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RE: How shy is too shy? - 9/26/2008 4:29:30 PM

VivaciousSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeptha

I tend to disagree with the "make a fool of yourself" advice, too. I've made a fool of myself intentionally and just got my ass kicked even more for it, so it doesn't always work to your advantage.

This makes me wonder if I phrased what I meant incorrectly. I did not make a fool of myself intentionally, but what that incident taught me is to stop worrying that the world at large cared a whit for every single move I ever made.

This is not to say that I'm still not shy in certain situations. I very much am, around people that are important to me. I worry that they won't like me, that I'll do something that displeases them - I hate displeasing people close to me, that they'll think less of me for some reason and that makes me freeze up and mumble like a 2nd grader just transferred into a new school halfway through the year. In those times, my "do or die" training comes back to me and I often mask abject fear under a veneer of assertiveness. Perhaps I'd do better just falling on my sword and hoping for the best.

Crap, I'm getting panicky just typing this.

< Message edited by VivaciousSub -- 9/26/2008 4:30:58 PM >

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RE: How shy is too shy? - 9/26/2008 8:09:02 PM

Jeptha

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VivaciousSub, I think you worded it just fine.
I think it's just that there's so much variance in how those kinds of things can turn out, depending on the circumstances and the person, that it's hard to predict with any certainty.

And, especially for a shy person, (but probably also for a lot of people), negative feedback sometimes makes more of an impression than positive feedback. We can go through our day and have 8 positive interactions, but the one interaction that we had that was negative will tend to be the one that we focus on.

Sometimes that's good, if we correct mistakes and want to improve our performance, but it can be bad if the negative experience reinforces negative beliefs we have about ourselves, others, the world, or life in general.

That reminds me of something I've heard; that in a healthy relationship the positive comments outnumber the negative comments by a factor of 5 to 1 (...or something close to that, I forget the exact ratio now.)

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Post #: 22

RE: How shy is too shy? - 9/26/2008 9:50:03 PM

Kirata

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mypassion

I feel that I am being extremely shy. Perhaps too shy.

You are shy because that's just you. It's fine to be you. And you will be most comfortable (and least shy) around people who accept you just as you are. Nobody likes being around a fault-finder. It makes them uncomfortable. Guess who the fault-finder is in this picture. Your shyness isn't the problem.

K.

< Message edited by Kirata -- 9/26/2008 10:02:12 PM >

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Post #: 23

RE: How shy is too shy? - 9/27/2008 1:01:26 AM

NorthernGent

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quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

Like you, I'm shy, and I'm also modest in my nudity and a bit inhibited in my sexuality.

Oi, never mind all that......you have mail to reply to.....

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RE: How shy is too shy? - 9/27/2008 3:05:48 AM

MaleAuthority

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen
you could simply say, "I'm sorry. I tend to get shy. Please understand that I am interested but I may need your help to get past the shyness." Then they know that you are trying.

I think that's good advice. It doesn't sound to me as though you're "too shy": it's not stopping you meeting or communicating with people. Remember, shyness is often attractive to people, and can be powerfully attractive to dominant people, at least those who are like me. With luck you'll find (and it may be these people - I hope so) a dominant who's gentle with you and builds your confidence, by making it very clear how much you please, and by giving you their own strength and confidence to rely on.

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RE: How shy is too shy? - 9/27/2008 10:20:55 AM

mypassion

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Thanks all.... I appreciate all your help. I think at this point my first thing to do is talk to them about it. We'll see how that goes.

Again thank you all for your advice.

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Post #: 26

RE: How shy is too shy? - 9/27/2008 10:25:24 AM

WinsomeDefiance

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Hello mypassion,

Best wishes with things. From one shy person to the other, please keep us updated on how things worked out.

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Post #: 27

RE: How shy is too shy? - 9/27/2008 10:44:45 AM

hehaditcomin

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i'm fully shy...i can't help it it's just me... but my master is amazing wtih me. i mean he is stern but yet caring...but pushes me... and once i got naked for him once... i was a lot less nervous and shy.
i think you just have to get comfortable it will be hard at first, and don't forget to communicate.

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RE: How shy is too shy? - 9/27/2008 5:56:22 PM

marieToo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

Oi, never mind all that......you have mail to reply to.....

Aye aye, Sir, I'll get right on it.

Oh, and I've been meaning to ask you, is it ok if I forward your cock pics to Aileen?

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RE: How shy is too shy? - 9/27/2008 6:48:39 PM

DesFIP

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If they enjoyed it, then you aren't too shy for them. However you do need to find a way to discuss things afterwards. And it's okay if that's by email with the disclaimer that you don't feel able to talk to them face to face but they need to know x, y and z.

And some doms like shyness in a sub.

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RE: How shy is too shy? - 9/27/2008 9:09:53 PM

Kirata

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quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

Oh, and I've been meaning to ask you, is it ok if I forward your cock pics to Aileen?

Damn, I think NG has finally met his match!

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RE: How shy is too shy? - 9/28/2008 6:51:47 AM

NorthernGent

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quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

Oh, and I've been meaning to ask you, is it ok if I forward your cock pics to Aileen?

Aye......make sure it is the pic with my bollocks swinging around.

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Post #: 32