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You Call Yourself a What? - 9/27/2008 8:43:40 AM   
SlyStone


Posts: 398
Joined: 12/23/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline

If a "plumber" were to state on his card that he only fix's first floor bathroom sinks with gold plated faucet handles, there will no doubt be a few people with first floor gold plated faucet handles with overflowing sinks in need of a professional plunger, but for the most part this is not going to help most people looking for a plumber to fix a garbage disposal  spewing out last weeks spaghetti dinner.

There are submissives who have a list of limits longer than their list of interests and there are dominants confused and conflicted by the concept of control. I really don't care about that, but I think if they would be honest about their bdsm needs they would probably meet each other and live happily ever after in conflicted bliss, and save the rest of us who are looking for someone or something more honest a great deal of time and effort.

I know labels suck, and many people refuse to take them on, but it seems to me, and I may be wrong, that the vast majority of people in the bdsm community, especially the online community, do in fact take on labels, and people searching for partners use these labels as guideposts. They are stark one word declarations of who or what we are,  the problem is that they may in fact be real or they may be delusional yearning for what we want to be or wish we were.

I realize that there are no bdsm label police that are going to go around calling out impostors, and we all have to use our own filters to filter out the bullshit from the reality, I am just wondering if people think about the bdsm label they take on, does it have any meaning to them, or is it just a convenient way to broadly define themselves.

In other words do we define our labels as we go, or are certain labels so defining that if we chose them are we implicitly accepting certain inherent defining characteristics?


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RE: You Call Yourself a What? - 9/27/2008 8:50:51 AM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlyStone


In other words do we define our labels as we go, or are certain labels so defining that if we chose them are we implicitly accepting certain inherent defining characteristics?



The illusion and fantasy far out weigh the need for reality based information on profiles.
 
Implicity accepting characteristics of a label based on fastasy and illusion is a person who doesnt know much about themselves if they think putting on play clothes or acting is absorbing characteristics they do NOT have.
 

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RE: You Call Yourself a What? - 9/27/2008 8:51:54 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		All of it is so much marketing.

There will be those who value the genuine in themselves, who put that as clearly as possible into their profile and seek the same in others.
There will be those more focused on getting results, feeling free to toss around keywords that they think will attract them a greater audience when it may little to do with them at all.

Little by little I've become more capable at discerning which profile really are only looking for a X variation of kink that can comfortably fit into a small preset hole in their lives...and I move on.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

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RE: You Call Yourself a What? - 9/27/2008 8:57:09 AM   
JewAndCelt


Posts: 110
Joined: 8/23/2008
From: Arkansas
Status: offline 		I agree, RealSub.

I do think that, like a lot of generic personals-sites, CM has a small population of folk who are here out of sheer fantasy.

How can someone be honest about their BDSM needs, if to them this is nothing more than a transient fantasy fueled by a crappy homelife, solitude and copious amounts of internet porn? Granted, I believe this is a small percentage and those of us with at least some experience far outnumber the aforementioned group.

Again, as RealSub stated,

quote:

ORIGINAL: RealSub58

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlyStone


In other words do we define our labels as we go, or are certain labels so defining that if we chose them are we implicitly accepting certain inherent defining characteristics?



The illusion and fantasy far out weigh the need for reality based information on profiles.

Implicity accepting characteristics of a label based on fastasy and illusion is a person who doesnt know much about themselves if they think putting on play clothes or acting is absorbing characteristics they do NOT have.





_____________________________

Maturity is patience. Mastery is nine times patience.


!!!!!!כי לא נולד הבן זונה שיעצור את ישראל

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RE: You Call Yourself a What? - 9/27/2008 9:30:42 AM   
lizcgirl


Posts: 287
Joined: 4/13/2008
Status: offline 		I think people choose the labels they want others to see. So many seem to think if they use the right title, it doesn't acutally matter if they are what they claim to be because they have the title so it must be true. I've talked with guys on here who claimed to be Doms then asked me to control them, or a slave who was married to his sub and dominated her. They want to project a certain image so they pick a title based on their desires alone. I don't like it- to me it's like false advertising. I label as 'slave' based on my understanding of the term and how I live in my relationship- not because I think by doing so others will find me more attractive.

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Never make some one a priority when all you are to them is an option.


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RE: You Call Yourself a What? - 9/27/2008 9:36:22 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		I call myself variously, "husband", "dominant", and "master" depending on what I think will communicate most accurately to the person I'm speaking to.  Internal to our own marriage, we are master/slave probably for no better reason than I liked the words.

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RE: You Call Yourself a What? - 9/27/2008 9:40:55 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Quite frankly, there is NO label that could define me; so, I tend to take the word that most others are most comfortable with using in regards to me...Masochist...

However, if asked point blank to state which label best defines me, I will answer that there is no label that could define me because I refuse to be limited in what I can or can not be/do.

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RE: You Call Yourself a What? - 9/27/2008 9:52:07 AM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

and save the rest of us who are looking for someone or something more honest a great deal of time and effort 


 
I wonder if you could explain how listing limits or being confused/conflicted rates as dishonesty.


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"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

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RE: You Call Yourself a What? - 9/27/2008 10:03:11 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		On this site, the labels help people search. So i label myself as clearly as possible in hopes of weeding out people that distinctly wont fit into my life. That said, doesnt seem to stop the issues that everyone has on here.

What i call myself and what my partners consider me...thats all the label i need...hopefully its friend, lover, confidante.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

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RE: You Call Yourself a What? - 9/27/2008 10:03:16 AM   
aravain


Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlyStone
is it just a convenient way to broadly define themselves.


Pretty much. I mean, I consider myself something drastically different than the 'narrower' definitions of 'submissive' however... the other labels don't fit at all... I'd rather have something that's a bit short but fits around my waist than something that I can't get past my ankles, if you catch my meaning.

quote:


In other words do we define our labels as we go, or are certain labels so defining that if we chose them are we implicitly accepting certain inherent defining characteristics?



The first, of course. No one person is everything in a label. If they think they are... they're kidding themselves; if other people think they are... they don't know the person well enough.

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RE: You Call Yourself a What? - 9/27/2008 10:22:32 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I find it hard to define myself.   I would say I was primarily a pain slut. 

Beyond that....'submissive', but only to the rare person who is strong enough to inspire it.  I don't know if I'm a slave - I doubt it, but I also refuse to say never because I don't know what the right Dom will inspire within me.

What I am and how I react and what I can offer depends on who I'm with.  I can't label myself with any more detail because I simply don't know.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


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RE: You Call Yourself a What? - 9/27/2008 10:22:57 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		There was another thread recently about how few labels there are here, and what someone would label themselves.  I wrote back and said that if I were to give myself a label, it would be "caretaker" based on the fact that if I see something that needs to be done I simply take care of it.  That's true whether I am acting as a slave, a Domme, a mentor, a friend - whatever.  I talked with my Master about it later and He said it describes me to a T. 

New people, especially, can be confused over wither to call themselves a sub or a slave.  I've seen people with multiple profiles here who claim to be a Dom on one and a sub on another.  Some refuse to check the "switch" box even if they are because they fear that it will somehow lessen their respectability. 

You mention being honest about BDSM needs and gave examples.  Those people probably feel that they ARE being honest.  They may not understand the lifestyle dynamic well, but their choices in their profiles will show that.  It is a giveaway to the more experienced that the person is basically looking out more for their own needs than in fulfilling another.   I would rather see that in a quick glimpse at a profile and know to stay away from that person than to find it out slowly after I've invested time in them.


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RE: You Call Yourself a What? - 9/27/2008 10:30:10 AM   
PsyVamp


Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlyStone

There are submissives who have a list of limits longer than their list of interests and there are dominants confused and conflicted by the concept of control. I really don't care about that, but I think if they would be honest about their bdsm needs they would probably meet each other and live happily ever after in conflicted bliss, and save the rest of us who are looking for someone or something more honest a great deal of time and effort.

I realize that there are no bdsm label police that are going to go around calling out impostors, and we all have to use our own filters to filter out the bullshit from the reality, I am just wondering if people think about the bdsm label they take on, does it have any meaning to them, or is it just a convenient way to broadly define themselves.

In other words do we define our labels as we go, or are certain labels so defining that if we chose them are we implicitly accepting certain inherent defining characteristics?



I use the label that is the only one collarme lets Me use.. Dominant Female.  There are other sites I do not use because their labeling system is so out of tune with My own definitions that I could not, in good conscious, use them to "advertise" Myself.
 
There are people who will pass Me by, even though they are looking for a dominant female, because I have posted who I am as well as My general philosophy and attitudes directly in My profile...
 
I read the profiles of the people who email Me, and then I ask questions about their attitudes, experience and definitions.  We were all new at one time, and we all started somewhere.  Just because one has no experience does not make them any less real than anyone else.
 
Yes, I wish there were more options available for labels, but that is what I use the email system to clarify...
a slave by any other name may still be a fantastic addition to My household.
 
Lady Jag

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

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RE: You Call Yourself a What? - 9/27/2008 10:35:03 AM   
GabrielleSlave


Posts: 616
Joined: 9/20/2007
From: in servitude
Status: offline 		i am my Master's slave and no one elses, although when asked that is what i call myself.  It fits for Uus and works well.  He has always idenified as Master, myself i suppose i moved gradually from what i call submissive, to being slave.  They are labels yes and clear ones, but they define who and what Wwe are maybe not be as others would, but then Wwe are not those 'others'; therefore it ultimately does not matter....

Hugs

Gabrielle x

_____________________________

Slave to Master Slayer

~ Host of the Rather Marvelous Greenwich Munch ~

"There is no such thing as liberty. You only change one sort of domination for another. All we can do is to choose our master."
D. H. Lawrence

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RE: You Call Yourself a What? - 9/27/2008 10:36:46 AM   
CookieSlave


Posts: 74
Joined: 7/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

quote:

and save the rest of us who are looking for someone or something more honest a great deal of time and effort 


 
I wonder if you could explain how listing limits or being confused/conflicted rates as dishonesty.


Yes, thank you catize, agreed.

I generally try to give people the benefit of the doubt.  I might not always agree with the direction they are going and they might not always agree with my direction, but that's ok, I try not to be all judge-y.   For instance, just because someone doesn't approach things the way I expect them to or doesn't have the experience I expect, or doesn't use the labels I expect, or doesn't interpret things my way, I don't assume they are being dishonest.  This is what THEY believe & feel, and that's enough.  I can choose to associate with them or not, but Life doesn't usually make things easier on me by weeding out the people *I* don't want to deal with.

I don't think uncertainty = dishonesty.  Sure, there are the random few bullshitters, but they are few and far between.  OP, if I've misinterpreted your post then my apologies, but to me the post sounds like you are equating uncertainty and confusion with being dishonest about what someone really wants.  I am uncertain, I am often confused, I am mostly inexperienced, but that doesn't mean I'm just sitting here revelling in my rich fantasy life, and I resent the implication that I'm being "dishonest" by having limits, or not having 10yrs. experience, or not choosing the proper label before speaking up.

Just for future reference, so you know and there is no confusion and it'll help you weed out the undesirables, I'm going to label myself "One Who is Honestly As Yet Inexperienced But Ready to Explore, Who is Often Unsure About Exactly What Her Limits Are And Are Not, But Who Has Some Idea Of What Is Appealing And What Is Not, And Who Is, In Fact, Realistic About All Of This And Not Living A Fantasy, Or Trying to Rope The Wary In With Lies."  Let me know if I left anything out..

-cs

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RE: You Call Yourself a What? - 9/27/2008 10:59:44 AM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

 Just for future reference, so you know and there is no confusion and it'll help you weed out the undesirables, I'm going to label myself "One Who is Honestly As Yet Inexperienced But Ready to Explore, Who is Often Unsure About Exactly What Her Limits Are And Are Not, But Who Has Some Idea Of What Is Appealing And What Is Not, And Who Is, In Fact, Realistic About All Of This And Not Living A Fantasy, Or Trying to Rope The Wary In With Lies."  Let me know if I left anything out..  


That was well done!
I’ve often said I’ve never met a Cookie I didn’t like—and you have proved that to be true! 


_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

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RE: You Call Yourself a What? - 9/27/2008 11:32:54 AM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		I use labels because I have a thing for nouns.  Pointing and grunting can be a little vague at times. 

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RE: You Call Yourself a What? - 9/27/2008 11:37:30 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz
Pointing and grunting can be a little vague at times. 

But potentially hot, under the right circumstances.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

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RE: You Call Yourself a What? - 9/27/2008 11:38:33 AM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz
Pointing and grunting can be a little vague at times. 

But potentially hot, under the right circumstances.



Neanderthal Play!


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HBIC



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RE: You Call Yourself a What? - 9/27/2008 11:39:03 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz
I use labels because I have a thing for nouns.  Pointing and grunting can be a little vague at times. 


*spits coffee*

PERFECT!

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