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BDSM and Disability - 12/2/2005 5:53:12 PM

watchersgirl

Posts: 23
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline

I'm wondering if people have experiences to share about BDSM and disability. In my case, I have Multiple Sclerosis, which causes extreme fatigue, among other symptoms. How do tops feel about working around a disability, such as a sub who can't stand for very long, but who is very eager to play and explore? Any suggestions or experiences? thanks in advance!

Post #: 1

RE: BDSM and Disability - 12/2/2005 6:06:13 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

My Master is deaf, his middle and high range hearing is shot completely. This does cause some interesting predicaments for us, but nothing we cant work around. i think most diabilities can be worked around through the application of knowledge surrounding the disability.
1. Some things that come up for us, is me having to repeat myself a lot or speak in a particular tone so he can hear me, which im unsuccessful a lot of the times.
2. When we are out to act as an interpretor for him, its easier for him to understand me than other people talking to him, he knows my lips movements etc.
3. He is such a good lip reader, and he doesnt speak like a deaf person, he sounds completely normal, cept he drags some "s's" sometimes so this means sometimes i forget he is deaf which gets me into trouble a bit.
4. i have to love 70's music, cuz its music he remembers from when he could hear properly *grin*. Its hard for him to listen to new music, he can hear the beat but not much else.
5. i had to stop trying to have deep and meaningfuls with him at 2am while we were laying in bed in the dark *grin*.
6. i read up a bit on subbing to a deaf person before Master moved in with me. Hand signals and things were suggested..we have never had to use those. I think his deafness has made him super alert to body language etc..so that issue has never come up for us.

Well best of luck to you watchersgirl..where there is a will there is a way.

(in reply to watchersgirl)

Post #: 2

RE: BDSM and Disability - 12/2/2005 6:11:28 PM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: watchersgirl

I'm wondering if people have experiences to share about BDSM and disability. In my case, I have Multiple Sclerosis, which causes extreme fatigue, among other symptoms. How do tops feel about working around a disability, such as a sub who can't stand for very long, but who is very eager to play and explore? Any suggestions or experiences? thanks in advance!

Hi Watchersgirl,
I would have no problem working around a disability. If the sub/slave was honest about it and up-front as to what they could and couldnt endure, then I wouldnt have any hesitations to work with the other areas that she/he could do. There are many fun things we could do while she/he is laying down, just as well as standing <s>

_____________________________

(in reply to watchersgirl)

Post #: 3

RE: BDSM and Disability - 12/2/2005 6:32:12 PM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

i am sorry about the MS.
i have o.c.d./p.t.s.d. --paranoid personality disorder with persecution complex...
i have..some....meds...but it only addresses my temper...not my issues...so far the v.a. has not helped me.
not even therapy.
and i have a 2 year waiting list here in wisconsin.

happy holidays to ya

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to watchersgirl)

Post #: 4

RE: BDSM and Disability - 12/2/2005 6:39:35 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

I seem to remember a couple of similar threads some time ago with many excellent posts to them….

My previous kajira had some severe physical disabilities which only meant there were different ways to do things. The psychological ones were not a huge problem (one of them requiring her to be leashed when out so she felt safe).

I’ve grown up around people with both major and minor disabilities so I guess I’m accustomed to people being different in some way or another and know that they are still great people who can do things and face obstacles I never had to. These days I have some reasonable disabilities (A semi crippled left knee and a right one heading the same way). Look in one sense everyone has disabilities in as much everyone has something’s which they are unable to do. This may be a physical thing or it may be psychological or even an emotional one. Mostly we call these “disabilities” Hard Limits. Some in a wheel chair or who only has one arm or is unable to stand for long etc is no more disabled that some one who has a hard limit regarding a cane or needle play. If you want to have a relationship with another person and all the nitty gritty regarding health and hard limits is talked out and accepted then go for it. Every one has unique properties they bring to the relationship.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 5

RE: BDSM and Disability - 12/2/2005 7:05:16 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaofML

i am sorry about the MS.
i have o.c.d./p.t.s.d. --paranoid personality disorder with persecution complex...
i have..some....meds...but it only addresses my temper...not my issues...so far the v.a. has not helped me.
not even therapy.
and i have a 2 year waiting list here in wisconsin.

happy holidays to ya

G'day veronica,

I'm not giving my sympathy as I dont think you want that, but you do have my empethy and the possitive thoughts of a pagan old fart.

I certainly understand from personal experience what PTSD can do and how terrible it can be. that I wouldn't wish on anyone. However I am curious is you dont miond sharing, how your disabilities affect your D/s relationship and how you cope? I have a couple of people who have similar disorders and would like to give more help to them. I suspect that others here may benifit also....

Health and happiness to you.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to veronicaofML)

Post #: 6

RE: BDSM and Disability - 12/2/2005 7:08:33 PM

MsMacComb

Posts: 808
Joined: 3/30/2005
From: My Mothers womb.
Status: offline

I always take into account any special circumstances and am more than happy to do so. The important thing is to make that mind to mind connection. How it happens, what position and other details should not matter.

_____________________________

Not looking for anyone for anything, any time.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 7

RE: BDSM and Disability - 12/2/2005 7:24:35 PM

sapphireroze

Posts: 3
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: watchersgirl

I'm wondering if people have experiences to share about BDSM and disability. In my case, I have Multiple Sclerosis, which causes extreme fatigue, among other symptoms. How do tops feel about working around a disability, such as a sub who can't stand for very long, but who is very eager to play and explore? Any suggestions or experiences? thanks in advance!

Hello,

I was born with a physical disability myself. I have a bone & blood disease called Thrombocytopenia and Absent Radius Syndrome. What that huge name means is that I have very short arms because I'm missing the radius bone in them and I use a power wheelchair because I can't walk. I haven't had much reali life experience with BDSM and my disability yet, but I agree with MistressofGa that as long as you're up front with your Dom/Domme than there really shouldn't be any problem with you exploring together even if it may need to be done differently. I'm in a BDSM forum for people with disabilities. If you would like more information feel free to contact me privately.

sapphireroze

(in reply to watchersgirl)

Post #: 8

RE: BDSM and Disability - 12/2/2005 7:28:35 PM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: watchersgirl

I'm wondering if people have experiences to share about BDSM and disability. In my case, I have Multiple Sclerosis, which causes extreme fatigue, among other symptoms. How do tops feel about working around a disability, such as a sub who can't stand for very long, but who is very eager to play and explore? Any suggestions or experiences? thanks in advance!

Not so much advice, but encouragement. One of the founders of TES can't walk without assistance. Several scene members I know are blind and another is confined to a wheelchair (as I was several times in my life). Some of these are tops; some are bottoms. All are well known and liked.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to watchersgirl)

Post #: 9

RE: BDSM and Disability - 12/2/2005 8:05:33 PM

HouseofBear

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/9/2005
Status: offline

One of our slaves is a young lady who is wheel chair bound from birth. However, she has not let that limit her and her enjoyment of the lifestyle. When there was something she could not do, she and we have either found some way she could alter the activity where she was able to participate, or found other options. She has a very loving, giving heart and is very precious to us. We also have another submissive in the lifestyle who we mentor who has has physical disabilities and must use a wheelchair msot of the time. Again, she is one of the sweetest, loving caring women we have met. Both of them are also very independent, determined women. We are very proud for and of them.

Bear and Ursa

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 10

RE: BDSM and Disability - 12/2/2005 8:09:19 PM

perfection20005

Posts: 419
Joined: 4/20/2005
Status: offline

I don't have a disease per say, but I am disabled. I had an accident two years ago that crushed both of my legs. I am lucky to be up and walking now, but I have gone through many changes. I can't sit or stand for very long, which Master deals with very good. He know He can't have me doing anything which involves long time standing. I also can't be on me knee's very long, so we don't do much with me begging or sucking on my knee's for a long time either. It doesn't matter if I'm on the bed or the floor, but it certainly doesn't interfere with are play too much. You just have to talk with your partner up front. If something bothers you, tell them. We do try new things just about every time we get together, but its gotten to the point He knows when I'm hurting and changes positions or stops what we are doing. I also take a lot of meds that cause me to be fatigued. I sometimes nap during the day to help me out. This doesn't bother Master at all. I was very upfront with Him before we ever met. Good luck, and don't think that you will not be able to do any play with BDSM activities.

_____________________________

perfection

"I took one look at Him, and I knew He was my Master."

(in reply to watchersgirl)

Post #: 11

RE: BDSM and Disability - 12/2/2005 8:18:57 PM

OscarHargraves

Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline

The only 'handicap' that would bother me is attitude. Everything else can be worked around and dealt with by intelligent consenting adults. Besides it's what's inside that really counts anyway.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to watchersgirl)

Post #: 12

RE: BDSM and Disability - 12/2/2005 8:27:00 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: watchersgirl

I'm wondering if people have experiences to share about BDSM and disability. In my case, I have Multiple Sclerosis, which causes extreme fatigue, among other symptoms. How do tops feel about working around a disability, such as a sub who can't stand for very long, but who is very eager to play and explore? Any suggestions or experiences? thanks in advance!

I too have disability problems. And mine are new to me still. I'm always up front about this when someone wants to get to know me. Not always the first thing out of my mouth, no. But when we further our chats into things we both like, etc...

I had back surgery in Dec 2000 and they had to remove part of my spin. Took out the L3 L4 L5 and vertebrates. I went from almost 5'8 to a 5'6, and I miss my highth more than I thought I would..Specially when someone asks me to get something off top self for them at a store.

I had to have this surgery, to keep from the nerve in my spine being cut in half by the vertebrates that were grinding together. I still have major troubles standing for more than 10 mins. I feel I will just die if not allowed to sit. Sitting for more than 20 mins at a time is also not good, because i either need to stand or lay down. And i do have to take narcotic pain meds on a daily basis to function.

So I always find a way to work this information into the conversation. I have had a few tell me they can't deal with it. And a few to say, we can work around it. Though I can't do back bends no more, and can't stay kneeling for hours at a time. This is worked around.

Because of my situation, i've been out of the loop for 5 years. And only am slowly getting back into it. Finding out I do have new limits, and finding old ones that can't be done no more is frustrating. But I do try.

I have good days, I have bad days. I don't know how advance your MS is. But you strike me as one that doesn't let it get you down any longer than need be.

I wish you the best also and not let this stop you from being and doing what you desire to.

(in reply to watchersgirl)

Post #: 13

RE: BDSM and Disability - 12/2/2005 8:37:23 PM

sultryvoice

Posts: 368
Joined: 3/31/2004
Status: offline

I have a disability also. I have not found it to hinder anything. As has been stated, if you and the other person want it bad enough, it can be worked around. You do what you can and adjust to others..

Respectfully,
sultry

_____________________________

Blessed are the cracked,
For it is they who let in the light.

www.themarkbycpi.com

(in reply to watchersgirl)

Post #: 14

RE: BDSM and Disability - 12/2/2005 8:42:27 PM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

However I am curious if you dont mind sharing, how your disabilities affect your D/s relationship and how you cope? I have a couple of people who have similar disorders and would like to give more help to them. I suspect that others here may benefit also....

Health and happiness to you.

Be Well
Iron Bear
==============

how has it affected me?
yo'kay..how about Your post here? i had it in my mind, that from an earlier posting elsewhere in another thread...by the way YOU spoke to me...i was on YOUR shitlist?
now i get this nice letter?
hmm
THIS is how it affects me. i dont forget and i obsess over things.
and with my ptsd...i am..gun-shy not to trust anyone.
especially if it involves ANYTHING violent..
conversations that may SEEM confrontational...like many i have had here--for many many years..
SEEMINGLY confrontational real life conversations...anmywhere at any time...
YOU...may say something completely innocent...but with MY disorders?????

whoooooooo i fly off the handle and get in Your face...and all over nothing....

so yes,...........Sir.....
my ptsd and ocd are hand in hand.......
how do i get-past them??
it isn't easy.....................
there has-to-be a LOT of OPEN communications. and just because You told-me-something monday dont mean i aint gonna ask about it again tues...
or next week
i am very highly unstable because of it..at times. and more times than not...unfortunately.
talk..talk..talk./.
always...............open the heart as much as is possible........open the mouth wide open.....
listen...dont just hear............LISTEN............

oh yes...VERY difficult. and it has been an-all-my-life issue.......worse after service.
(like you didnt guess that?)

it takes a lot out of everyone around me..............and a lot out of me too.

good luck
best wishes
and since Ya was SO nice THIS time?

happy holidays ole Bear dude Sir.

p/s?

i corrected Your spelling in Your post for Ya...as i quoted Ya....just coz i am a nice guy.

< Message edited by veronicaofML -- 12/2/2005 8:43:48 PM >

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 15

RE: BDSM and Disability - 12/2/2005 8:47:48 PM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

i am not trying to sound ...shall we say,...disrespectful? would that be the right word?
slightly confused at myself for a moment.
but i wish to say...my most humble sadness for your situation and i wish it were possible for ALL peoples to have healthy normal lives...

please have a happy holiday season...

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to sapphireroze)

Post #: 16

RE: BDSM and Disability - 12/2/2005 8:54:37 PM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

I’ve grown up around people with both major and minor disabilities so I guess I’m accustomed to people being different in some way or another
========

yes. i knew, at one time, 'a' man, that visited my grandfather,,,that was totally blind..but boy was he a real cool dude. this man, was so wise...and easy going.
my own great grandfather...was missing both legs from being a logger...
a friend my father knew...we called old red...had both legs missing from logging also.
i knew another man,...blind from a trucking accident..
my mother's mother-------raised 8 kids..alone...from a wheel chair...with one leg...the other lost to polio as a very young girl.....PLUS helped raised grandchildren.....(me for starters)

yesssssss..........i too have met and known at some time.........some one some where....

and i still wish all people's could be healthy...

happy holidays to all.

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 17

RE: BDSM and Disability - 12/3/2005 1:11:44 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

G'day veronica,

Thanks for both the reply and correcting the spelling errors (it was one of the few occasions where I didn’t use word to write the post). I can understand the gun shy bit, I still have a couple of problems in crowds and you’ll always find me with my back to the wall ar having some one to cover my back. (Old habits die hard). As long as I have an unimpeded path to the door and outside I’m fine.

No neither you or anyone else is on my shit list.. I refuse to have one for collarme. At times some of my responses may appear harsh but I endeavour to keep and critical comments to the subject. I’m a long time advocate of attacking the subject and not the poster. However being human I have good and bad days and do make mistakes. Grudges I refuse to have and in reality take each post or subject on its own merits. For my part there is no animosity between you and I, I continue to wish wellness for you.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to veronicaofML)

Post #: 18

RE: BDSM and Disability - 12/3/2005 2:45:30 AM

watchersgirl

Posts: 23
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

Hi Watchersgirl,
I would have no problem working around a disability. If the sub/slave was honest about it and up-front as to what they could and couldnt endure, then I wouldnt have any hesitations to work with the other areas that she/he could do. There are many fun things we could do while she/he is laying down, just as well as standing <s>

Yes, good point! There are indeed many fun things to do lying down. :-) You've reminded me that, of course, the most important thing is communication. Thanks for your reply!

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 19

RE: BDSM and Disability - 12/3/2005 2:52:39 AM

watchersgirl

Posts: 23
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline

Thanks for relating your experiences. It sounds like you have a lovely relationship and have the flexibility to make things work. Many years ago I had a student who was an excellent lip reader--I just had to remember not to talk and write on the board at the same time!

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 20

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