new mistress has some questions

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

new mistress has some questions

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> new mistress has some questions

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

new mistress has some questions - 9/26/2008 10:07:12 AM

scary724angel

Posts: 7
Joined: 9/26/2008
Status: offline

Hello mistresses, here I am a mistress for the first time and I have some questions.

I should preface by saying my slave has given me total control with no limits.

First is a conundrum I keep facing with my slave. The poor creature is a glutton for punishment. I think he would cut his leg off if I asked him to. In fact he probably wants me to ask him!! So given that he wants a lot of brutal treatment and deprivation, wouldn't the logical thing be NOT to give him those things? I know it would make him absolutely insane and frustrated for me to do a lot of other things with him for my amusement, yet hold back on the things he keeps begging for.

Second, is it possible to love a slave too much? I love my slave very deeply which sometimes strikes me as an un-mistressy thing to be feeling. I have no problem being sadistic towards him but the extent of my emotions sometimes feels out of control. Has anyone else experienced this? Is it normal?

Thank you very much for any insight.

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: new mistress has some questions - 9/26/2008 10:15:41 AM

UmbraDomina

Posts: 491
Joined: 7/22/2008
From: SE Michigan
Status: offline

is this r/t or on line?

(in reply to scary724angel)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: new mistress has some questions - 9/26/2008 1:21:30 PM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

you state your a first time Mistress yet you have a slave , you say slave is a glutton for punishment yet you say your new ?As A Switch the term leave them wanting for more tends to be a good one .

(in reply to UmbraDomina)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: new mistress has some questions - 9/26/2008 2:21:14 PM

MmeGigs

Posts: 706
Joined: 1/26/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: scary724angel
So given that he wants a lot of brutal treatment and deprivation, wouldn't the logical thing be NOT to give him those things?

No. If you enjoy doing these things but don't do them because it seems that's the way you ought to play it, you're denying yourself these pleasures along with him, and that doesn't make much sense. There are also a heck of a lot of guys out there who don't get into the whole denial thing, or only enjoy it occasionally or in a particular context. Playing a lot of denial games with these fellows could cause relationship issues.

quote:

I love my slave very deeply which sometimes strikes me as an un-mistressy thing to be feeling. I have no problem being sadistic towards him but the extent of my emotions sometimes feels out of control. Has anyone else experienced this? Is it normal?

"Un-mistressy" kind of bothers me. If your love for your slave makes it difficult for you to do the things you want to do to/with him, then I guess that for you it is "un-mistressy". If that's not the case and your concern is that others might find your affection for him "un-mistressy", well, that's a rather un-mistressy concern, is it not? A mistress does what works for her and doesn't worry overmuch about what other people think.

I don't know if it's normal to love one's slave deeply, but it's not abnormal. My slave-hubby is my best friend. I love him as much as I've ever loved anyone in my life, and much more than I've ever loved any romantic partner. It did feel a little weird and vulnerable at first, letting someone get so close to me, those first letting go leaps of faith that one has to take to really trust someone. The weird and vulnerable feelings faded over time and became confident ownership feelings.

(in reply to scary724angel)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: new mistress has some questions - 9/27/2008 4:53:36 PM

scary724angel

Posts: 7
Joined: 9/26/2008
Status: offline

Thanks for your replies--

Umbra-- it is online with possible r/t in the future.

Az-- Not sure I understand you-- we sort of crashed into each other and gradually understood our "compatibility."

Mme Gigs-- "weird and vulnerable--" yes!!!! This is exactly how I feel. I don't understand the "vulnerable" part.

(in reply to MmeGigs)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: new mistress has some questions - 9/28/2008 1:20:24 AM

lobodomslavery

Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline

I would be really nice to this guy. He obviously like s bad treatment so being very nice to him would be huge punishment for him. Only of course when he steps out of line. Be bad to him otherwise but stay safe keep it safe sane consensual. Even if he asks you to cane him till he bleeds and goes unconsious dont do it, you might have the police at your door if you do. Be well

(in reply to scary724angel)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: new mistress has some questions - 9/28/2008 6:21:07 AM

MmeGigs

Posts: 706
Joined: 1/26/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: scary724angel
Mme Gigs-- "weird and vulnerable--" yes!!!! This is exactly how I feel. I don't understand the "vulnerable" part.

I can't say what those feelings are about for you, but for me I think the vulnerable feelings were about letting go of the security and stability of being single. I'd lived alone for 20 years (except for my kid) and was pretty darned content that way. What would I have to give up? How much of his wonderful dating behavior was going to fade now that things were getting serious? Was he really going to do everything he said he would, or was that just happy-penis talk? Would I end up an unhappy, nagging bitch in a few years? That's where I'd always envisioned my previous relationships ending up.

It wasn't the questions that made me nervous, but the deep-down feeling I had that I wouldn't have to give up anything, his wonderful dating behavior was not going to fade and that he would do everything he said and more. He seemed to be what I had been looking for and I seemed to be what he had been looking for, too, and that meant that my whole life was going to change in a big way. Really soon, too, not at some vague theoretical time in the future. I am not a risk-taker by nature and I was going to take a chance on messing up my life because I was ~*in love*~, which, while it felt really cool, didn't feel all that rational. As you say, it felt a bit out of control.

Anyhoo, that's how it worked for me. It may be completely different for you.

Good luck! Have fun!

(in reply to scary724angel)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: new mistress has some questions - 9/29/2008 9:42:37 PM

EvilGenie

Posts: 1323
Joined: 9/10/2007
From: Morocco and Maine occasionally
Status: offline

I am extremely wary of the male ''gluttons for punishment.'' They seem to go way over and above say a female pain slut and there is something that doesn't feel right when they are that extreme. That is just me though.

Good Luck

_____________________________

I will never make someone a priority, when they only make me an option.

FEAR the pixels....NOT!

Some things in life are like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.

(in reply to MmeGigs)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: new mistress has some questions - 9/30/2008 4:46:09 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: scary724angel

Hello mistresses, here I am a mistress for the first time and I have some questions.

I should preface by saying my slave has given me total control with no limits.

First is a conundrum I keep facing with my slave. The poor creature is a glutton for punishment. I think he would cut his leg off if I asked him to. In fact he probably wants me to ask him!! So given that he wants a lot of brutal treatment and deprivation, wouldn't the logical thing be NOT to give him those things? I know it would make him absolutely insane and frustrated for me to do a lot of other things with him for my amusement, yet hold back on the things he keeps begging for.
Well you state in another post that this is online, so I wouldn't worry about the brutal part yet. You really can't beat him until your into a r/t situation, so why bother yourself with it now.

Second, is it possible to love a slave too much? I love my slave very deeply which sometimes strikes me as an un-mistressy thing to be feeling. I have no problem being sadistic towards him but the extent of my emotions sometimes feels out of control. Has anyone else experienced this? Is it normal?
I don't see loving him as a problem. My ex and I loved each other, that was part of the relationship.

Thank you very much for any insight.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to scary724angel)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: new mistress has some questions - 9/30/2008 5:39:59 AM

LadyLou

Posts: 110
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

Well, yes, the logical thing for someone seeking ‘no limits’ torture so badly would be to not give him it, lol, which I find really quite amusing. But, in the context of his fantasies, I suspect that would be a hard limit, and hey, why deny yourself, right?

I’m not sure I agree with you about loving a slave too much, as that is not how I am wired. But different strokes for different folks, we all work differently. To me personally, when I am doing sadistic things to my sub, it is an act of extreme intimacy, not least because of the trust required. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I do it as a loving act, but I definitely couldn’t do it as deeply to someone I didn’t love or care for.

I wouldn’t let the stereotype of a cold hearted bitch-with-a-whip get in the way of who you are and what you are feeling, to do so keeps you in the confines of self-denial and repression.

I have no problem showing extreme loving affection to my sub. It doesn’t make me any less dominant, and doesn’t make my authority over him any less, and it doesn’t stop me performing BDSM acts upon him. But not everyone works that way, and, well…. I am a soppy, romantic ol’ thing.

But more importantly, we are ‘real time’. I think that maybe his desires are so extreme because it is fantasy-safe at the moment. I think when it goes ‘real time’ for him, the horny-hyperbole will settle down, and reality will balance out his ‘big’ talk.

(in reply to scary724angel)

Profile

Post #: 10