in? Have you found ways to resolve the feeling of being on the outside looking in?
Thank you for reading this. i do hope my thoughts were stated clear. 
Blessings
oceanwynds



daddysliloneds -> RE: When you question where you fit in this lifestyle (9/25/2008 5:31:06 PM)

i've never felt like i was on the outside looking in, or that i didn't fit in when it comes to the dynamics of my relationships, and as long as you're happy, you shouldn't either.



JewAndCelt -> RE: When you question where you fit in this lifestyle (9/25/2008 5:41:15 PM)

Daddyslilone is correct.

However, you do fit in here. You serve with your heart and your gifts and it is a part of you just like it is with the rest of us. You may not have a collar (it's just a thing) or a name for the realationship that you are in (it's just a word) but you are here.

_her



girlivy -> RE: When you question where you fit in this lifestyle (9/25/2008 6:21:19 PM)

You "fit" where ever you feel most at peace and comfort. Whatever works best for you.
Cheers!



natasha66 -> RE: When you question where you fit in this lifestyle (9/25/2008 6:39:47 PM)

I concur with what others have said....if it works for you, and you're happy, "fitting in" shouldn't be an issue.  Just be happy and enjoy what you have.....



oceanwynds -> RE: When you question where you fit in this lifestyle (9/25/2008 6:46:43 PM)

Thank you everyone. i do feel comfortable and blessed with my relationship. i guess i do fit in:) Thank you for reminding me of this valuable lesson.

oceanwynds



CookieSlave -> RE: When you question where you fit in this lifestyle (9/25/2008 7:01:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds

Have any of you wondered where you fit in?


YES. I don't speak up much here for just that reason. I don't even know where to begin..  While many people here have been very respectful and welcoming, I've also seen how some posts have been received critically.  I don't want to set myself up to get picked on and told I'm "fake" or "not real" so mostly I just keep my mouth shut, because it's easier.

I haven't been physically in a D/s relationship yet.  There is someone, but we haven't even spent time in the same room yet, and he lives in another state, hours away. I met him elsewhere, he is the one who sent me here to learn, to get different perspectives. I don't need a label or a slot to fit into to function, but I feel like having something as a frame of reference would help me to feel .. I don't know.. like less of an outsider.

quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds

Have you found ways to resolve the feeling of being on the outside looking in?


Well.. yes and no.  I have moments where I feel like I'm going to implode because it's all too much. I don't want to be stagnant, I'm not ok with being "stuck" here, with being "not real".  I want to see what else, what's next.  I want to know where I fit and who/what I am, like everyone else here seems to.

I finally got the guts to tell him that I need to come to see him, I am tired of being stuck.  He is glad I don't want to stay that way, and he says we will work something out. :-)  I know there are no guarantees - about anything - but it's a start, right?

I just want to be real..

-cs



Usako -> RE: When you question where you fit in this lifestyle (9/25/2008 7:26:19 PM)

I know I don't really fit in anywhere. It sort of sucks and can make ya feel left out but such is life. One day perhaps I'll find some other lost soul who thinks the way I do and we'll click and not fit in together! lol



oceanwynds -> RE: When you question where you fit in this lifestyle (9/25/2008 7:26:46 PM)

Hi Cookie Slave and thank you for sharing.
i am comfortable in my relationship and where it is. We live an hour from each other, but because of my mom's health we have not been able to get together as often as we both wish. i not looking for fitting into a slot or description but i do wish sometimes i had another submissive to talk to during times of confusion. i have tried chat rooms but many of the submissives i met just could not relate to my relationship. These forums have answered a lot of questions for me and i am forever grateful. Still there is a longing to have a submissive to talk to one on one when i have struggles in my growth of a submissive. Sir helps me in many areas but some he is not equipped. He also does not seek to totally control my life, which works well for me. i can go to my friends about relationship issues, but they have mental blocks regarding Ds relationships in general.
Thanks again for sharing, and best wishes for you and your Dom.



oceanwynds -> RE: When you question where you fit in this lifestyle (9/25/2008 7:40:48 PM)

Nice to meet you Usako

ahhhhhhh that would be an interesting group.

blessings
oceanwynds



JewAndCelt -> RE: When you question where you fit in this lifestyle (9/25/2008 7:54:18 PM)

If someone tells you that you are not real or true because of something you have typed tell them to take a flying leap off something.

You have a voice and a right to be heard.

I'm glad you are here. You may bring a new light to an old subject. I'm glad that some of the more aggresive know - it - all posters are here because they do actually give good advice from time to time.

we can't have a give and take with new idea's and questions when everyone thinks the same.

:)

_her



chamberqueen -> RE: When you question where you fit in this lifestyle (9/26/2008 8:14:52 AM)

You will find that most relationships are truly unique.  No one else here that I know of has a relationship exactly like mine, and some are very willing to criticize my relationship, yet I have found many people that I feel I "fit in" with.  The more you post the more we will get to know you, and you'll start finding that you are getting side emails.  Most of my closest friends in the lifestyle are people that I met here and keep in contact with only electronically.  However, they know that I am there for them when they need it, just as I know they are here for me.  Their relationships might be different, but their drive to please is the same.  Sometimes I feel like the ugly duckling, but my Master sees me as a beautiful swan.  The friendships I've made here are just icing on the cake.



leadership527 -> RE: When you question where you fit in this lifestyle (9/26/2008 9:00:52 AM)

Yup, in my own way, I sometimes feel so different that I'm an outsider looking in.  But as other's have pointed out, everyone's relationship is unique and in the end, all that matters is that WIITWD is good for my wife and I.  There's enough similarity between the views generally expressed here and WIITWD that I find value in reading and responding to threads.  That's good enough, neh?



persephonee -> RE: When you question where you fit in this lifestyle (9/26/2008 9:01:00 AM)

According to LA, youll only know youre successful when 5 different people have accused you of not being real. If i were you i would add the ones whove already done it and look for the remainder today...that way, by dinner, youll be set.

my relationships dont make sense to anyone but myself and the parties involved. Some outsiders judge us and some dont even notice us. At the end of the day, all that matters is that im happy and healthy and hopefully wiser than when i woke up that morning.



oceanwynds -> RE: When you question where you fit in this lifestyle (9/26/2008 10:18:20 AM)

Thank you
Yes i do enjoy reading the posts, and find some very useful. i not one to say my way is better then yours, and do ignore those who scream it out at you. Not at all interested in that head game. i always been eccentric in every area of my life, and do realize that is a part of me. i do enjoy listening and reading from others who are not afraid to be themself. Fresh ideas are a welcome thing to me in any walk of life.

blessings,
oceanwynds



oceanwynds -> RE: When you question where you fit in this lifestyle (9/26/2008 10:19:33 AM)

Thank you for your insight. It was very much appreciated.

oceanwynds



oceanwynds -> RE: When you question where you fit in this lifestyle (9/26/2008 10:21:14 AM)

Thank you for posting. i appreciate everyone who did take the time to reply.

Please explain what this means WIITWD?

blessings
oceanwynds



oceanwynds -> RE: When you question where you fit in this lifestyle (9/26/2008 10:22:49 AM)

Oh i been a success a long time ago, so many telling me i am not something or another:)

Thank you for your insight and taking the time to reply.

blessings,
oceanwynds



michaelOfGeorgia -> RE: When you question where you fit in this lifestyle (9/26/2008 10:24:55 AM)

i've redid my profile in order to clarify where i fit in...especially on this site.



hlen5 -> RE: When you question where you fit in this lifestyle (9/26/2008 10:29:11 AM)

oceanwynds,

WIITWD = what it is that we do. I feel like an imperfect fit here, too, sometimes.



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