RE: How do I get my man confortable with his role as a master

RE: How do I get my man confortable with his role as a master (Full Version)

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theRose4U -> RE: How do I get my man confortable with his role as a master (12/4/2005 11:38:40 AM)
quote: Starshineowned- thank you for your response. I am having a difficult time with this issue. I was in a vanilla marriage for 21 years, and can not go back to that.....He hates computers and email, but I am going to try to find someone he can talk with besides me regarding this subject. Possibly here. Guess my first question is, is this person in your mind a Dominant? What are the parameters of this arrangement? What does HE SAY the problem is? Guess I'm looking for more info. vanilla marriage, Dom that won't do the deeds your way, won't talk on computer... humm makes me wonder what's really up. Are you active in your local D/s community at all? Sometimes public play can fill in gaps where a sub has deep desires in areas that their own Dom/me is either unable or unwilling to play in. (i.e. I would rather have my boy caned by someone that knows what they are doing rather than risk perminant damage with my ignorance of the tool).

MasterRobert1 -> RE: How do I get my man confortable with his role as a master (12/5/2005 12:41:55 PM)
This is an appraoch (role your own Master) this is often tried, but seldom works. Just like with being a sub, you really have to WANT to be a Master/Dom if you're going to be any good at it.

Tazgirlx -> RE: How do I get my man confortable with his role as a master (12/9/2005 5:57:13 PM)
I thank all of you for this excellent thread and the wisdom you've shared here. I'm struggling with this issue also with my sex partner of 9 years. Master Michael and firefly, Your stated questions and advice have led me to ask who I am and what I want with more clarity than I've ever imagined. Scene play or sensation play are terms I've never heard before and are seemingly what both he and I have truly been after. I understand now the title of Master is all encompassing within a relationship and not a role to be taken on and then shed when "play time" is over. That his fear (and mine also I now realize) of fully engaging in the sexual activities of BDSM would "change" our relationship has been due to his not wanting to be a Dom to me because its not who he IS. This understanding now leaves me to wonder however, if what we as a couple want is to only "play", where do we fit in here or within any part of the BDSM community? I've never considered before that others were actually LIVING the lifestyle 24/7 by whatever means are appropriate at any given time. Now with this being clear to me I feel the loss of a community I'd imagined being a part of. OR, am I wrong? If honest about themselves, is there a welcome mat somewhere for those who only wish to "play" while developing a deeper understanding of the desires they posses for BDSM activity? Thank You again, Taz

Focus50 -> RE: How do I get my man confortable with his role as a master (12/10/2005 2:05:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Tazgirlx I thank all of you for this excellent thread and the wisdom you've shared here. I'm struggling with this issue also with my sex partner of 9 years. Master Michael and firefly, Your stated questions and advice have led me to ask who I am and what I want with more clarity than I've ever imagined. Scene play or sensation play are terms I've never heard before and are seemingly what both he and I have truly been after. I understand now the title of Master is all encompassing within a relationship and not a role to be taken on and then shed when "play time" is over. That his fear (and mine also I now realize) of fully engaging in the sexual activities of BDSM would "change" our relationship has been due to his not wanting to be a Dom to me because its not who he IS. This understanding now leaves me to wonder however, if what we as a couple want is to only "play", where do we fit in here or within any part of the BDSM community? I've never considered before that others were actually LIVING the lifestyle 24/7 by whatever means are appropriate at any given time. Now with this being clear to me I feel the loss of a community I'd imagined being a part of. OR, am I wrong? If honest about themselves, is there a welcome mat somewhere for those who only wish to "play" while developing a deeper understanding of the desires they posses for BDSM activity? Thank You again, Taz Individual D/s or M/s relationships cover the full spectrum of variety and I doubt there are 2 the same.... Some are strictly authoritarian 24/7 and others are simply light play or kink orientated etc and may have no control dynamic outside of that play at all. The level of control is entirely up to the individuals concerned to decide - there is NO ONE TRUE WAY! You have a partner of 9 years and that sounds like a successful relationship to me. It doesn't matter how hard or light you choose to play, or whether you choose to switch or even if D/s is part of your dynamic outside of play - if it's what you enjoy and need in your relationship together, then you are living a D/s or M/s relationship and don't let anyone tell you differently! Even within the general BDSM community, there will always be those who have a greater control dynamic than yourselves and there'll be those who only dabble around the edges for excitement or whatever. And there'll probably be very few who can match your 9 years together - that's something for the majority of community to be envious of you! Personally, I need a greater control and ownership dynamic than just play but, for eg, I have no interest in Gor and I also have many personal limits where play is concerned - and I'm the one in charge! Probably the most important thing is to find a partner with needs that match each other as close as possible. You seem to have that.... [:)] You are wrong, of course you belong here! Focus.

Slaveless1 -> RE: How do I get my man confortable with his role as a master (12/10/2005 2:34:45 AM)
My two cents worht of advice.... move on...short and sweet. The ability to be a good dom is inborn in their personality. It is not to say they cannot learn the acts of a dom. Anyone can learn anything if given enough time. He will not enjoy this role and just be an actor.....hopefully an emmy...

Tazgirlx -> RE: How do I get my man confortable with his role as a master (12/10/2005 8:21:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 Individual D/s or M/s relationships cover the full spectrum of variety and I doubt there are 2 the same.... Some are strictly authoritarian 24/7 and others are simply light play or kink orientated etc and may have no control dynamic outside of that play at all. The level of control is entirely up to the individuals concerned to decide - there is NO ONE TRUE WAY! You have a partner of 9 years and that sounds like a successful relationship to me. It doesn't matter how hard or light you choose to play, or whether you choose to switch or even if D/s is part of your dynamic outside of play - if it's what you enjoy and need in your relationship together, then you are living a D/s or M/s relationship and don't let anyone tell you differently! Even within the general BDSM community, there will always be those who have a greater control dynamic than yourselves and there'll be those who only dabble around the edges for excitement or whatever. And there'll probably be very few who can match your 9 years together - that's something for the majority of community to be envious of you! Personally, I need a greater control and ownership dynamic than just play but, for eg, I have no interest in Gor and I also have many personal limits where play is concerned - and I'm the one in charge! Probably the most important thing is to find a partner with needs that match each other as close as possible. You seem to have that.... You are wrong, of course you belong here! Focus. Thank you Focus, your words are much appriciated. [:)] Its quite refreshing to read so many pionts of view regarding the different facets of BDSM. Many of the other boards I've visited have been of the mind that its their way or the highway. My partner spent some time today reading this thread. He said it was a great help and definately addressed a lot of the feelings he's been having. I also looked up our local chapter of TIES and we hope to attend a munch in the near future. I wish you well, Taz

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