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confused and struggling - 9/28/2008 10:03:13 AM

babygurlrides

Posts: 90
Joined: 8/13/2008
Status: offline

I have a really bad habit of commenting on a post, and somehow making it to be about ME! Not a good trait for someone who calls themselves a submissive:(
I guess its a positive that at least, I can recognize this.
Which brings me to this post!
There is a lot of discussion here and there about 'being real'. Usually, this statement raises hairs on my arms, as I hold the belief that everyone has the right to practice the lifestyle as they see fit, and noone has the right to judge if they are real or not.
I find that, lately, it is me who is asking myself how 'real' I am! Without going into pages and pages of scenarios, I am putting it out here that I am really in need of help!
I have been involved in an online D/s relationship for about 3 years. I am wondering if there are any submissives here in a similar situation, who would be willing to mentor me through chat or email? These online relationships are difficult to maintain at the best of times, and anyone that is in one will surely understand this. What I need most is to be able to learn from another submissive woman... someone who can help me to grow and let go.
I thank you for your time and consideration.

_____________________________

I'd call you a cunt, but you lack both the depth and the warmth!
(my favorite t-shirt slogan)

Post #: 1

RE: confused and struggling - 9/28/2008 10:08:55 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

cant help you with the mentoring thing.. but am curious why you feel that talking about yourself here is a bad trait? Who ELSE has had your experiences and your personal point of view?

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to babygurlrides)

Post #: 2

RE: confused and struggling - 9/28/2008 10:14:25 AM

LadyLupineNYC

Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

" I have been involved in an online D/s relationship for about 3 years."

Why have you remained online only?Are you also involved in your local community? Have you even met this person? Have you ever had the chance to 'submit' in-person? etc...

I assure you, some will have issue (as I do) with this length in a 'relationship' were you aren't interacting in-person. My slave was moved in with me in less than a year so that we could be togeather and we did none of the 'bow to the keyboard' stuff, no chyper or phone sex/domination etc...you might want to clarify just how this situation is actually defined, if you are looking for a new one etc? Since it is very hard to others, let alone yourself, to be taken seriously if your 3 year 'relationship' can be put on hold with the flick of a switch...

_____________________________

Facta, non verba gratia placenti

"I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence..."

(in reply to babygurlrides)

Post #: 3

RE: confused and struggling - 9/28/2008 10:15:28 AM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

oh god i love your slogan that made me laugh outloud!!

let go in what way, are you moving on from this relationship.

i cant help, im sorry but im with greedy on the me thing for what its worth. xx

_____________________________

even doves have pride (Prince)

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 4

RE: confused and struggling - 9/28/2008 10:15:30 AM

califsue

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

Wow...kudos to you for being able to handle an online D/s relationship for 3 years.

I can't help with mentoring either but am wondering why you feel you aren't 'real'.

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 5

RE: confused and struggling - 9/28/2008 10:40:46 AM

babygurlrides

Posts: 90
Joined: 8/13/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLupineNYC

I assure you, some will have issue (as I do) with this length in a 'relationship' were you aren't interacting in-person. My slave was moved in with me in less than a year so that we could be togeather and we did none of the 'bow to the keyboard' stuff, no chyper or phone sex/domination etc...you might want to clarify just how this situation is actually defined, if you are looking for a new one etc? Since it is very hard to others, let alone yourself, to be taken seriously if your 3 year 'relationship' can be put on hold with the flick of a switch...

I understand that some, perhaps most, will have an issue with this. That is why I asked for someone who is similarly involved. But to answer a few of your questions? Yes, we have met. He lives in the USA.. I am in Canada. We did not meet here. We met on a motorcycle chat room. We evolved. I have sought out, and played with others. I have attended munches here. I have a Dom friend who I have met here, who lives in my city, however he has since become seriously involved with another and our contact has been limited. Neither my Dom or I are in positions to uproot and move, for personal reasons which I do not wish to disclose here, but would be happy to confide in with someone who I can communicate with on a personal one to one level. I hope this helps.

_____________________________

I'd call you a cunt, but you lack both the depth and the warmth!
(my favorite t-shirt slogan)

(in reply to LadyLupineNYC)

Post #: 6

RE: confused and struggling - 9/28/2008 10:42:24 AM

babygurlrides

Posts: 90
Joined: 8/13/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

oh god i love your slogan that made me laugh outloud!!

let go in what way, are you moving on from this relationship.

i cant help, im sorry but im with greedy on the me thing for what its worth. xx

Thanks:) Yes... I saw it on a big burly biker in Sturis. I just had to take a picture:))
And I am glad to hear that you understand the me thing. That helps:)

_____________________________

I'd call you a cunt, but you lack both the depth and the warmth!
(my favorite t-shirt slogan)

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 7

RE: confused and struggling - 9/28/2008 10:44:10 AM

babygurlrides

Posts: 90
Joined: 8/13/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

cant help you with the mentoring thing.. but am curious why you feel that talking about yourself here is a bad trait? Who ELSE has had your experiences and your personal point of view?

I just feel that sometimes people just want to vent. They arent necessarily asking about my experiences. I just get sick of hearing myself sometimes!

_____________________________

I'd call you a cunt, but you lack both the depth and the warmth!
(my favorite t-shirt slogan)

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 8

RE: confused and struggling - 9/28/2008 10:45:51 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

yes, venting is common around here.. but talking about your experiences can often help someone, by letting them know they arent the only one who has gone through it.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to babygurlrides)

Post #: 9

RE: confused and struggling - 9/28/2008 10:49:45 AM

LadyLupineNYC

Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

It does, but I agree with others who don't understand why you should feel less 'real'. It maybe true that you are dissatisfied with what is the current arraignment, but life is about striving to improvement. In our situation, my slave made a set of decisions about moving: his father was battling a very deadly form of cancer (since treated, which was a near miracle according to the doctors), moving meant transferring units which meant maybe being sent back to Iraq for a 3rd tour, trying to find a job with no degree in a crap economy or (as he did) start at a new school, etc etc. For him, there were many personal reasons to NOT move, but also more compelling reasons, in his mind, to do so.
So I am still not 100% clear about what the issue is (mentoring? Is it really needed if you have friends within your community?) since you mention how hard it is to maintain online relationships, seem that adding MORE would not help.

_____________________________

Facta, non verba gratia placenti

"I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence..."

(in reply to babygurlrides)

Post #: 10

RE: confused and struggling - 9/28/2008 10:50:23 AM

babygurlrides

Posts: 90
Joined: 8/13/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: califsue

Wow...kudos to you for being able to handle an online D/s relationship for 3 years.

I can't help with mentoring either but am wondering why you feel you aren't 'real'.

Sigh... I dont know really. I wonder sometimes if I am expecting too much from Him, or if I am trying to manipulate Him, or if I am just not cut out for this? I wonder if it is the nature of our relationship? It is rather loose, in that we do not have much structure or protocol, and the rules seem to change the further along we evolve. I wonder if I have a right to expect anything sometimes. And then.. I wonder if I am just looking for someone to love, and that submission really doesnt have anything to do with it. It is all very confusing. I always do as He asks. I find myself feeling resentful of Him at times. I dont think I should feel that way. I am sure none of this makes sense:(

_____________________________

I'd call you a cunt, but you lack both the depth and the warmth!
(my favorite t-shirt slogan)

(in reply to califsue)

Post #: 11

RE: confused and struggling - 9/28/2008 10:56:53 AM

babygurlrides

Posts: 90
Joined: 8/13/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLupineNYC

It does, but I agree with others who don't understand why you should feel less 'real'. It maybe true that you are dissatisfied with what is the current arraignment, but life is about striving to improvement. In our situation, my slave made a set of decisions about moving: his father was battling a very deadly form of cancer (since treated, which was a near miracle according to the doctors), moving meant transferring units which meant maybe being sent back to Iraq for a 3rd tour, trying to find a job with no degree in a crap economy or (as he did) start at a new school, etc etc. For him, there were many personal reasons to NOT move, but also more compelling reasons, in his mind, to do so.
So I am still not 100% clear about what the issue is (mentoring? Is it really needed if you have friends within your community?) since you mention how hard it is to maintain online relationships, seem that adding MORE would not help.

I have a Dominant friend in my real life... no submissive ones, per se. I am friends with another couple who swing, and who dabble in bondage, etc, but they do not define themselves in terms of dominant and submissive. What I am looking for, is someone who knows they are submissive, who is clear about her role, and, who also understands and appreciates the difficulties inherant in an online BDSM relationship.
As for online relationships? I have many! I have made many friends over the years, as far away as Israel and Australia, and have met many of these. One more wont hurt:)

_____________________________

I'd call you a cunt, but you lack both the depth and the warmth!
(my favorite t-shirt slogan)

(in reply to LadyLupineNYC)

Post #: 12

RE: confused and struggling - 9/28/2008 11:19:58 AM

servantheart

Posts: 960
Joined: 10/26/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

Until I met Sir, I served my other Masters online for a total of two years. I'll be happy to correspond if you'd like and help in any way I can. Just drop me a cmail.

_____________________________

When you really trust someone, you have to be okay with not understanding some things.
~Real Live Preacher, Real Live Preacher weblog, 07-08-04; Anonymous author of RealLivePreacher.com

(in reply to babygurlrides)

Post #: 13

RE: confused and struggling - 9/28/2008 12:32:47 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: babygurlrides
I have a really bad habit of commenting on a post, and somehow making it to be about ME! Not a good trait for someone who calls themselves a submissive:(

Lots of people "call themselves" a "submissive." They all have a dizzying array of different traits. Commenting about yourself and what you know about yourself and what you want for yourself, etc. doesn't make you NOT a "good" submissive. As GT said, who's better qualified to know about you? I post a bit around here too and all I CAN speak to is what I know holds true for me, not others. What other viewpoint could you know so intimately? Don't buy into the nonsense that a "submissive" can't speak for, of and about him/herself..............luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to babygurlrides)

Post #: 14

RE: confused and struggling - 9/28/2008 3:33:45 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

yes, venting is common around here.. but talking about your experiences can often help someone, by letting them know they arent the only one who has gone through it.

I'll second that. Sometimes, even when people already know the answer, it's nice to hear that other people have been there, done that, lived and got the damn t-shirt. It's comforting.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 15

RE: confused and struggling - 9/28/2008 4:32:17 PM

mbes

Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline

I'd much rather hear people say what they themselves think/want/feel, than hear anyone say what "a slave" or "a submissive" thinks/wants/feels! Nobody can speak for any group, all of us speak for ourselves.
I don't know how much help I'd be, but you're welcome to cmail me if you'd like.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 16

RE: confused and struggling - 9/28/2008 5:43:16 PM

XaviersXian

Posts: 525
Joined: 9/8/2007
From: Australia
Status: offline

greetings to the OP,

I have quite a bit of experience with situations like yours. I would be more than happy to mentor you. Feel free to drop me a line.

well wishes,

(in reply to mbes)

Post #: 17

RE: confused and struggling - 9/28/2008 9:15:03 PM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

cant help you with the mentoring thing.. but am curious why you feel that talking about yourself here is a bad trait? Who ELSE has had your experiences and your personal point of view?

Exactly.

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also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
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(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 18

RE: confused and struggling - 9/28/2008 9:51:50 PM

WhiplashSmile2

Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline

Damn, wish I had read your slogan about 24 hours ago because I think I would have used it on sombody.

I'm with GreedyTop on this as well.

Nearly everybody here sees and thinks about things from their own personal point of view and perspectives.   Most advice and thoughts people toss out is really about themselves and what they think or would do.

Hell, I'm guilty as hell at times in expressing myself and my views from my pesonal experiences and perspectives.   I am me, and well... I am me.   I'm not always right or perfect... I'm just another human being on this message board.

Again, there should be nothing wrong in expressing things from your stand point of view or even talking about yourself and sharing it with other people.   At least you are sharing yourself with others as opposed to sharing things that are not really you or yourself.

Think this makes you a very real person when you talk about yourself...

(in reply to babygurlrides)

Post #: 19

RE: confused and struggling - 9/29/2008 5:20:58 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Are you resentful because of what he has or hasn't done? Or is your resentment because you are in a situation you don't like and you aren't with him?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to WhiplashSmile2)

Post #: 20

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