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juliaoceania -> RE: Less Submissive in Rl? (10/22/2008 1:28:34 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: hejira92
For those of you who are in -or have been in- long-term D/s relationships:
Do you find that you become less submissive in or out of the relationship as time passes?
I have found myself much more assertive in rl since being with Master. I actually can say "No" to things I think are outside my work scope. I stand up for myself more and worry (slightly [:)]) less about taking a stance and standing up to authority.
It's like - "I know who I submit to- and it ain't you".
When I was first learning, and in constant subfrenzy, I couldn't distinguish as well. And most of my life has been in 'pleasing everyone' mode. Is the difference because I am more mature in my submission, or the stable D/s relationship I have?
What do you think? Has a D/s relationship influenced your behavior in the workplace and elsewhere? Why and how?
I do not think of myself as "less submissive" because I stand up for myself... with him or with others.
I do stand up more for myself than I used to, but I believe this is a function of turning 40 more than my relationship with him.
I do what he asks of me all the time, and I do it joyfully and naturally, but I find myself having less difficulty communicating when I am having trouble doing what he asks.
I have also begun to speak up with not only others, but with him, if I feel it is necessary. Being submissive does not mean tolerating when you feel you are being treated unfairly, or inconsiderately. In most relationships there are times when one person is less considerate than they should be to the other... and I am guilty of it too.
Day before yesterday I "ordered" Sinergy to stop nagging me while I was driving. You see I have a driving phobia, and was driving him back from surgery on the Pacific Coast Highway because he wanted me to do it for him... I only told him to stop talking to me because I could not take him bossing me while I was trying to focus on driving... being that he was coming out of sedation, he was not being himself and was not considering how hard it is for me to drive. But the very act of driving him is an act of submission on my part... I would only drive for him, my mother, or my son... I take the bus everywhere when it comes to getting around.
You know, I read people putting down submissives that only submit the way that they want to, as if submitting has to be something undesirable and un-fun for the sub or it isn't "submitting". I do not think that is so, just because I feel I am a human being that should speak up if someone hurts my feelings, or is disrespectful of me does not make me less submissive. Just because I will voice to my Daddy that I feel that way does not make him less of a dom... it makes him a flawed person, and we are all flawed, and we all make mistakes, and it is how we own up to that which makes us a good or a bad leader. His ego is not dependent on my perceiving him as perfect. He wants to know how I feel. He isn't hesitant on telling me how he feels either.
Basically being submissive to me means that I enjoy doing things for him, and I enjoy him having his way. I like being the more passive of us, and he likes to be the one in charge. It does not mean that I suck it up when people do not treat me right. In fact he would be the first to tell me not to accept bad behavior from anyone.
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